A Person of Worth
by tnuccio
Summary: Two strangers passing in the night. After multiple chance encounters can two strangers find their missing pieces within each other? Or will their past mistakes hold them back? A story of learning to trust and forgive, finding a way to open yourself up.
1. Never Think

A/N:

Okay...this is my first fic...so I'm jumping right on in to the deep end.

I'd like to thank the marvelous withthevampsofcourse who not only strongly suggested I do this story but also volunteered to be my beta extraordinar. She's found all my missing commas and made me laugh while doing it...love ya!

I'd also like to thank VJGM who has helped me not only with my plot but also with finding the voice. She has unofficially officially become my go to girl!

Lastly, I'd like to thank all the wonderful women I've met here that have supported this crazy effort of mine. Smellyia, upthedownside, JandCo, HaloJones, Gustariana and my daughter Heavens Immortal. Without them this would have stayed in my head...or I would have made Ally write it with me over her shoulder...she thanks you also for not making her live through that!

I appreciate each and every one of you!

Twilight is owned by Stephenie Meyer…

Chapter 1 – Never Think

_Bella_

It was 9:30 before everyone left and I could lock up the library. Another day gone, another night to try to make it through.

I decided I didn't want to take the train tonight; being alone with my thoughts may not be the best idea. I needed a diversion. My nightly ritual would give me too much time to dwell on things and I couldn't dwell. Not tonight.

As I walked the Chicago streets, I remembered my mother's face. Her smile. The warm sound of her laughter washed over me, the memory making me shiver with its familiarity.

A cool breeze swept over me and I wrapped my bulky knit scarf around my neck. Familiarity…I was familiar with the guilt…the loneliness…even the date.

I lowered my head and continued on. I noticed a bar up ahead. Definitely not the typical Chicago U campus hangout. It had a darkened exterior and soothing, melodic music pouring out of the door.

What the hell…why not?

The bar wasn't packed but it wasn't empty either. I could see a group of obvious regulars sitting at what I'm sure was their usual table, gazing at a small stage that was slightly hidden by the bar. There was a group of girls hanging out at the table nearest to the small stage where the piano music I'd heard from outside was coming from. They definitely looked like college girls; short skirts, high heels, too high maintenance for a small little blues bar.

I sat at the bar and the bartender slowly walked over while drying a glass. "What can I get for you tonight?"

"Double scotch on the rocks, please."

He nodded his head "Coming right up."

I turned to look toward the stage when three of the college girls approached the bar. A tall strawberry blonde leaned over and seductively called to the barkeep. "Hey Teddy. It looks like we're all out over here. Can you hook us up?"

Before Teddy turned to look at her he rolled his eyes at me. "Sure thing, Tanya. I'll be right there."

I didn't mean to stare, but this Tanya was beautiful. Dressed a little provocatively for my taste, but if it worked for you, then by all means.

Teddy brought me my drink and winked, "Here ya go." Instead of turning away, he stood in front of me staring as he asked, "You've never been here before, have you?"

I shook my head "no" and picked up my drink. He sighed and continued, "You okay? You look like you could use a friend…what's the matter, someone kick your puppy?"

I smiled a little as I put my drink down. "No…I'm good. Don't even own a puppy. And to be honest, Teddy, friends are overrated."

He chuckled, as he waived to a small group of guys who were entering the bar. "Boy, you sure sound like someone else I know."

Just then the beautiful girl at the end of the bar yelled, "Hey Teddy, can we get our drinks or what?"

He turned from me. "Yeah, yeah, I'm coming."

I sat and drank my drink staring mindlessly in the mirror behind the bar. Before I knew it, I had drained it and Teddy was in front of me again. "How you doing?"

I raised my eyebrows at him and tapped my glass. "I'll be better if I can have another one of these." I've never been much of a drinker, but tonight…tonight was a special occasion.

I couldn't help but notice the hauntingly beautiful piano music in the background as I sat and tried to remember everything I could about my parents. The music was soothing; between that and the scotch I felt more relaxed than I had in a long time.

Maybe I should drink more often…

I looked over and noticed the college girl, Tanya, was talking to Teddy again, I couldn't help but overhear that she was talking about the piano player.

"Aw…come on Teddy, we've been coming here for weeks. Can't you tell us anything?"

Teddy laughed while eyeing the girl and her friends, then he shook his head. "Nope"

Tanya pouted and said "Come on…I can't even get him to acknowledge me and hell…I'm throwing out my best stuff here…have you _looked_ at this skirt?"

Teddy shook his head, the smile still plastered on his face, "Maybe you're not his type."

Tanya looked aghast; "Don't even tell me he's gay…"

Teddy laughed louder this time. "I wouldn't know…but I doubt it. Look, he doesn't really talk to anyone when he's here. He comes, plays, occasionally sings, and leaves. Maybe he doesn't like blondes…"

"_Strawberry blonde_ Teddy, and not even bottled strawberry blonde. Au natural all over…come on; gimme something to work with here."

Teddy gave a beer to the guy at the end of the bar then turned back to Tanya. "Sorry toots, ain't got nuthin' for ya."

The piano player ended his song and people clapped. I asked Teddy for another refill.

Then I heard it…

"Thank you for coming out tonight." The smoothest, sexiest voice I'd ever heard in my life…like velvet.

Everyone was focused on the man behind the piano; he leaned to his side and picked up an old acoustic guitar. "This is an original song. I hope you like it."

He began strumming the guitar without looking at anyone. In fact, his eyes were closed as he hovered over his guitar, playing a reminiscent melody that mirrored the pain in my heart. I felt it in my soul; I think my heart actually skipped a beat.

_I should never think  
What's in your heart  
What's in our home  
So I won't_

You'll learn to hate me  
But still call me baby  
Oh love  
So call me by my name

He was singing to my soul, exposing me bare for everyone to see. It was as if he knew what I was feeling, the guilt, the anguish, and I couldn't look away. His voice was deep and alluring; pulling me in. There wasn't a set of eyes that weren't trained on him singing.

And save your soul  
Save your soul  
Before your to far gone  
Before nothing can be done

I watched, enraptured, as his fingers strummed the guitar. His eyes never opened. I watched the muscles in his forearm twitch and contract with each chord change.

His face as he sang…it was hauntingly beautiful. His auburn hair fluttered into his eyes as he shook his head to the tune and sang with the voice of a fallen angel.

_Girl save your soul  
Go on save your soul  
Before you're to far gone  
And before nothing can be done  
_

I listened as he sang and I couldn't look away. He was baring his soul. His face, his song, his body-they all showed the depth of despair coming from him. He was raw and pure and lost…

_  
Cause without me  
You got it all  
So hold on  
Without me you got it all  
_

As he finished, the crowd erupted into cheers and the angel opened his eyes.

Jade…the deepest shade of jade I'd ever seen.

But they were empty. Devoid of the raw emotion he exuded with his word, the passion of his music didn't meet his eyes.

I knew this look…I saw its feminine counterpart everyday as I looked in the mirror.

There was more to this angel than a pretty face and an angelic voice.

He uttered his thanks and left the stage.

My trance was broken and I decided it was time to go home. The music, the scotch, the memories - they had taken me where I needed to go tonight. It was safe to go home now; I'd be able to sleep through the pain.

I tossed some money on the bar and turned to leave. Teddy yelled out, "Hey, I hope to see you again sometime."

I simply raised my hand and left the bar.

It was still cold outside and I tied the scarf back around my neck, beginning the five-mile walk home.

As I opened the door to my apartment, I saw the light on my answering machine blinking. I hesitated before pushing the button. I couldn't deal with talking to Jake or Billy today. I didn't need their pity.

I pushed the button and heard Jasper's voice instead, "Hey Bells, just checking in to see how you're doing. Give me a call tomorrow, we can go get coffee. My treat."

Jasper.

If I had to say I had a friend, I guess you could say it was Jasper Whitlock. He was as close as I had let anyone get since Jake. Jasper and his fiancée, Alice, were good people and I guess you could say I appreciated their company.

But damn, that man was like a built in emotion detector…no mood ring needed with him. The minute I started wallowing, he'd be on my phone, trying to pull me back to the land of the living.

I met Jasper two years ago, a year after I left Forks. I had been in my first Masters class, _The Impact of Revolutionary Literature on Modern America._ I'd been in Chicago for a year. I went to school and I worked at the library. I had no need for anything else. If you don't put yourself out there you have less of a chance of getting hurt.

I was sitting in class staring at the board when this beautiful blonde came up to me. In a sweet slow southern drawl he motioned to the empty desk next to me. "Is this seat taken?"

I looked away from him and back toward the board. "Nope."

He sat down and took out his books. He turned and stuck his hand out to me, "I'm Jasper Whitlock, pleased to meet you."

"Bella Swan, nice to meet you too."

He smiled a brilliant smile at me, "and how are you this fine evening Ms. Bella Swan."

I shook my head slightly at him and snickered. "Oh I'm just fine thanks." As miserable as I felt I couldn't help but chuckle a little. His mood was infectious.

He turned a little more in his seat, "If you don't mind my saying, you don't look so fine. You look like you're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. Care to talk about it?"

I looked at him with as much effrontery as I could…what the hell… "No, thank you…nothing to talk about."

He put his hands up in surrender. "Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you…you just look like you could use a friend."

"Sorry, really; I didn't mean to snap at you. It's a handicap, haven't found a cure yet"

"No problem, Bella. Really."

We sat through class and Jasper participated a hell of a lot more than I cared to. He was smart. Smart and good-looking…wasn't that always the way? Too good to be true.

After class he turned to me and said "Bella, I'm really sorry if I offended you. I'm heading over to the coffee shop across campus to meet my girlfriend, Alice. Would you like to join us?"

He really did seem like a nice guy and he had a girl friend, so it's not like I had to worry about him showing any interest. It was pretty cold out…_I guess I could go for a hot chocolate._ "Sure. Why not."

Alice was the polar opposite of Jasper. His 6'1" frame to her 4'11". His blonde hair and sky blue eyes to her black hair and emerald green eyes. But they fit…like they were made for each other. Alice was excitable and full of energy while Jasper was calm and collected. Opposite ends of the spectrum, but matching in every way that mattered.

We spent the evening talking about school and I avoided any subject that concerned my past, including where I was from, my family, or anything that wasn't related to school. They didn't push…I didn't offer.

I learned a lot about them that night. Alice was a photographer for a fashion magazine and she thoroughly enjoyed her job. She was always up on the latest trends before anyone else, she "knew people" and she loved taking pictures of the famous and beautiful in the world.

More often than not she tried to get me to see the finer points of Dolce or Armani…but really…I couldn't care less. She didn't push and I appreciated that she accepted me for what I was.

Jasper and Alice were my circle…my only circle. They were as close as I'd let them get, which was still an arms length away…I'd never put myself back out there again. I'd never risk the pain or the humiliation. I could survive on my own. I had for so long now, and I felt it was the only way.

I grabbed some water from the sink and went to my room. As I undressed, I congratulated myself on making it through another day. Another anniversary. I climbed into bed and closed my eyes as my mind drifted.

Auburn hair and jade green eyes and the smoothest velvet voice I'd ever heard. God shouldn't let angels mingle with us mortals…ad it was a sin for someone that beautiful to be pained.

A smooth guitar and velvet voice wove their way through my head…

_Girl save your soul  
Go on save your soul  
Before you're to far gone  
And before nothing can be done  
_

I fell asleep to the words of a melancholy angel.

The song in this chapter is Never Think by Robert Pattinson. If you haven't heard it you must...along with all of his other stuff...it's spectacular.

Okay, I'm all about constructive criticism. If you like it or not...let me know.

Thanks for reading!


	2. Alone

Wow! Thanks for the great reviews and a special thanks to Smellyia for starting a thread for me in the AU Human forum on twilighted (dot) net! I'm humbled!

Special thanks to my beta withthevampsofcourse and to VJGM for her help also!

Much love to those two wonderful ladies...

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EPOV

I quietly thanked everyone for coming and left the stage. I really wasn't doing this for the applause, so there was no burning need to linger. The bar fit a specific purpose, nothing more, nothing less.

I made my way back to the employee room. It was small, dank and dark. I was glad when Teddy called me to pull a few hours tonight; it filled the gap between hospital shifts where I'd normally be forced to head home to my apartment. I heard the door open behind me and turned to see him coming into the already too small office space. "Hey."

He raised his head as he leaned over to grab some papers off the desk that occupied the corner of the six-by-eight office. "Hey, Edward. Thanks for helping me out tonight. Jeff should be here soon. He needed a couple of hours, something about his girlfriend. I don't know."

"No problem."

He turned around and sat on the desk and smiled at me. "So, did you see your groupies out there? I swear, I don't know how those girls always know when you're here. It's like they have Edward radar or something."

I grabbed my jacket off the worn out tiny couch that made the small room only smaller and shook my head. "I didn't notice."

Teddy laughed a deep boisterous laugh. "Yeah, you never do. You know, I never did get the draw of the tortured musician for chicks. But seriously, you got that shit cornered."

I shrugged on my jacket and gave him a small smile. "I assure you, it's not intentional."

Teddy shook his head at me. "What a shame, dude. As annoying as she is, that Tanya chick is pretty hot. Anyway, where you off to, heading out with friends tonight? It's still early."

I turned from Teddy and headed toward the door. "Nope, no friends to speak of."

Teddy snickered. "Man, you're the second one tonight. Swear I just met your kindred spirit in chick form. Hot, sulky, chick form. Dude. No one is an island, Edward, keep that in mind."

I turned the doorknob not looking back at him. "Yeah, got it. See ya later Teddy. Thanks for letting me come in."

I stepped out into the crisp, cool Fall air and pulled the collar of my jacket up. It wasn't coined "the Windy City" for nothing. Eleven o'clock. Far too early to go home yet. I decided to head back to the hospital. I could check in on Hope.

I walked the two miles to the hospital in no time. I showed the guard my badge and he raised his head to me. "Evening Dr. Masen."

"Evening."

I made my way to the fourth floor west wing. I approached the nurse's desk to find Sylvia sitting there, filling out a medical chart for a patient. She looked up to see who was approaching and I saw her face scowl the slightest bit as she shook her head.

Sylvia was an older nurse who worked on the floor. Best nurse on the floor in my opinion. People didn't give nurses enough credit; they do far more than just take temperatures and give out aspirin.

Sylvia knew Hope's case as well as I did, actually, probably better. There were times I wasn't sure what course of action to take, and Sylvia would help me brainstorm and subtly point me in the right direction.

"What are you doing here, Edward?"

She didn't pull any punches and felt it was her duty to tell me what she thought I was doing wrong both at work and in my life. It was scary sometimes how she would look at me and just know what was going through my head. And a little unnerving.

"Just stopped by to check on Hope. How's she doing?"

Sylvia would always give me crap but honestly, she was just as invested in Hope as I was. More, actually, since she's worked at the hospital for seven years and she'd been with Hope for six of those seven.

Sylvia put her pen down and turned toward me. "No change. You know, you really should find something to do with your down time. You can't live here."

Hope was four years old when she was abandoned at a hospital on the other side of the city. When the ER doctor performed his routine physical, it was discovered that Hope had the early signs of Cystic Fibrosis. Thanks to our new justice system, which said if you didn't want your kid, leave them at a hospital and we ask no questions, there was no history for us to use in treating her. The doctor who diagnosed her named her Hope and gave her an eventual death sentence. Not sure what he was trying to convey with the name but it was kind of cruel. There really was no hope for her.

The hospital she was left at was a private facility, and they managed to keep her there for a short time until she was released to an orphanage, where she bounced back and forth as her conditioned worsened.

Over time it was concluded that her parents must have been from out of state because there were no doctors in the greater Chicago area who had a patient fitting her description or diagnosis.

Hope's life has been a string of orphanages and hospital stays. No one wanted to adopt a child with a death sentence. Since we were a public facility she spent most her of time here with us. I guess you could say we were her family. Her home was a cold, sterile environment with crappy TV reception and changing caretakers who adjusted her oxygen and pumped her full of medication. The irony of the name "Hope" wasn't lost on her.

I tried to ignore the obvious pity in Sylvia's voice as she once again chastised me for spending too much time here. "This is where I'm needed." I reached over and grabbed Hope's chart and walked down the corridor to check in on her.

Outside of her room I washed my hands, put on the required gloves and gown to limit her exposure to any germs I may be carrying. Her room smelled of antiseptic due to the fact that she needed to be kept in a completely sterile environment. All she needed was someone to come in with a cold, which would shorten her already minuscule life span. I noticed she was still awake. "Hey, kid."

She turned her head and rolled her eyes. "Hey, Edward"

I didn't acknowledge her very teenage attitude. Growing up in society was obviously not needed to develop annoying teenager traits. "How are you feeling? More importantly, why are you still awake? It's nearly midnight. You need your rest."

She leaned up on one elbow and adjusted the oxygen tube in her nose, which was being pulled from her leaning. "I could ask you the same thing. Anyways…I'm the same. The O2 is helping."

She tried to sit herself up and I gave her my hand to use to get into a sitting position. I knew her well enough by now to know that if I actually helped her, she'd be pissed.

She released her long blonde hair from the ponytail at the top of her head and set to straighten it and pull back once again. "Why am I awake? Well, why should I sleep when I can watch quality life-altering programming? I'll be permanently asleep soon enough, Edward. Until then, it's me and SNL re-runs."

I couldn't help but internally wince at her flippant attitude toward her pending fate. I never could figure out if Hope was brave or ignorant. In the end it really didn't matter. Whatever got her through, right?

I reached over and adjusted her IV tubes. "You shouldn't exhaust yourself."

She reached to turn the television down. "Yeah yeah yeah. So, why are you here?"

I smiled at her not-so-subtle change of subject. Hope never really did like to talk about herself much. "I was out and about."

She raised her eyebrows and shook her head. Her blue eyes held the knowledge of more than her fourteen years and did nothing to conceal the disapproving look that lingered. "Avoiding something?"

I noticed even this little bit of activity was having an effect on her breathing. She really needed to rest. "Enough from you already. Put your oxygen back in and lay down." I check her vitals.

She saluted me. "Aye Aye, doctor." Smart ass.

I couldn't help but smile at her, really I couldn't. "Shut up. Try to get some rest, I'll see you tomorrow."

I left the room and went to update her chart. Sylvia came over to the desk where I was sitting.

"You know it's not gonna happen tonight. You look like shit, you need to get some sleep."

I stopped writing and look up at her. _Here we go_. "Sylvia, really..."

"Edward, look, when's the last time you slept in your own bed? Every time I come in you're here. We're going to put a set of drawers in the on-call room and change the sign to the Masen Residence if you stay here anymore. Seriously, when's the last time you were in your apartment?"

I looked sheepishly at her knowing she had me here. "Um…three days ago?"

"Exactly. Go home, Edward. Get some sleep. We'll see you tomorrow afternoon and not a minute earlier. She'll still be here."

I shook my head. I knew she was right and even if she weren't, I wouldn't win the argument so I gave in. "You're right, I'm leaving."

I grabbed my jacket and walked down the hallway to the exit and began my two-mile walk home. The wind had died down some and you could smell the fall leaves in the air. My phone vibrated in my jacket pocket. I took it out knowing full well who it was. The only person who called me this late was my cousin, Emmett. Kind of sad that he knew I'd be awake.

His boisterous voice filled my ear. "Hey coz', how's it going?"

One couldn't help but smile when Emmett was around, his attitude was infectious. "Hey Em, what's up?"

"Well, you see, o' best man o' mine. Esme and Carlisle are leaving the 'burbs to come visit us city folk this weekend. They supposedly want to discuss the remaining wedding plans, but I think it's more of a 'check in on the children' thing. They know the wedding plans are coming along just fine; Esme knows Rose has obsessed about this since she was like freaking twelve or something. Never did understand that shit but anyway, your presence is required."

I smiled at the obvious joy in his voice. He'd let Rose plan fifty weddings for them if she wanted, he'd do anything for her. "Not a problem. What day? I need to make sure I have coverage at the hospital."

"Sure thing, take the night off from the bar too, I'm not sure what their plans are. You never know with them. They'll be here Saturday morning, they're going to stay at a hotel and head back on Sunday."

"Saturday, got it."

By now I'd reached my apartment. I picked up the mail and entered the house. Nothing changed, it was still the same.

Emmett paused…shit…he never pauses… "So, we're probably going to be going to lunch at some fancy restaurant or something. You know how they are. Why don't you bring someone along with you?"

I really wasn't in the mood to have this conversation with him again. "No Em, it'll just be me." I reached the kitchen and went to the fridge opening the door to find expired milk, leftover Chinese food, a jar of pickle relish and two bottles of beer.

I grabbed the only consumable thing in there, a beer, and sat down on a kitchen stool as Emmett growled into the phone. "Dude, seriously, when's the last time you had a date?"

The bottle cap clinked onto the counter as I mumbled, "Em, I'm not getting into this." I took a sip of the beer as Emmett continued a conversation I knew all too well.

"Okay, tell me this, Edward. Have you dated anyone since Jessica?" Damn…he was going to go there. He must be desperate if he's mentioning Jessica.

"No Emmett, and really, you know it's late. I don't want to get into this now. It's been a long couple of days. I'm going to bed."

Emmett snickered. "Yeah, sure you are. If you went to bed now you have what…seven hours of sleep? That's unheard of in Edward-land. You forgetting how long we lived together? I know your sleeping habits better than I know Rose's, and that's saying something, dude. I like her better than you."

I sighed. "Whatever Em, I'm hanging up now. I'll see you Saturday." I hung up the phone. I hated it when he was right. There was no way I was going to sleep just yet. I got up from the kitchen stool and walked into the sparsely decorated living room. By sparse I mean black leather couch, end table, stereo and piano.

I went to the piano and sat on the bench, lightly tapping the keys.  
The nice thing about this apartment building was that the walls were virtually sound proof and the old lady that was on this floor with me was practically deaf.

As I stroked the keys, my mind wandered back to three years ago and that last conversation with Jessica.

We were standing outside of her apartment and she had just told me she was leaving Chicago for New York. She'd gotten her dream job and she was leaving in a week. It was odd to me that I wasn't more upset by this news. I stood outside her place and just listened as she told me that she thought it was best if we went our separate ways and I didn't have it in me to argue with her.

She looked pained as she whispered, "Look Edward, I love you. I really do."

I shifted to my other foot and shoved my hands in my jeans pockets. I nodded my head. "I know you do."

She snickered as tears started to form in her eyes. "But you can't say the same thing, can you?"

I winced a little at the obvious pain I was causing her. "Yes Jessica, I do love you…"

She cut me off as one tear started to fall from the corner of her eye and down her cheek. "No Edward, you don't. Well, maybe you do love me but you're not _in love_ with me. Not like I am with you."

I flinched at what she said and looked away. I couldn't deny what she was saying and it bothered me that I hadn't hidden my feelings better, that I was causing her pain. I really didn't want that.

A slight breeze rustled through the summer heat and her curly brown hair flew into her face. I went to push it back and she pulled her head away from me. "You know Edward, when we first met, I thought your aloofness was mysterious and intriguing. I wondered what you hid behind that serious exterior."

Tears were free flowing now and I couldn't help but feel like a shit. "You intrigued me, but after a while, intrigue wears off and frustration takes its place. I tried everything I could to get through to you. To show you how much I loved you. Three years Edward, for three years I longed to feel some sort of passion from you. Anything that would give me hope that someday you'd open up to me."

She swiped the tears from her face. "I told myself I wasn't going to cry over this. This is best for both of us. I deserve more, Edward. I deserve someone who will love me like I love them. I'm sorry I couldn't love you enough for both of us, Edward. I hope someday you find that person. When you do…you have to let them in. I'm sorry it wasn't me."

She sniffled and smiled at me. "Good bye, Edward. Take care of yourself." She gave me a hug, which I couldn't bring myself to reciprocate, and she turned away and shut the door.

She was right. I didn't deserve her. I really hoped she'd find someone to love that would love her back. I was sorry it wasn't me. But I knew that she'd find someone better for her and he'd make her happy because Jessica was a great person and she did love whole-heartedly. She would make someone very happy…it just wasn't me.

I knew pretty much right away that she wasn't the right one for me, but I was selfish. I was tired of always being alone. But oddly enough, even with her there I still felt alone. I never felt a connection with Jessica beyond the physical plane. I did love her in my own way. She was great and she did try very hard but I didn't feel it.

The passion. The longing. The images that were burned into my brain of my parents wholly in love guided me as to what I wanted in my life. The need to always be touching one another, stealing glances, hidden smiles. The completeness in each other, the wholeness when your soul is entwined with another.

The unattainable.

I stopped playing and got up with my beer. I was feeling the need to sleep. I hoped the slight exhaustion was enough to get me through the night. I went to my room and changed into a pair of flannel pants then finished my beer, brushed my teeth and went to bed.

As I closed my eyes I wondered if she really existed or if I'd just put this image of the impossible girl, this impossible relationship, into my head so I could forever avoid putting myself out there.

No…she had to exist. I've seen it enough to know that there was a special someone for everyone. I just hoped some day I'd be able to find her.

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End Note:

Please review! It makes me feel warm and fuzzy! Then come play on the forum!

Have a great holiday!


	3. Mercy

A/N: So, wow. Thanks for the response I'm getting for the story! I appreciate your support! Come on over to twilighted(dot)net and play on the AU Human forum. I'd love to chat with you.

I'd like to again thank my wonderful beta buddies, withthevampsofcourse and vjgm. Both have helped me immensely and WTVoC I'm sure is going to buy me a book on the correct usage of the comma for Christmas.

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EPOV

The next few days were spent at the hospital. Hope's condition had improved slightly in the past 24 hours, which was always a good thing.

On Monday, we had an older gentleman check in. Jessie Canton. He was seventy-two and had a very bad case of pneumonia; sitting with Jessie at all times was his wife of fifty-one years, Tess. Jessie wasn't particularly fond of hospitals and fought Tess for nearly a week before finally relenting and agreeing to come.

Unfortunately for Jessie, his prognosis wasn't very good. He was on a high dose of antibiotics but his body wasn't tolerating them very well. We had been administering breathing treatments every hour on the hour and trying to get him up and moving.

He was frail and exhausted from trying to fight the pneumonia on his own for such a long period that walking around wasn't working very well for him. I was afraid he wasn't going to make it.

I pulled his chart and looked to see if there had been any improvement over the last

eight hours and went to his room. "Good afternoon, Mr. Canton."

Tess smiled when she saw me. "Good afternoon, Dr. Masen." Jessie turned and figuratively tipped his hat to me. "Doc."

"So, how are you feeling today?" I asked as I checked his vitals and looked at the chart.

Jessie tried to sit up and Tess stood to help him. "Feeling better all the time, doc. I think I should be out of your hair pretty darn soon. Can't wait to get home."

Tess adjusted his pillows and shook her head. "Now you listen here, Jess. You're going to do what the good doctor says, and if he says you need to stay here for a month, well, then that's what you're going to do."

Jessie chuckled, then coughed. "You married, Doc?"

I sat down in a chair next to the bed. "Nope."

Tess looked at me with a sweetness that I could only compare to my aunt Esme. "Don't you worry, she's out there for you. You just haven't found her yet."

I returned her smile with one of my own. "I agree Mrs. Canton. Someday. So, Mr. Canton…"

"Please Doc, call me Jessie. All these formalities just make me uncomfortable." I noticed his breathing was more and more labored as he sat up to engage with me. He was worse than he was just this morning and I was truly concerned.

"Okay, Jessie. I noticed you haven't been up and around too much. It's vital that we get you moving. Staying sedentary while trying to fight pneumonia isn't the best thing. So, I'm going to go and find one of the nurses and have them come in and get you up and moving, okay?"

Tess smiled and Jessie grunted as he slid back into his bed, exhausted by just the idea of walking around. The Cantons had been here for three days. By now, we would have hoped to see improvement in Jessie's condition, but just the opposite had happened.

"Mrs. Canton, have you been home in the last couple of days?"

She looked down sheepishly. "No, Dr. Masen. I've been staying in here with Jessie. That little chair there turns into a one person bed."

I chuckled at her response…I knew all to well about those chair beds. "Yes, they do. Are you sure you don't want to go home for a while? Take some time to rest up properly? We wouldn't want you to get sick yourself once we get Jessie here feeling better."

She shook her head. "No Doctor. I appreciate the offer, but as long as Jessie's here I'll be with him. After fifty-one years I don't know how to sleep without him. His snore is my white noise. It settles me. If it's not a bother, I'd rather just stay with him here."

I couldn't deny her request. "Not a problem at all. Let me see if I can get you a little better accommodations than a chair bed, though. The thought of you sleeping there again is making my back hurt!"

She smiled and thanked me as I left the room and went to the nurse's desk. I asked one of the nurses to inquire about getting a cot for Tess. I was convinced that Jessie wouldn't be leaving anytime soon and I didn't want her to be uncomfortable until I could get her to leave for a while.

I grabbed Hope's chart and went to check in on my favorite teenager. With Hope, any improvement in her condition, I always lapsed into the land of snark. I heard music playing in her room as I entered and found her listening to music and reading a book.

"How can you read and listen to music? You don't strike me as the multi-tasking type." Let the sparring begin.

"Really? Well, see, that's cause you think intellect is reserved for the socially apt. You're sorely mistaken if you think one of my social standing isn't enlightened. Us emo types, we have a lot of time to think and hence we gather useless bits of information that you social snobs deem as unfit for your consumption. It enables us to string together coherent sentences and impress said social snobs when we think it's appropriate."

She looked from her book and raised her eyebrows at me. "I'm thinking now would be appropriate."

I took a page from her book and rolled my eyes at her this time. Ha, beat her to the punch on that one. "Well, since I can now consider myself impressed, maybe you can tell me how you're feeling today."

She shrugged and turned back to her book. "Eh…not to bad. I'm still a little tired."

"Okay…that's not too bad. I don't think this bout was as bad as the last." She barely acknowledged me. This was routine for her. She'd get better, she'd get worse.

"So, how many shifts you doing this week? Aren't you a danger to society at this point? I know they say medicine is a practice and all, but I don't want to be your guinea pig."

I sat on the edge of her bed and looked at the book she was reading, The Red Tent. "I'm working a double tonight into tomorrow then I'm on Friday from 11 am to 10 pm. I have Saturday off. So what's your book about?"

She didn't raise her head from the book as she responded. "Dinah from the bible. It's the biblical story told from the woman's perspective. You know, the one perspective that is sorely missing from the Bible…you'd swear women couldn't talk back then or something. It's good, you should read it."

I stood up to leave. "Yeah, maybe sometime I will."

"Hey Edward?"

I turned before reaching the door. "Yeah?"

"You still look like shit. You need some sleep. Take a break."

I chuckled as I left. "I'll check on you later."

The rest of the evening continued as it always does in an intensive care unit. We were able to get a small cot for Tess and I decided I was going to try and get some sleep in the on call room.

I decided on Thursday night to just stay in the on call room rather than go home. It had been a long couple of days and I didn't feel like heading back to nothing. At least I'm here and if I'm needed I'll be close.

Jessie's condition had deteriorated even further. I was seriously considering intubating him, but he didn't want that and since he didn't want it, I couldn't convince Tess to go against his wishes. He was on borrowed time and I couldn't help but wonder what would happen to Tess if things didn't get better.

Friday at eight o'clock my fears came to fruition. Jessie's heart started to fail and since he signed a do not recessutate order, once his heart and lungs have out, we could take no lifesaving measures. There was nothing I could do but watch his life slip away.

Tess held onto his hand the whole time whispering, in his hand. I couldn't hear what she was saying but I imagined it would be words of comfort. My heart was breaking for her. How would she fare in the world alone? Jessie was her everything for so long, I wasn't sure she'd be able to function.

I came around to give him some pain meds and I heard her whispering, "It's okay Jessie, you won't be alone. I'll follow you. We'll meet and be together. It's okay Jessie, it's okay."

Ten minutes later, Jessie was gone and Tess was holding his hand still running her fingers through his hair.

I turned off all the monitors as I quietly spoke to Tess. "Mrs. Canton. Would you like some time alone with Jessie?"

Her gaze never left his face as she replied. "Yes Dr. Masen, if you don't mind. I'd like to be alone with him for a just little while longer."

As I left the room, I pulled the curtain so she would have some privacy from the window. "Take your time. I'll make sure you're not disturbed."

I went to the desk to tell the nurses to give her some time and went to sit on a bench in the hallway. I noticed someone walking toward me but didn't look up.

Hope sat down next to me. "Hey. You okay?"

I turned my head to her. "Yeah. I'm okay."

She lifted her head toward Jessie's room. "Did he die?"

I nodded my head in affirmation. "At least he wasn't alone."

Hope turned her gaze back toward me. "We all die alone, Edward. No one goes with you. It's not about dying alone; it's about not dying lonely. And that he did not do. He was loved very much and he knew it." She then got up and pushed her O2 tank back to her room.

I sat there for about an hour and waited for Tess to come out of the room. I decided it was probably best if I could find out if there was someone who could come and get her from the hospital and help her make arrangements.

I went back into the room and it looked as if she had fallen asleep. Her hands were wrapped around Jessie's and her head was on his arm. She looked so peaceful. I went to wake her and realized she wasn't breathing. I tried to find a pulse or a heartbeat –anything- to no avail. She was gone.

She followed through with her promise to Jessie - he wouldn't be alone. She'd follow him. I sat down in the chair at the end of the bed and contemplated a love so great that even death couldn't keep you apart.

When I left the hospital, it was nearly midnight and I was just too tired to walk the five miles home. I decided to take the train. There was a station one block over from work so I bought a ticket on the southbound line, which would drop me three blocks from my apartment.

I boarded the train without a thought and made my way toward the back of the car. On my way down the aisle, I noticed a woman sitting in the farthest seat next to the window. She was staring out the pane of glass at nothing in particular but staring with such intensity you'd think she was searching for something.

I sat down and couldn't take my eyes off of her. Her hair was dark and thick, her skin was porcelain pale and her lips were full and pink. She was casually dressed with a thick scarf wrapped around her neck, which seemed to be bothering her because she continuously tugged at the knot to loosen it.

She closed her eyes and sighed. When she opened them, I noticed they were dark brown and vaguely familiar. They were not familiar as in I'd seen her before but the expression in her eyes was dull and aching, and expression I knew all too well. Like there was a part of her that was missing. The part she was searching for outside the window of this train.

I recognized the longing and the emptiness I saw in her eyes. Had she been looking at me, she would have found the same pain reflecting back in mine. The brown in hers reflected her pain while the green in mine acted as a shield for it.

I continued to watch her as the train flew down the tracks. I was contemplating approaching her. There was something about her that made me want to talk to her. I felt a pull that I couldn't explain. Maybe it was from seeing Tess tonight. Her love was so great for Jessie that she couldn't…wouldn't exist without him.

I wondered what it would be like to have that kind of love. The love my parents had, the love Jessie and Tess, Carlisle and Esme and even Rose and Emmett had. I wondered if my longing for that one true love was making me latch onto this mahogany-haired beautiful woman and scream for help.

The train came to a stop and she rose from her seat and exited the back of the train. I felt like I should go after her. I began to rise from my seat just as the doors closed. She didn't look back. She didn't even notice me. I couldn't help but wonder if I'd just made the biggest mistake of my life.

I thanked God when I got home that tomorrow, my day would be filled with Emmett. If ever you needed a distraction, Emmett could be counted on. I would be lucky if I had one serious thought all day with my cousin around. And for that I would be grateful.

As I closed my eyes, I saw reflected in the darkness chocolate brown pools of emotion that called to me. They begged me to find them, to make the pain go away. I fell asleep to the eyes of a woman whose soul begged me to release the demons from within.

I woke the next morning to my cell phone ringing and simultaneous knocking at my door. Good God in heaven. I reached for a t-shirt as I walked down the hall to the entry way. As I looked through the keyhole I couldn't help but think, _let the fun begin_. Emmett was standing at my door, banging with one had and holding coffee and bagels in his other. I opened the door while running my hands through my tangled hair. "Emmett."

"Rise and shine, pumpkin pie. I come bearing gifts."

I closed the door behind him and walked into the kitchen. Emmett started pulling out bagels and handed me a coffee. "Fuel up, dude. You're going to need it. Rose and Esme on wedding detail is just grueling."

I got dressed and went with Emmett as we met up with Rose, Esme and Carlisle. We caught up and picked out linens. We finalized menus and debated over cakes. We finally were allowed to go and pick out the tuxes, which Rose had narrowed down to three.

I came out of the dressing room just as Carlisle was also exiting.

He was pulling at his jacket as he said, "I like yours better. This one is just…too…I don't know…stuffy for me."

I laughed and agreed with him. I looked over at Emmett who had on a slightly different cut than we did and reality started to sink in.

"Wow, Em…you're getting married." I couldn't help but smile as I said it.

He was grinning ear-to-ear. "That I am, my good friend, that I am."

Carlisle came to stand next to me. "I like the one Edward has on, Emmett. What do you think?"

Emmett agreed and we began walking back to the dressing rooms to be fitted properly and Carlisle asked me how the hospital was.

"It's good. It keeps me busy, so that's good."

Carlisle nodded in agreement. "Yes, it serves a purpose, doesn't it? Don't let it keep you too busy, Edward. Life will pass you by before you know it." He clamped his hand on my shoulder as he stopped and faced me. "You know your parents would be proud of everything you've accomplished. But Edward, they wouldn't want you to not live your life."

I patted his hand and shook his hand. "I know Carlisle, I really do."

We left the tux shop and went to lunch where we met up with Esme and Rose again. We discussed the upcoming nuptials and what was left on the list to do.

Esme turned to me while we were waiting for our dessert to come. "So, Edward, is there anyone special in your life right now?"

Emmett groaned. "Come on mom…leave the guy alone."

Esme turned to Emmett and raised her eyebrows at him. "Emmett, Edward is like a son to me. His happiness is essential to my mental well-being. Shut it." She turned back to me. "Edward?"

I smiled at Emmett as he pouted in the corner at being dressed down by his mother. "No,  
Esme. I'm pretty busy with the hospital and other things. I haven't really been looking."

She smiled at me. "That's okay Edward. You know they always say you find love when you're not looking for it. I'm sure there is someone just waiting to be discovered by you."

Dessert came and we discussed the rest of the day and all the things we had left to do. After dessert was cleared, Rose turned to me. "So, Edward. It looks like we should finish up here by like, 8:00. Emmett and I were going to go and check out that new themed bar down on Cross Road. How about you come out with us and let us buy you a drink as our way of saying thanks?"

I agreed, knowing that I had nothing else planned for the night and to be honest, eight o'clock was far too early too go to my empty apartment.

We wrapped up our meeting with the fifth DJ, said our good byes to Carlisle and Esme, who were headed back to their hotel, and went to our cars. "Hey, I'm going to stop off at the hospital real quick. I just want to check in on someone. I'll meet you guys there."

Emmett grabbed Rose by the waist as he yelled to me. "Sure, just don't get yourself stuck there. I know how you are about leaving that place."

"Yeah yeah, Em. I'll be there."

I drove to the hospital and found a spot in the staff parking then went right up to the nurse's desk.

Sylvia was on duty tonight and once again as she saw me coming down the hallway she shook her head at me. "Seriously, what part of 'day off' is foreign to your vocabulary?"

I raised my hands in surrender and lowered my head to her. "I'm just here to check up on Hope. It was on the way to where I was going."

She sighed heavily and put her hands on her hips. "She's fine Edward. Regressed a little, but not much. She's actually sleeping so don't go sticking your messy wind-blown head in there and wake her up."

She relaxed her pose a little and said, "So, where are you headed to? Somewhere there are crazy young people who may attempt to get you drunk hopefully. You need to relax."

I laughed. I really liked Sylvia. "I don't know, some new bar down on Cross Road. And if you ever meet my cousin Emmett, you'd definitely classify him as crazy so, there half your wish will be granted."

"Well, go, you…get out. She's fine, everything is fine. Go have fun and don't come back."

"I'm leaving, I'm leaving. Have a good night, Sylvia." I waved to the security guard as I went back out into the night and drove to Cross Road. I parked next to Emmett's SUV and made my way into the bar.

Just as I entered I saw Jeff. I knew him from the club I worked at. I vaguely remembered hearing he was starting his own place. This must be it. The 80's pop rock music was blaring from the speakers and I had to duck my head down to his face as he started talking to me.

"Edward! How are you? You still over at Shady Ransom?" I nodded, figuring it would be easier than trying to talk over the music. Just then I noticed Emmett walking toward us and I raised my head up to greet him.

"Jeff, this is my cousin Emmett." They shook hands as Jeff continued, "So, Edward, how about doing one song for us tonight? I don't have a piano but I have a couple of acoustics and Les Paul around the stage for open Mic nights. What do you think?"

Emmett laughed, "Do it man…just don't do something sappy!"

"Sure, why not. Just one though, okay."

Jeff shook my hand and said, "Sure thing man. Come on, let me get you that Les Paul."

Emmett smiled. "Cool. We're over there at that table to the left of the stage. Rose met up with someone she works with, so there's a group of us. Just come over when you're done."

We walked over to the stage as I thought of a song I could do with an acoustic. Couldn't think of a damn 80's song to save my life.

Jeff left me to take the stage and announce me. "Hey, how is everyone doing tonight?"

The crowd responded with loud yells and howls. This was a little different than the piano bar I worked at. We didn't have this kind of excitement. It was exhilarating.

"Well, we have a special guest who has agreed to do a song for us tonight. We were able to coax him to do just one…so please give him some love!"

I walked out onto the stage and sat on the stool Jeff had placed in the center of the stage. I started to strum the guitar to an 80's rock song. I turned to see where Emmett was and looked straight into the chocolate brown eyes of the woman I had fallen asleep thinking about last night.

I suddenly knew what I needed to do. I stopped playing and apologized to the crowd and then started strumming a more appropriate song.

_Angel of Mercy_

_How did you find me?_

_Where did you read my story?_

_Pulled from the papers_

_Desperate and hardened _

_Seeking a momentary fix_

As I played the chords I couldn't bear to look at her. I wondered if she'd leave like she did on the train. I wondered if she felt the same pull as I did.

_Before just the daylight_

_Come and I stand by_

_Waiting to catch the quickest plane_

_Fly me to nowhere_

_Is better than somewhere_

_That's where I've been and nothing's changed_

I opened my eyes only to be met with the same eyes that called to me on the train and followed me home to my bed. Our eyes connected and the draw I had to her intensified. It was as if our souls were connected and couldn't be severed. I was like a moth to the flame and I didn't want to turn away.

_All I wanted to say_

_All I wanted to do_

_Is fall apart now_

_All I wanted to feel_

_I wanted to love_

_It's all my fault now_

_A Tragedy for sure_

I hoped she could hear what I was conveying with the words. Just looking in her eyes made me want to fall apart. Her eyes made me feel more than I had since my parents left me all those years ago. I wanted to love, I wanted to feel. Her eyes reached into the depths of my soul and I felt comforted, warm. Like coming home.

_I'm so lost in you_

_A tragedy seemed to be over now_

_A tragedy it seemed to be over now_

I thanked the crowd and left the stage with only one end in mind. I would talk to her this time. I'd spend the night getting to know her and I'd find a way to take the sadness from her eyes.

People were patting me on the back as I walked by, but my path would not falter. I walked to the table as she turned to look right at me. I vaguely heard Emmett speaking as I continued to stare at her. I couldn't help the smile that crossed my lips and I couldn't look away from her.

I faintly heard Emmett as he said, "And this here…this, Edward, is Bella Swan."

She turned away from me then and I thought I saw anger flash across her face. "Bella. What a beautiful name. I'm Edward. It's nice to meet you." I reached my hand out and she very abruptly stood up and addressed the people at the table I didn't know.

"Yeah, you too. Jasper, I'm not feeling well. I have to go. Nice to meet all of you." She grabbed her jacket and quickly left the bar. The small woman at the table chased behind her with an apologetic look on her face.

I was stunned and looked to Emmett. "I'm sorry. Did I do something to offend her?"

The blonde man answered. "No, you didn't do anything wrong. Bella isn't big on public outings. I'm sure she's fine. Alice will make sure she's okay. I'm Jasper by the way, not sure if you got it first time around." I sat down at the table, stunned.

Once again, I let her walk right out of my life without even putting up a fight. I didn't understand. My heart was reeling, telling me I had to go after her, but my head was shaking my confidence. It was pretty clear that she didn't want to be near me. Maybe it wasn't meant to be.

But I'd never felt like this before. I've never been drawn to anyone like I was to her. I couldn't understand it.

Alice came back to the table, looking sad and confused. She smiled a little when she saw me.

I had to know if she was okay. "Is everything okay with Bella? She seemed really upset."

She sat next to Jasper and he put his arm around her shoulders. She seemed to relax almost immediately. "She's okay, she's just not feeling well. She went home."

Everyone talked politely for a few minutes before the music came back on and I took advantage of the noise to tell Emmett I had a headache and was going to head home for the night. I asked Rose if she could drive my car home.

I knew she wouldn't be there, but I wanted to ride the train, just in case. I needed to clear my head and I felt the need to be close to her again. I walked to the train station and bought a ticket going anywhere. I rode the train for a couple of hours thinking about what I might have done to offend her.

I left the train and headed home and wondered if I'd see her on the train again. _I think that is going to be my new transportation home._ If I could find her, I could apologize for whatever it was I did that upset her. I couldn't turn away, the pull was too much. I had to find her again. I'd ride that train every night if it meant I'd see her again.

Tonight I'd fall asleep with hope. Hope of finding my angel of mercy. I had to see where this was going to go, I couldn't get off the path. For the first time in a very long time I had hope, and I wasn't going to let it walk out of my life again.

End Notes:

Please leave a review if your so inclined! I have a lot of people who have this listed as a favorite or alerted. I appreciate it!


	4. Where I Belong

Good Sunday to you all! So…this chapter goes back a little in time so we see BPOV prior to "the meet". We get a little more insight to Bella and we find out why she ran away. I hope you enjoy it and it meets your expectations!

The usual, I own nothing of this universe…just my twisted little view.

Hugs, kisses and white chocolate covered oreo cookie balls to my beta's withthevampsofcourse and VJGM without which I would sound less eloquent and never learn the differences between to and too.

And to my good buddies Smellyia, Avalonia, and siDEADde who keep me up to ungodly hours discussing good literature and cross country boozing trips.

And a big shout out to Heaven's Immortal (my lovely daughter who constantly brainstorms with me on what will come next.) With that, I give your chapter 4.

BPOV

When I woke up the next morning I strangely still had the song I'd heard the previous night playing in my head. The events of the evening replayed in my mind. The college girl, Teddy the bartender, and a beautiful tortured angel. What a combination.

I switched on the coffee pot as I pulled out my clothes for the day and turned the shower on. Daily rituals, route, reliable, constant. After toasting a bagel I decided I should give Jasper a call back.

Cleaning up my breakfast mess, I dialed his number in my phone. He answered on the third ring, sounding like I'd just woken him. "Hello?"

"Hey Jasper, just returning your call. I can call later if this is a bad time." I gathered my scarf and jacket and started to head out.

"Bella. No, really, this is fine. So where were you last night? I thought you were planning on turning in early."

I locked up and stepped out onto the sidewalk. "Yeah. Well, I just wandered around, went to this little hole-in-the-wall place then came home. Nothing too big."

I heard his sheets rustling and Alice whispering in the background. "Well, I wanted to know if you could fit us into your ever-so-busy schedule today. We haven't seen you in a few days. Thought we could catch up."

I knew where Jasper was going with this. He knew what yesterday was and he wanted to see how I was holding up. He could have just said so. I really wasn't made of glass. I hated to hear the pity in his voice. I never would have told him anything about my past if Jake hadn't made a point of finding me to tell me his "wonderful" news.

"Yeah, sure Jasper, I have classes until 1:45 then I'm working my regular shift at the library. Why don't we meet at that campus coffee shop at 2:15? Alice is coming, right?"

I heard him stifle a yawn…slacker…it's 7:45 already. "Yep, she'll be there. I'll see you later Bella, must rise to meet another day. Thanks for the wake up call." I heard the shower turn on as I said my goodbye and hung up.

My day went as planned…classes, lunch, classes - ritual. At 2:10 I was walking into the small coffee shop and looking for Alice. The smell of the coffee awakened my senses and warmed me from the inside out. This coffee shop was smaller and always less crowded than the franchise stores. It was cozy and comfortable with chairs and couches scattered through out the shop.

I found Alice curled up on a small couch in the back corner of the store. I knew she'd be here; she was fifteen minutes early for everything, always. As usual, she had three steaming cups already in front of her. She always seemed to know exactly what I'd want.

"Hey Alice. Where's Jasper?"

She rose to give me a hug. "He's running a little behind. I got you the new sea salt caramel hot chocolate with whipped cream. It's divine."

I took off my jacket and sat down to grab the mug. "Thanks Alice, I've been meaning to try this. So how's it going?"

"Eh, it's good. I just got signed to work with this new design house, so I'll be doing a shoot sometime early this week. They're really on the verge of breaking out. Some of their designs are so exquisite it's hard to believe they're not working under Dolce or Armani. I'm excited to work with them."

Jasper came around the corner right as she was finished and I noticed his cheeks looked a little wind burnt. "Hey Bella." He leaned down to kiss me on the check then crossed the small space to meet Alice with a hug and kiss. "Hey babe. Sorry I'm late guys, I had to stay after with one of the students from that class I'm TA-ing."

I shook my head while I blew on my chocolate. "No problem, we're just catching up here."

Jasper took off his coat and threw it on the back of the couch he and Alice were sitting on. "So, Alice, did you ask her about Saturday?"

Alice shook her head and responded. "Nope, I didn't get that far."

I looked at the two of them. "What's Saturday?"

Jasper looked at me a little warily. "Well, we were going to go out to this little place we've heard about and we thought maybe we could all go together. Maybe grab some dinner, head out for some drinks. You know, just hang out."

I never really went out. Jasper and Alice knew this. They were always asking me to go out with them, but come on, who wants to be the third wheel? I looked to Alice who had her doe-eyed pouty thing going on. I couldn't help but chuckle. "Sure, why not. No blind dates or fix-ups right. Just the three of us, hanging out. That's it."

Alice bounced up in her seat smiling that pearly white smile with a twinkle in her eyes. "Yep, just us. No fix-ups. It's going to be a great night, I can just feel it."

Alice and her feelings. She and Jasper were great for each other; they were all about "the feelings". Both a little freaky, if you ask me. We sat and talked for a little while, but I had to leave so I could get to the library. I said my goodbyes and made my way across campus to the University Library.

Working at the library was a perfect fit for me. It was quiet and people weren't encouraged to talk. On most nights I could go my entire shift and not speak to anyone. I could work on my papers, research, read, anything. It was nice. The problem was I always finished everything I had on my to-do list while I was there. Since I had nothing immediate to think about, my mind wandered to memories I'd rather keep buried. Once those memories started coming, I was lost to them and most nights I lay awake, sleep evading me. My only remedy came in the form of a nighttime ritual.

Every night after I'd work I walk the five city blocks to the CTA line and get on the first train to arrive. I'd ride it from stop to stop, beginning to end for hours. Staring out the window, thinking about my parents, or about Jake, thinking about the things I truly didn't want to think about. When I didn't have distractions, my mind often flooded with the memories I fought so hard to forget.

When I was finally exhausted I'd get off the train, find the one that was three blocks from my house, take one final ride and collapse into bed having tired myself past the point of dreaming.

Jasper and Alice knew of these nightly excursions. To be honest, it really bothered them. They were worried I'd get mugged or attacked on the train. They'd even gone so far as to buy me pepper spray to carry in my pocket at all times. Alice tried to get me a taser but I put my foot down at that one. No way was I carrying one of those things. With my luck, it'd get turned on me. Hell to the no on that one.

So everyday I followed my ritual and every night I rode the train going anywhere. I slept and did it all again.

Saturday came upon me all too fast. I really wasn't one for going out. That bar stint last week was a rarity driven by the circumstances alone. I decided if for nothing else I needed to go out to prove to Jasper and Alice I was okay. I hadn't sunk into the dark despair they imagined.

Alice kept talking to me about fate and something great happening tonight; she really was an odd little thing. She wanted to come over and dress me up which I flatly refused. I'm a grown woman; I think I can manage getting myself dressed for dinner and drinks. So she pouted and stood fast, she acquiesced as long as I agreed to not wear my jeans and Chucks. Sometimes I really believe she is diabolical.

We met at the restaurant, which was a little hole in the wall Creole place that had just opened. The food was good and the company was great. It was a nice relaxing night out with friends. So we left the restaurant and went over to this new club. It was a musically themed place…different theme every night. Tonight was 80's pop rock night and the crowd was really into it.

I should'a worn my chucks…see, Alice wasn't always right.

I would be sure to point that out to her. "So Alice, are you thinking maybe your 'feelings' were wrong yet? My jeans and chucks would've fit in a whole lot better than these linen pants and ballet shoes."

She shook her head and smiled at me. "Silly Bella…I didn't say that you were dressing for the bar's theme. I said you needed to dress for something important to happen. Who dresses for 80's pop rock and Boy George? Come on now."

Whatever…jeans would have been better.

We found this table near the edge of the stage and ordered our drinks. Alice had excused herself to go to the bathroom, which left some time for Jasper and me to talk. "So Bella, how are you for real? Did everything go okay this week?"

I sighed a little and nodded my head. "Yes, Jasper. I'm okay. I made it through the anniversary and I'm still functioning."

He smiled a small smile at me. "Well, I know this was a big one. I wish you would let us be there for you."

"Yeah Jasper, I know. But it's something I have to do by myself. It's how it's supposed to be."

Jasper reached across the table to take my hand and just as he was about to say something, Alice bounded over to the table holding the hand of the most gorgeous blonde woman I had ever seen.

"Hey guys, guess who I found?"

A man was walking up behind the two of them carrying a bunch of drinks. He was rather tall and extremely well-built. They had to be a couple…beauty begetting beauty and all. To be honest, they were both a little bit intimidating…

Jasper rose from his chair to meet Alice. "Jasper, Bella, this is Rosalie Hale. She works for that new fashion house I was telling you guys about. I started shooting their stuff this week and I've worked with her on some of her designs. She's spectacular and it's just a matter of time before she's discovered and out on her own!"

Rosalie shook her head and rolled her eyes. "I've come to discover that Alice tends to be a little exuberant." She looked very pleased with the compliment as she tried to be modest and down play Alice's reverence.

Alice continued. "And this guy here is her fiancé, Emmett Cullen. He owns Cullen Construction, you know that firm that just landed the down town redevelopment project. I asked them to join us!"

I reached over and shook Rosalie's hand, "Exuberant doesn't even begin to describe Alice. I'm Bella Swan."

Alice laughed at my comment. "Great things Bella, I tell you. Great things tonight. And this is Jasper Whitlock. My fiancé."

Emmett put the drinks down and stuck out his hand to shake Jasper's then turned to face me. "It's nice to meet all of you."

Jasper then asked,"Would you guys like to join us? There's plenty of room at the table and it's getting kind of crowded."

Emmett and Rose agreed and I noticed Emmett walk over and borrow another chair from a neighboring table which he then plunked down next to his. "I hope you don't mind, but my cousin is also joining us tonight. He had to stop off at the hospital before he came over."

"Hospital?" I questioned. "Is everything okay?"

He laughed a deep infectious laugh and said, "Edward? Yeah, he's okay. He's a doctor. Something about checking in on a patient or something like that. He should be here soon."

We sat and talked to each other only to find there were so many things both Alice and Rosalie had in common. They were both getting married, although Rosalie and Emmett were taking the plunge first. They both worked in fashion. They both coveted all things Zac Posen and had a significant Jimmy Choo shoe collection. Better friends couldn't have been made in heaven with these two. I just sat back and laughed at their passion for all things clothing, knowing I could not participate in this conversation even if they continued trying to keep me involved. I think Rosalie was aghast that I really had no fashion sense and had no desire to create one! "But Bella, you have so much raw material to work with. You're beautiful."

I couldn't help but chuckle at that and raised my glass to her. "Says the goddess to the peasant!"

Alice shook her head at me. "Rose, honey, you have no idea. She absolutely refuses to acknowledge fashion. I've been trying for nearly two years now. It's exhausting. I think we should take her on as a project."

Rose's eyes glittered something scary at that moment and she raised her eyebrows at me. "Alice, I think you may be onto something here…"

"Oh no you two don't. Stay away from me with your poking and prodding. I'm not interested in whatever your crazy clothing line-induced minds are thinking…I'm going to go talk about cars now with the two civilized people at the table. I'm out!"

Jasper and Emmett were deep in conversation about the newest line of muscle cars and the comeback of the SS Camaro. This I can deal with. All of a sudden Emmett announced, "Hey, I'll be right back." And he got up and left the table.

I looked to Jasper and back at Rose and Alice who were still talking low and looking at me like I was one of those naked stuffed mannequin things and shivered with fear of what they were plotting. "So, Jasper, save me from the fashion police over there. I refuse to head back into that conversation."

He laughed as he polished off his beer. "I don't blame you, Bella. I have a feeling those two could wreak havoc on fashion week in Paris like no one has."

"Yeah, and they're eyeing me like a fresh piece of meat! It's kinda scary!"

Emmett made his way back to the table just as some guy went up on the stage. He must have worked at the bar because he had a shirt with the bar name on it and was wearing acid washed jeans, wrestling sneakers, an obnoxious Miami Vice type white blazer and bandanas wrapped around his wrist.

"Hey, how is everyone doing tonight?"

The crowd responded with howls! This was actually really exciting. I haven't had this much fun in a long time. I'm glad I decided to come.

"Well, we have a special guest who has agreed to do a song for us tonight. We were able to coax him to do just one…so please give him some love!"

And with that my breath caught as my angel walked onto the stage carrying an acoustic guitar. My heart stopped. The crowd noise disappeared. Everyone ceased to exist except the angel with the jade green eyes.

He sat on a stool and started playing an upbeat song as he lifted his head and looked into the audience. It was as if he looked right at me and I turned away as I felt myself blush and I started to feel nauseated.

The guitar stopped and he apologized to the crowd. Then he started playing a different song, one that was slower and showcased his guitar playing. He began singing with his eyes closed once again.

_Angel of Mercy_

_How did you find me?_

_Where did you read my story?_

_Pulled from the papers_

_Desperate and hardened _

_Seeking a momentary fix_

_All I wanted to say_

_All I wanted to do_

_Is fall apart now_

_All I wanted to feel_

_I wanted to love_

_It's all my fault now_

_A Tragedy I fear_

Reality slapped me in the face as I heard Alice say. "Wow, this guy is amazing."

Emmett went to say something but I cut him off. I couldn't help myself. I couldn't take my eyes off of him and everything I was thinking was suddenly coming out of my mouth.

"No Alice, amazing is a word for mortals. He's so beautiful, so raw. Can't you hear it in his voice? He's lost. He's looking for a way back."

_Waiting to catch the quickest plane_

_Fly me to nowhere_

_It's better than somewhere_

_That's where I've been and nothing's changed_

I couldn't tear my eyes from him. "I've never heard anything as beautiful as his voice. The music comes from him like oxygen."

He lifted his face once again and our eyes connected as if he was looking for me in the crowd. I knew that wasn't the case, I knew he was beyond anything I could ever hope to have. God wouldn't allow me to have an angel. I didn't deserve it.

He continued to sing and neither of us looked away. The words he sang once again reached into the depths of my soul and I felt comforted, warm. Like coming home.

_I'm so lost in you_

_A tragedy seemed to be over now_

_A tragedy it seemed to be over now_

I knew I was making a fool of myself but I couldn't turn away from him. As the song ended, cheers erupted from the crowd and I broke away from his intense gaze. I grabbed my drink as I noticed everyone at our table was looking at me. Emmett started to smile as I noticed someone was approaching our table.

I turned to look and saw jade green eyes starting straight into my soul.

I'm going to be sick.

I heard Emmett's voice vaguely as I started to feel beads of sweat forming on my neck. "Everyone, this is my cousin, Edward." Still his eyes didn't leave mine.

Oh my God.

"Edward, this is Alice and Jasper." His head nodded but his eyes never left mine. They were burning into my soul.

I didn't just say those things to his family.

"Alice is a photographer and she works with Rose."

God surely had one sick sense of humor. Cruel mother fucker.

"Jasper is finishing up his doctorate at Chicago U."

This is what happens when I open myself up. I'm such a fucking idiot.

"And this here…"

I had to look away.

"This, Edward, is Bella Swan."

I'm going to throw up. I reached over and grabbed my jacket just as I heard his voice.

"Bella, what a beautiful name."

I'm feeling faint. I need to breathe.

"I'm Edward, it's nice to meet you."

I stood up, trying to smile at him although the tears that were forming in my eyes just then made it hard to see him clearly.

"Yeah, you too. Jasper I'm not feeling well. I have to go. Nice to meet all of you." And I did what I do best. I left. I ran. I'm such an idiot. I can't believe I did that.

I grabbed a cab outside as Alice was coming out of the bar. "Bella, what's going on? Please, don't leave."

"Are you kidding, Alice? Seriously? You're kidding right? Did you see the monumental ass I just made of myself? I honestly hope to never see any of those people ever again in my life. I'm going home, Alice. Please, just leave me alone."

And with that I got in the cab and gave the driver my address. As we moved away from the bar I started to cry. God damn it…I'm such a fool. God damn it.

We reached my apartment and I went right to the bathroom and took off my clothes as I remembered Alice telling me something important was going to happen.

That's a fucking understatement. Something important did happen - I remembered my place and it wasn't among people like Rosalie Hale or Emmett Cullen. I didn't even really belong with people like Alice and Jasper. I'm where I belong.

Alone.

I slid down the wall as the tears continued to fall. This is where I belong…

A/N:

So…there you have it. A little peek into Bella. She is very desolate and lonely but unwilling to open herself up. We will learn more as to why.

Please leave me a review, it makes me giggly!

Thanks for reading!


	5. The Plan

A/N: Happy Holiday's to all? Have you finished your shopping? I hope as you settle down to read this chapter all is well and complete in your home this week.

This chapter took a bit to write…I wasn't so sure I was going the right direction with it. Alice proved to be more difficult to write, so enlisted the help of siDEADde, who is by far the best Alice writer I've come across. So hugs, kisses and snow boots to Amy for her help!

As usual, my beta's withthevampsofcourse (who by the way posted the winners to her and jandco's _A Very Cullen Christmas_ writing challenge – go check them out) and VJGM helped craft and fine tune this chapter and to them I'm sending extra hugs and kisses.

This chapter is a break from the angst, which I know some of you have been looking forward to (Nina) and a little history 101 on our strangers passing in the night.

I hope you enjoy – The Plan.

APOV

The evening had been going great when I ran into Rosalie Hale at the bar that Jasper and I took Bella to. Rosalie was a new fashion designer that worked at the new fashion house I had recently been working with and she was wonderful. Bright, beautiful and talented. After I introduced her and her fiancé Emmett to both Jasper and Bella, they decided to join us at our table.

I was very happy at this point. The evening was going great and Bella appeared to be relaxing and having a good time, which was a great relief to both Jasper and me. We desperately wanted to get her outside of her little bubble and have her let loose. Everything appeared to be going splendidly when Emmett excused himself from the table. Bella and Jasper were engaged in conversation while Rose and I continued to chat about Bella and fashion in general.

I found out from her that Emmett had a cousin, Edward, who was a doctor. He was going to be joining them shortly from what Rosalie said. She even hinted at the possibility of Bella and Edward hooking up. I debated telling her that I wasn't so sure the setup was a good idea. I knew Bella was having fun tonight, but this was not her normal demeanor by a long shot. I didn't think she would be that open to the possibility yet.

Emmett rejoined the party and leaned over to whisper something to Rosalie which made her smile from ear-to-ear just as a guy dressed from the eighties stepped on stage to ask how everyone was doing. He announced they had a special guest that was going to be doing a song for everyone tonight and with that, a tall, lanky and beautiful man took the stage with a guitar in his hand.

He sat on a stool and began strumming a song. He lifted his head and looked in our direction. His eyes locked on something and he stopped playing, then apologized to the crowd and began a slower, more melodic song.

I couldn't help myself as I muttered, "Wow, this guy is amazing." I heard Rosalie slightly chuckle and Emmett started to say something when Bella, quite shy, Miss "I never speak out of turn" Bella, cut him off dead in his tracks.

"No Alice. Amazing is a word for mortals. He's so beautiful, so raw. Can't you hear it in his voice? He's lost, he's looking for a way back." Bella murmured her response as if she were dazed.

Jasper's hold on my shoulders tightened as I looked from him to Emmett and Rosalie, who had huge smiles on their faces like they were the cats who had just eaten the canary.

I was astounded at Bella's comments. In the two years I'd known her, I had never once even seen her raise her eyes to a man, much less comment on them. I turned from Bella to Jasper, who looked just as dumbfounded as I felt.

Bella was staring at his guy so intently. She noticed no one else as she spoke again. "I've never heard anything as beautiful as his voice. The music comes from him like oxygen."

Right then, this miracle music man who evoked this response from Bella lifted his eyes from his guitar and looked right at her. And he didn't stop. His eyes never left her gaze as he finished his song. He politely thanked the cheering crowd and glanced at our table again.

Bella had turned away from him and downed her drink in one gulp. As she put the glass down, she stared suspiciously at Emmett who was still grinning like the Cheshire cat and then Mr. Miracle Man himself walked right up to our table, eyes locked on Bella.

I looked at Jasper again, slightly unnerved. Who the heck was this guy? Just as I was about to ask, Emmett spoke up.

"Everyone, this is my cousin, Edward."

Edward, the Doctor, Edward? Oh shit…Bella was turning red…she looked mortified.

Emmett continued, "Edward, this is Alice and Jasper." Edward nodded his head slightly but didn't take his eyes from Bella, who had yet to look away from him. But the color was slowly filling her face and neck brighter than I had ever seen.

"Alice is a photographer and she works with Rose. Jasper is finishing up his doctorate at Chicago U. And this here…"

Bella broke his gaze then and looked down at the table. She looked as if she was going to vomit. This was not good.

"This, Edward, is Bella Swan."

Bella reached for her jacket right as Edward said, "Bella. What a beautiful name. I'm Edward. It's nice to meet you." By this point Bella was standing as she brusquely announced, "Yeah, you too. Jasper, I'm not feeling well. I have to go. Nice to meet all of you."

And with that, she turned and hurried out of the bar. I stood up and excused myself as I rushed out behind Bella, trying to catch her before she left the bar. I finally reached her just as she flagged down a cab.

"Bella, what's going on? Please, don't leave."

Bella turned around on me so quickly that I was shocked. "Are you kidding, Alice? Seriously? You're kidding right? Did you see the monumental ass I just made of myself? I honestly hope to never see any of those people ever again in my life. I'm going home Alice. Please, just leave me alone."

She turned on her heel, and without another word, got into the cab and left.

I'd never seen her so angry. I went back into the bar numbly and smiled half-heartedly at Edward. He looked so concerned and I felt bad for the scene he had just witnessed. He asked if Bella was okay as Jasper put his arm around my shoulders.

"She's okay; she's just not feeling well. She went home."

Sensing the awkwardness of the moment, Jasper began talking to Emmett about some football team. Edward seemed out of sorts as he announced to Emmett that his head was bothering him. He asked if Rosalie would drive his car home, to which she agreed, and he politely excused himself from the table and left.

The four of us sat in stunned silence. Rosalie was the first to break the awkward pause in conversation "Well that was…"

Emmett interrupted and nearly yelled, "Incredible!"

Rosalie looked at him, "Well I wasn't exactly going to say that but…"

He cut in again, "It was. I've never seen Edward act like that. Ever." He was nearly bouncing in his seat.

Jasper ran his hands through his hair as he responded. "I don't know Edward, but I can honestly say I've never seen the likes of what Bella did prior to his coming to the table."

I looked at each face at the table and I just knew it was something. "It is just me or is there something there?"

Emmett started nodding his head vigorously. "Yeah, I'd say that. Edward is my cousin, I've known him my entire life and I've never seen him act like that, ever. He was so…"

Rosalie finished for him, "Animated."

Emmett nodded and continued, "Alive. Edward is the guy who constantly surrounds himself with people but feels nothing. I saw more emotion from him in the last five minutes than I have since his parents died."

Jasper looked a little puzzled. "His parents are gone?"

Emmett gave a sad smile. "Yeah. When he was in high school his parents were killed when a drunk driver crossed the divider and crashed head-on into their car. When they died, so did Edward, metaphorically. He simply stopped living. He hasn't truly expressed any feelings in nearly ten years. It's like he's waiting for something, or someone, maybe, to make him feel again."

Jasper shook his head in awe. "Wow, they're so alike."

Rosalie looked at Jasper in confusion. "What do you mean?"

I took Jasper's hand as I told them what I knew of Bella's story. "Bella's parents died when she was fourteen, a freshman in high school. They were killed in a freak accident. She doesn't really talk about it much, we never really got any clear details from her other than they both died at the same time."

Jasper continued, "Bella is always alone. After her parents died she had no one. No other family. Both of her parents were only children, no grandparents or anything. She went to live with a family friend, her father's best friend, Billy. He had a son, Jacob, who was two years younger than Bella but they were close. Let's just say that after a period of time things took a natural course with them and they became a couple. Very, very, long story short - she put her heart out there and he stepped on it. Since then, Bella trusts no one. I don't even know the whole story. She's never given me any details. What I know, I know from Jacob. He showed up at her apartment almost two years ago to tell her he was getting married. Luckily, Alice and I were there because she didn't take it too well. I asked him to leave and he explained his side of the story to me. I've never pushed Bella for more details. She's not really one to open up."

There was silence at the table when Jasper finished. It was Rosalie who broke that silence. "Wow, that's harsh."

I shook my head as tears were forming in my eyes for Bella once again. "I know. She thinks she can avoid hurt if she never gets close to anyone."

Emmett slammed his hand down on the table getting everyone's attention. "Dude, these two are fucked up enough that they just may be perfect for each other."

We looked at each other, silent once again. Emmett was right; they could just be perfect for each other. They both obviously had a strong reaction to the other, they both stepped clearly over their self-imposed lines in the sand and they both seemed to be scared to death of emotions. We had to do something about this.

Rosalie looked at Jasper. "Well Jasper, you seem to know her the best. What are we going to do about this?"

Jasper raised his hands in surrender and I knew he wasn't sure that we should do anything so I stepped in. "Well, is Edward in your wedding?"

Emmett nodded his head. "Yeah, he's my best man, why?"

I responded with a grin I'm sure looked pure evil. "Okay, go with me here, but do you have a photographer yet?"

Rosalie seemed to know where I was going with this. "We have put a deposit on one, but I'd be willing to lose said deposit depending on the plan you maybe be formulating."

Jasper was shaking his head at us. "Ladies, I'm not so sure this is a good idea. Bella is a really private person."

Emmett responded loudly. "Aw, come on…you saw how those two were. It's our obligation to do something about this. I don't know about Bella, but Edward needs this. And it seems as if maybe she does, too."

Rosalie smiled. "Alice, I really don't have a lot of close friends or family here in the Chicago area, and I think I need some serious help planning my wedding. I don't have a wedding planner. I've been doing this pretty much solo except for the help of Emmett's mother."

I couldn't help the grin that was plastered to my face in spite of Jasper's worrying. "Well, Rose, I think I may just be able to help you with that. I think we can both help each other here."

She giggled as she turned to Emmett. "And Em, I think we're going to need Edward to be a wee bit more involved in the wedding planning."

Emmett's dimpled grin filled his face as he hugged Rose and stated, "Ladies…I'm in love."

Jasper just shook his head. "I'm scared."

BPOV

I woke up the next day to my cell phone buzzing as it vibrated off my nightstand and onto the floor. I reached down and grabbed the offending device as I pulled my comforter over my head.

"Hello?"

"Hey Bella, its Alice. How are you feeling?"

I groaned. Alice at 9 am…this can't be a good sign. "I'm okay, Alice. What's up?" The events of the night ran through my head as I vaguely registered Alice babbling on about something I'm sure I should have been paying attention to.

Edward.

In one night I'd discovered the identity of the most beautiful man I'd ever laid eyes on and successfully made an ass out myself in front of his family. I'm sure there were laughs to be had at the expense of my idiocy and I felt tears forming once again behind my eyelids.

I barely registered Alice's voice as I heard her say, "So, I'll be over and an hour and we can talk about the details."

Whoa…hold up. "I'm sorry, Alice. What was that?"

"I'll be over in an hour and then we can discuss this new venture I'm taking on. I know you'll be able to help me with it, you're the most organized person I know and Bella, I just know it will be a success if I can get someone to help me with it."

I did not have a good feeling about this. Alice continued. "So, I'll stop by and pick us up some coffee and breakfast foods. I'll see you shortly." And with that, she hung up. I had no idea what she was talking about. And to be honest, I really tried to steer a little clear of Alice. She kind of scared me sometimes when she got all excited about something. Jasper and I were more suited for friendship. He didn't ask and I didn't tell, we just co-existed comfortably. Alice was always so happy - sometimes it would rub off on me and sometimes it would just rub me wrong. But overall, I did like her; I just sometimes felt the need to moderate our alone time for the sake of my sanity.

She didn't mention anything about last night, which was good because I really didn't want to talk about the monumental ass I had made of myself. I just wanted to forget the evening had ever happened and move on already.

So, with reluctance, I got out of bed and jumped in the shower. I took my time, letting the water relax me while I washed my hair and brushed my teeth. I got out and dressed casually in jeans and a green turtleneck sweater. By the time I was done with everything and turned the radio on, I heard a knock at the door.

I went and opened it to a very happy Alice who was carrying a bag way too big to have breakfast for just the two of us and a tray with two large coffees. She was forgiven for the moment for the early morning phone call and whatever it was that she was trying to get me to help with.

She smiled as she thrust the coffees at me and sang, "It is such a beautiful day out! All is right with the world."

I couldn't help but shake my head and smile at her. "Come on in, Alice."

She stepped in and went to the kitchen, placing the bag of food on the counter. "So real quick, I want to run something by you. I know you're really busy but I've been approached to do something, a sort of business venture, and I think you'd be the perfect third person for the venture. I'd like to take you out to brunch to talk about it if you're feeling up to it."

I was confused. "Well, Alice, first off, didn't you just bring breakfast over?"

"Well, yeah, I did, but it's nearly 10:30 and I figured you could save those for tomorrow and we could head out and walk down to Dimitri's. Their brunch is very good and I could fill you in on the way, then you could meet with my other partner in this venture."

The confusion wasn't improving. "Alice, I'm a little confused here. I don't know what kind of venture you could be interested in that I could possibly help with. I'm a lit major and you're a photographer - not exactly seeing the parallel here."

Alice rolled her eyes at me. "Bella, really, I promise this will be worth your while and it's just starting out so it won't interfere with your schooling. And if nothing else, if it does take off and gets to be too much, you can walk away. I won't be upset at all. Can we at least pitch the idea to you?"

I dragged my hands down my face and looked at Alice over my fingertips. "Sure, Alice. I could use brunch. I'll listen. Maybe I could use a distraction."

Alice bounced up and down. "Great! That's just great, Bella. And by the way, you really shouldn't pull on your face like that…gravity does enough damage without you helping it along."

Now I was the one rolling my eyes. "Let's go, Alice."

She picked up her phone and dialed a number, "She's coming, so yeah, I know. Brunch, thirty minutes, at Dimitri's. I know we can sell her on this. Yep. We'll meet you there."

I looked at Alice, who merely responded with, "My other partner. She's meeting us there. Let's get going. We're going to walk because it's just so beautiful out. Days like this are meant to be enjoyed!"

As Alice and I walked, she didn't once bring up last night, which I was extremely grateful for. We talked about Jasper and her and how this venture would make things so much easier for them and give her an outlet other than the fashion world, which required her to travel a lot without Jasper. We talked a little bit about Jasper's thesis. I was feeling better, walking forward, and not looking back.

When we got to Dimitri's we were seated and Alice let the hostess know we were expecting one more for our party. We were out on the patio since the weather was cooperating and it was beautifully decorated with flowers and tables covered in bright linens. Alice sat facing the door and kept glancing up, I assumed, to see when her new business partner would arrive.

All of a sudden, Alice stood up and took a step forward as my once beautiful day turned into a nightmare all over again. Rosalie Hale stood hugging Alice then bent down to one arm hug me as I stared wide-eyed and mortified at her.

_What the hell was this?_

Alice sat down. "Bella, you remember Rose from last night, correct?"

I reached up with a shaky hand and grabbed my water with lemon and muttered, "Oh, how could I forget?" drinking half the glass in one gulp, I set it down and raised my eyes to Rosalie. "Please, Rosalie, let me apologize for…"

Rosalie laughed, "Whatever for? And please, Bella, call me Rose. All my good friends do."

I cleared my throat. "Well, for last night. I didn't mean to, well, I mean, I just. I'm sorry I acted like such an ass about, um, Emmett's cousin, I didn't mean any, well..."

She laughed again. "Please, Bella. Seriously, first off, you didn't make an ass out of yourself at all. Secondly, well, honestly, Edward is stunning and talented and totally oblivious to his effect on people. Trust me. What you said about him was true and mild compared to what some of our friends have done when meeting Edward. He throws the world off-kilter without even knowing it. So please, you did nothing wrong. To be honest, I ogle him sometimes, too. We're only human after all."

I was shocked at her declaration. I was still embarrassed by my actions. I could only hope they didn't tell him.

Rose didn't wait for me to respond as she continued. "So, Alice and I came up with a spectacular idea last night and we realized we're missing one very important talent that is a must in order for this to succeed. After listening to her and Jasper gush about you I just knew you would have to be our third for this to succeed."

I started shaking my head at them and raised my hands up. "Please, you guys, seriously. I have no idea what you're talking about and how I could possibly fit into your plans?"

Alice reached over the table and grabbed my hand. "Well…see, this is what we were thinking. You know Rose is a designer and I'm a photographer."

I nodded my head, still having no idea where she was going with this. "Well, we were talking about her wedding which is what, six months away? And we were discussing how she's having such a hard time getting everything together. There's just so much to do and she's had no luck whatsoever finding a good wedding planner. No one fits her style in the area."

Rose piped in to acknowledge what Alice was saying. "You really have no idea, Bella. It's been horrendous."

I looked between the two of them. "Okay."

Alice continued. "Well, we thought about it and decided with her talent for design and my photography and interior design skills we had a pretty good base to start a wedding consulting firm. See, we both have very chic but different styles. Rose is more contemporary and mine is more modern. The only other style we're truly missing is a classical style. This is sort of where you come in."

I wondered if my face was showing my bewilderment. I still had no clue where this was going. "Alice. I'm a Lit major. How is that applicable to what you're proposing?"

Rose then looked at Alice then back at me. "Well, see Bella, first off - your style, from what Alice says, is very classical but not overwhelmingly old-fashion. That's the first part. Between the three of us, we cover the entire fashion spectrum in tastes. We could theoretically handle any preference for dress and venue based strictly on what we like. The second key to this is your literary experience. From what I've heard, you are a spectacular writer. We would need someone who could handle custom invitations, vows, marketing, materials and of course communications. This is where we think you'd make the biggest impact."

They couldn't be serious. Me, a wedding planner? "Well, ladies, that sounds like immense fun but I already have a job."

Alice very quickly responded. "Yes, Bella, you do. And that would also be beneficial for us right now. You work at a library, which would give you plenty of time to research things like venues, entertainment opportunities, trends, caterers, et cetera. This wouldn't even interfere with your regular job. Until, of course, it takes off and we become so booked we no longer need our day jobs."

"I don't know about this. I'm not so sure this is my cup of tea."

Rose reached over and grabbed my other hand. I was now being gripped by both of them and to be honest I was a bit scared. "Bella, please? We thought the best option for us would be to test this out on my wedding. I mean, I've been planning for what seems like forever and the venue I wanted just called to tell me they wouldn't be available. If we use my wedding as a test run, we can see if it will work or not. I really think this could be the best thing to happen to any of us. Will you please, please consider it?"

Alice looked at me with those puppy dog eyes that seemed to get her everything she ever wanted and added her please to Rose's. Between the two of them I don't know which one was worse.

This would be one more thing I could do. One more thing to keep me busy. Maybe I could do most of the research late at night at my apartment. Maybe I wouldn't need to ride the train so much. Maybe it could fill the void I had from closing of the library until I exhausted myself to sleep every night. Maybe, just maybe, this could work.

Alice added, "Bella, if it gets to be too much or if it isn't working you can back out. No questions asked. I know you need this Bella, as much as we do. This could change your life. Please give it a chance."

It could change my life. I looked back from Rose to Alice. I needed this. It could make a difference.

"I suppose it's worth a try. Where do we start?"

Alice started bouncing and clapping in her chair and Rose actually got up and grabbed me in a full on hug. "Oh my God, Bella, this is going to be great, I can just tell!"

"Yeah. Great. Thanks." I hoped I wasn't going to regret this.

Happy Holiday's to all!


	6. Phase One

A/N: I was in such a rush to get this chapter out that I nearly forgot my little note of thanks!

As usual, I own nodda thing related to Twilight, yada yada yada. But I do still own Monster cookies…which I've skillfully hidden from my children so I can sneak them in not so guilty pleasure.

Much thanks as always to withthevampsofcourse and VJGM who both give wonderful feedback and guidance. Yes, tobasco and ketchup on home fries is the best and I mentally slap myself for not putting that on my own. Kansas is a force to be reckoned with and Edward in a beanie is ALWAYS win. Just cuz, yeah…Rob was wearing one when I met him, and it was pretty…I digress…

Sorry I missed last week. The holidays and such were hell on everyone and we all needed a little more time to get to these things we call fics. Please forgive me.

With that, I will carry on….

EPOV

I woke this morning with a sense of hope. It was new and invigorating. As I sat up in bed, I tried to remember the last time I had felt this much hope for something. I struggled to come up with a time. Even prior to my parent's death, I didn't recall feeling this optimistic. Maybe when I'd gotten my license and asked my parents for a car. That teenage milestone paled in comparison to the mild tremors that were making my heart beat erratically ever since having looked into Bella's eyes.

I rose from my bed and made my way to the bathroom as I continued to ponder the mystery Bella presented to me. Could this be it? Could she be the one? Was I willing to put myself out there to see? Most importantly - could I get her to give it a try? This was uncharted territory for me. I'd never felt this way before about a woman, I had no idea where to start.

After I dressed and shaved, I went to the kitchen and decided to call Emmett. The phone only rang twice before his sleepy voice gruffly answered. "It's Sunday morning, dude. Really, is someone dead or dying, because if they're not, this is just rude." Still feeling high from my revelation, I openly chuckled at his retort. "Whoa…Edward…did you just chuckle? Okay, I'm awake. What's going on, did you dip into the hospital's narcotics cabinet? Do I need to call for an intervention? I think Esme and Carlisle are still in town."

Still laughing, I tried to calm him down. "Emmett, really. Do you think it's wise to answer your phone 'who's dead or dying?' when it's a doctor calling?"

Emmett started panicking now. "Not funny…nothing's wrong, right? This isn't a professional call, is it?"

I couldn't help but laugh. "I don't know Em. Could it be the laughing that gave it away? Really, wake up and call me back. I want to talk to you about last night."

I could hear Emmett shuffling the sheets in the background, "No, no, I'm good, really. What's up? Your cars in your spot."

I reached over to the closet to get my jacket and spare keys. "I'm sure it is. Can I pick you up? Breakfast on me. Your choice."

I heard him yawn as he replied, "Food? Yeah, I'm in. Rose has some brunch date or something so I'm free. Give me twenty. I need to shower and get dressed. I'll leave the door unlocked, just come in when you get here."

I walked out the door to the cold refreshing morning air, pulling my beanie on as I walked to my car. I paused just a second as I thought of taking the train; I wondered if she rode the train in the morning also? Now would not be the time to find out. I needed to get a few things straightened out in my head before my next meeting with Bella. And there would be another meeting. There had to be.

As I drove to Emmett's house, I thought again about the first time I'd seen Bella. Sitting alone on a train as the night passed her by. Staring blankly out a window into the passing lights, her gaze never leaving the mirrored window she looked through. I wondered what it was she was looking for. The loneliness I saw there could only be from lessons learned by Fates twisted hand. I knew how that hand liked to meddle and twist something that could be beautiful into something unrecognizable.

I knew firsthand the kinds of things that would put that look into one's eyes. I knew about loss and lessons learned, I knew about pain and loneliness. I found myself wishing I knew what put the shallow, lost emotion behind those pools of raw umber.

For just a minute last night, in the bar, I saw past the hurt, pain and loneliness in Bella's eyes. For one fleeting moment, I saw the sparks of hope. And by God, it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. Her face lightened and her eyes sparkled. The way her head tilted to the left when our eyes lingered over each other. Like a lost lover had suddenly come home, warm, soft, and enticing. Like the scent of apple pie baking, just inviting you in. I could almost imagine what she would look like if I were lucky enough to make her laugh.

I heard a horn blaring at me as I slammed my brakes on, realizing I'd just run through a stop sign. _Shit!_ I shook my head in realization that I had managed to drive half way to Emmett's without even knowing it.

"This is crazy."

If nothing else, I needed to figure this out so I could move on. I had never felt this distracted.

I was extra careful to pay attention to the road as I finished driving to Emmett's house and turned off my car. I picked the Sunday paper off of his porch as I opened the front door and let myself in. I hung my jacket in the hall closet and walked toward the kitchen as the scent of freshly brewed coffee drifted down the hallway.

As I turned the corner, I was met with a smiling, fully-dressed Rosalie. "Well, Edward, it's nice to see you. What's this, two days in a row? I'm thoroughly impressed. Keep this up and you just may need to move in!"

I shook my head and smiled as I took the cup of hot coffee from her extended hand. "Thanks, Rose. I'll be sure to not make a habit of it. I know how you and Em need your…erm…privacy?"

She laughed as she turned to the refrigerator, "No problem, Edward. It's nice to see you again. I was a little worried about you last night. You left the bar so quickly, was everything okay?"

I couldn't help but notice the slight intrigue in her voice as she pointed out my hasty retreat last night. Rose knew something. I was sure of it. "Yes, Rose, everything was fine. Headache, loud music. Just a full day. I needed some down time."

She turned toward me with mischief in her eyes as she reached over and grabbed my free hand. "I'm so happy to hear that. I'm glad you're good, because I have a huge favor I need to ask of you."

How did I know this was going somewhere? I couldn't help but snort. Favors and Rose usually meant something that would make even the most compromising human being uncomfortable. "Favor, huh? What, pray, tell would the favor be?"

She sat on the bar stool next to me. "Well, can I confide in you?" I nervously shook my head, silently dreading where this could lead me as she continued. "Well, look, I love Esme as much as my own mother, I really do. But, I'm feeling a little overwhelmed and a bit consumed by what she thinks mine and Emmett's wedding should be. I understand Em is her only child and all, and a part of me keeps wondering how much she wishes he were a girl so she could plan this whole shindig, but I only plan on doing this once and I want it to be everything _WE_ want it to be."

My brow was furrowed as I'm sure the confusion I was feeling had crept into my face. My head was starting to hurt. "Okay…" Rose looked at me and continued. "See, Esme's…style…and mine, well, they're just different. This Saturday just made Emmett and I realize that we're doing far too much to make everyone else happy and not us. So, I know this is short notice and all but, we've decided to work with this new wedding consulting firm that my friend Alice, from last night, is starting up."

I wrinkled up my face a bit as I tried to gauge where this was all coming from. I'd spent the whole day with Rose and Esme yesterday. I hadn't sensed any discord between the two of them. "Alice? The short, dark-haired, lady from last night right? Didn't you say she was some kind of photographer or something?"

Rose shook her head and her eyes lit up a bit. "Yes, that's her. You remembered her. That's great. Well, she's really brilliant and she's starting up this wedding consulting firm and we just hit it off so well that I'm giving her my wedding. I know she's going to make it the wedding of the decade."

I patted Rose's hand and shook my head slightly. "Okay Rose. I'm sure it will be great. But what do you need from me? This is all as clear as mud to me right now."

Emmett picked that moment to walk in the kitchen. He reached over and kissed Rosalie and patted me on the back as he walked to the coffee machine. "Did you tell him, Rosie?"

She smiled as she said, "Just getting there, Em. See Edward, since the wedding is so close and we're basically starting over from square one we need to recruit...well…help, I guess you could say. And, well, since I haven't really narrowed down my maid of honor and this is far too much to put on my bridesmaids, which by the way are all from out of town, that really just leaves you to help us out."

I continued shaking my head, looking from Emmett to Rose, "Mud, it's still all looking like mud to me."

Emmett sat down across from me and laughed. "Okay, here's the deal, Edward. This consultant, well, she's good and all. She has a partner, but this is a lot to undertake in the limited time we have. They're pooling their resources and we're, well, we're pooling ours. I'm going to need you to help out with locking things down. Venue, Music, some food tasting. Stuff like that. We're all going to be pulling overtime on this. I know you're really busy with the hospital and the bar, but I was hoping we could count on you to handle some of the previewing and help us narrow down our choices."

I let out a loud sigh. "Venues Em? What could I possibly know about wedding venues? It's not like this is my forte…in case you haven't noticed, I really think a wedding is the last thing on my to-do list these days."

Rose laughed a little and almost spit out her coffee. "We're not asking you to get married or anything, Edward. Just do some leg-work. You know us well enough to know what we'd like or not. Just give us an idea on what you think. We'll make the final decisions. I promise to work appointments around your hospital schedule. Anything you can do would help us so much. I'd be eternally grateful. Undying love and devotion, all that good stuff. Dinner twice a week kind of grateful."

I huffed at that one. Rose's cooking wasn't _that_ great. "Sure, whatever you guys need. You know I'll do what I can."

"Great!" Emmett proclaimed as he got up from his chair and walked over to Rose, kissing her lightly on the cheek. "I knew he'd come through for us, Rosie. I'm going to head out and get some food. I'll talk to you after your _meeting._"

She smiled and said, "Sure thing, Em. Love you. And Edward, thanks so much. Really, you can't know what this means to us."

I got up from my stool as Rose took my coffee cup from my hands. "Go, eat with Emmett. I hope you brought your money, the boy's a machine."

I patted my back pocket as I replied, "Yeah, I know."

As Emmett and I left the house, Emmett patted my shoulder. "Thanks, dude. I know this ain't exactly your deal, but I promise, it will be worth your while."

Emmett manhandled my radio the entire way to the diner we were going to. It was our favorite greasy spoon and we could eat all the bacon, sausage and eggs we wanted without anyone telling us we should try an egg white omelet instead. There are some food traditions that should just not be messed with.

Emmett was squirting ketchup and Tabasco onto his hash browns, as he seemed to remember it was me who called him to talk. "So, Edward, what'd you want to talk about? You said something about last night?"

I swallowed my toast as I looked up at him. "Yeah. I…well, something weird kinda happened last night and I wanted to just talk about it out loud. Make sure I'm not really losing it, ya know?"

He paused as he looked up at me and leaned back against the back of the vinyl bench, making it squeak slightly. "Carry on, my wayward son."

I snickered. "Smart ass. Anyway. I'm not sure where to start. It's all kind of surreal."

He leaned forward and poked his eggs with his fork. "I always find the beginning is the best place to start."

Now it was my turn to lean forward as the waitress came over and refilled our coffee mugs. "The beginning. Okay. Last week, there was this elderly man admitted onto my floor. Pneumonia, really advanced case. He was there with his wife. She never left his side. No matter what I said or offered, she refused to leave." I looked out the window as I remembered Tess's smiling face and the way Jessie would hold onto her hand. "They'd been married for fifty one years. Storybook kind of love, ya know. Well, long story short, he didn't make it. And it was shitty, dude. I mean, you could see it in her face. There was nowhere to go, nothing left. They were all they knew."

I turned back to Emmett as I saw the worried look on his face. I knew what he was thinking about, but I wasn't ready to go there. "I gave her time to be with him after he passed and before we took his body away. I wanted to give her time to make her peace, try to find her way, you know?" He nodded his head as he lowered his eyes and grabbed his coffee mug, just holding it between his hands. "Well, I sat in the hallway thinking about it. What do you do when everything you've ever known is just torn away?" I paused and Emmett looked up at me again, his worried eyes met mine.

I smiled a tight smile and continued. "Well, while I was sitting there brooding about all of this, Hope found me."

Emmett smiled a halfhearted smile at me. "Hope, the sick little girl you've been with for a while now, right?"

I smiled back, "Yeah, but never let her hear you say that. I'd give her odds in a fight against even you."

Emmett rolled his eyes, "ANY way…"

"Well, Hope came out and talked to me, and oddly enough made way too much sense and I ended up feeling a little better. Neither here nor there, but anyway, I went back in to help Tess start making arrangements when I found her." I turned to look back out over the scenery. The sun was shining through the trees of the park across the street. There was a couple walking up the path, hand-in-hand.

Emmett hesitated as he said, "Found her…" encouraging me to continue.

I turned back toward him and smiled. "She'd passed away. Holding his hand with her head resting on him in the bed. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Their love eclipsed death. It transcended everything physical, transcended life itself. And I began to wonder. Do you think it was like that for them, Em? Do you think they couldn't survive without each other? Because if that's the case, I get it. I know that I couldn't replace the one who died. I know the one who didn't die would never be the same. I could never fill that gap."

I swirled the saltshaker around as Emmett stared at me, not sure what to say, I was sure. "That's what I'm waiting for, Emmett. I know it's out there somewhere. I can't settle for less than everything. Really, I can't. I know you, Carlisle, and Esme worry. I know you think I'm broken. I don't think I am. I just…I want the beautiful."

Emmett shook his head, "I get that, Edward. I do. But the chances of beautiful just walking into your life without any work on your part aren't good. It takes _you _to participate. You need to live, you need to try. You've just existed for the last ten years, dude. And existing is no way to be. It will happen, but if you're not looking, it could just pass you by."

I nodded. "I know Em. I know. I think I'm ready to start living again. That's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about."

Emmett agreed, "Okay, what do you need?"

I pushed my plate away, no longer concerned with smoked pork and fried potatoes. "So, to carry on. After my patient and his wife died, I decided to take the train home. So…I get on the train and when I sit down I see this…this woman. And I don't know, but there's something about her that just makes me stare. Like I can't look away. Then, she gets up and leaves. I thought about going after her but, really? It was around midnight, and we were on an empty train, probably not the best option. So I try to put her out of my mind. But I can't. I keep seeing her face. Her eyes. They just…I can't get them out of my head."

I took a deep breath as I readied myself to continue to the difficult part. "Then, last night," I noticed Emmett sit up a little more in his seat as I pushed on. "As I took the stage, I looked out and there she was. Sitting with you. My heart just stopped. The crowd disappeared, and all I saw where those eyes. And God, Emmett, I swear, she looked down into the bottom of my soul. I could feel her like nothing I've ever felt before. Like a magnetic pull. I was just so drawn to her. I have no idea what it means, if anything. It's the craziest, scariest thing I've ever felt. I can't describe it."

I looked in Emmett's smiling, dimpled face and questioned, "Who is she?"

He reached over and took the leftover bacon off my plate as he replied. "Don't know much, I know her name is Bella. She's a friend of Alice and Jasper's; they were there last night too, in case you overlooked them. She's pretty reserved, although, she seemed to, well, let's just say, you weren't the only one who may have 'felt' something. Although I don't think she's the type to embrace those feelings. She's really kind of a loner, doesn't like to put herself out there. You guys seem to have a lot in common."

I couldn't help but lean forward as Emmett talked. "What do you mean? Do you know anything else about her? Did she say anything? Do you think I freaked her out or something? Why did she leave so suddenly?"

Emmett threw his hands up in surrender. "Whoa, Edward. I have no idea. All I know is her name, she's in some Masters program at CU, she's real shy and she seems to like your music. Seriously, are you interested in her? Because, you know, Jasper was a real cool dude. I like him. Very laid back, relaxed. And he's pretty tight with her so, you know, I'm sure we could always try and see if we can talk to him or set up some group thing? I don't know. God, this is freaky. I've never seen you like this. It's weird."

I sat back, exasperated. "I know. I can't explain it. I just want to know her. That's it. Nothing more. Just, maybe, be her friend."

Emmett snickered, "Friend…well, maybe we can do something about that. So, quick question for you. What's your schedule like for the next two weeks? I'm going to be needing that help with the wedding. I figure it would be easier to work around what you have available since it's short notice. Maybe we can work it out where you have a set day off for the next couple months so we can set up appointments and meetings."

I'm sure the confusion I was feeling was evident on my face as I responded to Emmett's odd change of conversation. "I have to work today at two o'clock. I'll check my schedule and text you later."

He smiled as he motioned for the waitress to bring the bill. "Cool. So, one more thing. Would you be terribly opposed to working with Alice or her partner on viewing the venues or bands or whatever else may come up?"

"No, I'm good with it. Whatever you guys need, I'll help out."

Emmett's face broke out in a smile and quite frankly, it kind of scared me. "Great. This is going to work out just great."

A/N: Thanks for reading! I'd love it if you left me a review! Have a great one!


	7. A Change

A/N: Happy MLK day for those of you in the States….as usual, I own nothing…most of it is still mortgaged.

Thanks to my two lovely and spectacular beta's withthevampsofcouse and VJGM. Thanks for keeping me focused and on track. I appreciate you both more than you can know!

I hope you enjoy the next chapter!

EPOV

I dropped Emmett off at his apartment and decided to head in a little early to the hospital. Sylvia had mentioned that Hope had regressed a little, and I wanted to stop by to see how she was.

I went into the on call room to change into scrubs and prepare for my twelve-hour shift. I managed to sneak past the nurse's desk without catching the eye or the wrath of Sylvia and headed down the hall toward Hope's room. I noticed her social worker exiting the room as I approached. The elderly lady looked worn and her hair was disheveled as she smiled curtly at me. "Doctor, how are you?"

I smiled in return. "I'm fine Mrs. Johnson, how are you?"

She took off her gloves and gown as I donned mine. "I'm okay; I've been better. Maybe you can answer my question. I'm trying to get an idea of Hope's condition. Every time I think she's getting better and that we can move her to a facility, she seems to get worse again. I'm beginning to think she's never going to be well enough to leave here."

I felt my eyes tighten as she broached the subject of Hope's demise. "I'm not sure what to tell you, Mrs. Johnson. Hope's condition is fragile and terminal. She's never going to really be well enough. Her condition is degenerative, progressively worsening. My concern is with making sure she's as healthy as she can be and, most importantly comfortable. If this is where she achieves that then this is where she should be."

She nodded and smiled a slightly tense, tight-lipped smile as she spoke. "I understand fully, Doctor. We want her to be comfortable. Thank you for your time." And she walked away.

I entered Hope's room to find her sitting up, listening to the iPod I'd given her for her birthday two months ago. "Well, if it isn't my favorite Doctor. How are you today, Dr. Edward?"

I sat on the edge of her bed, pulling one of the buds from her ear. "Ah, Hope, the light in my ever-dimming day. I'm spectacular, how are you?"

She snickered as she took the other bud from her ear. "I'm fan-tab-u-lous. Haven't you heard? The lovely Mrs. Johnson came by to tell me they're looking for a _facility_ to have me moved to. Looks like soon enough I'll be out of here and, well, for lack of a better term - out of your ever-so-persistently, unruly hair. Whatever will you do without me?"

I ran my hand through my hair, just to annoy her "Ah, my Hope…you'll be doing no such thing. They can't move you without your doctor's approval. And I, my dear, do not approve. If for no other reason than having you call me on my unrest and lackadaisical approach to life."

She smiled and shook her head at me. "Such big words from one whose life is so simplistic and rudimentary. Have you been stalking the word of the day again on the Google homepage, Edward?"

"You do realize I am a doctor, right, Hope? I did have to go through a few years of schooling. I'm not exactly a simpleton."

She tilted her head to the side and narrowed her eyes at me, "Not exactly…brilliant, yet simple. Coarse, yet refined. Aloof, yet entrenched. You are the ultimate enigma, Edward. To truly figure you out would be a goal worthy of Nobel attention. Can you imagine the accolades bestowed upon the one who finally cracks your impervious shell? We're talking Purple Heart kind of valor here."

I tsked at her as I put my stethoscope in my ears and listened to her lungs. "Got it all figured out, do ya? The enigma that is Edward Masen. There's the title to your bestselling book for you. 'A study in the social psychosis of the young and aspiring mind of a sleep-deprived, overly-committed physician of the twenty-first century.' You're sure to make the Times top ten list with that one."

She coughed. I worried.

I sat back at the foot of her bed as she attempted to catch her breath. "You really are a smart ass, you know."

I rolled my eyes at her. "Yes, I'm clearly the smart ass here, because you, you're the sweet innocent fourteen-year-old who does nothing to provoke such repartee. Clearly, I'm the one who provokes such scathing attacks on my character and extra curricular activities."

She quietly laughed as she simply stated, "You have no extra curricular activities, Edward. You have me and this place, and that's it. And that, my dear doctor, is why you're an ass."

I gave her a halfhearted smile as I inwardly acknowledged her judgment. She was right, like she all too often was.

But as her name implied, I now had hope. Hope of escaping the life in which I'd created. Hope that maybe she'd be there to see me crawl out from under the mess I'd gotten myself into and see that there was more than I'd allowed myself to be in the past ten years. Just…more.

She tilted her head at me and broke out into the smile that rarely graced her face. A true smile, not the condescending smart ass face she put on to make us all think her braver than I knew deep down she was. A smile whose place was amongst the angels. "Where were you just then, Edward? There's something different today. You look almost lighter. Did you kick someone's dog on the way in here, or what?"

I laughed loud and long. Shit. Sylvia probably heard that. "No, Hope. No dogs were injured on my way to work today. I'm just in a good mood. Is that not okay?"

She didn't look convinced but slightly smiled. "Nope" she slowly dragged out, popping the 'p' as she finished up. "Edward's never in a good mood. As a matter of fact, those two statements are antonyms. Edward – good mood…nope, doesn't work for me. Something's up…spill, good Doctor, or I'll rat you out to Sylvia. I know you're not supposed to be here for another hour…" She was reaching for the call button when I managed to wrangle it from her stronger-than-imagined finger tips.

As I thought about the fact that I was sitting here wrestling with a fourteen-year-old CF patient for a nurse's call button, I couldn't help but laugh at the oddness of this relationship. "God, you are an evil little pixie, aren't you. Seriously, nothing's up. I'm just in a good mood. Is there a crime against me being happy or something?"

She huffed a little as I pulled the call button to where I was on the bed. "You weren't here yesterday. Where'd you go? You do anything special? Find an old friend whose current profession falls into the criminal category? You're not doing drugs are you, 'cause I'm sure the medical board doesn't look lovingly on those types of indiscretions."

I crossed my hands over my chest and tried to look affronted. "No, no drugs, no illegal activities. I took the day off to spend with my cousin, Emmett, and his fiancée Rosalie. I'm the best man in his wedding and we were going over details like cake and tuxes, you know, boring wedding stuff."

Realizing too late the implication of my words, I watched as fleeting pain crossed her face and I swear I could see the light within her eyes dim just a little more. Wedding details. Hope wouldn't live long enough to find her one true one, she would never walk down an aisle in a white dress, and there would be no one waiting for her when she did finally cross the doors of the church; her down the aisle wouldn't be to give her heart to the one who made her whole. It would be to say goodbye to this hell she's called home. Shit.

She looked out the window, away from me. "That sounds like fun. Was it? What kind of cake did they decide on?" She tried to smile but the sadness I'd just brought upon her ripped at my chest. God, I'm such a dick.

"Um, I don't think they decided. But anyway, it was a long day and let's just say I'm relieved to be back here. With you. So, with that in mind. I'm here for the next twelve hours. Mrs. Johnson is gone, Sylvia doesn't know I'm here yet, I've effectively put my foot in my mouth and now I owe you one. So what will it be tonight? Jim Dandy? New Book? Pay-per-view?" If there's one thing Hope couldn't stand, it was people tap dancing around her inevitable conclusion. There was no babying her. She knew what she was up against and she didn't want to be treated like she didn't. But I'd fucked up. I didn't mean to, but I hit her pretty hard and now I'd have to find a way to make it up to her. It's what we did. We kept each other honest.

She turned back to me, tears threatening to spill over her long blonde ashes. "Pay-per-view? Nah…I'm thinking a little bit bigger than that. A wedding is a lot to try and atone for, Edward."

I grabbed her hand and squeezed it. "I'm sorry, Hope. I wasn't thinking."

She put her other hand on mine. "No biggie, Edward. It's not like I've never thought about it before."

We smiled at each other and her eyes lit up slightly. "I know what I want. I want to go outside. Just for a few minutes. The leaves are beautiful. I just want to smell them."

I narrowed my eyes are her. "Hope, that's a big one. You've been very sick lately. I don't know if that's such a good idea."

She looked aghast. "Dude, you just pulled the wedding card on me…do I not at least deserve a little walk outside? Come on, I'm dying already. I'll bundle up, the fresh air isn't going to kill me. I promise." She stared right at me with those big, blue eyes, oxygen tube in her nose, knowing I was going to cave.

"Fine, but you need to bundle up. And you're bringing a blanket. If Sylvia catches me, I'm good as dead." She bounced up and down on the bed. Finally I get a reaction out of her that's indicative of her age.

After Hope had bundled up and I had wrapped an extra blanket over her shoulders and draped one over her lap, I pushed her the long way, around the nurse's station, praying I wouldn't get caught.

We made it outside without incident and I pushed her chair over to a bench under a tree by the employee parking lot. She closed her eyes as she inhaled deeply and smiled. "I love the smell of fall. It's my favorite time of year."

I sat on the bench next to her as I checked her oxygen levels. "Yeah, mine too."

"This is something I miss," she stated as she waved her hand in front of her.

I raised my eyebrow at her and smiled. "What, the parking lot?"

She poked me in the arm, emphasizing each syllable. "Smart. Ass." She looked away from me as she continued, "The world. People moving, leaves blowing, the heat from the sun. Everything is just so stagnant in a hospital. Never changing. Always clean and sterile. Just existing. No feeling." She turned toward me in her chair as she pinned me with one of her glances that usually meant I was about to get lectured. "You, Edward, you're very much like the hospital. Stagnant, existing. But not today; today there's something different about you. I can't quite put my finger on it, but it's there. You don't have to tell me about it. As long as _you know_, whatever it was, it's a good thing. In all the time I've known you, I've never see you look like this. It's refreshing, like the sun hitting my face or the smell of the fall leaves swirling through the air. It's change. And it's good."

I stared at her for a moment as I tried to digest what she was saying. Had I really been that numb to the world around me? I guess I had. "You're really a scary little thing. You know that right?"

"So I've been told. Say what you will, but I know what I see. And you know what? It's pretty freaking cold out here. I think I'm ready to go back in."

I got up from the bench and checked her oxygen tank one last time. "Your wish, my command."

I managed to get Hope back into her room, none the wiser of our escape. I left her room and checked in right on time with Sylvia and the doctors whose shifts were ending. New patient in room 305, update on Hope, man in his early thirties in room 315 needed a consult with neurology. Check, check, check. Got it.

After I did my first rounds I went to the Doctor's lounge to check my schedule. I sent Emmett my hours for the next two weeks and told him to let me know what he needed.

He quickly texted me back,

_Thanks, you working the bar on Wednesday night? _

I replied,

_No, just the hospital until ten am but I'll need to sleep, why?_

A few minutes later my phone buzzed again.

_Rose has a new venue or two she wants to check into I was supposed to go with the wedding planner but I have a meeting I can't get out of. You up for the challenge?_

I texted him back,

_Sure, where and when?_

He replied,

_I'm going to give your number to Alice, she'll call you with the details. Bring a camera, call me when you're done so we can 'chat'. Emmett._

I shook my head, wondering what exactly it was that I was getting myself into. I finished up my night with nothing of consequence happening. Hope was off in dreamland, room 315 was cleared from neurology and would be discharged in the morning, 305 needed to be monitored but would be just fine and I was tired. Sylvia had left three hours ago, so I waved good-bye to Janet as I left the floor and took the elevator down to the ground floor.

I tightened my scarf and pulled my beanie on as I made my way to the train. Maybe I'd see her tonight. I wondered if she always rode the train I had gotten onto the other night. It was only ten thirty. Was I too early? Should I just wait? I let out a breath of air I didn't realize I had been holding as I bought a ticket to the train that would take me to my neighborhood.

I couldn't make it happen. I had hope, but more importantly, I had faith. I would see her again. I had to believe I would. I got on the train and took one glance around and realized she wasn't there. I sat down and looked out the window into the lights. I noticed the shadows of people passing. She was out there…somewhere in the night.

The train started moving and I heard a crash to my left as the woman next to me dropped her bag. As I turned to help her gather her things, I thought I caught a flash of mahogany hair and a bulky red scarf. I whipped my head back around as the train jerked to life but we had left the station.

It was her. I knew it was. I smiled as I realized, yet again, we'd passed in the night. It was meant to be, I just couldn't stop believing it was meant to happen.

A/N: thanks for reading. Leave me a note and let me know if you liked it! Feel free to stop over to twilighted…I do have a thread but it's pretty buried…I do go and check there if you want to stop by!


	8. Its All About the Venue

A/N: Well, this is what everyone has been asking for…I hope I do it justice.

As always I need to express thanks and gratitude to my beta's withthevampsofcourse and VJGM. Kristen so talked me through this as I was having total fail over…okay, I got em together…now I'm blocked…she talked me through it all and I'm eternally grateful! Hugs and kisses lovie, hugs and kisses.

BPOV

Seriously, I knew there was a perfectly good reason why I never wanted to get married. Anyone who went into this willingly was not only masochistic but borderline insane. Since agreeing to help Rose and Alice out, I had been inundated with text messages, emails, phone calls and the worst of the bunch, bridal magazines.

Truly, what's the difference between eggshell and white? And did people in the non-bridezilla world really care? God knows I didn't. But apparently, I needed to know these things.

My former sanctuary and hallowed ground, the library, had quickly become ground zero for the Hale / Cullen wedding. The countdown was T-minus six months, which was apparently not nearly enough time to plan this wedding to specifications. I put down the newest issues of _Brides_ to look at a few of the venues Rosalie had put back onto her list for consideration. This was item one on the Bella to-do list. Narrow down the field, first by general online search, ruling out locations that simply wouldn't suffice due to size. Second by actual visit, and said visits were supposed to start this Wednesday. Emmett was supposed to join me as we took a two hour drive to Elgin to check out this 'to die for' resort.

Spending a couple of hours in the car with _Edward's_ cousin wasn't high on my priority list. I hadn't seen him since the infamous night at the bar. Emmett had seen nice enough but the smile on his face as he introduced me to Edward made me think the less I saw of him, the better. Neither here nor there but, well, whatever, I had a to-do list to conquer.

Rose didn't seem to think anything of what happened at the bar. She'd made it clear that people trip over themselves all the time where Edward was concerned. I saw as much with my own eyes at the bar, with Teddy and Tanya. I'm sure I was nothing more than a fleeting blip on the Edward radar, one among many who seemed to lose control of their brain-mouth filter in his presence.

I was broken from my land of wallowing self pity as my phone vibrated in the pocket of my sweatshirt. I seriously cringed as I looked at the name on the screen. Rosalie. I sighed as I flipped the phone open and greeted her. "Hi Rose, how are you?"

"Oh, Bella. I'm great, how are you? Everything going okay on the venue front?" I clicked on the screen which showed Lord's Park Pavilion, which included a link to the address for MapQuest. "Yes, everything is on track. I've got an appointment with the wedding coordinator at six pm. I wanted to make it around the time of the reception to see how the lighting would be on their outdoor patio which is where most of the guests would be congregating after the services."

"Well, I guess you have thought of everything. See, you're just made for this kind of work, Bella. I never would have thought to ask about the lighting. I just know you're going to find the best venue for the wedding. So, details - Emmett will be ready to go around three thirty, since it's going to take you two hours, that will leave you a little wiggle room. You know, just in case. He's going to meet you at the commuter lot down on Vine. That way you can just jump in his car, and you'll have two hours to just get to know each other."

I grimaced. Two hours with Emmett. "Sounds great, Rose, really. I'm looking forward to it, but I think it'd be easier if he just picked me up at my place. I'm closer to the highway than the commuter lot. Let's save earth's finite resources."

She laughed lightly when she replied, "Sure, Bella, I'll have him pick you up at three thirty, then. I'll tell him to beep when he gets there. I'm so excited! I know this is going to be great. I gotta go. Alice is working with me on finding a good cake designer. I have a meeting in an hour. I'll talk to you soon."

As she hung up, I relaxed slightly. Cake designer? Note to self…seriously, never getting married. Ever.

I spent the last two hours looking through the list of venues Rose had emailed me. I ruled out three based on size and added two that were less known, but met all the specifications. All together I had six to look at, the best option being the pavilion, but the others were strong contenders as well. Since Elgin was the farthest from the city, I'd picked that one first. I'd schedule the other five for the next couple of weeks, depending on when Emmett would be available.

I looked over my list once more. Venue, music – before, during and after dinner, meet and select chef or caterer, transportation and resort arrangements for out-of-town guest. All in all, not too bad. I could handle this, if for no other reason than it totally occupied my brain, leaving little to no time for unwanted memories. I went straight home after locking up the library and did more research, making sure I'd looked over every available venue in the surrounding area.

The following night I locked up the library a little later than usual since I'd gotten lost in all the glory of ballrooms and verandas. I made my way to the train and contemplated just going home. I wasn't watching where I was going when I stumbled over a crack in the walkway and dropped the magazines I had been carrying. Mistake number one. I bent down to pick them up when I noticed my train pull into the station.

Oh hell, whatever. I'll just take the next one. I could use a little down time on the train before going home, just an hour or two. I approached the tracks as the train was taking off and I lifted my head to see a rush of bronze hair swiftly pass me by. The stranger turned as the train left the tracks and I couldn't make out his face. But the hair was unmistakable. I'd recognize that hair anywhere. It was Edward. My breath caught as I watched the train rocket away from me. I was somewhat relieved and I watched it coast out of sight. But yet, a small part of me was disheartened.

I boarded the next train and began the ritual that was my life. Tonight, though, my head was filled with other memories. Memories of a broken angel bearing his soul on a stage. Memories of the way in which he said my name. Memories suck, regardless of which batch of torture was on the menu, they all sucked. I was determined to forget about Edward as I huffed and flipped through _Modern Bride_ and scoffed at the articles containing fluff on acceptable wedding favors.

I got off the next stop on the train and waited for the next one that would bring me home. I boarded and made the short trip to my stop. As I walked to my apartment, I made myself a promise not to sit and dwell over the other night. So what, he was gorgeous and talent. So what, he spent his time saving people's lives. So what, he said my name with reverence, as if he'd been waiting to say it his entire life. So what? In the end it didn't matter. I was not a match to Edward. I was sitting at this table with a pair of two's and he was royal flush material. I had done nothing worthy enough in my life to allow me to be at the table in the company of aces. Edward was not for me, or I for him. This was nothing more than a good business opportunity for me and I was going to seize it. Edward or not.

I entered my apartment and noted I had messages on my machine. Nope, not tonight. There was a nice big glass of Merlot waiting with my name on it and a few more local magazines that needed to be read. I was thinking bubbles, hot water and lavender bath oils. That would work. I set out, my task at hand deciding for just a moment to revel in that of which was all girl. Planning a wedding. This could quite frankly be the best experience of my life.

I woke the next day with a slight headache and a pink sticky note stuck to my cheek. I stumbled out of bed noticing I'd slept late and had thirty minutes to get to class. I pulled my hair up into a messy ponytail and threw on some comfy jeans and a hoodie. I'd worry about changing when I got home for my appointment with Emmett.

The day went by in a haze. I hated waking up late; it made me feel like I was behind all day. I ran back into the house, dropped my book bag in the hall and started the shower before getting together a nicer outfit to wear to the Pavilion. I had less than an hour to get ready. For a girl like me, of little maintenance, I knew that wouldn't be a problem. Within forty minutes I was showered, dressed and had my hair blow-dried.

I went to the kitchen to find a snack and go over all the paperwork I had pulled together for picking the right venue. I had all the specifications Rose had requested that I go over with the planner, and I also remembered to bring my digital camera so I could take pictures. Things were going smoothly. Right at three thirty, I heard a beep outside the building. I looked out the window to see a shiny silver Volvo parked in front.

I never imagined Emmett driving a Volvo; he seemed more the SUV type. Whatever. I grabbed my jacket, my stack of papers and I locked the door. As I walked outside I noticed the wind had picked up. It almost felt as if it may snow. I walked down the stairs and opened the door, sliding into the seat grabbing my safety belt. "Hey, Emmett," I started. I turned to be greeted not by Emmett but by a very stunned-looking Edward instead.

Dead silence. My arm hung in the air holding the safety belt, eyes locked on the very eyes that had haunted my dreams for over a week. Slowly, his confusion turned into a crooked smile as he said, "Um, not Emmett." Three words…just three words and I could feel my chest constrict.

The blood rushed to my cheeks and colored my entire face. "Yeah, you don't really look like Emmett. Though I'm pretty sure I was supposed to be meeting him." Shock was slowly turning to anger.

_What the hell was this bullshit? _

I think he could sense my unrest as he turned to face me more. "Yeah, he had to go to a business meeting. He couldn't get out of it. He asked if I'd stand in for him. I guess it's my obligation seeing as I'm the best man and all. I hope you're not upset. I'm quite sure it wasn't intentional, but if you'd like to reschedule, I'm sure he'd understand."

I sighed, feeling slightly overwhelmed yet again. I knew the Pavilion didn't have another appointment until the end of November. There was no way the date would still be available by then. Could I handle this? Edward, in a car, with me, for two hours? Part of me was jumping at the opportunity; the other was assuring myself I'd never make it to the highway before I'd regret my decision. Well, I suppose if he didn't sing…or talk…or smile.

I shook my head at him and buckled my safety belt. "No, I'm good. Do you know where you're going?"

He smiled as he turned back in his seat. "Yep, I've got it all programmed into the GPS. It should take us two hours and seven minutes, to be exact. Are you all set?"

I lowered my head as I looked through the binder I had put all of my information in and whispered, "Not even close."

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch that."

I raised my head and looked at him. God. Is it possible to spend two hours in a car with someone and not look at them? "I'm good."

He smiled as he put the car in drive and pulled away from the curb. "Great, let's get going then."

Indeed…lets.

We were silent as we approached the highway onramp. He kept his eyes on the road and merged with traffic. Apparently not one for silence, he began talking to me. "I'm not sure if you remember or not, but I'm Edward. We met briefly the other night."

I kept my eyes focused on the brochure for the Pavilion as I replied, "I remember. Bella. In case _you_ don't remember."

I could feel his eyes as he looked at me. "Beautiful. I mean, your name, it means beautiful in Italian."

I rolled my eyes as I shielded my face with my hair. "Yeah, something like that."

He chuckled lightly as he continued. "I take it you're not fond of your name?"

_God, why must he talk? His voice was like velvet being tickled ever so gently on the delicate skin under my ear almost painfully pleasurable. _

I raised my face to look at him. "It's nothing against the name, that's just the most common pick-up line I hear when a guy finds out my name. No offense."

He laughed at me and said, "None taken. I can imagine a girl like you would hear that a lot."

I shifted my weight so I was facing him more directly. "A girl like me? And what kind of girl is that?"

He raised his hand and laughed softly. "Whoa there…I simply meant you are very attractive you're name is fitting of you." I crossed my arms over my chest and turned toward the window. "I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to offend you," he replied, the timber of his voice changing from one of jest to one of remorse.

I dropped my arms and let my posture relax. "No, I'm sorry. I'm a bit overwhelmed these days; I didn't mean to snap at you. Thank you. For the compliment, that is. Thanks."

He nodded his head, as he said, "No problem."

We lapsed into an awkward silence after that, he starting at the road and me thumbing indiscriminately through my newly dubbed "wedding binder". What were the odds this was a coincidence? I sat and seethed as I went over the week's events in my mind.

Could Alice, Rosalie and Emmett all be in cahoots to throw Edward and I back together? No. I mean, Rose had made it seem like my self-imposed streak of idiocy was nothing more than a normal female reaction to Edward. After all, I didn't even know why I reacted the way I had. It wasn't like I wanted anything from him. I was just…well…I don't know. Drawn to him? Or was it more drawn to the loneliness he exuded while on stage? Yeah, that had to be it. He just…I don't know, called out to me?

My mind raced with questions and accusations the entire two-hour ride. Not daring to look over at the beautiful enigma seated beside me, I kept focused on the glaringly boring white pages of someone else's dream. Someone else's happily ever after. The silence was deafening, punctuated only by the occasional computer voice directing us toward the beautiful Lord's Park Pavilion. After paying far too much attention to the different variations of chair coverings, I heard the voice of an angel break through my inner debate.

"I believe this is it."

I raised my eyes to see the beautiful footbridge leading over the lagoon. I replied, "I believe it is."

We parked and exited the car to be greeted by an elderly gentleman dressed formally in a suit. "Ms. Swan, I presume?"

I shifted my binder to my other hand and reached out to grasp the gentleman's hand. "Yes, and you're Mr. Peters, I assume."

He turned his gaze toward Edward as he nodded his head. "And you sir, must be the lucky groom?"

Edward reached one hand toward Mr. Peters as the other found its way into his disheveled hair. "Edward."

My brow creased as I noted he did not refute the groom charge. Edward looked to me and shrugged his shoulders with a slight smile dancing on his lips. I rolled my eyes at him.

Mr. Peters continued, unaffected by our silent conversation. "So, April 25th is the big day? I'm sure the office has already told you that this is the only day we have left open through June, correct? We did have a wedding booked but circumstances, better left undisclosed, caused the wedding to be, shall we say, postponed?"

We followed in silence as Mr. Peters directed us over the footbridge toward the house, pointing out various photo spots, which were used by prior brides and grooms. He asked how many guests we expected to which Edward surprisingly answered correctly. "Just under three hundred."

I guess he was a dedicated best man after all. Most grooms wouldn't know this level of detail, but apparently Edward had taken notice.

Mr. Peters continued, "Well, that's perfect as our facility can easily accommodate up to three hundred. Did you have a preference for a room or would you like to see both the indoor and outdoor options?"

Edward continued, "I think we'd better see both, just to get an idea. I believe the ceremony would be around this time of day. We'd like to get an idea of the outdoor setting, if that's okay." He turned to look at me and was met with what I was sure was a look of astonishment. "Bella, is that alright? Would you like to see something else instead?"

I shook my head at him and Mr. Peters who was now also staring at me. "No. You're right, the outdoor setting. I'd like to see that, if possible. Maybe take a couple of pictures."

I broke from his gaze to get my digital camera from my bag and followed closely behind Mr. Peters. He opened a pair of French doors to a beautiful English garden whose beauty could even be seen in the late fall months. I could only imagine it in early spring.

I started to take pictures of the grounds as Mr. Peters spoke up. "How about a picture with the two of you in it? Right here in front of the gazebo, which- by the time of the blessed event- will be crawling with red, pink, and white roses."

I began to protest as Edward grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the opening of the gazebo while passing Mr. Peters a camera he'd been holding in his hand. "I don't think this is such -"

Edward cut me off, whispering in my ear, "I'm sure Emmett and Rose would like to get an idea of what this would look like."

His words were lost on deaf ears. The tickling warmth of his breath sent shivers to the marrow of my bones. The deep timbre of his voice found its home in the very blood that flooded my cheeks as he stood facing me. I turned into him, feeling myself get lost in his scent and the warmth that came from his body in such close proximity to mine. A haze like I'd never experienced came over me as I looked up into his eyes where I was lost on a sea of green.

A sharp flash of blinding white light broke me from Edward's penetrating gaze as reality flooded in, and I pulled in air almost gasping, unaware that I had stopped breathing. I turned from Edward and placed a steadying hand on the gazebo column as Mr. Peters returned Edward's camera and commented on what a beautiful couple we were.

Edward smiled as he turned to me, "Bella, is there anything else you need to see?"

I looked away from him toward Mr. Peter. "No, I think I'm good. Can I call you this week with our decision?"

He smiled as he replied. "That would be fine. We do have another couple coming in next Sunday to look. If possible, I'd like to hear from you by then so we can save them the trip, should you decide the Pavilion suits your needs."

"I understand. That should be fine. Thank you for your time, Mr. Peters. Thank you very much."

He reached out and took Edward's hand as he replied. "Not a problem. It's always nice to work with such a wonderful couple. I hope to hear from you soon." And with that, he turned and left us standing in the English Garden, Edward smiling and me feeling confused and flustered.

"I think they'll love it," Edward said as he put his hand out, indicating I should head toward the car.

"Umhum, " was all I was capable of replying. I walked toward the car where Edward opened the door for me and I slid in, reaching for the seatbelt and clicking it shut. That was the oddest, most surreal experience I'd had in, well…forever, really.

Edward got in and started the car, the smooth hum of the engine the only sound we could hear. As he pulled out of the long driveway, he turned to me. "Do you mind if I put the radio on?"

I shook my head no as he asked, "Do you have a preference? What's your favorite channel?"

"I don't really listen to music," I replied. "It's not really my thing."

He laughed a soft, alluring laugh that made me look at his face once again. "Surely there's something you like. Anything at all?" Mesmerized by the way his eyes glinted, I softly muttered, "Not really." And even lower I barely whispered, "Until recently."

He turned to look at me, "Okay. Recently, what's caught your ear?"

I broke his gaze as I turned to face the window. "Nothing of consequence." The silence that followed was painful and sharp compared to the smooth lull of his voice filling the car.

Then ever-so-softly, as if an angel passed by, I heard him whisper. "Then let me enlighten you."

I took in a deep breath as his words washed down my spine and the hairs on my neck stood erect. I had to look at him. This was not want, but need. "Enlighten away."

He turned on the radio and pushed a button as the soft melodic notes of a saxophone filled the car. "This, Ms. Swan, is known as the Blues. Essentially the base of all good modern music and something everyone should hear at least once in their life. So, tell me, if you don't listen to music, what is it you do with yourself? What hides behind the silence that is Bella Swan?"

Grimacing slightly, I responded. "Nothing hides behind the silence. What you see is what you get." Hiding behind the silence was everything that would once again prove that I did not belong in the world Edward Masen lived in. I didn't belong in a nice, shiny Volvo with a beautiful man who had the voice of an angel and warm, whispering breaths that touched the very blackened soul that lived within me.

He slowed as he merged with traffic than turned slightly to face me. "Okay, what you see is what you get. Well, for the last two plus hours you've had your face hidden in that binder on your lap. Should that tell me something?"

I replied too suddenly, feeling slightly defensive. "I like to read."

He smiled again. "Okay. That's something. What do you like to read? Anything I'd know?"

I sighed, exasperated by the conversation already. "I don't know. I'm a lit major. I read a lot. Chances are, if you've read it, so have I."

He turned on the windshield wipers as it started to rain. "Alright, I think we're getting somewhere now. Let's see. My favorites," he slightly hummed as he thought. "How about this: 'He knew that she lived upon this and that her disease fed upon it; that it sent shudders of remembrance through her and that in the exhaustion which followed this turmoil of her dying senses, she slept deep and sweet and dreamed of youth and art and days in a certain old Florentine garden, and not of bitterness and death.'"

I closed my eyes as the passage I was all too familiar with filled me with dread. "A Death in the Desert - Willa Cather"

He smiled. "Very good."

"I live and die by the classics. Little can be found today that doesn't have some kind of roots in the classics."

He nodded his head as he pushed a button on the radio again. "Then you should accompany your reading with classical music. I think you'd find the same passion in the musical rendering of the time periods you enjoying reading. This, for instance, is Beethoven's Fifth Symphony. It's by far one of the most famous of all classical pieces, but few can delve deep enough into the movement to find the sense of longing Beethoven strived to embed in the music."

I closed my eyes as the sounds of the orchestra washed over me. "A critic once described this movement by saying, 'Only through this pain, which, while consuming but not destroying love, hope, and joy, tries to burst our breasts with a full-voiced general cry from all the passions, do we live on and are captivated beholders of the spirits.'"

I turned to look at him once again. It was as if he could read me, read my every weakness. He was either my demon or my soul's savior. I didn't know and was scared to find out. "It's beautiful."

He turned to look at me, staring straight into my eyes. "Yes, it most definitely is." I looked away.

We listened in silence as the piece ended and a lighter, more exuberant piece started. "So, Bella, how long have you been a wedding planner?"

I huffed, "Like, five days."

He chuckled. "Really? So, what is it you did prior to this? Besides go to school, that is?"

"I work at a library."

"Ah-ha, says the girl who loves to read. Now that sounds like the perfect job for you."

My turn to chuckle now. "Yeah, it fits its purpose. I never lack for reading material. It also gives me time to do homework, to research, to study. You know, all those school things. It's peaceful. I'm mostly left alone, so I get a lot done. How about you? I remember Emmett saying you were a doctor? But you also sing?"

He looked a little chagrined at my knowledge of his past times. "Yes, I am a doctor. I work over at Mercy Hospital. I also work at a small blues bar, just to pass the time."

I didn't know if I should tell him I'd seen him there or just let that one go by untouched. I went with passing by and just let him continue.

"You should stop by sometime, I can further enlighten your quest for musical awareness."

"Well, I'd say it's more your quest to enlighten me. I'm not so sure I'm actively seeking enlightenment here."

"We shall see. After all, I've got the next five and half months to show you the error of your ways."

That thought in and of itself scared me. Five and a half months of being around Edward. Five and a half months of this magnetic draw and the most soothing yet disturbing voice I'd ever heard. I wasn't so sure I could handle the implications of five and a half months.

We continued talking about nothing and yet everything. School, work, music, literature, the differences between eggshell and white or lack thereof. We didn't talk about the magnetic pull. We didn't talk of the electrical current I'm sure he could feel as plainly as I could. We didn't talk of the way his laugh would draw me in until I couldn't look away from him, the most beautiful soul I'd known since my mother. We didn't talk about the way he'd look at me and my heart would stop beating. We didn't talk about how one stare stopped me from thinking about anything except the deepest pools of jade I'd ever seen. And we didn't talk about the depths of hell I was sure I'd be plunged into when he realized the true monster that was sitting next to him in his shiny silver Volvo. We didn't talk about how I was sure this one drive was going to haunt me for the rest of my life as the angel passed me by and left me where I belonged.

For now I was with the angel. I felt more alive and vulnerable in these two hours than I had in the last ten years. And I couldn't think of what we didn't talk about. I didn't want to think, so I pushed those things aside and instead focused on the here and now as I was a captivated beholder of the spirit which was Edward. The fallen angel who was sent to capture my soul, sitting with me, in the front seat of a shiny silver Volvo.

Ending Note: Song for this chapter is below…not sure it will stay so I'm going to put it on my profile.

Please let me know what you think here…I hope I didn't disappoint.

Song: .com/watch?v=zhcR1ZS2hVo


	9. Car Rides and Libraries

A/N:

First off, I'd like to apologize for taking so long with this chapter. The flu has made a couple of rounds in my house and everyone has had at least one bout with it…some of us two. I myself was quarantined in my room for six days praying for death! So, it put a crimp in the writing schedule.

I can tell you though that I have chapter 10 just about done and ready to go to the beta. I'm hoping to have it up early next week if the lovely beta's can get to it. I will be going on vacation next week to meet up with Smellyia, siDEADde, and Emibella and I CAN NOT WAIT! I'm hoping to post before I leave because I'm sure I won't have access to the computer while I'm jetting across the country!

I'd like to thank my beta's withthevampsofcourse and VJGM for helping me get this chapter out and for correcting my run on sentences. They really deserve fresh baked cookies for helping me out and if I could air post them each a batch of Monster cookies…I would!

The song in this chapter is No Time to Look by Kate Walsh, it's fairly new and she's fairly unknown so believe it or not there are no youtube videos for the song! If I weren't so technology retarded I might actually be able to post one but…

EPOV

From the moment Bella entered my car, I didn't know if I wanted to call Emmett and promise him a lifetime of Sunday breakfasts in thanks or disown him entirely. I had to wonder just how much of this he'd planned knowing how I felt about my last encounter with Bella. Who, by the way, did not seem at all happy to be in a car with me for a two-hour drive. She actually seemed quite pissed off and I wondered yet again if I'd done something to offend her the other night.

I assured her I did in fact know where I was going and made my way to the highway. I decided to break the ice by re-introducing myself to her and she reciprocated. As if I would forget her name or the way her eyes looked as she watched me sing on stage. Her eyes starred in my every dream since Saturday night, and having her here in my car made those dreams seem trivial as I inhaled the scent that was simply Bella.

Fresh, crisp fall air mixed with the scent of freesia and warm honey. I had hoped her scent would attach itself to every surface in the car over the next four plus hours. Then I made the dumbest rookie mistake I could ever make. Granted, I didn't have much in the way of knowledge when it came to making small talk with females, but God. There had to be something better to say than "did you know your name means beautiful in Italian…" Color me stupid, and then take my crayon. Of course she'd heard this a million times before, she was beauty personified and I'm sure every male in a ten-mile radius had taken the opportunity to tell her just that. So much for originality, Masen.

The entire ride to Elgin from that point on was made in utter silence. Painfully numbing silence. I could hear her occasionally sigh and turn the page in the binder she kept her nose buried in. Her weight would slightly shift against the leather seats and her pen would randomly tap the page she was perusing. The warm air from the heating vents swirled her scent around the car. It was nearly overwhelming and the silence was killing me.

I began ten different conversations in my head but hadn't the nerve to actually articulate even one. I caught the sight of her out of the corner of my eye as she turned to face the window and we both listened as the GPS instructed me where to turn and when to do so.

As we approached the Lord's Park Pavilion I was relieved to escape the silence. We had traveled for nearly two hours in the same car together but seemingly miles apart. "I believe this is it." She looked up from her binder and toward the bridge that passed over the small lake in front of the building. "I believe it is."

As we exited the car, an elderly gentleman who introduced himself to Bella as Mr. Peters met us. He of course looked smitten and she seemed oblivious to it. He turned to face me and said, "And you, sir, must be the lucky groom?" I paused for a fraction of a second, wondering if I should correct him or not as I nervously ran my hand through my hair. "Edward."

I turned toward Bella who rolled her eyes at me as I shrugged. It couldn't hurt for him to think we were the couple getting married. No harm in letting him believe it, and it seemed to make him happy. Mr. Peters continued on with his speech about the facility and its availability as he asked how many people would be attending the wedding. Having just spent an entire day with Rosalie and Esme I knew they were expecting nearly 300 guests, so I answered for Bella, not sure if she had the same information I had been privy to. She looked astounded, as though I shouldn't know those types of things. This was the first wedding I was in, maybe I shouldn't?

As Mr. Peters continued, he asked about which rooms we'd like to see and I remembered Emmett asking me to take pictures of the gazebo for he and Rose to look at. As I asked to see the outdoor facility, Bella turned to stare at me and I had to wonder if I'd overstepped some unspoken boundary. "Bella, is that alright? Would you like to see something else instead?"

She slowly shook her head. "No. You're right, the outdoor setting. I'd like to see that, if possible. Maybe take a couple of pictures."

She turned from me to rummage through her bag and pulled out a digital camera. I smiled as I realized she'd probably been sent with the same instructions as me. Pictures…and lots of them. We were led out into a garden where there was a gazebo and what I could easily see were a multitude of plants that would blossom by the time the wedding came. The sun was just starting to set, and the backdrop couldn't be more perfect.

As Bella reached for her camera Mr. Peters spoke up. "How about a picture with the two of you in it? Right here in front of the gazebo, which- by the time of the blessed event- will be crawling with red, pink, and white roses."

She began to protest as, instinctually, and against my better judgment, my hand reached out to grab hers. I ever-so-slightly pulled her toward the opening of the gazebo while passing Mr. Peters the camera I'd been holding in my hand.

She began to protest, "I don't think this is such -"

I cut her off as I leaned to whisper in her ear, "I'm sure Emmett and Rose would like to get an idea of what this would look like." As I whispered in her ear, I was lost in the concentrated scent of Bella. It was all I could do to not rub my nose up the curve of her ear and bury it in the smooth mahogany waves that wound themselves around her soft neck and spiraled down her back. As if in a dream, I noticed Bella turn slightly toward me and slowly lift her face. Her beautiful brown eyes locked on mine. I noticed the slightest speckling of gold mixed in the burnt umber, which was surrounded with the longest, most bewildering black eye lashes I'd ever seen. My body was fighting itself and my desire to lean down to brush her lips with mine brought me back to reality with a blinding flash of light.

Bella turned away from me and Mr. Peters returned my camera; I asked if Bella wanted to see anything else. She turned from me and toward Mr. Peters as she continued talking about deadlines and calling with a commitment as soon as possible. I was awed at how well she handled herself and couldn't help the smile that broke out over my face.

As we walked to the car, I told her how much I thought Emmett and Rose would love the Pavilion. I opened the door for her this time, watching her get in as I slowly closed the door. I was determined that the ride home would be better than the one there. There was so much I needed to know about Bella. What was her favorite color? Where did she grow up? Everything…anything.

I started the car and decided on beginning with music. Everyone loved music, so I was sure we could connect on that one thing, if nothing else. "Do you mind if I put the radio on?" She shook her head no as I asked if she had a preference or a favorite genre. Then she responded with the most astonishing thing. "I don't really listen to music. It's not really my thing."

I couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of that statement. Who doesn't listen to music? It was everywhere. How could you avoid it? "Surely there's something you like. Anything at all?" Maybe she was just embarrassed by her musical taste? She very softly answered, "Not really." Then even quieter she murmured, "Until recently."

Almost unsure that she had said anything, I turned toward her and asked, "Okay, recently, what's caught your ear?" I noticed her cheeks blush as she turned away to face the window once again. "Nothing of consequence." I refused to let the silence that had filled the car on the ride to Elgin linger on the ride back. I couldn't face two more hours not hearing her voice, which was the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard. I could use her lack of knowledge to get her to open up. It was worth a try, anything was worth a try. I whispered, "Then let me enlighten you." It was more of a plea than a statement. I only hoped it didn't push her further away from me.

She took a deep breath as she ever-so-quietly responded, "Enlighten away."

I turned the radio on and pushed the preset button for my favorite Jazz station. "Let's start with the basics." I gave her my generic rundown of how the Blues were the basis for all modern music and took the opportunity to ask her something more personal. "What hides behind the silence that is Bella Swan?"

I noticed the expression on her face slightly change as she retorted, "Nothing hides behind the silence. What you see is what you get." I internally winced as I realized I'd obviously hit a nerve there. I cautiously continued, "Okay, what you see is what you get. Well, for the last two plus hours, you've had your face hidden in that binder on your lap. Should that tell me something?"

She replied quickly, "I like to read."

I smiled. Reading. I could do reading. Having spent twenty-one years of my life in some type of schooling, I was sure there would be something I may have read that she was familiar with. "Okay. That's something. What do you like to read? Anything I'd know?"

She sighed slightly again as she replied, "I don't know. I'm a lit major. I read a lot. Chances are, if you've read it, so have I."

"Alright, I think we're getting somewhere now. Let's see. My favorites," I hummed as I tried to think of something Bella would be familiar with. I doubted she read the typical girl type literature. Romance, fantasy, she seemed too refined for such simple reading. "How about this:" I fought to remember the exact quote I'd heard so long ago in my college class. I remembered the poignancy of the quote and how it seemed to sum up my life. "'He knew that she lived upon this and that her disease fed upon it; that it sent shudders of remembrance through her and that in the exhaustion which followed this turmoil of her dying senses, she slept deep and sweet and dreamed of youth and art and days in a certain old Florentine garden, and not of bitterness and death.'"

I turned to see her close her eyes as she softly whispered, "_A Death in the Desert -_ Willa Cather"

We now have something in common. I couldn't help but smile. "Very good."

We talked about her love of the classics; I had her listen to Beethoven and told her the classical genre would accompany her favorites very well. We listened in silence as the familiar concerto rang through the car. I chanced a glance at her as she sat in silence, soaking in the music. She told me it was beautiful and I turned to look directly into her eyes. "Yes. It most definitely is." But Beethoven was the furthest thing from my mind as our eyes locked once again.

I asked her how long she'd been a wedding planner to which she replied, "Like, five days." I was a bit shocked by that. She seemed so self-assured and organized. You'd think she'd been doing this for years. She confided that she worked at a library and kept company with the apparent one true love in her life. Her books. We talked about my job and me.

We discussed the pub and I encouraged her to come and visit me on behalf of her newfound musical enlightenment to which she replied, "Well, I'd say it's more your quest to enlighten me. I'm not so sure I'm actively seeking enlightenment here."

"We shall see. After all, I've got the next five-and-a-half months to show you the error of your ways." The thought exhilarated me. Five-and-a-half months to get to know Bella. To find out what made her tick, besides her books. To let her see inside of me.

I didn't know where these thoughts and feelings were coming from. I hadn't opened myself up in so long, and I wasn't sure I was capable of it anymore. But it all seemed so easy with her. I was laughing and talking and letting her see parts of myself that were usually reserved for Emmett, Carlisle or Esme only. It was scary and amazing and felt just so right.

But she appeared reluctant, almost hesitant. Like she was holding back, afraid. I recognized that look. I knew it too well. Bella was hiding from something. And from the look on her face, it was something big. I had until the wedding to try and break the hold it had on her. Five and a half months to try and get her to open up.

Emmett's words came back to me. _You feeling up to the challenge?_

For the first time in as long as I could remember, I was. I would meet this head on, because something inside of me told me she was worth it. She was worthy of the effort. It would all be worth it in the end.

We talked the whole way back to her apartment about everything and nothing all at the same time. Everything that seemed pertinent but nothing that let me know who she was or how she'd gotten to where she was. And in all fairness, we didn't really talk about anything relevant about me, either. We brushed the canvas with a base paint; we were nowhere near defining a shape yet. But we had a base. When we got to her apartment I was reluctant to let her go, but she thanked me for the ride and exited the car so quickly that I didn't have time to even ask her if she'd like to meet again.

I watched as she hurriedly walked to her door and closed it behind her. I waited a moment, and then drove away.

It's not as if I didn't know where she lived. I'm sure I could get her number from Emmett. My mind filled with possibilities of how or when we would meet again. As I parked my car, I felt my phone vibrate.

_New Text Message_ danced across the screen. I flipped the phone open to see I had a text from Emmett.

_Hey, how'd it go? What'd ya think? _

I smiled, noting the potential for double meaning he was intending. I tried to gauge if I was angry or elated as his attempted match making.

_Things went…pretty well. Just got home. Heading to bed. I don't have to be to the hospital until noon tomorrow, you want to do breakfast?_

Seconds went by before my phone vibrated again.

_Sure thing, same place, same time. I'm buying. _

As I entered my apartment, I realized just how tired I really was. I was exhausted yet elated. I began to go over my next steps in my head. I planned on telling Emmett that I would help with whatever he needed for this wedding. Hell, I'd get a license and officiate the thing if it meant I'd get to spend more time getting to know Bella. I wondered what else she was handling and decided to ask Emmett at breakfast tomorrow.

I was working a double tomorrow, which meant I wouldn't be home until Friday morning. I was beginning to formulate a plan. I'd have to think of something good; I wanted to go and visit her at work since her apartment felt just too personal for a visit at this point. But a library? That's a public place, and I was sure I was going to have to do some serious research in order to really help Rose and Emmett out. What better library to utilize than the one Bella worked at? We had a common goal; two minds are better than one, right?

How hard could it be to find out which library she worked at? Couldn't be that difficult right? I drifted off thinking of ways to approach her. I fell asleep with a smile in my face and beautiful brown eyes once again in my mind.

When I woke the next morning, I found that the same silly smile that had graced my face last night had yet to leave. I was anxious to meet with Emmett, so I hurriedly made my way to the diner and ordered coffee. Turned out Emmett wasn't nearly as excited as I was and didn't arrive until I was halfway through my second cup.

He smiled as he walked to the booth and dropped his hat and jacket into the seat. "Why Edward, you're quite the bright-eyed, bushy tailed, anxious little squirrel today, aren't you?"

I raised my eyebrows to him as I replied, "You know, you're lucky you own your own business. No employer would put up with your perpetual tardiness."

He smiled back at me and said, "Well my dear one, it just seems to benefit you as well that I own my own business so I can meet you in the middle of the week for these breakfast trysts we seem to be engaging in quite frequently. Don't let Rose know, she may get jealous."

He was now fully settled into the seat and the waitress was pouring him his regular cup of coffee. The grin had yet to leave his face. "So, Edward, tell me, what did you think of … the venue? Do you think it will meet our needs?"

I merely shook my head at him. "I really don't know if I should hug you or hit you. This little stunt of yours could have backfired seriously. Actually, you're kind of an ass for even putting me…us…into that position."

"Us, huh? Is there an 'us' to speak of?"

"No Emmett, no us. Well of course there's an 'us', but not in the sense that you're implying. But to say it was a bit awkward at first would be a mild understatement."

Emmett pushed his coffee aside as he leaned over the table and lowered his voice. "So, what'd you think? How'd it go?"

I decided to give him a little of his own medicine. "Oh, the place is beautiful. I think it will fit all your needs and then some. I suggest booking it."

He furrowed his brow and lowered his voice even more. "Edward, I could give a damn about the 'venue'. What happened with Bella? Stop jerking my chain."

I couldn't help but smile at the mention of her name as the images of her face flowed freely through my mind's eye. Emmett snickered. "Well, if that look is any indicator, I'd say things went well…"

I shook my head at him if only to try and clear my head. "Actually, they were awkward as hell most of the time, thank you very much. She actually seemed quite irritated that it was me and not you going with her. She didn't speak the entire way to Elgin."

Emmett winced as he sipped his coffee. "Well, that doesn't sound too good."

"No, it definitely wasn't good. The ride back though…that was much better." I smiled as I remembered our conversations and sipped my coffee.

"Better is good." Emmett responded.

The waitress came back and we ordered our regular breakfast as I continued to tell Emmett about the day. I told him how Mr. Peters assumed we were the couple getting married and how I had let him run with it. Emmett raised his eyebrows at that one as he said, "Well, that was risky."

I huffed. "I took a chance. It couldn't get much worse than the ride up there. Either way, she didn't object. I took it as a good sign."

I told him about our conversations on the way home and how she laughed when we talked about crazy brides and how she rested her head on the window when a particularly moving musical piece came on the radio. I told him how she bit her lip and scrunched up her forehead when she was mulling something over in her head. But most importantly, I told him how I'd never felt this much for a person before in my life.

"I've never been so drawn to someone like this before. I know I've only spent six hours with her, but in those six hours, everything shifted. I want to see her again. It's almost a need. She's so reluctant, but there were moments, in the car, there were moments when I saw her let her guard down. Whatever hurt her is big, it consumes her. I want to help her."

Emmett was looking at me intently. "What do you mean you want to help her? One minute you're talking about having feelings for her, the next you're talking about helping her? What's going on, Edward? Where are you heading with this?"

I shook my head. "I don't know, Emmett. I just can't explain it. I do have some kind of feelings for her. I close my eyes and I see her. I was so happy on the way back to Chicago. I haven't felt like that in so long I'd almost forgotten what it was like. And there were moments where she was happy, truly happy. But there were also more moments when she was guarded."

"Looks like you've got your work cut out for you."

I nodded and smiled. "I think I'm up for the challenge."

Emmett laughed and we continued to eat.

After breakfast, I went on to the hospital, looking forward to work. I went into the doctor's lounge with five minutes to dress and get out to the floor. As I approached the nurse's desk, Sylvia turned to greet me. "Well, Dr. Masen. You should take days off more frequently. Look at you, all refreshed and chipper."

"Sylvia. How are you today?"

"Well, I'm two hours into my second twelve hour shift this week. I have twenty-two people coming to my house in two weeks for Thanksgiving, and I have Ken's new turkey deep frying kit over my dining room. Other than that, I'm dandy. Have you ever deep-fried a turkey, Edward? I'm worried Ken's going to blow up my house."

"Um…no…I didn't even know you could deep fry a turkey, Sylvia. Have you checked the Internet? I'm sure you'll find something about deep-frying a turkey. Thanksgiving is really in two weeks? I hadn't realized it was so close."

She winked at me as she leaned closer. "Later tonight, you and me…we've got a date with the Internet. I'm on a mission to save my house. Never trust a man with an eighteen pound bird, five gallons of frying oil and a big silver pot with a flame under it."

I laughed as I said, "you've got it, dinner date? Okay, give me the rundown. Where is Dr. Williams? I'm relieving her."

She pointed me to where I'd find Dr. Williams and I went on my way. I checked in on Hope. She was asleep; she had a low-grade fever and had been sleeping a lot from what her charts said, so I didn't disturb her.

I'd decided that I wanted to get to know Bella more. I wanted to be part of her life. Now I had to find a way to see if she did or could feel the same way. I could find many reasons to see her if for nothing else the wedding. I knew I would have to take it slow and see if I could break through her walls piece by piece. I had this unshaken feeling that she was worth it. I knew where I could start; I knew she worked at the library, something casual. Maybe just bring her a coffee at work, bring up the wedding. Offer my help. How hard could it be to find out what library she worked at?

Later that evening, Sylvia and I took out dinner break together and went into the doctor's lounge to use the computer. Her to find out how to fry a turkey without burning your house down and me to find out where I could find the library. We learned you should never try to deep fry a turkey in a house…only outdoors and we'd also learned there were a crazy amount of libraries here in Chicago. Success for Sylvia, more research for me.

After Sylvia's shift ended, I noticed a light on in Hope's room. I cautiously opened the door in case she was a sleep. She was lying in her bed and it appeared she was struggling to breathe. I grabbed her chart and went in. "Hey kid. You've been pretty out of it. How are you feeling?"

She struggled to sit up. "I've had better days." I rested my hand on her shoulder, indicating she should remain laying down. "Don't try to get up. You have a fever and your body's working too hard as it is. Just rest."

She nodded and relaxed into the scratchy over-sanitized hospital sheet. "You busy?"

I sat down next to her while writing her vitals in her chart. "I'm never too busy for you." I smiled as she rolled her eyes at me. "What's up?"

She looked sullen and her pale skin looked gray. "Nothing, really. Just felt like talking. What are you doing for Thanksgiving?"

She didn't have the normal liveliness about her and she was worrying me. I brushed her hair out of her face. "You know, the usual. I'm working the early shift. Then I'm supposed to head out to my aunt's place in the suburbs."

She coughed and smirked at me. "You bringing pies back?"

I laughed, knowing where she was going with this. Every year, Esme sent me back to the hospital with pies for the staff that were working and the families who were forced to spend their holiday in a hospital. "Everyone deserves pie on Thanksgiving," she would say to me as she sent me and Emmett and I back to whatever hospital Carlisle was working at. With Christmas it was cookies, and with Easter it was her famous homemade cinnamon buns.

"Of course. Do you have a special request?"

I noticed her trying to make herself comfortable while exerting the least amount of energy. She looked so drained. "Well, last year I had that pumpkin pie and while it was good, I couldn't help but covet that last piece of chocolate pecan that Sylvia had."

I laughed at the evil look she had on her face as she talked of Sylvia's pie. "Chocolate pecan, huh? I think I can swing that one for you. It's one of my favorites also. You, me, and a piece of chocolate pecan pie."

She coughed again and I scowled. "You need to sleep, Hope. It's the only thing that's going to help this infection go away. Rest."

I couldn't help but notice the small gleam of fear in her eye. "I know. Sleep. You wanna turn that light off and put the smaller one on? I'm gonna listen to my iPod and just try to zone here. You around tomorrow?"

I clicked off the overhead light, noticing how in the dimmer warm glow of the night-light she looked like such a little girl. A scared and lonely little girl. "Yeah. You get to see my ugly mug until Friday morning. I won't be far, I promise."

She nodded her head as she put the buds to her iPod in her ears. "Cool. Don't forget about me, kay?" I noticed her eyes glistening as she turned toward the window, peering into the darkness. "Not possible, kid. Get some sleep. I'll be back to check on you later."

I walked to the door and turned to look at her once more. Her eyes were closed and I could vaguely hear Kate Walsh coming from the iPod as Hope tried to tune out the world.

So don't mind if I'm leaving early  
I don't think we've much left to learn  
I'll close the door quietly, no one will know I was here  
So let's just get down to work  
Believing is starting to hurt  
So I'll count the castles, you will get stuck in my heart

I watched as this mere child faced the world alone and she did it with courage, honesty and a bravery I couldn't fathom. I'd spent the last ten years of my existence hiding from life. Watching as it all passed me by. I was done living in the shadows, done wasting time. Hope had once again shown me how my plan was flawed-no one was an island. We all needed someone to depend on. I was it for her and I would be damned if I let her down.

E/N:

Thanks for taking time out of your life to read my little diddy. I appreciate your time! I'd love it even more if you'd push that little button down yonder and leave me a little review!

Thanks! T


	10. Pie's and Promises

A/N: Okay…so really, I have millions of reasons and no good excuse. Real life hit like a raging tornado. I went on vacation with some very lovely ladies to the city of Chicago…went to a piano bar and had a spectacular time. But Real life decided to throw some wrenches into the mix. We had a death in the family; my daughter got bit by a dog and life just did a tailspin. It took longer than I wanted for the chapter to get finished.

So, I'm very, very sorry. If you've decided to stick with me I hope the following chapter is a reward for you. It's my longest yet, 7,500 words! 19 pages in Word! A lot happens in this chapter and I hope you all like it as much as I do.

Now, onto my accolades for those who are much better than me. VJGM, seriously, thanks for leading me down the right path. Hope you're enjoying your time off! And withthevampsofcourse…could I do this without you? Um…that would be a big fat NO! I wish all of you could all see the beta'd chapter back from Kristen…well, actually I don't 'cuz, well, it's just embarrassing! I'm a comma abuser…I need a license to use a comma and the run on's, I know…I know. I'd be willing to put a pie on the line that she's probably never done another chapter with so many comments…If I paid her I'd be needing to give her a raise. A lot of this chapter came from a late night chat with Kristen when I was stuck with Bella and Edward in the car…I was stuck, and from that the seeds of this chapter were born…something about Edward and a scarf and the wind…

Well, I won't give anymore away of the chapter. I hope you enjoy!

Twilight = SM brain child…not mine…Edward = her guilty pleasure, Bella = living vicariously through your characters is acceptable right?

* * *

BPOV

On Thursday morning, I woke up feeling as if sleep had evaded me. I was restless all night, reliving the conversations I'd had with Edward on our long drive back into the city. He was talented and giving, humble and beautiful. The kind of Prince Charming all girls dreamt about growing up. I couldn't help but acknowledge the feelings that over came me on our drive back. It was enlightening, and I clung to the sound of his laugh as we debated classical literature and he questioned what he saw as a hopeless romantic streak in my reading preferences.

I went to class, and then went to seek sanctuary in my favorite coffee shop across from campus. It was there that Jasper found me engrossed in my novel and enjoying a large, steaming cup of tea. "Well, Ms. Bella, fancy meeting you here."

"Why, Jasper, what a lovely surprise. Please tell me you're alone." I laughed as my eyes strained to see around him, looking for the shorthaired pixie that was usually in tow.

He sat down and removed his gloves as he chuckled. "Bella, are you hiding out?"

I put my book down and pulled my knees up under my legs while grabbing my tea. "Absolutely. And if you tell either Alice or Rosalie where I am, I will disown you and tell everyone you wear confederate flag boxers."

He nearly choked on his coffee as he swiftly replied, "And how would you know about my preference for Southern undergarments?"

I snickered. "I didn't but your reaction clearly shows I'm onto something!"

He raised his hands as he said, "Alright, I get it, you're hiding out. Care to tell me why?"

I sighed and took a sip of my tea. "I'm not really hiding out, just looking for some reprieve. Used to be, when I went to work, I had time to just read and do whatever. But now I spend all my time researching wedding venues and music choices. My safe haven has been corrupted. Hence my new hide out." I put my tea back down and swept my hand out in front of me indicating he should look at our surroundings. "This place isn't suave enough for Rose so no need to worry about her finding me. I rarely see Alice without you, and you tend to stick out in a crowd. I could'a made it out the back door before you saw me if I was trying hard enough."

He raised his eyebrows as he tipped his cup and smiled at me. "Not a bad plan, Swan. So, are you regretting this whole thing yet?"

I thought about it before I answered. "No. No regrets. It's taken some adjustment, but believe it or not, I actually kind of like it. I know…quick, take my temperature. I'm not exactly the wedding type, but it's been…fun. I like Rose. She's very no-nonsense. And you know I like Alice. As long as I can keep her out of my closet, I like her even more."

Jasper looked speculative. "Wow. I never thought I'd see the day where you expanded your little self-constructed circle. I'm proud of you."

I could feel the blush as it crept up my face and engulfed my cheeks. I nearly whispered as I replied to him. "I'm trying."

He reached out and squeezed my knee. "I know you are. And I think it's great. They seem like really good people, Bella. I like them a lot. I'm so happy you're giving them a chance. You really need to come out of this shell you've locked yourself it. And Bella, they seem safe. They genuinely like you."

I smiled as I thought about all that had already changed in the last couple weeks. I did feel safe with them. I enjoyed their company. Maybe it was time to try.

"So, tell me. What do you think of Emmett? I've talked to him on the phone a couple of times, but I've never actually met him. Well, except at the bar that night, if you want to count that."

Jasper leaned back and laughed, rather loudly. "Emmett. Well, let's see. There is a man who enjoys life to the fullest. He's a lot of fun but smart and witty. He's a very genuine and honest person. Alice and I have gone out with him and Rose a couple of times. It was…enjoyable."

I snickered, "Yeah, I can see that. I only met him that one time. You know…when I spazzed out on everyone. But he did seem like a lot of fun."

I noticed Jasper had furrowed his brow. "You didn't spaz out, Bella. It's really no big deal. I doubt anyone even remembers."

I looked away. "Yeah. So, what do you know about Edward?"

The tell tale look on Jasper's face discouraged eye contact. "Edward? Emmett's cousin, right? The one from the bar?"

I nodded my head, barely raising my eyes to see him looking at me with a slight grin. "Well, I know that he's a doctor and he apparently also works at a piano bluesy-type bar. I know he and Emmett are close, more like brothers than cousins. He lived with Emmett and his parents for nearly ten years after his parents passed away."

I lifted my head when he mentioned Edward's parents had passed away. "His parents are gone?" I felt the familiar gnawing pain in the center of my chest.

He nodded. "Yeah, they died in a car crash. A drunk driver hit them head-on when returning home from a conference of some kind. Edward was seventeen when they died, so he lived with Emmett and his parents."

I noticed he paused but still seemed to have more to say. "Why do you ask?"

I sat up straighter on the couch as I turned my body more toward Jasper. I wasn't going to hide from this. "Well, Emmett had a business meeting yesterday and Edward went with me to check out this venue for the wedding. He seemed…nice enough. I just wasn't sure if you knew anything else about him."

Jasper's head was tilted slightly to the side as he looked at me, searching for something I'm quite sure he wasn't going to find. "That's about all I know. What did you think of him?"

I took a deep breath and sighed as I looked at Jasper. "I…I…I liked him."

Jasper took his mug off the table and sat back in the large overstuffed chair he was sitting in. "Well, that's a start."

Friday came and I didn't have any classes, but I did have a large project I needed to finish before I went to work. I was working the closing shift and knew there was the potential for a busy night since we were getting close to the end of the semester. Students always tend to put off their end-of-semester projects to the last possible moment then crash the library looking for someone to help them pull resources and gather data. That someone most always turned out to be me.

So, I stayed home, put the finished touches on my project and decided to take a nice, long bath before going into work. Before I got into the bubbles, I had a fleeting thought. It might be nice to listen to some music while I soaked in the tub.

I couldn't help but chuckle at myself as I realized one two-hour car ride had piqued my curiosity in music, alas, I had no radio.

I sat in the bubbles and began reading an old faithful Classic as the song from Edwards's car played in my mind. Beethoven really was a beautiful composer. Maybe there was something to this musical enlightenment. I chuckled once again, realizing I was losing my mind.

I had been correct about the library. When I clocked in, I noticed nearly all the tables were full. People were fluttering between the computers and the bookshelves, searching for texts. I had hoped to spend some time calling around about the last three venue choices I had pulled together and maybe make some appointments.

Rose had texted me, asking if I thought it would be possible to pull some research together on music options. She wasn't sure which way she wanted to go, but she did know that she wanted some kind of quartet or something to play while dinner was being served. She couldn't decide on either a band or a DJ for the post-dinner celebration, so she wanted me to check out both options. She'd sent me the names of a few DJ's she'd heard about and three local bands that were coming highly recommended.

I took what spare time I could find to make some phone calls. Two of the three venues were not available on the date of the wedding. The last one was local to downtown Chicago. They had a smaller site available, but they didn't seem too confident that they could accommodate the size of the wedding. I decided to take a look at the venue and make the decision for myself. Rose had found two others that she liked, so as it stood she had three to pick from, including Lord's Pavilion.

I decided to work on setting up appointments with the potential musicians on another day, but did look for websites for the bands that she had expressed interest in. Her number one choice actually had a gig coming up in early January down in Milwaukee. It seemed like that was the first opportunity I'd have to see them in the coming months. That might be doable.

I had to wonder how I was going to be a fair judge of what was good or not in this case. I wasn't lying when I said I had never really been interested in music. Maybe this was something that would be better handled by Edward. I'd have to bring that up with Rose to see if she would prefer he handle this instead of me.

The night flew by and before I knew it, I was locking up. I heard someone yelling for me to wait as I finished locking the door. I yelled over my shoulder to the person flying up the stairs. "I'm sorry, sir. We're closed for the evening." I continued as I turned, "You can return tomorrow at eight am."

I turned and there was Edward, bent over grasping his knees, trying to catch his breath. "Edward?"

He lifted his head, still struggling to breathe. "Bella?"

I reached over to grab the strap of my bag as it was starting to slip down my arm. "Um, yeah?"

He started to stand up and I noticed the rips in the knees of his jeans. I felt a flutter in the pit of my stomach as I saw the white button down shirt he had on underneath the black leather jacket. The wind was blowing his hair and his cheeks were flushed as he stood to his full height, regaining control of his breath.

"Jesus Lord," he gasped, "is there a _specific_ reason…you decided to work…at _the_ most…_obscure_ library in all of Chicago?"

As he bent back over he shook his head, he seemed a bit irritated with me, in turn slightly pissing me off. "I beg your pardon?"

He continued without pause. "Do you have…any idea…how many _libraries_ there are in Chicago?"

I was puzzled by his question. "Well…" He seemed to be getting his breath back now.

He cut me off, "Let's just say I stopped looking after about sixty. And City of Chicago public libraries? Yeah. There are over twenty of those. You couldn't work at a central public library or anything; you have to work at the University of Illinois library. Well, that's what I'm assuming, anyway, since you're locking the door at nine-thirty at night. Out of the way and secluded. Which, can I tell you, simply means 'harder to find' than the regular, more _normal_ public library."

I was confounded at his rant. "Edward, what the hell are you talking about?"

He sighed loudly as his shoulders slumped and he closed his eyes. "I just spent the last five hours going to every library in a twenty mile radius of downtown Chicago trying to find you. And of course, when I finally do, you're leaving."

I tied the ends of my scarf around my neck and narrowed my eyes at him. "Well, I'm sorry, Edward. Sorry that my place of employment isn't up to your standards." I huffed as I walked right past him and down the stairs, heading for the sidewalk.

I noticed the wind was picking up as I rushed down the stairs. I gasped as I felt a hand grasp my shoulder. "Wait, Bella, I'm sorry." I whipped around to face him and the wind took my scarf, slapping him in the face. He batted it away, more frustrated than he had been moments before.

"My God! Can this go any worse? I just wanted to take you to coffee. You're supposed to go and have coffee with me."

His frustration had spread to me now. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Edward. None at all."

He sighed again, deflated. "Coffee. Bella, would you like to go and have a cup of coffee with me?"

I crossed my arms over my chest. The wind was blowing, and I was upset that through all of this, I couldn't help noticing how gorgeous he looked. The wind blew though his hair taking it in even more directions than it normally sat. His green scarf seemed to make his eyes even more alluring than usual. "I don't drink coffee."

He tilted his head up toward the sky and shook his head.

"But I do drink tea." I quickly replied, before he had a chance to say anything else. "I suppose you can drink your coffee and I can drink my tea."

He lowered his eyes to mine and had a beautiful crooked grin plastered on his face. "Tea it is, then."

I turned away from him and stomped down the steps, crossing the road to the diner whose neon lighting always said "Open 24 hours".

I didn't look over my shoulder to see if he followed, but I felt him rush past me to open the door to the diner. The bell on the door dinged as it closed behind Edward. There was a sign that said, "Please seat yourself."

Edward led me to an empty table toward the back of the diner and we sat down without speaking to each other. A waitress came and handed us menus, saying, "Be back in a minute, 'kay hon?"

Edward nodded and thanked her. He turned to me as he placed his menu on the glossy green table. "Bella, I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you like that. I was just feeling frustrated and overwhelmed. I really didn't mean to take it out on you. Let me make it up to you."

I shook my head. "Apology accepted. And there's no need to make it up to me. Really."

"No, please, I insist. Let me buy you a piece of pie. It seems like they have quite the assortment."

"Pie? Sure. You can buy me a piece of pie." I laughed at his form of penance.

He grinned at me and I noticed his nose was still slightly red. The waitress returned to take our drink order. Edward indicated for me to go first and I ordered a hot cocoa with whipped cream. He then told the waitress to make it two. He asked her about their selection of pies, and she gave him a smaller paper menu with the day's selections.

As she turned away, Edward laid the list in front of me. "So, what will it be?"

"Just apple for me."

He looked up from the menu with a smirk on his face. "Just apple? Where's your sense of adventure? There's got to be ten different types of pie on here."

I shook my head no. "I only ever eat apple."

Edward put the menu down as the waitress returned. "Are you ready to order yet?"

We responded simultaneously.

"Yes."

"No."

The waitress laughed, saying she'd give us a couple more minutes.

Edward chuckled and shook his head at me. "So, you only ever eat apple pie? Have you tried any other kinds?"

I lowered my eyes. "Yeah, I've had one other kind…some kind of rhubarb pie or something." My stomach turned as I remembered meeting Ryleigh. Jake and I decided to have a few friends over our apartment when he started college. She came with a friend of a friend, and she brought rhubarb pie and left with my world.

"It was…less than desirable."

Edward's keen eyes must have noticed the grimace on my face as he picked up the menu again. "Okay, so one bad pie experience and all attempts go by the way side? Surely you're not that stubborn."

"I'm not stubborn." I snapped at him. He raised an eyebrow and put his hand out as if to indicate my reaction was proof of said stubbornness.

"I'm just…it's just…apple holds a special place in my heart, okay. It's the only pie my mother could ever figure out how to make."

He lowered his head slightly as he responded. "Well, I can understand that. I guess that's why I like so many different kinds. My mother was the baker extraordinaire. She loved to experiment in the kitchen and for the holidays she would make everyone his or her favorites. It's kind of a family thing. Esme does something very similar."

I found myself staring at his expression as he talked of his mother. His face had an angelic and peaceful look to it. I'd never seen this serene look on his face before, it was alluring, the warmth from his mother's kitchen emanating from his memories and out of his smile. I responded in kind and smiled, asking him to explain.

"Well, see, each holiday had something special - side dishes, salads, but most importantly, dessert. For Thanksgiving, she would make at least six different pies, old standards and some of her own creation. No one left the table unsatisfied. Needless to say, over the years I've had quite a few different kinds of pie. Still to this day a good piece of pie reminds me of Elizabeth Masen."

I smiled at Edward. "She sounds like she was wonderful, Edward."

He nodded his head. "Yes, she was. Now how about you, how did you go so many years with just Apple pie?"

I laughed while playing with the empty cup on the table. "Well, Renee wasn't domestic at all. In fact, at a very young age I started 'helping' her cook in the kitchen. She detested all things domestic. She took a cooking class once and she stayed long enough to learn how to make apple pie. It almost became a staple in our house."

Edward lightly laughed while I kept my eyes averted. "I remember coming home and the house smelled of baking apples and cinnamon. In Washington, it's always dreary, nothing like coming home to the scent of warm apples." I felt the tears building up in my eyes as I slowly let images of Renee fill my head, dancing in the kitchen, covered in flour, trying to peel an apple in one shot.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, not knowing if it were to Edward, Renee or myself.

"Hey," Edward said. He reached his hand out, as if to cover mine. I pulled away and he placed his hand on the table. "These are good memories. Never shed a tear over a good memory."

I nodded my head to him, refusing to let more tears fall. I smiled as I lifted my head and tried to take the focus off me. "So, Edward, what's your favorite?"

He leaned himself back onto the vinyl-covered bench and shrugged his shoulders. "Oh, my dear Bella, there are far too many to narrow it down to just one. Which, you know what? That's what we're going to do."

I noticed a mischievous glint in his eye as he called the waitress back over to us. "Y'all set, honey?"

He responded cheerily as he grabbed the pie menu from the napkin holder. "Yes, I believe we are. We would like two cups of hot chocolate with whipped cream, a piece of apple pie and a piece each of chocolate pecan, pumpkin, lemon meringue, blueberry, and oh yes, banana cream pie."

She looked as astounded as I'm sure I did. "You want one of each?"

He simply nodded. "Yes, please."

As she turned to walk away I looked back toward Edward. "Edward, you can't possibly eat five pieces of pie! That's just crazy; it's after ten o'clock at night."

He laughed at me - an honest, refreshing laugh. Not filled with pretense and nonsense, just a full-hearted laugh. "Well, technically, I _could_ eat five pieces of pie. I'm a grown man. You'd be surprised at the amount of food I could consume. But for tonight's lesson, no, I will not be eating five pieces of pie."

I wasn't sure where he was going with this but I felt compelled to play along with him. "Tonight's lesson?"

He smiled that crooked little grin at me and I felt the blood rushing to my cheeks. "Well, Bella. I get the sense that you're a woman of routine. You strike me as someone who doesn't really venture outside your box very often. I think it's a personal challenge to me – to get you to open up, see more of the world around you. Tonight, we start with pie."

I raised my eyebrows as I looked over the table at him. He returned my gaze with a cocked eyebrow of his own. "_I_ will not be eating five pieces of pie; _we_ will be eating five pieces of pie, together. Unless, of course, you're willing to share your apple, in which case we'll share six."

I looked at him skeptically. I wasn't quite sure what to make of Edward Masen, but I was enjoying him for the time being.

"Okay, I'll make a deal with you," he continued. "If you don't find at least one kind of pie that you like, in addition to the apple, then I'll stop trying to get you to try new things. But if you do, then you'll need to humor me next time."

I wrinkled my nose at him, trying to decide if I wanted to play along with his game. Then I thought of Jasper and our talk. I figured Edward was the kind of person I could be a friend with. Maybe it was worth a try.

"Deal."

Our waitress returned to our table with our drinks and six plates of pie. She looked a bit perplexed as she laid out the smorgasbord of pie.

Edward was smiling as he picked up a fork. "And so we begin."

He waved his fork through the air, pausing over differing slices of pie. He reached across the table and pushed my piece of apple off to the side. "That one is on an as needed basis. Emergency reserve so to say."

I huffed and crossed my arms over my chest. He smiled as he looked at me. "Don't worry, it's not going anywhere. Let's start with…ah…the…blueberry. It's similar to the apple in that it's a fruit pie." He pushed the plate across the table until it lay squarely in the middle, meeting me half way. I slowly reached for my fork, hesitant to dig into the purple goo that was resting between the two slightly golden pieces of crust.

I looked from the pie to Edward's face. "It's purple." I sliced my fork through the tip of the triangular piece of compromise that Edward had laid between the two of us. I exhaled loudly as I looked longingly toward my ever-so-familiar piece of apple pie, mocking me from its location between the napkin holder and his cup of cocoa, daring me to prove him right.

Edward reached over the other plates to cut off a piece with his fork. "Purple, indigo, irrelevant. It's the taste that matters." I watched as he put the piece of pie in his mouth and moaned.

I lifted one eyebrow at him while still holding my fork inches from my face. "Should I leave you and the blueberry alone?"

I watched as his jaw flexed and his eyes drifted open. "You're procrastinating, Bella. I'm sorry, did you say you were or were not stubborn? Eat the pie already. It won't kill you, I promise." He cut off another piece of the pie and slowly started to bring his fork toward my mouth.

My lips began to part of their own volition. I shook my head and raised my own fork with the purple goo and smiled sarcastically at him. "Got it, Mrs. Fields." My fork slowly passed my lips as I closed them, hesitantly tasting the blueberry pie. Edward looked at me expectantly as I chewed the pie. "Well, it isn't apple. But it's definitely better than Rhubarb."

Edward cleaned his fork off then took a sip of his cocoa. "It's not as sweet as apple, but it does have it's a certain…quality…to it. Blueberry is Carlisle's favorite; he says the texture of a blueberry pie is like life. Smooth and silky with enough bumps to make you notice."

I quietly chuckled as I watched him look from piece to piece before deciding to push the blueberry aside and drag a piece of pumpkin pie to the middle of the table. I tipped my head at him shaking it slightly. "Pumpkin?"

He nodded and pushed the pie closer to me. "Probably the second most favored pie in America. I'm not quite sure how one goes through life having never tasted a piece of pumpkin pie. It's a Thanksgiving necessity."

I felt the blush slowly heat my cheeks. "Can I be honest with you?"

He nodded as he put his fork down. "Of course."

I looked away from him and toward the orange pie in front of us. "It always kinda scared me. I mean…first and foremost, it's _orange_. Aesthetically speaking, who would want to put something brownish orange into their mouth that just weeks before sat on their front porch with scary faces carved into it? I could never get past the Halloween stigma of the pumpkin. Micheal Meyers, Pumpkin Head, Ichabod Crane. Pumpkin never equated to something I wanted to stick in my mouth."

I looked up when I heard nothing in reply. Edward's shoulder was shaking as he held in what I'm sure would have been a boisterous laugh had he not been so focused on raising my ire.

"I'm sorry," he quietly chuckled. "That's just, I don't know, the cutest thing I've ever heard."

I was offended. "You're a jerk. I've never told anyone that before. And you laugh?" He tried to stop, but his shoulder gave him away. All of a sudden, I realized just how stupid it really did sound. I rolled my eyes and tried to look annoyed, but I couldn't help it. I started to laugh, too. "It's not funny."

He laughed out loud again. "Clearly." Our combined laughter tapered off as I looked directly into his jade and jaded eyes. He gave me the grin I recognized from our car ride, and I had to look away. "It's okay, Bella. We'll do this together." He reached across the table and slowly picked my fork up, handing it to me while he grabbed his own.

He dug into the pie and I paused slightly before slicing a small piece off. He smiled as he looked from me to my fork. "You ready? On the count of three; one…two…three." We stuck our forks in our mouths. And the pie was amazing. I could taste cinnamon and nutmeg and just a hint of vanilla. The pumpkin was excellent and I was taken aback at how much I really liked the pie. "Oh my God."

Edward's eyes were scanning my face as I continued to chew the pie. "That's really good." He broke out in the biggest smile I'd ever seen on him. And it was beautiful. His eyes where shining with pride as he slowly said, "I believe I just won the bet."

I huffed and simply replied, "Whatever," As I reached over and stabbed another fork full of pie.

He grabbed the plate of pie off the table and pulled it toward his chest. "Hey, hey now. You have three more pieces to try. No filling up on the pumpkin."

I leaned over the table, trying to reach the pie that he was now holding hostage. "But it's so good." I tried in vain to reach the pie as he lifted it further from me. "Yes, it is. And it will still be here after I've further succeeded in widening your pie horizons."

I huffed as I sat against the back of my vinyl-covered booth. "Now you're just hoarding the pie, Edward. Pie hoarder… what, is that your favorite or something? Not willing to share?"

He pulled the pie further from me as he chuckled. "No, it's not my favorite. But I'd be willing to bet if I let you, you'd eat this pie and not touch any of the others, so I'm removing the temptation from the table. Three more to go, then I'll leave you and your newfound love alone if you'd like."

I leaned back to my side of the table. "Fine. So which one's your favorite?"

He shook his head as he placed the pie farther away from me. "You'll find out when you get there."

He slowly moved the pie pieces around on the table. "I have the greatest memories of pumpkin pie. It was my father's favorite. My mother would make it at least once a month. You know how you were talking about the smell of apple pie cooking? Well, I can tell you, pumpkin pie cooking is the biggest rival for apple. The house fills with the scent of cinnamon and nutmeg. It really brings back memories for me."

He smiled, as he looked over my shoulder at nothing, at memories of his past. He slowly turned his head toward me. "It's Esme's favorite, too, but she doesn't make it quite as often as my mother did. I'm glad you like it."

He slowly pushed the lemon meringue toward the middle of the table. "Now this…this is Rosalie's favorite. It's dense but fluffy, both sweet and tart at the same time."

I nearly snorted. From what I knew of Rosalie, I'd say her pie was representative of her. "How appropriate." I plunged my fork into the pie, a little more willing to experiment than I had been. Edward smiled at my enthusiasm while taking a bit for him.

I swallowed the pie and contemplated my opinion. "Sweet and tart. Not too bad. I'd give it a three out of five. I wouldn't actively seek it out, but I wouldn't kick it out of my bed, either."

Edward choked on his pie. He coughed than replied, "I can live with that."

I watched as he pushed the banana cream pie toward me. I didn't hesitate this time as I reached over, scooping out a hunk of pie heading to delicately shovel it into my mouth. Edward reached over and grabbed my hand. I felt electricity surge up my arm and settle somewhere in the middle of my chest and he quickly pulled his hand from mine.

"I'm sorry." He continued to look into my eyes and I was torn between looking away and leaning closer. "You may want to drink something before going from lemon to banana; I'm not so sure they mix very well."

I stared at him and he lowered his head, pushing a blueberry around on the plate of the half eaten piece of blue goop. Had he felt that electricity?

I put my fork down and reached for my cocoa. Taking a long sip, I noticed the whipped cream was melting and fleetingly thought it represented my time with Edward.

Wonderful, sweet and light, but always fleeting. Melting to nothing. I shook my head to dislodge the thoughts from settling.

I'm not going to do this now. I'm going to have a good time, damn it. I will enjoy this. I'm sitting at a table with a gorgeous man, sharing plates of pie. I'm not going to hide from this.

_Outside the box, Bella. Outside the box._

"Okay. Cocoa and Banana? Not many other combinations I think work as well. Am I free to widen my pie horizon yet again?"

He slightly shook his head as his eyes once again met mine. The crooked grin I found myself craving lit his face up like stars on a moonless night. Radiant.

I picked up my banana-covered fork and Edward picked up his now covered in blueberry one. I sucked in a quietly desperate breath as he lifted the pie to his face, and closed his lips around the heaping pile of blueberry. He dragged the fork out slowly, his lips pursed tightly around the tines. I was mesmerized by the blink-and-you-miss-it flash of his pink tongue, barely parting his lips to lick off the faint traces of blueberry, sugar and crust from his bottom lip. It lasted all of two seconds, but my mind drew it out over and over again. _Oh…damn, that was hot._ He really liked his blueberry pie.

I shook my head at myself and lifted my fork. "To bananas and chocolate?"

He tapped his now clean fork to mine. "Bananas and chocolate."

"Oh my God…" I breathed, savoring the silkiness of the banana filling. It contrasted well with the crunchy graham. My eyes closed as I pondered the two textures and flavors. "Mmmmmm, this is so good."

I opened my eyes and found Edward frozen, his fork paused in front of his mouth. He was staring at me, his jade eyes darkened with an emotion I couldn't quite identify. His mouth was slightly agape. "I'm glad you like it. You seem to be enjoying it immensely."

Once again, I felt my face flush, as I'm sure the blush overtook my pale complexion. "I'm sorry! I just never knew what I was missing. Things like this should be advertised."

He laughed, "Well, it's not a national secret or anything, Bella. It's pie. Sold in every grocery store and most diners. Perhaps you just weren't open to trying a new flavor so you over looked it…?" He raised an eyebrow at me, questioning rather than stating.

He seemed nervous, as if he were testing the waters. His words seemed to have double meaning and they took up residence in a corner of my brain that I kept locked away. The locked corner where Hope resided.

Hope was a small skeleton of what she had once been, hidden from the light of day. Left to dwindle and fade amidst the mangled metal of a fateful car ride. She had no place in my life now. She'd betrayed me so often in the past. I was safest when she was hidden deep within the confines I'd placed her.

She rattled her locked cage.

I felt my brow crinkle as I gazed into Edward's beautiful questioning eyes. He seemed so full of hope. So much more open than the man I'd first seen on stage that night. Less broken. I envied him. I envied this hope.

The cage rattled again.

I felt a constriction around my heart as my lips pulled into a tight-lipped smile.

Hope.

Jasper's words from yesterday rang through my head. _"Well, that's a start."_

"So, whose favorite is this one?"

I suddenly noticed I felt nervous, almost shaky. "Banana cream is Emmett's favorite. I always tell him it's a girly pie, and he frequently reminds me it's a comedic pie. You know, the one that always ends up getting shoved in some poor, unsuspecting sucker's face. Humor and food, add sex, and you've covered all of Emmett's bases."

I laughed, "From what I've heard of Emmett, I guess I can understand that. Well, it's good nonetheless. I'd dare say better than the pumpkin." He tilted his head with mock amazement as I hesitated. "So, last but not least?" I motioned to the last slice of pie in front of Edward.

"Ah, the best for last, well, as far as I'm concerned, anyway." I watched as he moved all the other slices to the side and put the last piece of pie right in the middle of the table between us.

"This, my Bella, is Chocolate Pecan pie."

My Bella…

I felt my heart slightly flutter.

I watched as he wiped off his fork with precision and cut a small piece off. He slowly lifted the fork to my mouth and without thinking, without registering a single thought, I leaned in and he placed the fork on my tongue.

I couldn't help the moan that escaped as he slowly pulled the fork from my mouth. The saltiness of the pecans with the sweetness of the chocolate exploded in my mouth.

Edward smiled as he watched me eat the pie. "The perfect balance of chocolate and nuts. This pie, this one, covers all of _my _bases. Texture, taste, balance."

I slowly chewed the little slice of heaven in my mouth trying to avoid the embarrassment of another moan, "Wow."

His eyes were fixed on my lips, which he corrected quickly by shifting to my eyes. "Wow? Somehow I expected more from a literary major. But wow will do."

"Yeah. Just…wow." I reached for another piece with my fork and he took a bite of his own. "So, Ms. 'I Only Eat Apple'. Has this been a successful experiment in the way of pie?"

I hated admitting defeat. I really did, but since I just moaned over pecans and chocolate, I had no other option. "Yes, Mr. Masen, you were successful. You win the right to pester me into trying _select_ new things."

He leaned back, chewing on his pie with a mischievous glint in his eyes. "I don't recall placing any limitations on this. Did I miss something?"

"Limits, Edward. Everyone has limits." Yes, we did. There were certain things that just couldn't be done. Shouldn't be done. Everyone had to know their limits, how far they were willing to go.

Edward waved his hand in front of me. "Hey, where'd you go there?"

I shook my head and smiled. "Nowhere. So, tell me. What do you know about musical quartets?"

I pushed aside the chocolate pie and reached for my familiar slice of apple. Digging into it, I couldn't help but compare my familiar slice of regular to the offerings in front of me. So varied, so different, all offering something slightly original. But apple - apple was familiar. I understood the apple, it comforted me. I noticed Edward looking at me, puzzled, as I ate my pie.

"Musical quartets, huh? I know of a few good ones. Why?"

I swallowed then answered him, waving my fork in the air. "The wedding, of course. Apparently, Rosalie wants a few different types of music for the wedding. And we've already established I'm a bit musically challenged."

He shrugged, "I can help. What do you need?"

I shook my head at him, grabbing another piece of the familiar. "I can handle it. If you could just give me some names, I can take it from there."

"Well, why don't you start by telling me what you're looking for?"

I pushed my pie aside. I'd had far too much pie in the last forty minutes. "Well, she wants a quartet during dinner, then an alternating live band and DJ for dancing."

Edward snickered at me. "And they choose the musically challenged one to handle these details? Seriously, you need me. Let me help you with this."

"You really don't have to, Edward. I know you're busy."

"Bella, I know I don't have to. I'd like to. And I'm not that busy. I can fit it in."

I was reluctant to let him help me. That meant more time I'd have to spend with him. I could feel myself getting pulled in. While one half of my brain rejoiced in this idea, the other half rebelled. _Outside the box, Bella._

I sighed in resignation. "Okay."

He smiled, "Great. Actually, I'm working at this bar tomorrow. It's called _Shady Ransom_, it's down on West Hubbard…"

"I know where it is," I quickly spat out before I could stop myself. Damn word vomit. _Shit_.

"You do? Well, great. I work there sometimes. Not a lot, just a few nights a week, I play piano. I'll be there tomorrow night, and there will be a few other guys there. I think we can come up with some good suggestions for bands and a quartet. Why don't you come down?"

I returned his excited face with one of reservation. What if the bartender remembered me? Did I really want Edward to know I'd seem him before I'd actually met him? My mind was reeling with the possibilities of how bad this could go. "Um…I…don't…"

"Why don't you bring Jasper and Alice? Maybe Rose and Emmett could come and hang out; that way Rose can give us more instructions on what she's looking for."

I paused; I needed to think this through.

"Come on, Bella. Just a bunch of friends hanging out, nothing more."

It was futile to try and fight this. He was going to win; it was the pies all over again, victory implicit in his eyes. And I couldn't look away. I heard the cage in my head rattle once again. I sighed. "Sure, I'll see if Jasper and Alice can come. What time?"

His returning smile was breathtaking. I hoped I wouldn't regret this. "How about nine? That way, you can get a table before it gets busy."

"Okay, nine it is. Speaking of which - it's really late, I hate to cut this 'learning experience' short and all, but I have a bunch of things to do tomorrow. I have to check out this one last place that's local for the wedding, so I'm going to have to call it a night."

Edward reached into his jacket pocket and placed a small, wrapped object on the table. "I have something for you."

I pushed it back toward him. "I don't do presents, Edward. Really. I don't compromise on that one."

He pushed it back. "It's not a present, it's an educational tool. And I believe that tonight I've earned the right to give educational tools. Would you be happier if it wasn't wrapped? 'Cause I can unwrap it, removing the illusion of a 'gift'."

He started pulling the paper and revealed a CD. "Two purposes. One, to expand your musical horizons. Two, to accompany your reading. These are period pieces that will line up with Austen's writings. You can listen to them while you read. It will give you an idea of what they were listening to."

I could feel tears start to pool in my eyes. "Edward. I can't."

"Come on, Bella. No strings, really. Just a tool."

I managed to keep the tears at bay. "No really, I can't. I don't own a CD player. Remember…musically challenged. I never had a need to get one. I don't listen to music."

He placed the CD in my hand. "I can remedy that. I have a really old CD player; it's nearly an antique. I was putting it aside to donate. I'll give it to you instead. It's ugly, but it works."

"I don't know, Edward. I really…"

"It's a learning tool, Bella. I don't use it anyway. Okay, how about this. I'll loan it to you. If you decide you like listening to the CDs I give you, then you can go and buy your own and give that one back to me. I'll donate it when you're through."

I closed my hand around the case, looking through the clear cover. Edward had written on the CD, 'Music Enlightenment, Lesson One, period pieces'. He had such elegant script, nothing like I'd expect from a doctor. I ran my hand over the cover.

_Balance._

"Thank you." It wasn't nearly enough, but it was all I could come up with. _Thank you…_

Hope was there again, rattling that decrepit cage in the back of my head. Determined to break free. I wasn't sure I could keep her locked away. I heard her sigh; she wasn't giving up. She wasn't going to remain silent anymore.

* * *

End Note:

So, what'd you think? Was it worth the wait? I hope so! Again, sorry for the wait, I'll try to not make you wait that long again…


	11. I Was Broken

A/N: So…the Easter bunny has come to visit and this is what he left you! An update! It seems as if each chapter gets a little longer than the last.

There are a whole lot of songs referenced in this chapter and they are all on my profile. Please check them out.

This chapter was pretty fun to write. See, it was never meant to happen…totally not in my outline. Edward went and invited Bella to the bar and she said yes. Didn't have that planned, but apparently Edward wanted to lighten things up a bit, which I think this chapter does. It's fun or at least I think it's fun. I hope you like it.

As always thanks to my awesome beta's VJGM and withthevampsofcourse. They are both talented beyond reason and make me sound much more eloquent that I am.

The regular still applies…I do not own Twilight or any of the characters depicted. I just own this little diddy's plot line and Hope…I totally own Hope…

Have a happy holiday!

EPOV

I watched as Bella ran her hand over the jewel case I slid to the middle of the table. A million emotions crossed her face as she pulled her fingers across the words I'd written on the CD. I saw fear and tension evident in her furrowed brow. Beyond the fear, I saw resolution, and possibly hope.

"Thank you," I heard her barely whisper.

Sensing the change in her mood, I knew I needed to pull her out of wherever it was she was now lost to.

"Hey, you got a cell phone?"

She looked up from the case to me. "Um, yeah."

I extended my hand across the table to her. "Can I see it?" She looked at me skeptically. "You're going to need my number if we're going to work together on the music."

She continued to stare at me. "Or, if you prefer, I could just come back to the library."

She shook her head. "No, sorry. Here's my phone. Go ahead and put your number in it." She slid the phone across the table to me then began digging through the messenger bag she had next to her.

I snapped a quick picture with her phone and entered my cell phone, work phone, and email address. Hell, if I'd had a fax number, I probably would have entered that, too. I closed the phone and pushed it back toward her.

I noticed she had taken money out of her bag. "Bella, please. I asked you to coffee."

She nodded and slid the money under the plate of banana cream pie. "Yep. You did. And, I think I just gave you the run down on gifts and me. I don't bend. I'm paying my half."

I pushed the money back toward her. "Well, technically, if that's how you feel, you should only pay for the apple pie since the rest were mine."

She pushed it back and set the plate on top of it. "Not bending on this one, Edward. This is me, take it or leave it."

I rolled my eyes. "Stubborn. If I looked up that word in the dictionary, it would have your picture next to it."

She feigned offense as she replied. "Hey, I tried your pie. Give a little, get a little."

I smiled, shaking my head. "I'll let you win this time."

We both stood from the table and I dropped some more money down. I watched Bella walking away, adjusting her scarf as she put her messenger bag over her head.

I noticed the wind had picked up since we entered the diner and the air almost smelled of snow. I looked up to the sky as I heard Bella ask, "So you really went to all those libraries today?"

She sounded so timid. Recalling the absolute insanity of my stalker-like tendencies, I laughed. "Yeah…you have no idea…"

I reached into my coat pocket to pull out my black beanie. I lowered my head, still not meeting her eyes. I can only imagine what she must have thought of me. Pulling my hat on, I heard her whisper, "Why?"

I lifted my eyes. She was staring straight through me. She looked lost and scared. I never wanted to evoke those feelings from her. I had the urge to reach out and brush the hair that was whipping across her cheek behind her ear. She focused on me more intently, urging me to answer her honestly.

"Well, I wanted to give you the CD and see if you needed any help with the wedding. But after the third library, it pretty much became a mission. A personal challenge, of sorts." I smiled and stuffed my hands into my jacket. I heard Esme in my mind, "_idle hands are the devil's workshop."_

I noticed that Bella tended to furrow her brow when she had something pertinent to say. "Yeah, well. I'm sorry. I was kind of bitchy to you. After what did you say, twenty libraries, you deserved a little more than me snapping at you."

I saw no need to add to my stalker image by telling her that the twenty libraries were only the public ones. "No problem. I was the one who snapped at you first. Andto set the record straight, I think that this library fits you."

She tightened her scarf as the wind blew her hair every which way. My hands flexed in my pockets. "Fits me?" She started to walk down the sidewalk.

I fell in step with her, knowing our time was short. "Yeah, it's secluded. You really have to look to find it." She looked at me, confusion apparent on her face. "But it's personable; when you look at it from the outside, it looks warm and inviting, like you just know when you get inside you're going to find treasure. A wealth of…okay, really, I'm not a stalker."

She laughed at my poor attempt at self-preservation. I glanced sideways at her and decided I needed to make her do that more often. The world should not be devoid of that laugh; lit up the moonless night.

"I'm not worried, Edward. Now, let's say a pie mysteriously ends up on my doorstep…then I may have cause for a restraining order."

I took my hand out of my pocket to look at my watch. "Wow, it's really late. I have my car, would you like a ride home?"

She only hesitated a few seconds before responding, "Well, I was going to take the train, but…sure."

We walked in silence to my car. I turned off the alarm and opened the door for her. She smiled as she got in. The ride to her apartment was too short, the conversation too little. Before I knew it, we were outside her apartment door. She opened the door before I could turn the engine off. But she hesitated. She turned to face me with a thoughtful look on her face. "Thank you, Edward. For everything. The pie, the CD, just…everything. Thank you."

Then she was gone. I watched as she jogged to her door and punched in the security code. She closed the door and I could still smell her perfume lingering in air. I shook myself from a Bella-induced stupor as I watched her silhouette pass by the window. _God, I am a stalker__._

I pulled away from Bella's apartment and headed home. I drove slower than I could ever recall driving through the streets of Chicago. After I parked, I sent Emmett a text message.

I need a favor, call me tomorrow.

I closed the door to my apartment but didn't turn the lights on. The drapes covering the window were open and the streetlights cast an eerie glow over the piano in the living room. I heard the composition I'd been working on complete itself in my head. I sat on the black lacquered bench and softly stroked the keys, listening as the notes reverberated off the closed lid. The song had completed itself and words started to come to me.

I caressed the keys as words started to fill my mind. Grabbing the stubby pencil that was wedged in a stack of clean sheet music, I started putting words down to match the notes scribbled on my latest work.

The night passed without repose. I scribbled the words as fast as they came from my head, playing with the bridge. Pulling the words into the music, infusing them with the melody. Telling the story I was ready to tell. Needed to tell.

The next thing I knew, dawn was breaking through the moonless night. I lifted my head as the sun was bursting free of the clouds. I stood to look out the window. The city was still asleep, the streets empty but the light began to infuse everything with life.

I sat and watched as the streets filled with people ready to face a new day. I thought of Hope. She was always up early. She said she loved watching a new day being ushered in. Pushing past the night and finding itself again. She said every morning brought the opportunity to start anew. I smiled, lost in thought.

I heard the vibration of my cell phone on top of the piano. I walked over, looking again at the music lying atop the closed lid. I picked up the phone, knowing who it was before I answered.

"Good morning, Emmett."

"Edward. What can I do for you?"

I sat on the piano bench as I gently stroked the keys. "Are you and Rose busy tonight?"

"Well, it's Saturday night, and I am with one of the most beautiful women in Chicago who just so happens to thoroughly enjoy being shown off. So I'm sure I have something worth doing. Why?"

"Um, I invited Bella to come to _Shady's_ tonight and she seemed hesitant so I told her she could invite Alice and Jasper and I'd invite you and Rose. To talk about the wedding and stuff…"

Emmett interrupted, "Well, I guess that's something worthy of doing. Are you playing tonight?"

I stopped playing with the keys and looked at the music. "Yeah. It's a working night for me. But there are going to be a few other guys there; it's Saturday, we should be busy. I'll get a lot of breaks."

"What time?"

I stared at the words on the paper, the words I had written and my mind drifted. I tried to see her watching me as I put the words to paper; would she turn and run again? "I told her to be there by nine so she could get a table."

The line went silent. "Hey, you okay Edward? You sound kind of out of it."

I brought my attention back to the phone call. "No, I'm fine. I just haven't slept. I was working on something last night. I'm gonna pull the shades and get some sleep. I'll be fine. So, I'll see you tonight?"

"Yeah, we'll be there. Wouldn't miss it for the world. But tell me, is it request night? Because if it is, I gotta start thinking. I'll find one that will stump you."

I laughed. Emmett always requested the craziest songs, trying to finally ask for one I didn't know. There are some songs that just should not be played in a piano bar, "Pour Some Sugar on Me" being one of them. "Yes, Em. It's request night. Put your thinking cap on. I'm going to bed."

"Alright, Edward. I'll see you later on tonight."

I hung up with Emmett and thought I'd give Bella a call only to remember I'd given her my number but not gotten hers. _Damn._ I sighed as I got up and walked to my bedroom. I took off my clothes and fell into bed. I really hoped she wouldn't forget.

When I woke, the sun was setting in the sky and the sound of my phone vibrating on the nightstand. I reached to grab it and instead knocked it on the floor. Leaning over the bed, I groaned as I saw Emmett's name flashing on the screen. "Hello?"

"Aw, did I wake Sleeping Beauty?"

I pulled the pillow over my head, not yet wanting to stir from the first peaceful slumber I'd had in months. "Emmett, many things you are, but Prince Phillip is not one of them."

"I dare say you're wrong, young novice. Princess Aurora was renamed Rose when she left her parents, and only Prince Phillip could awaken her from her slumber. So I dare say, I _am_ Prince Phillip. I have the fair Princess Rose to prove it. Shall I come kiss you awake, cousin mine?"

I chuckled and shook my head at Emmett's familiarity with Disney Princesses; he'd do anything for Rosalie, up to and including becoming familiar with every Disney Princess movie there was. I pulled the pillow tighter over my head. "Um..no."

Emmett laughed. "Edward, you're a doctor. You should know suffocation is a painful death. There has to be an easier way. Open your door."

I lifted my head as heard a sharp rapping on my front door. "Emmett, are you here?"

I heard him sigh as he responded. "No, I've sent your fairy godmother to come get you ready for the ball. Get your ass out of bed."

I groaned as I stretched and kicked the covers off of me. "You better have coffee."

I hung the phone up and pulled on a pair of flannel pants. I ran my fingers through my hair as I stumbled down the hallway. _If he doesn't have coffee, he's not coming in._ I opened the door and there stood Emmett with a cup of Starbucks in his hand. _Okay, maybe I won't kill him._

"Pucker up, Buttercup. Time to get ready for the ball." He threw his arms wide as he attempted to grab me in a hug.

I dodged his attempt and pushed him past me. "Emmett, if you value life as you know it, you'll keep your lips to yourself and give me the coffee."

He rolled his eyes at me. "Whatever, you're no fun," and he handed me the coffee. "Triple shot espresso - thought you could use the caffeine after our last conversation."

There were times I loved Emmett more than I would ever admit. This was one of those times. "You're my hero."

He nodded his head slightly. "I aim to please."

As I lifted the lid, the aroma of dark roasted coffee infused my senses. I took a sip, relishing the taste. Emmett was a good man.

"So, cousin, how you feeling?"

I removed my lips from the cup and raised my eyes to Emmett. His voice held the warning of mischief I'd come to know so well in my life. I immediately noted the grin and the corresponding twinkle in his eye that always foreshadowed trouble. Emmett was up to something. I narrowed my eyes at him over the cup of coffee he obviously brought as a buffer. "Emmett…"

"You feeling a little country or a little bit rock-and-roll?"

I shook my head at him and walked into the living room. He followed, of course. "You want to keep it a surprise, huh? I can respect that. I think I've finally got you though. Tonight, I own you. I will reign supreme." His voice was rising as he continued, "Prince Emmett will slay the dragon and set thee free, fair maiden."

I sat on the piano bench, observing all that was Emmett. "Oh God, Emmett. You really missed your calling, what with this flair for theatrics and all. Esme must have really nurtured your inner child."

"Whatever, Edward. You're just jealous. I'm happy-go-lucky and you're a miserable moper. Haven't you heard? Laughter is the best medicine. You should try it, you might actually like it. Ah, but then, what would all the girls have to pine over? A happy musician slash doctor slash martyr leaves much to be desired. I see your maniacal plan. It's genius."

I rolled my eyes at him while drinking down half the warm cup of coffee. "Drama queen."

"Okay, enough screwing around. What's the deal with tonight?" Emmett shifted so he was sitting on my leather couch now, all serious.

"Deal? There is no deal. Bella was asking about musical quartets for the wedding, so I told her I knew a few and there would be some people at the club tonight that she could meet. She seemed hesitant; I suggested it as more of a group thing. That's it…that's the deal."

He sat back and observed me in the way only Emmett really ever did - too knowingly, too observantly. He nodded his head in my direction. "What's with all the music? You writing something new?"

I shrugged. "Just tinkering, trying something out."

Again, he nodded and raised his eyebrows as me. "Tinkering. Be careful what you tinker with, Edward. Some things are more delicate than they appear."

I understood his message. _Careful_. "I know. So, do I get a hint on what tonight will bring?"

He laughed. "You got your hint. You get nothing more. I'm out of here. I'm going to go and watch Rose get ready. That way I get to see the present before it's wrapped. It's going to be a wonderful night, this I can tell."

Emmett stood up and looked at me. "Enjoy your coffee. I'll see you later."

I watched as he left then turned to look at the music resting on the piano. Take care.

The hours flew by as I waited until it was time to go to the bar. I changed my shirt three times before deciding on a worn-out Smiths t-shirt under an open button-up. I was feeling nervous for the first time since I couldn't even remember. I was never nervous. I never cared enough to be nervous. My music was never for anyone else. It was always just mine.

Now I cared.

Now I worried.

I made my way to the employee entrance and noticed the regulars already present and accounted for. I waved to Jim, the old man who always sat in the corner reading the _Wall Street Journal_, always the edition from the previous day. I made my way to the bar where Teddy was talking to Molly, the daytime barkeep. She turned and smiled at me.

"Hey, Edward. You're here a little early tonight. What a pleasure to see you. The pleasure being all mine, of course."

I shook my head and gave her a hug. "The pleasure is all mine, I assure you."

She cocked her head at me and raised an eyebrow. "Who are you and what have you done with Edward?"

Teddy reached around her to shake my hand. "How you doing, man? You look good, it's been a couple of weeks."

"Yeah, I know. Things have been busy at the hospital. I was wondering if I could ask a favor?"

Teddy grabbed a beer and handed it to the guy at the bar without even asking what he wanted. Teddy knew his customers like no other tender in the place. "Here you go man." He turned back to me. "Sure, what do you need?"

I turned and pointed to the table nearest to the stage. "I need that table reserved. I have a group of friends coming in around nine and I'd like them seated there, if possible."

Teddy nodded. "Sure thing. But I expect your fan club won't be too happy about it."

I quirked my head at him. "My fan club?"

Molly walked by me and grabbed her purse from under the bar. "Forget it, Teddy. He's clueless."

Teddy laughed as Molly waved and left the bar. "No problem, Edward. I'll put a sign on the table."

"Thanks, man." I walked back toward the employee lounge and grabbed the acoustic guitar off the stage as I went. I sat on the old dilapidated green couch as I strummed the chords to the song, preparing myself to once again bare my soul to strangers. But this time, they all wouldn't be strangers.

I played for a while as other people came in and out. Other musicians I knew and worked with. People I'd played with in the past. Saturdays were always more lively at _Shady's_. There were more bars than you could count in Chicago, plenty of places for people to go and hang out. But people came here for the music. Well, I'd venture they came for Teddy too, although he'd never admit it. Tonight we had a full band, not just a piano player. Tonight was not about sitting and playing the blues, it was a night for drinking and having fun. It was Saturday night in Chicago.

"Hey, Edward." I lifted my head and noticed James was standing in the doorway. James was a younger guy, maybe twenty two, he was still in college but he played a mean guitar. "Hey, James."

He lifted his head toward the guitar in my hands as I strummed the melody of my song. "You planning on playing tonight?"

I went back to the strings as I remembered the words. "Yeah, just one song, maybe. I don't know yet. Something I've been working on."

He went and sat in the ripped-up red recliner across from the couch. "That it?"

I nodded ."The melody."

He listened a while longer. "That's good, dude. I like. What's it called?"

I kept playing as I responded. " 'I was Broken'."

He walked over and hung his coat up. "Man, I wish I had half your talent." He walked back to stand in front of me. "I'm gonna go scope the joint. I heard some chicks from the U are going to be here tonight. You need anything?"

I stopped playing and looked at the clock. It was ten of nine. "No, I'm good. Thanks for asking." James was a good kid. He was going to school for Engineering, I think, but I had to wonder. It seemed like he was going for a degree in Mastery of Women. He always had stories about college parties or some girls in his class. Twins. He was a good-looking kid and overall he seemed pretty genuine, but boy did he like his women.

I walked out from the lounge and immediately noticed Rose and Emmett standing next to the bar. Rose was staring daggers at a redhead I vaguely recognized. I knew I'd seen her here before, but her name was escaping me. Then I noticed the reserved table. Bella, Jasper and Alice were all seated right in front of the stage. Jasper had his arm around Alice who had some girly drink with an umbrella in it in front of her. Bella raised her eyes and smiled slightly at me. Emmett noticed me and walked over.

He grabbed my hand and gave me a hug. He laughed as he pulled away. "Apparently, you've parked us in prime real estate. A bunch of college girls seem to have carved their name in the table we're at. That redhead there, she's not too happy about getting bumped. Although, your man at the bar there seems to find it pretty humorous. Something about a fan club."

Teddy raised a bottle of beer at me before placing it in front of James, who had found himself a little blonde on a barstool. I turned to Emmett. "Don't listen to Teddy, he's a bartender. He doesn't always speak the truth."

Emmett turned as Rose walked from the bar to the table. "Well, Redhead there, she didn't like his version of the truth, that's for sure. You starting soon? Because I got your number tonight."

I laughed. Emmett and his games. "Let's get this party started." I motioned to James at the bar while Matt went up to sit at his drums. I rarely played on Saturdays. I typically worked at the hospital on weekends so the doctors with families didn't have to, but the last couple of days meant I'd have the weekend off. This crowd was much different than a weeknight crowd. There were a lot of younger people here tonight. The energy was palpable. I was invigorated; I felt the need to just let loose a little. To simply let the music flow. I went to the piano and started playing Jerry Lee Lewis' "Great Balls of Fire"_._ The crowd joined in at all the appropriate spots. I looked to the table to see Bella looking a little lost. She was smiling but not singing along. She rolled her eyes at Emmett - who was yelling the chorus to Rose who simply smiled and shook her head.

"Good evening, and welcome to _Shady Ransom_. I'm Edward, and I'll be playing piano for your tonight." I heard whistles and yells from the audience as more people streamed in through the door. "Over here on guitar is James, and on drums is Matt. Teddy is your barkeep tonight. Make sure he feels your love."

I continued to play Jerry Lee. "Tonight is request night, so if you've got 'em, bring 'em on up." I smoothly shifted from Jerry Lee to Donna Summer and "She Works Hard for the Money"_._ "Don't forget to tip your waitress, they work hard for their money."

The atmosphere was contagious; people were dancing, requests were coming in, and all the while, I noticed Bella seemed to be enjoying herself. Alice had brought up a request and when we played it, she tried to drag Bella out of her chair to come dance in front of the stage.

I saw her shaking her head and sitting firmly in her spot. She looked at me and I laughed, motioning for her to come on up. She closed her eyes and slowly shook her head, mouthing "No way." Alice gave up and Rose joined her, which made just about every male in the place happy. Alice sang along with the band as we belted out "Living on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi.

I noticed Bella laughing at Alice's antics, and she and Jasper were talking into each other's ears. I had my first break in ten minutes and I couldn't wait to join them. I wanted to be the one she was whispering to, I wanted to know what she thought. I'd have fifteen minutes while James and Matt played, fifteen minutes to spend with Bella and hours more to observe. I'd talked to Matt beforehand. His brother is in a string quartet. He agreed to set up some time for us to meet and check out the group. I couldn't wait to tell her so she'd be inclined to stay until we closed. She was thorough if nothing else. I knew she'd want to talk to him herself.

It came time for my break and James took over. "Edward's going to go and take a quick break. In the mean time, we have a request for some Van Morrison. This one goes out to Kate, 'Brown Eyed Girl'."

I stepped off the stage as James and Matt started playing. The table of girls next to the reserved table were screaming and jumping, among them the blonde James was with earlier. That boy really did know how to work it. I chuckled as I approached the table. I reached my hand out to Bella. "Dance with me?"

She looked at me with sheer terror in her eyes. "I…I can't…"

I leaned down to her ear. "Just like you can't eat anything but apple pie. Trust me, Bella."

She turned her face toward mine. "Edward, I really can't…please."

I pulled her up slowly, still whispering in her ear, "I promise, I won't let you fall."

She stood with me and I lead her to the floor. When we got there, I pulled her toward me and spun her in a circle. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and she grabbed my waist. "Not really smart, Edward. I can barely walk without tripping. Spinning is so very not good."

I laughed as we moved slower than the music dictated. "You walk just fine. And only the most beautiful brown-eyed girl should dance to Van Morrison." She turned a lovely shade of pink as I leaned down and whispered, "Are you ready?"

She lifted her head, fear in her eyes again. "No…"

I extended her arm and spun her again. Pulling her back to me I said, "I promised I wouldn't let you fall."

She laughed. "You're crazy. You know that right? You'll be lucky if you don't have to go to the hospital when you're done. You may save me, but I'll probably break you in the process!"

I shook my head. "Not gonna happen, come on Bella. Let's sing, _Sha la la la la la la la la la la te da._"

"I don't know this song!" she yelled to me.

Taking the opportunity to dip her I said, "I figured as much. Van Morrison is quintessential. You'll have a CD tomorrow full of his good stuff, and the CD player."

She rolled her eyes at me. "I'm not going to win this one, am I?"

I rolled her off my arm and into to me with her back to my chest. "Nope. It will be easier if you stop fighting it."

I noticed we'd stopped dancing. She turned her head to me. "I give up."

She pulled away. "I need to get a drink, this dancing thing is exhausting!" I nodded my head and she led us back to the table. "You remember Jasper and Alice."

I put my hand out to Jasper and he eyed me skeptically before he shook my hand. "Hi Jasper." He tilted his head to the side slightly as if sizing me up. "Hey. You've managed a small miracle there, Edward. In all the time I've known Bella, I've never seen her dance."

I laughed at his skepticism. "I've found anything is possible. One just needs the right motivation."

"Hey Edward, great job. You're a wonderful pianist. Who knew Bon Jovi could sound so good!" I turned toward Alice who was nearly bouncing in her chair. "Thanks, Alice. It's good to see you again."

I turned to Emmett and Rose. "Rose, you look wonderful, as usual. Emmett. I haven't seen any requests yet."

He raised his eyebrows as me. "The night is young."

Just then Brenda came over to our table. "Hey, Edward, Teddy said to bring this over to you." She handed me a tall glass of water. "Thanks, Brenda."

I took a long sip of the cold water and turned to Bella. "Are you having fun?"

She nodded. "I am. You can officially count me as a fan."

I felt the weirdest sensation at her words - warming, spreading. "Thanks. So, Matt up there, his brother is in a really good quartet. They're pretty well known - the name of the group is The Jefferson Quartet. He said he'd talk to us later if you want, after we close. You want to hang around?"

Rose spoke up just then. "Bella, I've heard of them. They're really good. We should probably set this up while we can."

Bella nodded. "Sure, I can stay until then. Jasper? Alice?"

Jasper responded. "Absolutely. We'll stay with you, Bella."

I smiled. "Great. I need to excuse myself. I have to get ready to go back on."

Emmett reached over the table and grabbed my arm. "Loser buys breakfast for a week."

"Sure," I replied as I laughed. "I could use a free week's worth of breakfast." I got up and went over to the bathrooms. I usually went to the employee's lounge for this but I didn't have time since I'd spent my break with Bella. When I came out, I ran right into the redhead Emmett was talking about earlier. It was almost as if she were waiting for me.

"Oh, hi Edward. How are you?" She smiled up at me, twirling a red curl between her fingers.

"Good, thanks. If you'll excuse me I have to get back."

She shrugged her shoulder and moved a little to the side. "Sure, I just wanted to say you were doing an amazing job tonight and well…I'm your biggest fan. I just think you're wonderful."

I smiled back at her and tried to squeak past her. "Thanks. I appreciate it. Have a good night…"

She came a little closer to me then. "Tanya, my name is Tanya. Tanya Denali."

I managed to get away from her without seeming rude. "Okay, well, good night Tanya." I turned and walked away as another one of her friends flew by me, squealing toward her. Shaking my head, I walked back to the stage and waved to Teddy. As I approached the stage James came on. "Well, ladies and _other _patrons. It's time for my break now, so I'm going to leave you in the ever-so-capable _hands_ of Edward and Matt. But before I go, we have a little treat for you. My man Edward here's been working on something of his own lately. And I know him well enough to know he'd probably never play it for you on his own, so I'm gonna put him on the spot."

The crowd played into James little ploy, whistling and yelling, Emmett louder than all the rest. I watched as Rose stuck her fingers in her mouth and whistled as Emmett hooted. I turned to see Bella clapping with everyone else and decided it was the right time.

I sat on the stool that James had vacated and picked up the acoustic guitar that was placed near the piano. "Well, James…thanks for that. Nothing like putting a guy on the sacrificial table."

I strummed the guitar slowly. "This is a notch down from what we've been playing tonight. It's rough, but I hope you like it. It's for my newest fan. This song is called 'I was Broken'."

I noticed the red-headed girl and her table squeal. I closed my eyes as I felt the music go from my fingers to the guitar. I felt the words as they bubbled to the surface. Slowly strumming the guitar the words came out.

_I was tied but now unbound,  
My head is off the ground  
For a long time I was so weary  
Tired of the sounds, I've heard before_

_The gnawing of the nighttime at the door _

_Haunted by the things I did, yeah;_

_  
_Images flooded my mind of my life in the last ten years. Avoidance, anger, hurt, resolution. Always turning away from the people who loved me. Fear, longing.

_Stuck between the burning light and the dusty shade_

_Said I, used to think the past was dead and gone;_

_But I was wrong,_

_So wrong._

I remembered my parents. Laughing, holding each other. Holding hands while my father read the paper and my mother read a book. I saw Esme and Carlisle holding each other as Emmett and I grew into men. I'd never really noticed the tears in Esme's eyes. I could remember them now. I saw Rose and the way she looked when Emmett held her, his chest to her back. The past is never really gone. I saw Bella as she danced with me, her eyes as she told me I was crazy. The way she lifted her head as she laughed.

_Whatever makes you blind must make you strong_

_Make you strong,_

_Yeah,_

_In my time I've melted into many forms,  
From the day that I was born, no.  
_

I also remember how she looked in the car. Wounded, scared, alone. The past lived voraciously in Bella's head. It wasn't that long ago that I was haunted by the demons of the past. I still felt them, trying to inch their way in, but I was stronger now. I'd found a reason to be stronger. I was in the open now…uncharted…

_  
I know there's no place to hide.  
Stuck between the burning shade and the fading light_

_I was broken for a long time, but it's over now;_

_Said I was broken for a long time, but it's over now_

I opened my eyes and lifted my head. I'd found a reason. Bella sat with her hand over her mouth and I noticed a single tear had cascaded down her cheek. Rose had moved her chair closer to Emmett's and he had his arm around her. She, too, had tears flowing down her cheeks. I looked back to Bella.

_Yes, and you  
Yeah, you walk these lonely streets and people stand  
People stand_

I noticed her slightly raise her head as she wiped the tear away and reached for her glass of wine. I closed my eyes again as I bared my soul for her.

_There are some wounds that just can't mend  
And I do pretend  
Now I'm free from all the things that take my friends  
And I will stand here till the end  
Now I know I can take the moon_

_Stuck between the burning shade and the faded light_

I will stand with her till the end. I'll wait for her to mend.

_I was broken for a long time_

_But it's over now_

_It's over now_

_It's over now_

As the last chord strummed from the guitar, the crowd erupted in cheers. I looked to the table I was most concerned with and everyone was on their feet, clapping. Emmett raised his beer to me and smiled. I tilted my head and said, "Thank you," as James came back on stage.

I went back to the piano as James grabbed the microphone. "Let's hear it for our Piano Man – Edward!" The crowd clapped and I bowed before sitting at the piano. "Okay, let's get this party going again. This one is for Jasper – 'All Summer Long' by Kid Rock."

Alice jumped up and down as she grabbed Jasper's hand and pulled him to the dance floor. Bella laughed at the sight of a four-foot-something dragging six foot Jasper around. It was quite funny; size didn't seem to be a factor when it came to Alice.

The night went on with requests flying left and right, down and dirty, raunchy and sweet. The bar was humming. The crowd was alive and enjoying the show. Everyone was having a great time. We had to have a few girls removed from the stage a couple times, but all and all it was a great night.

Suddenly a fist with a fifty and a rolled up piece of paper was placed in front of me as we wound down a song. I felt Emmett clap me on the back as he whispered, "That there cousin, is the gauntlet…I'll be at the diner tomorrow."

I laughed as I threw his money in the tip jar and looked at the paper. James came over to see what was going on and Matt leaned over his drums. James laughed, "Dude, really? You're lucky I got a grandma."

Emmett leaned over and said something to everyone at the table and I saw Alice slam her hand down on the table as her eyes went wide and her mouth hung open. She ran from the table to the stage. "Tell me you know it Edward. Tell me you do."

I tried to hold my laughter back. "Well, I know the melody of it but I don't know the words. James knows it but he seems….reluctant to sing it."

She jumped up on the stage and sat down next to me. I motioned to the bouncer that it was alright. "Edward, let me sing it. It's my song for Jasper, please let me be a _super star_ for the evening. This is an unrealized dream for me, please."

I looked to James and Matt who both shrugged. Matt said, "You gonna say no to her? I wouldn't."

I turned my head to Alice. "Sure thing, Alice. You can sit here with me, if you'd like." Her smile was blinding.

I went back to the mic. "Alright, this is a special request from my cousin, Emmett. He's out of the closet, folks. Bluegrass is his _thang_. We have a special guest singer for this song. Apparently, it has meaning for the little dark-haired sprite here." I looked up and saw Teddy pointing to the clock.

"Also, our lovely bartender wants me to tell you it's last call…last call for alcohol…remember to tip your waitress and I hope you enjoy Alice singing 'Baby, now that I found you' – by Allison Kraus and Union Station. Almost as much as I'll be enjoying free breakfast for a week. Emmett…you lose, once again."

Emmett slammed his fist down on the table as Rose laughed and rubbed his back. We started to play as Alice closed her eyes and began singing. Her voice was beautiful, small and delicate, but powerful and moving.

_Baby,  
now that I've found you  
I won't let you go  
I built my world around you  
I need you so,  
baby even though  
You don't need me now_

Jasper was beaming with pride as Bella reached over and squeezed his hand. She whispered in his ear and he nodded his head, never taking his eyes off of Alice.

_Baby, baby,  
when first we met  
I knew in this heart of mine  
That you were someone I couldn't forget.  
I played it right,  
and bide my time  
_

I noticed Alice had opened her eyes and was staring right at Jasper as she sang to him. The past is alive and all around me.

_Spent my life looking  
for that somebody  
to make me feel like new  
Now you tell me that you want to leave me  
But darling, I just can't let you_

The song finished and the audience all clapped. Alice leaned over and kissed my cheek. "Thank you, Edward."

I smiled back at her. "You're welcome, Alice." I turned to the crowd. "Let's have a round of applause for Alice! That's it for us tonight. Have a good night and be safe."

The lights came on and people started leaving the bar. I cleaned up the stage a little as James and Matt cleared off the stage. I turned around and jumped down as Emmett walked up to me. "You suck, Edward. You only partially won that bet. I know you didn't know the words to that song. Alice saved your ass."

I shook my head at him. "Don't be a sore loser, Emmett. Lose with dignity. I think a late night breakfast is in order, don't you?"

Rose had come up behind Emmett and placed her arms around his waist. "Food. Did I hear Emmett say he's buying everyone food? I'm in. There's a really good diner over on Harrison that's open twenty four hours."

Matt came over to me right as Rose was dragging Emmett away, protesting that he was set up. "Hey Edward, you still want to talk about the quartet?"

I looked over at Bella who was talking to Alice, and Jasper who was getting glared at by Emmett. "Yeah, you got a quick minute? I want you to meet Bella. She's the person who's hiring the band." I led him over to the table and introduced him to everyone. Matt told Bella he'd be happy to set up some time for her to hear the band. She offered to give him her phone number to set something up, but he didn't have anything to write with. "I'll get the info for you Matt. I'll call you tomorrow."

He smiled as he looked from me to Bella. "Sure thing, Edward. I'll catch you later. Great set tonight. Loved the original."

I shook his hand. "Thanks, man. You too. Have a good one." I turned back toward the table. "So, Emmett has graciously offered to buy everyone breakfast. You guys interested?"

Jasper turned from Alice to look at me. "Sure. Breakfast sounds good."

I turned to Bella. "Bella? You in?"

She looked at me and shrugged her shoulder. "Sure. I could eat."

"Alright then. I have to go in back and get some stuff. I'll be out in ten minutes. I'll meet you back here."

I turned around and went into the stage to grab the acoustic and brought it back to the employee lounge. I grabbed my coat and scarf and closed up the back room. When I came back out I saw Bella standing over at the bar talking to Teddy. She was blushing and I wondered what he had said to her to make her embarrassed. I walked over to where they were. "Teddy. Everything okay?"

He turned to look at me, then back to Bella. "Yeah, everything's great. You did great tonight, probably the best night ever. I'm liking it."

I looked at him, puzzled by what he said. "Liking what?"

He looked back at me. "I'm liking you with friends. Kindred spirits and all. Have a great night, Edward. And _Bella_," he reached out and took her hand. He pulled it to his lips and kissed it. "It was nice to meet you. Keep smiling. It suits you."

I crinkled my brow at him. That was strange. "Yeah, you too Teddy. Bella, you ready?"

She looked at me. "Yep, ready as I'll ever be. Let's go eat." She turned toward the door where Jasper and Alice were already waiting with their coats on. I saw as Emmett came up from the coat check with Rosalie's coat. I followed Bella over to everyone as Emmett said, "Let's blow this pop stand. I'm a hungry boy. Feed me, Rosie."

She reached out and smacked him in the back of the head. "Feed yourself, you big oaf. Better yet…feed me." Then she walked out the door and we all followed, laughing as Emmett stood rubbing his head. I shook my head as I passed him. "That right there cousin mine, is the gauntlet, T-minus five months. She owns you."

He laughed as he put his arm around my shoulders. "I'd have it no other way, my friend. No other way."

End Note: I have to thank my daughter, Heaven's Immortal, since she inspired the Disney mention in here…in her newest chapter of _Not Her_ Emmett goes all Disney so, somehow her Emmett bled into my Emmett, because really, Emmett quoting Disney is simply just funny and seems to fit his personality amazingly well. She always inspires me, just this time it was more directly than usual!


	12. Breaking Traditions

A/N: so…this chapter was particularly hard to write. I know many of you have expressed extreme frustration with Bella in this story and well, Bella decided to be Bella. See, my method for writing is kind of strange. The characters talk to me, in my head. Ally thinks I'm showing signs of schizophrenia… So…I got to this chapter and as you'll see, we get little glimpses of Bella's past. Well, she just clammed up…nada, nutton, for weeks. They were standing outside in the cold, teeth chattering and Bella wouldn't talk. For weeks… Then one night this week at 2 am, I started getting bits and pieces, some from Edward, some from Bella. She started giving me little things. It's odd, she's so tight lipped about her past in this story and that just translated into my head and she just wasn't ready to go there. So with that, it's taken forever to update.

To those of you who sent me PM's and reviews I appreciate the motivation, I really do and I feel like a jerk saying well, sorry, RL got in the way. It did, I was working hard on my Twilight gift exchange, which I can't wait to post for ya'all. I enjoyed writing a different Edward and Bella and lets just say there's chocolate involved…

But really the delay in this chapter was just Bella being afraid of all the things she was feeling. I seriously spent two hours online with VJGM just talking about this chapter and what I was going to do with it, things ended up totally different than my outline and we get something in this chapter that wasn't supposed to happen for a couple more chapters. *coughHopeandBellameetcough*

I hope you enjoy it and again I apologize profusely for the extended wait. I'm hoping Bella is more cooperative going forward because there are some scenes I just can't wait to write but I need to get to them. This chapter is 26 pages in word and nearly 11,000 words. I hope it was worth your wait!

Thanks as always to my Beta's VJGM and Withthevampsofcourse because without them this story would just plan suck, and the comma abuse and run on's would be rampant. Thanks for helping me sound better than I really do.

Also, side note…I've updated my profile with the songs in this chapter, a picture of Rosalie's car, Edward car and a link to the diner they all go to (which is a great website because it has music, and after you go there, PM me and tell me how much you can totally see Edward and Emmett eating there all the time. I'm going to go back to Chicago just to go there…)

* * *

Chapter 12 – Breaking Traditions

It would be a lie to say I wasn't nervous going back to _Shady's_. Last time I was there, it wasn't all that long ago, and to be honest, I was fearful Teddy would remember me. It felt wrong not telling Edward I'd seen him prior to actually meeting him. Dishonest. And, if nothing else, I believed that Edward was always honest with me. But to tell him would mean I'd have to explain why I was there. Explain the anniversary of sorts, which I was not willing to do. Not now. Maybe not ever.

I'd made my way into the bar with Jasper and Alice when we immediately found Rose and Emmett seated at the table right in front of the stage. I snickered as I walked past the bar and overheard Tanya vehemently protesting her apparent ousting from her coveted table closest to the piano. "Teddy, seriously, this is just wrong. We're loyal patrons, we come here all the time. We could at least be afforded the courtesy of having our regular table saved for us."

Teddy was wiping down his bar top, patiently ignoring the whine that was coming from Tanya and her entourage of college sorority sisters. "Edward's fan club" as he'd called it last time.

I took the seat with my back toward the bar. If I sat like this all night, then Teddy would surely not notice me.

The energy in the bar was different from last time; there were quite a few more people, and I'm sure it had something to do with being the weekend. Plus, there wouldn't be just a piano on stage, but a band. Edward took the stage with two other guys, one who played the guitar and another who played the drums.

The night was anything but predictable as I watched Edward talk to the crowd, play requested songs and smile more than I think he ever had in the short time we'd come to know each other. He may be a doctor, but music was his thing. The crowd was eating him up. People were dancing and requesting crazy songs, all of which he seemed to know.

I was beginning to think Edward was a musical savant.

I sat in a chair and watched Edward all night. I talked to Jasper and laughed with Rose. I drank with Emmett and I dodged Alice's requests for bathroom chats. But all the while, I watched Edward.

Jasper at one point leaned over and whispered in my ear, "It's nice to see you laugh, Bella."

I smiled and squeezed his hand as I leaned over and whispered back, "It's nice to laugh, Jasper."

Edward left the stage for a break and James and Matt continued to play. Edward walked to the table, directly over to me. It sent me back to that night when I'd last seen him play. His look had been so feral, determined; like he came to the table with a purpose. Once again, Edward approached like he was stalking his prey. This time, instead of feeling embarrassment or fear, I felt a slight shiver start at the base of my spine that went right to the hairs on the back of my neck.

I felt the heat rise to my cheeks as he extended his hand to me, not even paying attention to anyone else. "Dance with me?"

My eyes hadn't left his. I didn't dare look at the faces around me. "I…I can't…" I don't dance. I couldn't dance. The last time I danced was at the father-daughter dance in eighth grade with Charlie. To say it was awkward would have been an understatement. Dancing was never Charlie's thing, even when Renee and I would bop around the kitchen or while dusting the living room, Charlie never did more than observe. Rhythm to Charlie was being able to tell the difference between getting your line stuck on an underground structure and the slightest hit from a fish. Rhythm was the perfect cast, not the newest dance craze.

But Edward, as usual, wouldn't be deterred. He leaned down and I felt the warmth of his breath as he whispered in my ear. "Just like you can't eat anything but apple pie? Trust me, Bella."

The last time I'd danced was with Charlie… "Edward, I really can't…please." I felt my chest constrict as visions of Charlie and his red-stripped tie twirling me across the dance floor filled my mind. Edward pulled me up and whispered in my ear, "I promise, I won't let you fall."

_Come on, Bells. Dance with your old man, I promise I won't let you fall._

His words both melted and burned within my chest. Melting the long-standing ice yet burning my heart as memories rushed back to me. I took his hand and we made our way to the dance floor. We stopped in the midst of the crowd and Edward spun me as if it were something I did everyday.

I told him that spinning wasn't the best thing to do with someone who was coordination-challenged. He simply smiled and replied, "You walk just fine. And only the most beautiful brown-eyed girl should dance to Van Morrison. Are you ready?"

Sensing the double meaning of his words, I looked directly into his eyes, "No…" Was I ready for this? For all of this? For what Edward was offering me? Was I ready to take a step away from the corner I'd lived in for the last ten years?

Edward pulled me back to him after spinning me around again. "I promised I wouldn't let you fall."

I laughed, remembering Charlie as he spun me around the gymnasium floor. I remembered what it was like to be carefree and loved. I told Edward he was crazy, he was tempting fate by keeping me out here on the dance floor. He took the opportunity to try and get me to sing the song we were dancing to. For the first time in so long I couldn't even recall, I felt light and free. I danced with reckless abandon and I laughed as Edward spun me around, singing _sha la la la's_ to me.

Edward dipped me, and as I lay back over his arm, he came closer to my face. His gaze flickered from my eyes to my lips then back again. "Van Morrison is quintessential. You'll have a CD tomorrow full of his good stuff, and the CD player."

I rolled my eyes at him, knowing this was a battle I would never win. "I'm not going to win this one, am I?"

Edward then rolled me back up so my back was flush to his chest. "Nope. It will be easier if you stop fighting it."

My breath caught in my throat as I noticed the noise had faded to the background. We stopped dancing and I turned to look at him. "I give up."

Thinking this was the perfect time to escape the dance floor, I told Edward I needed a drink and led him back to the table where I reintroduced Jasper and Alice. He greeted both of them then continued to make small talk as a waitress came up and gave Edward a large glass of water.

He told me one of the guys in the band had a brother who was in a quartet and he'd agreed to talk to us after the last set, if I'd like that. After everyone agreed, Edward had gotten up, excusing himself so he could get ready until Emmett reached out and grabbed him. "Loser buys breakfast for a week."

Edward laughed and replied, "Sure, I could use a free week's worth of breakfast." Then he walked back toward the restrooms.

I looked over at Emmett who was rubbing his hands together watching as Edward walked away.

"What was that about?"

Emmett raised his eyebrows and smirked. "Oh, Edward and I have this little game. See, he thinks he's some kind of musical prodigy –"

Rose interrupted him. "No, Emmett, _you_ think he's some kind of musical prodigy."

Emmett barely glanced at her before adding, "Not the point. Anyway, Edward, musical prodigy, Mr. Musical Know-It-All."

Rose rolled her eyes. "He knows more than you…"

This time Emmett turned completely to look at her. "Not the point." He turned back to me. "As I was saying. When it's request night, I try to throw some zingers at him. Get him to fumble the ball, admit he doesn't know _everything_-"

Rose chimed in again, "He always kicks your ass, Emmett."

He slowly turned toward her again. ".Point." She then poked him in the chest. "You're going to be buying his smug ass breakfast for a week, again. You mope worse than a teenage girl who's lost her cell phone privileges, I can't take it again."

Emmett huffed back into his chair. "Rose, seriously, not the point." He looked at me. "What's the point again? Oh, yeah. Edward, musical Charlie Babbitt, anyway. I come up with crazy songs and we bet stupid shit, just so I can best him-"

Rose crossed her arms over her chest. "Which you never have."

Now Emmett rolled his eyes. "ROSE! Seriously, you're killing me here."

She smiled back at him. "Not the point, Em."

Jasper was trying hard not to laugh and Alice was just watching the verbal tennis match intently as they went back and forth. She looked back to Emmett and said, "So what's your song, Emmett?"

He smiled as he looked from Rose to Alice. "Not yet, I don't want to jinx myself. Let's just say it's a good one, there's no way he's going to know it." He turned back to Rose. "And when he doesn't, HE will be buying ME breakfast for a week." I laughed at the look on Rose's face. She clearly did not have the confidence Emmett did in his song choice.

I turned around and glanced back toward the bathroom. I noticed Edward was flat against the wall while Tanya stood directly in front of him, twirling her hair between her fingers. To say Edward looked uncomfortable would have been an understatement, and I almost considered going back to save him. For almost a second I thought I felt a twinge of jealousy. Almost. But what did I have to be jealous about? I had no hold over Edward, and I didn't want one. Right? Right.

I smiled as I remembered how enthusiastic Tanya had been that first night I was here at the bar. I quietly chucked as I remembered that old saying _Every dog has their day_. Well, maybe today was Tanya's. Her shot at the "piano man". Turning back toward the table, I caught Emmett's eye. He looked at me curiously, then looked over my shoulder to the back hallway. "Ah, the crazy redhead. Look at her, she's got it bad."

I laughed as I looked back to the potential train wreck in the restroom hallway. "She really does, doesn't she?"

"You have nothing to worry about," Emmett said as he reached for his drink.

I shrugged and shook my head, "I'm not worried, why would I be?"

Emmett raised one eyebrow at me, which really annoyed me because, hell, I can't do that. He put his drink down and said, "Well-"

Rose interrupted him again. "Yeah, Emmett, why would she be worried? Plus, we all know, Edward doesn't like redheads, he's more the brunette type."

An eerie hush came over the table. I was just about to break the uncomfortable silence when we heard James. "Well, ladies and _other _patrons. It's time for my break now, so I'm going to leave you in the ever-so-capable _hands_ of Edward and Matt. But before I go, we have a little treat for you. My man Edward here's been working on something of his own lately. And I know him well enough to know he'd probably never play it for you on his own, so I'm gonna put him on the spot."

Emmett responded by hooting and clapping, while Edward hung his head and looked embarrassed. He raised his head and locked eyes with me, and I clapped to cheer him on. He broke my gaze to reach for the guitar that was resting near the piano and began to play it. "This is a notch down from what we've been playing tonight. It's rough, but I hope you like it."

He lifted his head once again and stared back at me. "It's for my newest fan. This song is called 'I was Broken'."

I barely registered the squeal coming from Tanya's table as Edward began playing the guitar again a soft and slow tune permeating the air. The words he sang bit into my soul, once again. Edward spoke to me through the music he played from within.

_I was tied but now unbound,  
My head is off the ground  
For a long time I was so weary  
Tired of the sounds, I've heard before_

_The gnawing of the nighttime at the door _

_Haunted by the things I did, _

My heart froze as the words ricocheted off the memories that were locked in my head. I remember being at Angela's house when Deputy Mark came to the door. His words, I heard them clear as day.

"_Bella, I'm sorry."_

"_Accident on the mountain…"_

"_Coming back from Port Angeles…"_

"_Ran out of gas…"_

"The truck lost control…"

_Haunted by the things I did…_ I'd be forever haunted. The tears fall without remorse. They fall out of habit, out of the guilt of knowing the why behind the how. I was haunted every night with the why.

_I know there's no place to hide.  
Stuck between the burning shade and the fading light_

_I was broken for a long time, but it's over now;_

_Said I was broken for a long time, but it's over now_

I felt a single tear drop from my eye. I couldn't allow myself to cry, not now. I reached for my wine and emptied the glass.

_Yes, and you  
You walk these lonely streets and people stand  
People stand_

_There are some wounds that just can't mend  
And I do pretend  
Now I'm free from all the things that take my friends  
And I will stand here till the end  
_

Truthfully, I barely knew Edward. He was virtually a stranger in my world. So, how could he know the very depths and darkness of my traitorous soul? Was I really an open book for him to read? How could he know the words to sing? He always knew what to say.

Were we really the same? No, not the same. We both had lost. He was an innocent victim. Me? Not so much.

_Broken_.

_It's over._

Is it over?

_Stuck between the burning shade and the faded light_

Stuck. Past and present, yet to be reconciled. Stuck between the past and present.

It's not over yet.

_I was broken for a long time_

_But it's over now_

_It's over now_

_It's over now_

I broke away from my silent reverie, as I looked to Edward, strumming the guitar over the last few chords. Everyone was clapping and cheering. I felt my heart thump in my chest, loud and clear as Edward looked over at us. It may not be over for me; it may never be over for me, but for some reason, his words brought me hope. I felt the cage weaken in my mind. I realized I was scared. I'd been so numb for so long it was painful to feel.

I looked around the table. I looked at the people who were sitting with me, laughing with me and some who were crying with me over the words Edward sang. I was so scared. I'd let them in. I never meant to, I'd never really made the conscious choice. Jasper and Alice meant more to me than I was ever willing to let onto.

_I was broken for a long time_

They were all finding a way in. Rose, and now Emmett.

And Edward.

I watched Edward walk back to the piano. He began playing a song for Jasper and Alice squealed as she reached over and grabbed Jasper's hand, pulling him toward the dance floor.

I laughed as I watched them and realized - I'd let them in. All of them, in their own way. I may not have known I was doing it, but I did. And I don't think I could bear it if I lost them now. I smiled as I watched Edward play while Jasper and Alice danced. Rose and Emmett had been facing the stage, then Emmett turned to face me. He looked at me quizzically, as if he were trying to get the last three blocks of the Rubik's Cube to line up.

"What?"

Rose turned around and looked between Emmett and myself. Looking between the two of them, I slowly tilted my head. "Seriously, what?"

Emmett looked at Rose, then back at me. "Nothing," he replied. "Nothing at all. I'm going to get another beer, you ladies want a refill?"

Rose smiled at him. "Sure. Bella, merlot, right?"

I nodded as Emmett picked up my empty glass and left the table. I turned back to catch Rose staring at me also. "Okay, seriously, is there something on my face?"

She laughed. "No, Bella. Really, it's nothing."

I looked at her like she was crazy. "You know, you're all a little weird, right?"

"Oh, Bella, you don't know the half of it. I just think Emmett's a little emotional right now, and, well, I just think maybe he thinks you're the cause of it."

"Me? What did I do?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. But whatever it was, I hope you never stop."

I sighed. "You know, you guys are the reason I avoid the mass population. I feel like I'm stuck in Bizarro World or something, I have no clue what you're talking about."

She laughed at me again. "I know, that's the beauty of it. You don't even know."

"Oh my God, Rose. Spit it out already."

She leaned forward toward me. "Edward, Bella. Edward."

"What about him?"

She shook her head slowly. "I know you barely know him, so you wouldn't know how much he's changed, but these last few weeks…he's a different person. Night and day. And I don't know, but I think it may have something to do with you."

I leaned back, away from her, away from the conversation. "Me? What could it possibly have to do with me? We barely know each other."

Rose followed my lead and leaned back in her chair then shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe it's just the timing," she smirked at me, "yeah, I'm sure that's it. Just the timing."

Emmett came back with our drinks and told us how Tanya was up at the bar telling everyone how Edward had dedicated his song to her. "She really thinks he sang it to her. I kinda feel bad for her, poor disillusioned girl…almost."

Jasper and Alice had returned to the table. Alice asked Emmett, "Who do you feel bad for?"

"Tanya," I replied.

Emmett turned to face me. "How do you know her name? Do you know who she is?"

_Shit_. "Um…no? I just…I heard her friend say her name earlier."

Emmett cocked his head to the side and gave me one of those glances that just freezes you in your shoes. _Shit_.

Shit…shit…shit

He grinned one of Edward's little crooked half-smiles at me. _Damn it…must be genetic…_ He turned to face Alice. "Well…_Tanya_…seems to think Edward was singing his song to her, she's telling everyone at the bar about it. I kinda feel a little bad for her, poor girl. She never stood a chance."

He looked back to me. "Being a redhead and all, I'm quite confident she's not the one he was singing for." For some reason my body reacted and I felt the blood rush to my face. I looked away toward the stage just as the bouncer was removing two girls from between James and Edward.

I heard Emmett say "Oww!" and turned in time to see Rose shaking her head at him. I chuckled as he rubbed his head. As I sat there smiling I'd realized, I'd let them in, and I liked them there. Maybe I wasn't as broken as I'd thought I was.

I turned to the stage to see Edward laughing as he showed James and Matt a request paper. Edward turned toward the crowd and said, "To quote Jimmy Buffett, 'if you stretch your imagination ever so thinly you can put this into the category of a love song…a little alter boy dream'…Why don't we…" he toggled two keys on the piano and everyone in the crowd yelled, "get drunk and screw!"

I nearly choked on the wine I had been drinking! "That's a real song??" Emmett laughed as he turned to look at me.

"Damn Bella, have you been living under a rock or something. This is like, a total man anthem AND…it's Buffett."

I stared at him like I should understand what he was saying…maybe…in another lifetime. He looked at me like I had three heads. "Wastin' away again in Margaritaville? Cheeseburger in paradise? Really, nothing?"

I shook my head. He looked aghast… he shook his head and said, "Really?" He looked to Rose and she shrugged. He turned to Jasper. "Dude, where'd you find her? What asylum did you spring her from?" He just laughed at Emmett and raised his hands. "I hold no accountability for her lack of musical awareness. I just feed her hot chocolate addiction and occasionally get her out of her apartment. Maybe Edward can bring her some musical enlightenment."

I closed my mouth, which apparently had fallen open. I pouted as I replied, "Not you too, Jasper."

Alice hugged Jasper and she replied, "Come on, Bella. You know we love you."

I crossed my arms and huffed back into my chair. "Love assumes one wouldn't throw said loved one under the oncoming bus."

The night was winding down as Emmett picked up the request paper he'd had sitting before him all night. He wrote on the paper and pulled a fifty-dollar bill from his wallet. He smiled as he rose from his chair. "This here, Rosie my girl, this is free breakfast for a week."

She rolled her eyes. "Whatever, Emmett. It's your wallet."

Emmett walked up to the piano and placed his slip of paper on the piano then leaned over to say something to Edward. Edward looked at the paper and laughed as James came over and laughed with Edward.

Emmett came back to the table and said, "He'll never know it. Free breakfast for a week."

Alice looked at Emmett and asked, "So what's the song?" Emmett's eyes lit up. "It's some obscure bluegrass song; one of the ladies in the front office told me about it. Alison Krauss, Baby, Now That I've Found You. Out of his element. He'll never know it."

Alice slammed her hands down on the table and looked as if she'd been struck by inspiration. Jasper lowered his head to the table. "Oh God…"

Emmett looked confused as Alice flew from the table to the stage. She ran right by the bouncer and sat down right next to Edward, her mouth going as fast as her hands. Emmett looked from Jasper to me. "What?"

Just then I heard Edward. "Alright, this is a special request from my cousin, Emmett. He's out of the closet, folks. Bluegrass is his _thang_. We have a special guest singer for this song. Apparently, it has meaning for the little dark-haired sprite here."

Jasper raised his head;, his entire face right up to his ears was red.

"Also, our lovely bartender wants me to tell you it's last call…last call for alcohol…remember to tip your waitress and I hope you enjoy Alice singing 'Baby, now that I found you' – by Allison Kraus and Union Station. Almost as much as I'll be enjoying free breakfast for a week. Emmett…you lose, once again."

Emmett slammed his fist on the table and Rose just laughed. He gave her the evil eye as Alice started to sing. She had a lovely voice, very sweet and delicate. Emmett shook his head as Rose rubbed his back. "It's okay, Emmett."

He continued to glare at her. "It's not okay, he had help. That's cheating."

I smiled as I watched Alice and Edward on stage. I turned to look at Jasper, who was staring at her like she was the proverbial glass of water and he'd just emerged from the desert. You could feel the love he had for her, and it was as beautiful as her voice. I leaned over and whispered in his ear. "You're a very lucky man, Jasper Whitlock."

He simply nodded, never taking his eyes off of Alice. I watched as they locked eyes; the air was filled with the love they shared, a tangible feeling that permeated the air we breathed. It was beautiful, truly beautiful. For the first time in as long as I could remember, I hoped someday to have that.

The song ended and Jasper rose to his feet, clapping and whistling for Alice. The lights came on and people started to clear out. Alice flitted over and leaned up to kiss Jasper. I looked away so as not to intrude on their moment. Emmett was pouting over where Edward was standing and I watched as Rose came up behind him and encircled his waist with her arms. My eyes caught Edward's gaze as we locked eyes and he smiled at me.

"Hey, Bella?"

I turned toward Alice. "Yeah?"

"I just wanted to thank you for inviting us out tonight. I had a great time. I really did, and I just want to thank you."

I smiled at her, "No problem, Alice. It was fun, we'll have to do it again."

Her face lit up like a kid in a candy shop. "We will. Soon. Right, Jasper?"

He chuckled at her exuberance. "Yeah. Soon Alice."

Edward approached the table with Matt and introduced everyone there, saving me for last. We made arrangements to set up a time where I could hear his brother's quartet play and congratulated Edward on a great night. After Matt left, Edward invited us out to breakfast, on Emmett of course. He did lose the bet after all, and he was still sulking.

Everyone seemed to disappear all at once as Edward left to clear off the stage. Jasper and Emmett left to retrieve the jackets from the coat-check. Rose and Alice headed off to the bathroom and I waited at the table for everyone to return. Suddenly, I felt someone's eyes on me. As I turned I saw Teddy leaning against the mirrored wall smiling at me. I felt the telltale blush as it covered my face. I tried to look away, but he kept his eyes locked on mine and shook his head slowly then crooked his finger at me. He'd recognized me, I was sure of it. _Damn._

I slowly walked over to the bar and he reached behind him and pulled out a glass. "If I remember correctly, you're a double scotch on the rocks. Right?"

I put my hand over the glass. "Not tonight, Teddy. That drinks reserved for certain nights only. Tonight ain't one of 'em."

He cocked his head and nodded. "Good to know." He got silent as my fingers danced along the rim of the glass.

"So…" I finally managed to squeak out.

"So, indeed," he stated as he crossed his arms over his chest, a slight smile playing across his face. "How 'bout a name? Last time, if I recall correctly, you were pretty tight-lipped."

I looked up at him, panic coursing through my veins. "Um…Bella."

He reached across the bar to me and I shook his hand. "Well, it's nice to make your acquaintance, 'Um Bella'. I'm glad to see you've found some friends. Overrated or not, they're good to have around."

I released his hand and smiled, looking down and feeling the blood color my face yet again. "Yeah, I guess they are."

Just then Edward approached the bar, looking quizzically between both Teddy and me. "Teddy. Everything okay?"

I watched as he grinned and looked at Edward, then back to me. "Yeah, everything's great. You did great tonight, probably the best night ever. I'm liking it."

Edward looked puzzled and I held back a chuckle as I wondered if that was how I looked to Teddy. "Liking what?"

As he turned to Edward, he winked at me. "I'm liking you with friends. Kindred spirits and all. Have a great night, Edward. And _Bella_," he reached out and took my hand. Pulling it to his lips he kissed it. "It was nice to meet you. Keep smiling. It suits you."

As we stepped outside of the bar, Jasper and Emmett went to get their cars out of the parking garage and Edward stayed with "the ladies" as Emmett so nicely put it. It had started to rain, so we were all huddled under the small awning outside of the bar and my teeth had started to chatter.

A beautiful red Camaro pulled up along the sidewalk and Emmett emerged with an umbrella. "Edward, you riding with us?"

Edward shook his head. "No, I actually drove tonight."

I pulled my eyes from the beautiful car to see Emmett reaching a hand out for Rosalie. "That's a nice car, Emmett."

Rose grinned at me as Emmett walking Rose to the driver's side door. "That it is, but it ain't mine. Only the best for my Rosie."

I scoffed. "Rose, that's _your_ car?"

She tilted her head and lifted her eyebrows. "Of course. Emmett drives a truck. I, on the other hand, prefer style over function. Wanna ride?"

"Um…no…" I chuckled, "the thought of you behind the wheel of that kind of…scares me?"

She shrugged. "Suit yourself. You can always ride with Edward and his soccer mom car."

I heard Edward gasp and I turned to look at him as he scowled at Rosalie. "I prefer safety over style. And the S80 is not a soccer mom car."

I heard Alice giggle as Jasper pulled up in his SUV and she turned to Edward. "S80? I don't speak car. What's an S80?"

His eyebrows were knit together as he turned to Alice, still glaring at Rose. "Not a soccer mom car. I drive a Volvo."

Jasper got out of his SUV carrying an umbrella. He looked confused between Alice and Edward. "Bella, you coming with us?"

I turned to face Edward who was still pouting and smiled. "Do you want some company? I won't pick on your car." That seemed to break him out of his trance as he smiled slightly and responded. "Sure, I'd love company. Jasper, do you know where we're going?"

Jasper closed Alice's door as she pulled the seatbelt over her lap. "Nope, I figured I'd follow you."

Edward nodded. "Okay, do you mind waiting with Bella while I get my car?"

Jasper walked over to where I was and put his arm around my shoulder. "Not a problem." He turned to face me. "Cold?"

I nodded my head. "What gave it away, the clanking of my teeth or the love I'm showing for my jacket?"

He smiled. "I'd say it was a little of both. Tonight was fun." He put his arms around my shoulders and pulled me into a hug under his umbrella.

I squeezed him back. "Yes, it was. I had a good time." He released me and looked down into my eyes, searching for what, I'm not sure. "I'm glad you did, Bella. I really am."

Just then Edward pulled up, he ran around the car carrying an umbrella. "Benefits of a 'soccer mom' car, heated seats. We'll have you warm in no time."

Jasper laughed as he walked back to his SUV. "I'll follow you, then."

I slid into the front seat of Edward's car and thought, _Soccer mom's car or not, heated seats are a definite benefit_.

Edward slid in and tucked the umbrella onto the back floor. "You all set?"

I nodded my head at him as he pulled out of the side road and Jasper fell in behind us. Rose and Emmett were gone; I'm sure to get a table ahead of us.

The ride was silent, reminding me of the first ride that Edward and I had shared. Not wanting to slip back into the awkwardness we shared that first night, I plucked up the courage and asked about the restaurant we were going to.

"Well," Edward responded, "it's a small place that Emmett and I go to a lot. They have great breakfast. Do you have something specific you like to eat for breakfast, or are you up for suggestions?"

I snickered. "Suggestions? From you? Am I going to end up eating five different breakfast dishes?"

He shook his head as he turned down a side street and parked. "Well, Bella, are you going to tell me something like you only eat oatmeal?" He turned to face me, mischief playing in his sparkling eyes. "Because if that's a yes, I'm going to have to intervene. The diner is actually world renowned for its Eleven City French toast. I highly recommend it."

I felt my chest constrict as he continued to look into my eyes. "Well, I guess I'll have to trust you and have that then."

He grinned at me. "Good."

I noticed Jasper and Alice standing outside the car and went to open the door when Edward reached over and placed a hand on my arm. "Hold on, let me get the umbrella."

Not sure why, but I felt the heat in my face as his hand lingered on my jacket-covered arm. He gently squeezed my arm, and then he opened his door and raced to my side. The rain was really coming down now as we all ran together into the diner.

The bell on the door jingled as old time music filtered through the sound system. Emmett stood in the corner at a large horseshoe-shaped booth. Edward put his hand on my lower back as we made our way to the corner while Emmett reached for our jackets, handing them on a hook next to the table. Rose was already looking through the menu as Alice slid in next to her.

"Em, honey, what did I have last time I was here? I can't remember."

He slid in next to her and kissed her gently. "Um…I think it was that Basil Pesto Omelet?"

She raised her eyebrows at him and smiled. "Yep, that was it. You're so sweet, remembering that. See, it's the little things like that, that's the reason I love you."

He leaned in and kissed her neck. "And here I thought it was because I could…" he whispered in her ear and she slapped him away.

"Emmett McCarty Cullen, you're going to pay for that."

Just then a waitress came up to our table. "Good morning, so what can I get you all to drink?"

Emmett turned from Rose and looked at the waitress. "Good morning…" he paused as he looked at her nametag, "Melissa…how are you? How about a pot of coffee and a round of waters?" He turned to look at everyone at the table. "That work for you guys?"

Everyone nodded. "Actually, can you bring this lady here a hot chocolate with whipped cream? She doesn't drink coffee." I smiled at Edward's request and the fact that he remembered that.

Alice then leaned forward. "Excuse me, could I please get some lemon for my water?"

I raised my hand. "Make that two, please?"

And Rose added, "Actually, three if it's not a problem."

Melissa smiled. "No problem at all, I'll bring those right over."

"I don't get the whole lemon thing," Emmett stated. "Is there a purpose, or is it just a chick thing because I never see a guy asking for lemon in their water?"

Jasper shook his head. "Don't ask. Last time I did, I got an hour-long lecture on the benefits of lemons to a body and how water plain is just…" he rolled his eyes and acted exasperated, "so plain," as he sighed.

Edward chuckled and Emmett just looked lost. I turned to him, saying, "It's a chick thing, Emmett, just let it go." I noticed Alice lean over and flick Jasper's ear. "Ouch! Well, it's the truth!"

She now rolled her eyes at him and crossed her arms over her chest. "Whatever." I had to laugh as Jasper rubbed his ear and Alice huffed.

I turned toward Edward. "So, I take it you've been here before."

Rose scoffed. "Been here? He and Emmett eat breakfast here more than at home. I'm shocked they don't have their own booth yet."

Emmett pouted. "Aw…Rosie, you know it's nothing personal. You hate making breakfast, and Edward and I have been coming here since high school. See, makes everyone happy. You don't have to cook and, well, you just don't have to cook."

Jasper was looking over the menu now. "So, then, what's good?"

Emmett turned toward Jasper. "Dude, two words - steak and eggs."

Jasper nodded as Emmett sat back and put his arm around Rosalie. Melissa came back with our drinks and pulled out her pad. "So, we ready to order?"

Emmett responded. "Yes, ma'am, we are." He nodded toward Jasper who took his advice and ordered the steak and eggs, Alice had the Belgian waffles with berries, Rosalie ordered her omelet, Emmett ordered the same as Jasper. Edward ordered something called the Tom Waits 2 a.m. breakfast and I took his advice, order the Eleven City French toast.

We all sat and talked comfortably until our food arrived. As we started eating, Rosalie turned to Edward. "Oh God, I almost forgot. Edward, you're working on Thanksgiving this year, huh?"

Edward nodded, swallowing his food. "Just in the morning, why?"

She continued. "So, you'll be home for dinner then?"

"I think so," he replied. "We're not eating until three, right?" Rosalie nodded as she took another bite of her omelet. "What time is pie this year?"

I turned to look at Edward, as he seemed to mull the question over in his head. "Um, I was thinking around six or so. That gives everyone time to be with their families and then those who leave come back to the hospital. Probably between six and seven."

Alice, who looked about as lost as me, piped up. "Pies?"

Emmett, who was cutting into the giant steak on his plate, barely looked up as he responded. "Family tradition."

Edward looked at Alice and replied, "We bring homemade pies to the hospital on Thanksgiving for the families who have sick relatives. Most of them don't leave the hospital, so we try and bring a little of the holiday to them."

Alice pouted. "Aw, that's so sweet. I bet they really appreciate that." She cut into her waffle and took a bite. "Oh my, sweet baby Jesus, Jaz you gotta try these." Jasper looked a little overwhelmed at his own plate. "Not sure I'm going to have room, Alice."

I laughed as cut a bite of my French toast. Edward was watching me and I smiled at him as I put a bite into my mouth.

I moaned as the combination of strawberries, bananas and toasted coconut hit my tongue. "Good lord, Edward." I noticed his eyes close slightly as he tilted his head. "Oh my God. This is sinful." His eyes seemed to bounce between my lips and my eyes.

"I'm glad you like it."

The table had gotten quiet all of a sudden as I turned to look at Rose smiling at me. She winked and mouthed the word "_timing"_.

I crinkled my brow at her and shook my head. She was still staring at me as she asked, "So, Jasper, Alice, what are you two doing for Thanksgiving?" I turned toward Jasper who was seemingly lost - looking between Rosalie and me.

"Well," he drawled, "we were going to go to Texas to see my parents but they were asked to go on a last minute cruise with my aunt and uncle. So, we're staying local. Alice's parents already had plans since they assumed we wouldn't be coming by."

I noticed she hadn't turned away from me as she asked, "And you, Bella? Do you have any plans?"

I dropped my eyes to my plate as I responded. "I don't usually, um…well, holidays aren't that big of thing to me, you know? I kind of have some plans."

She leaned back as she continued to pierce me with those clear blue eyes of hers. "Really, with anyone special?" I noticed Edward shift uncomfortably next to me as he reached for his coffee.

I shook my head as I felt the telltale heat of the blush now staining my cheeks. "Well, um..no, not really. I just kinda like to be by myself. Nothing big. Plus, I have a paper due after the holidays I really need to work on."

She pursed her lips and continued. "Don't you actually have the week off for the holiday?"

I nodded. "Um, yeah."

She then leaned forward and put her elbows on the table around her plate. "Well, then you have plenty of time to work on your paper. I think the three of you should join us for Thanksgiving. Esme and Carlisle have been asking to meet both you and Alice, and since we're all working together now, and I'm sure they'd love to have a house full for the holiday."

Alice smiled. "That would be wonderful. I'd love to actually meet her."

Jasper looked at me questioningly. He reached out and put his hand on mine, which was unexpectedly shaking. "Bella? What do you think?" He squeezed my hand and lowered his head so he could look into my eyes. He clearly knew I was uncomfortable with this.

"I don't know," I whispered.

Edward then reached over and nudged me with his shoulder. "Why don't we let her think about it, huh Rose? Thanksgiving is a week away, she has time to mull it over."

I smiled weakly at him. "That sounds like a good idea. I appreciate the offer, I really do. I'm just not sure with my schedule is all."

"Sure, take all the time you need, we'll save you a spot," Emmett replied. "My mother loves having people around, just let us know what you decide." I nodded as Emmett started talking about the evening and what he heard Tanya talking about at the bar.

I went back to my French toast, which had suddenly lost some of its appeal. The air was easy around me, filled with conversation and friendship. I fought with the warring emotions I was feeling. On one hand, everything felt so comfortable, so natural. I was with some wonderful people, enjoying a great breakfast. But on the other hand I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. If the truth be told, it wasn't that holidays weren't that big to me, it was that they _were_ big. Monumental reminders of everything I'd lost. Traditions passed down that lay wasted with me.

When I was a just a little girl, Renee would wake me up at five am on Thanksgiving morning because we had to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. In her opinion it was "_the only turkey day parade worth watching"._ We used to always talk about actually going to New York to see the parade and walk through Rockefeller Center. We planned it fresh every year, adding something to our imaginary trip - ice-skating, Serendipity, Broadway, Macy's and Radio City.

The parade started off our holiday season. We watched the parade, made breakfast and woke Charlie up extra early. It was almost as exciting as Christmas morning to us. We would spend all day making Thanksgiving dishes and watching our favorite shows, which included _Miracle on 34__th__ Street_ and _The Christmas Story _over and over. We'd shop the next day and pull out all of our Christmas decorations. By the end of the weekend, we were all set up for Christmas.

After they died, the holidays never held the same luster or shine. Jacob and his family didn't have cable and they didn't get the channel that showed the parade. The holidays just weren't the same on the reservation as they had been in our house. I tried to find new traditions, traditions that meant something to Jake, but they never quite fit.

When I moved to Chicago, I saw the holiday festivities, but no longer held any special meaning for me. They were a constant reminder of lost traditions, lost hope, lost futures. My new Thanksgiving Day tradition included take out Chinese food and wishes for the day to end as I sat and fought the memories.

I felt another nudge as I turned to see Edward staring at me, concern on his face. "Hey, you okay?"

I forced a smile as I nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just getting really full." I turned back to my half-eaten plate of food.

He reached over and gently pulled my chin to him. "Bella, no pressure here, okay? I understand if you're not up for it. It's okay." I nodded as he released my chin. He smiled and turned back to the conversation that was going on around my mental breakdown.

Melissa came back to the table and asked if we needed anything else. Emmett responded, "Nope, I think we're good, just the check, if you please."

"Actually," Edward responded, "can I get another order of the Eleven City French Toast, but add chocolate chips and powdered sugar, to go?" I turned to look at him like he was crazy. How was he going to eat that on top of everything else he'd already eaten?

He smiled that lazy, devious smile at me. "It's not for me."

I looked at him, confused. "Okay…"

He laughed. "Really, it's not. But I was wondering, are you up to meeting someone?"

"Meeting someone?" I questioned. "As in now, at…" I looked at my watch, "five thirty in the morning?"

He beamed. "Yeah. I'll bring you home right after that if you'd like. We won't be long, I promise."

Going with the whole, Edward-hasn't-steered-me-wrong-yet feeling, I decided why not. "Sure, I guess so."

"Great," he replied.

Everyone started to shift out of the seats as Emmett went up to pay the bill and Edward went to the counter to get his French toast order for the mystery person I was going to meet at five thirty in the morning.

Jasper reached over and gently pulled me aside as he held my jacket for me. "You know, Bella, you don't have to do anything you don't want to."

I gave him a small smile; Jasper was always looking out for me. "I know, Jasper."

He kissed my forehead. "Okay. You know, we can always come and hang out with you too. We don't need to go the Cullen's."

I pulled away and looked at him. "Jasper, really. I'm good. I'm going to think about it. You and Alice should go, you'll have a good time." I smiled as I hugged him one last time. "Thank you, Jasper. Thanks for just knowing."

He nodded. "Anytime, Bella. I'll talk to you tomorrow? Or, well, maybe later on today?"

I stepped back as Alice came over and gave me a hug. "Thanks for inviting us, Bella. I had a great time. Have fun, 'kay?"

Edward had just come back over to me as Alice reached up and gave him a hug. "Take care of her, would you?"

He smiled. "Sure thing, Alice."

He reached out and shook Jasper's hand as Jasper added. "I'm counting on it."

He nodded as Jasper released his hand. "You ready, Bella?"

I nodded as Rosalie and Emmett came over. "So, Bella, think about it, let me know alright?"

I reached over and hugged Rosalie. "Sure, Rose. Emmett, thanks for breakfast."

He tipped his imaginary hat. "Anytime, kid. See you soon."

Edward stepped up. "Okay, then. We're going to head out. Emmett, I'll talk to you later."

The rain had stopped while we were in the diner and we walked slowly to Edward's car. I paused as he unlocked the door. "Thank you, Edward."

He turned to me. "For what?"

I looked down at my feet, my hair falling to shield my face. "Well, for asking me to come out tonight. For inviting Rose and Emmett, for letting me bring Jasper and Alice. And just, well, just for everything. I can't remember the last time I had this much fun. Thank you."

He reached out and gently lifted my head, then pushed my hair back over my shoulder. "Anytime, Bella. In case you missed it, I had a good time, too."

I smiled as he opened the door and I sat down. He handed me the take out bag as he started the car and turned the heat back on. "We're not going far, so I'm not sure if the car will warm up," he apologized.

We drove through the streets that were just starting to come alive until we came to Mercy Hospital. I looked at him questioningly. "I'm meeting someone at the hospital?"

He crinkled his nose and looked kind of timid, "Um, yeah. I have this patient, her name is Hope. And she's, well, she's pretty special to me."

"Okay." I responded. "Well, let's bring Hope her breakfast, then. Before it gets cold."

He smiled. "Absolutely."

We parked in the staff parking lot and went in through a side entrance. We took an elevator up to the third floor and Edward said "hello" to people as we passed. It was odd walking down the corridor with him. The Edward I had come to know was not the doctor, he was something else. His whole persona was different within these walls. He was revered and respected. I wondered how many of them knew the side of Edward that I had come to know. As crazy as I know it is, I loved the idea that I knew him in a different way. It made me feel special, like we shared a secret.

As we came to the nurse's desk, I saw an elderly woman sitting in front of a computer. She looked up and caught my eye, looking from Edward to me. Then she smiled. "Well, good morning, _Dr. Masen_." I noticed he rolled his eyes at her. "Good morning, Sylvia. I thought you had today off."

She sighed. "Well, Mary Anne called in sick and we've had some new admits, so they called me to cover. I'm taking tonight off in exchange. I could ask you the same thing – aren't you supposed to have today off? Why are _you_ here? And more importantly, who is this lovely lady you have with you?"

I noticed Edward look down, uneasy. "Um, this is Bella, she's a…friend of mine. We were just out for breakfast and I thought I'd bring Hope one of her favorites. Do you know if she's up?"

Sylvia reached out and offered her hand. "Well, Bella. I'm Sylvia, it's nice to meet you. And yes, Edward, Hope's up. She's been up for a while. She's had a rough night."

I watched as Edward visibly shifted from the carefree musician into doctor mode. "What's going on? Do you have her chart?"

Sylvia reached down. "Yep. She's just showing signs of congestion, slight fever, and moderate crackling in her left lung. She hasn't slept very well and she isn't responding to her pain meds, but what else is new?"

I watched as Edward flipped through her chart with a worrisome look on his face. "Okay, I'm going to go and see her. If her condition changes at all, please, beep me. I'll keep my pager on, I want to know."

Sylvia reached back for the chart. "No problem, Edward. If I don't see you before you leave, get some sleep this weekend. Okay?" She turned to me. "Please make sure he gets some rest."

I looked at her, stunned. "Um, sure?"

Edward reached out and grabbed my hand; tingles ran the length of my arm as he gently squeezed my palm. "Come on, Bella. Sylvia."

We walked down the hall and stopped outside a door as Edward reached over and squirted sanitizer on his hands, indicating I should do the same. Then he pushed the door open and walked in.

I stayed back, toward the door and behind the curtain that had been pulled as I heard a girl's voice. "Well, if it isn't Dr. McDreamy. What brings you here this lovely morning?" She coughed as she ended her question.

I watched as Edward walked over and placed the container of food on the hospital bed table and pulled it over toward the bed. "Ha ha. Good morning, Dr. Grey. I brought you some food." He lifted his eyes to mine as I stayed close to the door.

Suddenly, the curtain was pulled over as I saw a young girl reaching over; moving it to see what or who Edward was looking at. "She doesn't look edible," she stated as I took in her small frame.

She was beautiful, long blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail, bright blue eyes shining over the oxygen mask she was holding to her nose. Edward threw a slipper at her and I flinched. "Don't be a smart ass, or won't get your French toast. I know how much you love the hospital's eggs."

She deflected the slipper as she turned back toward him. "Well, you didn't say you brought French toast. Eleven City?"

He pulled it out of the bag. "Is there any other?"

She smiled as she pulled the mask away from her face. "I'll be on my best behavior." She turned to me. "Hey, girl who's lurking in my doorway, I'm Hope. Edward's better half. And you are…?"

I watched the exchange between the two of them as Edward slid her leg over and sat on the end of the bed. He motioned for me to come over. "Hope, this is Bella. She's a friend of mine. Bella, this is Hope, she's, well…how do I explain Hope?" She reached over and smacked him on the arm.

"Like I said, I'm his better half. We're co-dependant on each other, he's misery and I'm company. Although lately, he's chipper and I'm scared."

Edward reached over and plucked a strawberry from atop her French toast. "Honestly, I don't know why I do nice things for you, you're vicious."

She slapped his hands. "Keep off the strawberries, Dr. Masen. Oh, you had them add the chocolate chips. Fine, I'll be nice. I'm his patient, he's my doctor. He keeps me sane in my little locked-up hell here and I keep him honest." She popped a strawberry in her mouth as she looked from Edward to me, and then continued. "He's my sanity," she said with an air of honesty on her whispered breath.

Just then, Sylvia popped her head in the door. "Hey, Edward, you have a minute? I just want you to look at something here." He turned to me. "You going to be okay here, with her?"

I smiled as Hope rolled her eyes. "What could I possibly do to her, Edward? Seriously? I won't bite her, I promise."

I laughed at the camaraderie between the two of them; it was endearing. "I'm fine, go do what you need to. I'm sure Hope and I can find something to talk about."

He stood up and looked pointedly at Hope. "That's what I'm afraid of." He turned back to me. "I'm sure more than half of what she tells you will be a lie. Keep that in mind, Bella."

She huffed. "As if…"

Edward turned and left the room as Hope pointed to a chair on the other side of her bed. "Have a seat, friend Bella." I walked across the room to the chair she had pointed to and moved the laptop to the nightstand. Hope was cutting into her French toast eagerly as I sat. "Sometimes, I really love that man. He knows how to make a girl feel loved."

She took a bite and turned her head to face me as some emotion passed though her eyes. "I mean, chocolate- and strawberry-loaded French toast? Does it get any better?"

I laughed. "They are good. I had the same thing, minus the chocolate."

She moaned as she took another bite. "Next time add the chocolate, it's so much better."

Next time…

I nodded. "I'll remember that."

She finished chewing as she studied me, making me slightly uncomfortable. "So, friend Bella. Edward has never directly mentioned you. How long have you two been…friends?"

I squirmed slightly in my chair. "Um, well, it's been a fairly recent development. A couple of months."

She stopped chewing as again her eyes flickered, a knowing glance passing over her face. "A couple of months, huh? Makes sense."

I cocked my head at her, furrowing my brow. "I'm sorry?"

She waved her fork at me. "Nothing. Just forget it. Nothing big."

Edward stepped back into the room then. "Is she being nice?"

I smiled, looking from Edward to Hope. "Very cordial."

He turned around, looking toward the door and back at me. "Did I come into the right room? I don't think I've ever heard anyone refer to Hope as 'cordial'."

She scoffed. "Now who's being the smart ass?"

He put his hand out and ruffled her hair. "All's fair, wee one."

She pushed him away. "Don't call me that, I hate that nickname and you know it."

He smiled at her. "Hence the reason I use it so liberally."

She cut another piece of toast and put it in her mouth. "Whatever."

"We're going to head out, it's been a long night. I still have to bring Bella home, and you should really try and get some sleep yourself. Ask Sylvia for something if you find that you can't, alright?"

She waved her fork at him now. "Sure, sure."

He offered me his hand as I started to get up out of the chair and I noticed Hope turning to look at us with a piece of French toast hanging on her fork in mid air.

"It was nice meeting you, Hope. I hope you feel better soon."

She shook her head as if coming out of a stupor. "Yeah, you too, friend Bella. You should stop by sometime. This guy's mug, as pretty as it is, gets a little boring after a while. I could use some good girl talk."

Edward turned to Hope. "Now, there's a scary thought."

Hope shrugged. "Hey, you brought her to the den, can't help it if she likes it."

I snickered at the two of them; it was like they were siblings or something. "Sure, Hope, I'd love to come back."

She tilted her head as she plopped the French toast in her mouth. After she swallowed she said, "I'll hold you to that."

We turned and walked out of the room. Edward said his goodbyes as we walked past the nurse's station. As we walked to the car, I thought of the invitation Rose had extended. I'd been alone for so long, made my own traditions, traditions that secluded me from people who cared. People like Edward.

She smiled at me as he opened my door and closed it behind me.

Edward genuinely cared about people, including me. He was smart and kind, talented and fair. He was open and honest and just wanted me to try. Try and see him or the world in a little different light. He was making me want to try.

As he got in I turned to face him. "Edward?"

He started the car. "Yeah?"

I looked down as I knotted my hands. "Um, are you sure I wouldn't be imposing if I were to come to Thanksgiving?"

He smiled slightly and I noticed his eyes were alight. "Not at all."

I took a deep breath and nodded. "Okay, if you're sure. I'd love to come."

He reached out and grabbed me in a hug. I felt my body melt into his as tingles coursed their way through my body, warming me from the inside out. "That would be wonderful, Bella. Truly wonderful."

For him, for this, I felt like I had to at least be willing to try.

* * *

A/N: well, there you go…they met. Whatdya think? Again, sorry for the delay, I hope its not that long again going forward!

There's this little itty bitty button down yonder…yep, that's the one. Go ahead and push it, I dare ya…leave me a little Sutton Sutton…you know you want to…and now you know I want you to! Go ahead, everyone's doing it…

See you on the flip side!

t


	13. Awakenings

I know, it's been a while. I hope I make up with it in the size of the chapter, it's a long one, longest yet. In order to fully tell the story in this chapter I had to switch points of view a few times. I've never done that, I typically try to keep each chapter to one POV but unless I wanted four separate smaller chapters I just couldn't do it this time.

The chapter is mostly Bella centric but the title is all about Edward.

I'd like to thank Sweet Dulcinea who gave me my musical inspiration for this chapter. The song she suggested is "Giving it Away" by Mae. Link is on my profile. This is Edward's song for his awakening. It's even piano acoustic. Wonderful song, take a listen. It's officially going on my writing play list.

Also, I'd like to dedicate this chapter to a new reader, her name is milliereads and we're just going to say that she really inspired me for this chapter. I appreciate all the information you provided me. I hope you like the update.

I'd like to thank my beta's VJGM, who spent hours online chatting with me working through the first POV on this chapter, I was having problems with the idea of flashbacks and she helped me work it out. To withthevampsofcourse, who was crazy busy and couldn't get to this…I love ya darling! I'll updload the officially double beta'd chapter when I get it!

And to my daughter, Heaven's Immortal. She made it through to the second and final round of the Indie Awards for her story Not Her. That is such a huge accomplishment and I'm so very proud of her. She didn't win but it doesn't even matter, she was nominated with so many other stories, I think if I said there were fifty plus I wouldn't be exaggerating, and she made it through to be one of the top ten stories. Whether she wins or not, that's an accomplishment and mama's damn proud.

Lastly, I'd like to thank another loyal reader, Anniej13. Last week she featured A Person of Worth on The Lazy Yet Discerning Ficster. This is the biggest honor I've received for this story and her kind words brought tears to my eyes. Annie, you're all kinds of win.

As always, I own nothing of the Twilight universe. With that be said, I bring you, Chapter 13 – Awakening

BPOV

It had been two weeks since I agreed to go to Thanksgiving. In those two weeks I felt my life shifting. I was curiously optimistic and that scared me more than I'd like to admit. The shifts were infinitesimal. Little things, making up the whole, it was a phone call - a flower - a meeting - a gift. A sudden longing for interaction. It'd been years since I'd felt like this. The optimistic hope of finding out what Rose was up to, the call from Alice just to see how my day went. New things brought the optimism, old fears brought back the fright.

I'd exchanged Leah for Rose, Emmett for Sam, Embry for Jasper and Rachel for Alice. And Edward…I couldn't put Edward into a box. Very slowly I was coming to realize it was Edward's call, Edward's voice, Edward's smile I'd craved the most.

And it scared me. _He's not Jake,_ I kept telling myself. He's not.

But he's something.

My eyes refocused on my image as I stood in front of the mirror curling my hair with a curling iron Alice had _conveniently_ left at my house. I stared at the person facing me in the mirror…recognition was fleeting.

I released the curl and picked up another piece of hair, slowly pulling it through the curling iron to the ends. As I twisted it around the rod, I thought back to the morning after the bar.

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It was a box. Just sitting there outside my door. I turned to look down the hallway, not finding anyone lurking. Just the box. Then I noticed the corner of an envelope sticking out the top, small and indiscriminate.

I pulled out the crème colored envelope and noticed my name etched in beautiful blue writing across the middle.

_Bella._

I knew who it was from before I opened it. The script matching the voice, smooth, elegant, lovely.

Forgetting my original reason for opening the door, I looked one more time down the hallway then reached down and grabbed the box taking it into the living room. I ran my fingers over the script one more time before sitting back and opening the envelope.

Bella,

I feel the need to remind you that I won our bet. I can just see you sitting there shaking your head with your brow crinkled refusing to open the box. Rest assured, I'm sticking to the terms of our agreement.

Talk to you soon.

Sincerely,

Edward

I rolled my eyes and shook my head as I placed the letter down and reached for the box. I thought doctors were supposed to have unreadable handwriting. Must Edward be perfect at everything?

Then I smiled…

_Sincerely, Edward…_

An image of Edward as he reached over and hugged me passed through my mind's eye. I opened the box and laughed when the very first thing I noticed was a takeout box from the diner where, what I now referred to as, "the great pie experiment" had occurred. There was a note attached to the container.

No one's favorite that I know of…perhaps yours? E

I pulled the container out of the box and looked at the peculiar green pie in front of me. It had a slice of lime on the top and what looked like whipped cream. I placed the pie on my coffee table and looked back inside the box. Sitting on top of a CD player and a few CD's was a single purple Iris. I took it out of the box and lifted it to my nose. I closed my eyes breathing in the scent and smiled.

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I quickly pulled my now burnt finger from the accosted curling iron wondering if it was possible to burn your hair from these torture devices. I ran my finger under the cold water as I remembered walking to work in the cold rain from the train station last Wednesday.

There were two words that were infiltrating my very being. Two words that had slowly woken me from my four year slumber of withdrawal. Two words both invigorated and petrified me, two words could be my salvation or my undoing.

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_Sincerely, Edward…_

I was fighting with the wind while holding onto my tea, umbrella and messenger bag all while trying to avoid the ever growing puddles in the walk way. Suddenly, I heard my cell phone ringing. I contemplated ignoring the call, and then remembered no one ever really called me besides Jasper. Curiosity got the best of me as I struggled to hold the umbrella with my chin balancing it against the wind. I managed to pull the phone from my pocket and looked at the screen.

_Unknown Caller_

I sighed dropping it back into my pocket as it continued to ring. The wind suddenly picked up and pulled the umbrella from my grasp. I turned quickly to catch it as it began blowing down the street.

When I'd finally made it into work, I was drenched from chasing the umbrella and pissed because I'd managed to pour half my tea down the front of my coat while chasing said umbrella. As I dropped my bag in the break room and began pulling my wet hair up into a pony tail, I heard my phone chirp from my coat pocket. I groaned. All this for a wrong number.

I pulled the phone out and noticed I had a text message. I opened the phone and read the message.

_Key lime not your thing? Are you working today? E._

I realized it was Edward who had been calling earlier. I hadn't gotten his phone number that night at the bar so I couldn't call him to thank him for my box of gifts. It made sense that of course his number would come up as unknown. I smiled as I remembered the pie and the flower.

I quickly saved his number and replied to his text.

_It was good, but not top 5, maybe 8? Loved the flower, thank you. Yes, I'm working until close. How about you? B_

A few minutes later my phone beeped again. I tried to fight back the smile as I walked up to the reference desk but lost the battle. I pulled the phone out and opened the text message.

_Nope, worked Mon and Tues, heading to bed. Can I call you later?_

All of a sudden the memory of Edward's face as he laughed and joked with Hope flooded my mind. I hit the reply button and typed in four letters.

_Sure._

I paused before hitting send.

Hope's face flashed through my mind, the knowing glint in her eye as she stared at me and simply said, "Makes sense…"

I hit the send button and smiled.

My evening flew by and before I knew it, it was time to go home. As I walked back to the employee lounge I thought of my train ride home. I pondered as I realized the thought of losing myself on the train no longer soothed me the way it once had.

I had just finished closing up the front doors when lightning filled the sky. I was dreading the walk to the train.

Thunder filled my ears as I turned to go down the stairs. It was then that I noticed a familiar silver Volvo parked in the road. Suddenly, I realized, the train…it was my…therapy? Time to reflect and long for what I couldn't have.

Edward emerged from the driver side with a big black umbrella.

It was my time to bring me back to that place, the place where nothing but sheer exhaustion was my only refuge from the nightmares…my time to remember.

Lightning filled the sky again as the wind picked up. Edward ran up the stairs stopping half way as I stared at him, the wind whipping my hair across my face.

"I thought you might like a ride tonight rather than walking to the train?" he questioned.

I silently looked toward the road heading to the train station, then back at Edward. Lightning zig zagged through the sky as I stood staring at the two roads ahead of me, Edwards face illuminated with the light in the sky. "Bella, are you okay?"

I glanced once more toward the familiar path I'd taken time and time again then smiled as I nodded my head. "Yes, I'd like that."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The memory of Edward's returning smile lingered in my mind as I ran my fingers through the newly formed curls in my hair. As I pinned my hair back I felt a constricting in my chest as memories of the last Thanksgiving I'd celebrated flashed in my mind.

Jake.

I replayed that holiday so many times. Sam and Leah lying on the couch, her watching TV and him watching her, mindlessly playing with the diamond on her finger. Rachel and Billy sitting in the kitchen debating over who was going to win the Cowboys game. Embry and Jake coming in from the cold, wet night, laughing at whatever mischief they'd been getting into.

It warmed my heart to have people around me, holidays were always the worst. I knew they only celebrated this particular holiday for me, they were my family.

I smiled as Jake crossed the room and shook his cold wet hair over me. He laughed and hugged me as he turned to see where I'd been staring. As he looked back, he kissed me, "You know, we're next right? You and me forever, Bells."

I kissed him back and whispered, "Forever."

But my forever never came. Jake had gotten his and I'd gotten real.

The memory of Jake smiling at me in my mind slowly faded. It was replaced with the new memories of me, alone here in Chicago. Far away from the place where pain was physical and the hurt was stifling.

Then I remembered the train. Nameless faces, shadows searching in the night. Slowly the faces changed and I found familiarity.

Closing my eyes I'd seen their smiles, Rosalie and Emmett, Jasper and Alice and lastly, Edward.

His note flashed behind my eyes.

_Sincerely, Edward._

Standing in the rain half way up the stairs, meeting me half way.

Hugging me as I agreed to go to Thanksgiving.

Messing up Hope's hair as she lay eating the breakfast he hand delivered, knowing she couldn't go there on her own.

Smiling at Alice as she sings to Jasper.

Edward.

As my heart raced with the memories, my head told me I needed to slow this down. They were close, almost too close. What if I lost them all? Could I survive that again? No…I know I couldn't. I had to be careful, yes I had let them in, yes I loved being with them but I couldn't jump in head first. I'd had my world crumble before and I knew I couldn't live through it again.

So, cautiously. That was how I was going to handle this. Cautiously.

I heard a knock on my door and knew it had to be Jasper and Alice. I walked down the hall as I put my heels on and went to the door. "I'm coming…" I yelled. I opened the door to find Jasper leaning on the door jam and Alice in front of him. "Hey guys, I just need a couple more minutes."

Alice came forward and hugged me. "You look great, Bella. I love your hair!"

I shook my head and rolled my eyes. "Really? Thanks, Alice. I found the curling iron you left here last time you were over. I took the hint."

Alice started walking past me. "What, that old thing? Please, you can keep it, I have, like, five." I looked to Jasper who just shrugged and smiled. "You clean up nice," he said as he leaned over and gave me a hug.

I hugged him back then closed the door behind them. "Thank you, Jasper. And Alice? It was still in the box…" She turned and smiled at me. "Like I said, you can keep it. It'd never work in my hair anyway."

Suddenly Jasper turned to face me. "Bella? Do you have music playing?" I felt the blood rush to my face, "Um…yeah, excuse me." I looked down and rushed into the living room to turn off the small CD player that Edward had loaned me.

I turned around to find Jasper standing in the doorway smirking at me. "You didn't have to turn it off. I just don't think I've ever heard you playing music before."

I turned around to face him. "It's no big deal. It's something Edward gave me."

Jasper raised his eyebrows and tilted his head. "Edward?"

I nodded my head. "Yeah, no big deal. Um, I gotta finish getting ready. I'll be right back." I walked past him and into the bathroom.

I placed my hands on the side of the sink as I bent over and tried to catch my breath.

Cautiously, damn it.

I straightened up and threw my lip gloss and eye liner into my clutch.

I walked back to the kitchen where Jasper and Alice were and grabbed the two bottles of wine I had bought to bring with me to the Cullen's house. "I'm ready, let's go."

As we stepped out of my apartment I noted the sky. Clouds were rolling in and you could smell the snow in the air. Jasper opened the doors for both Alice and I. As the door closed I sighed and sat back into the leather seats.

Alice turned toward me and smiled a tight lipped smile. She reached back and squeezed my knee, "I'm surprised you didn't make your apple pie. Isn't it a Thanksgiving staple for you?"

I leaned my head against the car window and immediately saw Edward's eyes as I remembered the key lime pie in my box. Green, soothing.

I smiled a tight lipped smile back at Alice as Jasper was closing his door. "From what I understand of the traditional Cullen Thanksgiving, me bring pie would have been redundant."

His note flashed through my mind once again,

_Perhaps yours? E_

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_Sincerely, Edward…_

I was in class paying more attention to the list of things I needed to get done before Thanksgiving when my phone beeped. I quickly reached for it to silence the noise. I apologetically smiled as the professor turned to me. "Ms. Swan…do you need to be excused?"

I shook my head. "Sorry, Professor, I forgot to turn it off."

I quickly looked at the message as I fumbled with the buttons.

_Meet me at Elmo's across from campus after your class. E_

I turned off the phone and looked at the clock. Ten minutes. Suddenly I realized I was smiling at the thought of seeing Edward in a few minutes. I rose quickly from my desk when the professor excused us and wondered at the quickening of my heart as I walked out the door. I slowed down as I realized I was excited to see him. It'd been nearly a week since he'd given me a ride home. We'd both been busy but we had exchanged text messages multiple times. Quicker than I'd expected I approached the door to Elmo's, my favorite on campus coffee shop.

I opened the door and was greeted by soft chatter and the rich smells of coffee and baked goods. I turned and saw him sitting in the back of the café. He stood as I approached and stepped around the chair to take my coat from me. I sat as he hung it up on the wall hook next to the chair he was sitting in. "I ordered you the caramel hot chocolate with whipped cream. I hope that's okay."

I smiled as I leaned forward and picked up the large ceramic mug and let the heat warm my cold fingers. "It's just what the doctor ordered."

He rolled his eyes at my attempted joke. "Like I haven't heard that one before."

I took a sip and moaned. "God, that's good."

Edward suddenly looked a bit apprehensive as his gaze shifted from my eyes to my lips. I sucked in a breath as he leaned forward and extended his hand. He gently cupped my cheek as he ran his thumb over my top lip and paused at the corner. I sucked my lips in and licked them as he rubbed my cheek.

He tilted his head and gave me that wonderus little smirk. "Sorry, you had a little whipped cream on your lip," he whispered.

I turned my head from his hand and quietly whispered back, "Thank you."

He leaned back and grabbed his coffee as we both sat quietly for a moment. He broke the uneasy silence first. "So, I was thinking it's about time you and I set up a date."

My head snapped to him. "Excuse me?" I noticed his little grin had yet to leave his face. "You know, a date," he shrugged, "you, me, a string quartet." His eyes were mischievous as he lifted his coffee to his lips never breaking his gaze from mine.

"Quartet? Oh….Matt. Did his brother get back to him?" I questioned the tightening in my chest. Was I relieved or disappointed? He nodded his head.

"Yep, so, are you free the Sunday after Thanksgiving? Feel up to breaking out your dancing shoes?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Edward, I already told..."

He put down his mug with one hand and raised his other interrupting me,."Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, you don't dance. Although I do recall you dancing the other night quite well."

I raised my chin defiantly. "But…"

He continued. "I know, I know, special circumstances and all. Either way, they're playing at a dinner hall down town this weekend and then they're out of town for a couple weeks. This is the best time to see them."

I sighed, seemingly deflated, nearly pouting and looked up at him. He smiled as he said, "Special circumstances."

There was something about Edward, in my heart of hearts I knew I'd never win. But I was starting to question whether or not I really wanted to. I tried not to smile as I shook my head at him. "When and where?"

He smoothly slid a piece of paper across the table to me. "I'll pick you up at seven thirty if that's okay. It's a pretty formal place. You may want to dress up."

I growled and he raised his hands in submission. "Just a suggestion." I closed my eyes and sighed. "God, Rose is so going to owe me for this." I opened my eyes and watched as Edward smiled and snickered.

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Before I realized it, we were pulling down what appeared to be a side road with a mailbox at the end. Alice looked toward the mailbox the back to me. "Is it a private road?"

I shrugged and shook my head. "I'm not sure. The box says Cullen so I guess this is it."

As Jasper continued down the dirt drive he reached out and took Alice's hand and my stomach did a flip. It's not as if I hadn't seen them express their love for each other before but all of a sudden I realized today I was going to be facing not one happy couple but three.

Odd man out.

I shook off the slight feeling of panic as I lifted my eyes from their hands to the window between the seats and toward the road that seemed to have no end. Turning to stare out the side window I watched as we passed by tree after tree. There was a small meadow off to the left of the car and there was a bench sitting off to the side of the tree line.

The snow had just begun to fall and the landscape had a dusting of new covering the browning grass and long since forgotten wild flowers. The bench stood out in contrast to the emptiness of the surrounding forest and I wondered how such a beautiful landscape could exist so close but yet so far from the hustle and bustle of the city.

"Wow…" Alice's revere broke my gaze from the meadow. The house was beautiful. It was a large colonial style home with a wraparound porch. It was large and formal looking but yet exuded warmth, inviting you to stay a while and make yourself comfortable.

Jasper pulled in next to what I assumed was Emmett's truck. As we parked the car the front door opened and Rosalie stood on the porch and smiled. Emmett soon came out to join her as we walked up the path to the house. "Jasper," Emmett reached out to shake his hand, "welcome. Bella, Alice, always a pleasure."

Rose reached over to hug both Alice and I. "Well, come on. Let's not stand out here all night. It's much warmer in the house."

The house smelled of turkey and spices, the scent pouring over us as the warmth permeated our bones. Emmett took our jackets when we came in and Rose pulled us down a hall and into a rounded living room where he introduced us to Carlisle and Esme, Emmett's parents.

"Mom, Dad, this is Jasper and Alice." Emmett began introducing everyone and I heard Alice tell them she loved their home. As they spoke back and forth their voices started to fade. I looked around the room and noticed all the pictures that lined the tables and fire place. From every corner Edward's eyes stared back at me.

"…and this is Bella."

I snapped my eyes back to the couple in front of me, smiling as I extended my hand, "It's nice to meet you Mr. and Mrs. Cullen. Thank you for inviting me to your home."

Esme took my hand and pulled me into a hug. "Bella, it's so nice to finally meet you. Welcome, make yourself at home."

I was a bit stunned as I looked to see Emmett and Rose smiling at me. I pulled away. "Um…okay. Thank you, very much."

Carlisle reached over and extended his hand. "Please, call us Carlisle and Esme. We're nothing if not informal around here. It's a pleasure to meet you." He turned to Emmett and clapped his hand to his shoulder. "How about getting our guests some drinks, Emmett. Would everyone like some egg nog? Wine?"

Carlisle smiled at me and seemed to note my preoccupation. "Please, feel free to look around, make yourself at home."

I smiled and thanked him as I heard Esme ask Rose to help her bring out the hors d'oeuvres. I walked to a long dark l table which displayed multiple picture frames.

I'd know those eyes anywhere, but the face didn't match. The woman was beautiful, deep red curly hair and deep green eyes. The man behind her had darker brown hair but the facial structure was this same.

These were Edward's parents.

Next to that picture was the same couple but added was a baby. His hair refused to be tamed, even then. He was beautiful.

There were many others. Two boys, one dimpled and burly the other skinny and grinning. They had fishing poles and one fish between them.

Two women sitting on wooden patio chairs with wine, laughing. Edward and Emmett, covered in mud and Edward's father in the background with a hose coming at them from behind.

The pictures went on, table after table. Wall to fireplace. Happy memories, laughing smiling families. Loving, sharing life.

A small copper haired boy in a bow tie, playing the piano. Mirth filled his eyes as he smiled at the camera.

Two young men, teenagers, dressed in suits, shaking hands. An eighth grade graduation sign in the background. Esme, Carlisle and Emmett and a matching one of Edward and his parents, it was the same day. They looked so proud.

A picture of Edward, nearly a man, sitting on the hood of a beat up black Trans-Am. Boots untied, jeans and a black t-shirt. He was sitting on the car, keys in hand, elbows on his knees, looking sideways at the camera. Hair in disarray, smirking, his eyes danced with mischief and I wondered, for just a moment, what it would have been like to know him then. He was confident, nearly cocky, beautiful…always beautiful.

Emmett leaning up against a mud covered jeep with huge tires and lights on the top. Cherokee written down the side. Even then he was huge, his arms busting from the white tank top he had on.

Looking between the two I felt sorry for the girls who crossed their paths. I chuckled as I moved on. Alice had come up behind me.

"Wow. These are great. I love watching people grow through pictures. You capture a moment in time, you can almost see their souls through the lenses. Do you think these are Edward's parents?" she asked as she picked up the frame of the couple.

"I would assume so," I replied. I walked over to the fireplace where there were more pictures.

The first one I noticed was a larger black and white photo of Edward. He was sitting at the piano, staring ahead. All the warmth was gone from his eyes, the mischief no longer present.

Edward and Emmett with graduation gowns on. Esme and Carlisle on either ends of them. Holding them together. The smiles were forced as if the light had been extinguished. I noticed Carlisle's hand on Edward's shoulder, he was gripping it as if he were holding him up. There was no smile on Edward's face. He stared blankly as if he just existed in the moment, the boy on the Trans-Am nowhere to be seen.

The next one I noticed was a picture of Edward in blue scrubs. He was holding a stethoscope in one hand, the other was lodged in his hair. He was smiling at the camera, but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

"That was his first day as a resident," Esme said as she came up behind me, "we were all so proud of him." She ran her hand across the frame. "We still are. He's such a wonderful man."

I smiled as I turned to her. "He is."

She returned my smile. "He should be here soon. Would you like something to drink, Bella? Wine?" I turned to follow her. There was a table set out with food and drinks set out. "Sure. Oh Gosh, I forgot, I brought you a couple bottles of wine, here let me grab them." I went to the doorway where we'd taken off our coats and grabbed the bag with the wine in it.

"You didn't have to bring anything, dear," Esme said as I brought the bottles into the room.

"I wanted to. It was so gracious of you to invite me, I wouldn't dare come empty handed."

She laughed as she extended her hands for the bottles. "Beauty and manners. You're parents should be proud." I winced as the feeling of being slammed into a wall ran through my body.

"Thank you," I responded.

Emmett had just entered the room as I recognized the look in Esme's eyes. "Hey Mom, tell me you made the stuffed mushrooms this year."

She squeezed my hand and turned toward Emmett. "Why, yes I did, Emmett. They're in the oven."

"Yes!" he exclaimed as Rose and Jasper came in the room behind him. Jasper crossed the room and passed a glass of wine to Alice who smiled and leaned up to give him a kiss.

Everyone was in the family room, the warmth in the room not being exuded from the fire but from the company. I stood off to the side as I watched Esme show Alice and Jasper pictures of Emmett and Edward as they grew from babies to men.

Emmett was standing behind Rose with his arms around her waist. Laughing as Esme retold the story of why he and Edward were covered in mud. Alice had her head on Jaspers shoulder and his hand in hers as they laughed at the stories being told. Carlisle added comments when he felt Esme was leaving something pertinent out.

I watched from the outskirts as they passed pictures back and forth.

I felt him behind me before I heard him.

"It's hard to watch them sometimes," I turned my head toward him as he continued, "even when I'm here with them it's like their happiness isn't mine. It's borrowed. They live, I watch."

I watched his face as he stared beyond me to the scene in the living room. "They love you very much you know."

He nodded once and turned his face to me. "I know. And I love them. But..they're Emmett's parents. Not mine."

He looked so tired. Like the lost boy at the piano once again. I turned to face him and he looked at me.

"Edward!" Esme called.

I felt him place his hand on my lower back as we both walked into the family room. "Happy Thanksgiving." He smiled as he walked around and greeted everyone. Emmett hugged him and patted him on the back as he released him he asked, "You want a beer? You look like you could use it."

Edward nodded. "Sure, it's been a hell of a day. I'm just going to go and take a shower if that's alright."

It was Esme's turn to hug him as she said, "You still have some clothes and stuff up in your room. There are towels in your bathroom. Go on, take your time. We won't start without you." He paused in front of me. "I'll be right back," he told me, then he turned and walked up the stairs, holding onto the railing like it were his life line.

The only other time I'd seen him like this was that very first night, as he sang into the emptiness of the night. I'd nearly forgotten the melancholy angel, the vision of Edward which my soul recognized. Suddenly all of Rose's comments about how much Edward had changed in the last few months made sense.

His words that night came back to haunt me, as I watched him climb the stairs.

_Don't got no fight in me in this whole damn world…  
Somehow I know it's all wrong…  
Girl, save your soul, before you're too far gone._

Something had changed with Edward, I hadn't noticed until just now. Edward had his demons just as I had mine.

Esme had come into the hallway. "Edward? I forgot to tell you, a package came for you the other day. Something from Kodak, I left it on your nightstand."

He turned to face her. "I must not have changed my address. I hardly ever get pictures developed. I think they're from the Lord's Pavilion for Rose. Although, I'm sure Bella's already shown Rose the pictures she took."

He smiled at me, "I'm sure hers were much better." He turned and continued up the stairs.

"That reminds me, Bella," Esme said as she took my arm and directed me back to the living room, "Rose keeps telling me how much of a help you've been in planning the wedding. It's amazing, everything you've gotten done so far. Have you booked the music yet?"

I followed her into the living room where everyone was sitting and took a spot on the love seat. "Um, well, funny you should ask. I'm actually going with Edward on Sunday to check out the string quartet, and then in January I'm going to be heading up to Milwaukee to see the live band. Then I think we can make a decision and get it locked down. We're cutting it really close."

Carlisle then leaned forward in his chair and pulled Esme down so she was sitting on his lap. He smiled at her then turned to me. "Will Edward be going with you to Milwaukee?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "I'm not sure, we haven't really talked about it. Although someone should probably go instead of me to be honest, I tried telling Rose she assigned this task to the wrong person."

Carlisle looked puzzled. "Why do you say that? From what I've heard you've done a wonderful job with everything so far."

I laughed. "Well, I wouldn't say wonderful. I've narrowed her options down but the big decisions are hers. I'd say music is a big decision and I'm not so sure I'm the right person. See…I'm a bit, musically challenged."

Jasper huffed out a short laugh. "You could say that."

Esme looked between the two of us as I glared at Jasper. "How would you define musically challenged?" she asked.

"Well, Esme," Jasper replied, "let me put it this way. I've known Bella longer than anyone in this room and in that time, today was the very first time I've ever heard her actually listening to music."

I rolled my eyes at him and shook my head. If he was closer and we weren't in mixed company I'd have smacked him by now.

"You know what, Bella," Alice added, "he's right. I don't think I've ever heard you listening to music before. What's changed?"

I felt the tell tale blush as I turned and looked toward the stairs. "Nothing's changed, Alice. I just…I just thought I'd try and expand my horizons is all."

I turned back and noticed Esme's quaint smile as she looked from me to the upstairs. "Well, that sounds like a wonderful thing to do, Bella. Could you all please excuse me? I'll be right back." She rose from Carlisle's lap and walked up the stairs Edward had walked up.

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Esme POV

I walked up the stairs, away from the beautiful enigma that was Bella Swan. When I got to the top of the staircase I looked down at the people in the living room.

It hadn't escaped my attention that Bella sat away from the group. She chose the seat furthest from the crowd, sitting alone when she could have sat with the others. I had watched her as she looked at the pictures of Edward, how her finger dragged down the framed picture of him on his first day as a doctor.

She smiled when she needed to, but it was in her eyes where her sorrow showed. Her brown eyes matched his green. Both empty, both wanting, on the outside looking in.

I turned and walked down the long hallway, remembering how many times I'd walked down here to talk to him. I'd get to his door but I'd never find the courage to knock. If nothing else, Edward was a solitary person, he'd rather suffer in silence than tell you how he felt. It was his only defense mechanism.

When Elizabeth and Edward died, they left this world in mind and body, but along with them, they'd taken their sons soul. Edward never seemed quite complete again, he'd buried his feelings with the two coffins as they were lowered into the ground.

Only recently had I started to notice a change in Edward. Emmett had told me he thought he'd finally turned the corner but I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it for myself. Actually, I should say I'd heard it.

It was an early Saturday morning just over a week ago that Edward had called me. "Hey, Auntie." He hadn't called me auntie in years. After Elizabeth died, I'd become Esme. The boy to man transition was instantaneous. I'd missed being auntie to Edward. "What's the flower that means hope?" he asked.

I was stunned. "Hope? Well, if I remember correctly, that would be the Iris. Why?" He laughed into the phone, I can't remember the last time I'd heard him laugh like that, it was musical. "No reason. Just needed to know. Thanks," he paused, "I love you auntie, I know I don't say it much, but I do."

A felt tears pooling in my eyes. "I love you too, Edward." All too quickly he said, "I'll talk to you later. Give Carlisle my love."

Hope.

Edward had found hope and had the sneaking suspicion it was in the form of Isabella Swan.

I hadn't heard him come in while we were reminiscing over his and Emmett's childhood pictures. I turned to find him and Bella locked in a gaze. Staring at each other like starving men being presented a buffet. Their bodies were turned toward each other, being pulled in by the other. Both so serious and intent, both so vulnerable and alone.

I knocked on his door and turned the knob. He was sitting on his bed his shirt half way buttoned up. His wet hair seemed darker like his father's, no longer taking the red from Elizabeth. He was holding a picture in his hand, the rest scattered on the floor in front of him.

"Have you told her?" I asked him.

He lifted his head. "Pardon me?"

I sat down next to him. In his hand was a picture of him and Bella. Standing in front of each other. The sun was setting behind them and they were looking at each other. Locked in the same stare as down stairs.

"She's quite wonderful, Edward." He looked back at me puzzled. He motioned to the picture. "This was just…"

"Edward," I interrupted him. "I've known you your entire life." He looked down; a pained expression crossed his face. "Edward Anthony Masen, you love that girl."

He raised his face and I noticed the moisture pooling in his eyes. "I can't, auntie. I just… she's just…"

I reached up and cupped his face. "Edward. You can." His lip trembled as a single tear cascaded down his left cheek.

"She doesn't feel the same," he looked back down at the picture in his hand.

I lifted his face back to mine. "Edward, she's scared and she feels alone. But please, don't tell me she doesn't have feelings for you. The two of you gravitate toward each other. When you leave the room she automatically goes back to the outskirts. You ground her, and she, you."

He shook his head. "You don't understand. She's been hurt really badly. I don't know what happened and she won't tell me."

I squeezed his arm. "Give her time, Edward. It's there, trust me. Just be patient. Let her come to you. She'll be worth it, I can tell."

I watched as he nodded his head. He rubbed his thumb over their image then wiped his face with the back of his hand. "God, I hate the holidays."

I kissed him on the top of his head as I stood up. "I know Edward. I love you, kiddo. Take all the time you need. Bring the rest of the pictures down with you, I'm sure Rose and Emmett would love to see them."

I closed his door and rested my back against the wall. I looked up. "Elizabeth," I whispered, "your boy needs your help."

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EPOV

I laid back on my old bed, the picture still in my grasp. _"You love that girl…"_ Esme's words rattled in my head.

I don't know when it happened. I couldn't pin point it down to a singular time or date, but I had fallen for Bella.

For a second I went back in time. When I was seven, there was a girl in my second grade class named Gracey, she'd walked up to me on the play ground and kissed me on my lips then proceed to tell the entire class that she was going to marry me when we grew up. I went home and cried to my mother. I was so mad, "she embarrassed me in front of the guys from my baseball team" and I swore I'd never let another girl kiss me.

My mother laughed and told me, "Edward, one day you're going to meet a girl and she's going to blow through your world like a hurricane. She's going to make you question everything you ever thought about girls. You're going to be so drawn to her that you'll realize you just can't go on living without her. And you _will_ let her kiss you. And you'll love her. And you'll do anything you can to make her happy, make her whole."

I remember wrinkling my nose. "That's gross mom. I'm never going to let another girl kiss me, I don't care what you say."

She smiled at me. "Oh, Edward. I beg to differ. Just remember, when you find her. Never let her go."

I looked down at the picture again as my mother's words echoed in my mind. _"Never let her go, Edward."_

I sat up and placed the picture back in the envelope setting it inside my bag. I picked up the other pictures and placed them on the bed. I finished getting dressed and washed my face.

As I walked down the stairs I heard Emmett telling the story of the time we got his jeep stuck in the mud pits and had to call Carlisle to come and help us out. Everyone was laughing as I entered the living room. Emmett continued. "You should have seen Edward. He was knee deep in mud and freaking out. We'd only had our licenses for a few months, he was so worried we were going to get into trouble."

I walked over and sat next to Bella. I shook my head. "I wasn't that worried." I handed the pictures in my hand over to Rose. "These are from the Lord's Pavilion. I'm sure you've seen Bella's and they're no doubtedly better than mine, but. Here you go anyway."

Emmett handed me the beer he'd gotten for me earlier. "Thanks, Em."

I watched as Rose went through the pictures and she stopped at one of the outside gardens. "I'm really starting to doubt our decision, hon. This place is beautiful."

Bella looked toward Rose now with her head tilted in question. "Have you made a decision on the venue, Rose?"

Rose put the pictures down and nodded her head. "Yes, we were going to tell everyone tonight. We've decided on Union League, downtown. It's big enough to fit everyone and it has some of the most beautiful halls."

"Oh, Rose," Alice exclaimed, "Union League is beautiful."

Bella reached out and picked up the pictures as the conversation turned to the wedding. I watched as her eyes scanned the pictures. She paused and ran her finger over the picture I'd taken of the empty gazebo. I wondered what she could be thinking.

Her hair fell forward and I had to stop myself from reaching out to push it over her shoulder. I nudged her with my knee. "Hey…"

She turned to me and smiled. "Hey."

"How was your morning? Did you work on your paper?" She shifted slightly on the couch and tapped the pictures on her thigh.

She lowered her eyes to her hands as she answered my question. "No, not today. I, um… I watched a parade."

I nudged her again. I had the overwhelming need to look into her eyes. "Which one?"

She bit the corner of her bottom lip and crinkled her brow. "Macy's."

I chuckled and the crease in her forehead smoothed out, as I replied, "It's really the only one worth watching."

I heard her pull in a ragged breath as her eyes searched mine. She nodded her head. Then almost in a whisper she asked, "Did you watch it?" Weren't you at work?"

I smiled and nodded. "Hope. " Her eyes lit with recognition, "Hope?"

"Yep," I popped the p as I raised my eyebrows. "It was slow on our wing this morning and she kept pushing the call button until I agreed to sit with her and watched it. I swear she thinks I'm her personal physician sometimes."

She laughed and shook her head. "Well, you have to give the girl points for persistence if nothing else."

"Persistence…that's one politically correct way to say it I guess." It was my turn to look away now as I thought of Hope and this morning. Seconds passed then I felt Bella's hand on my arm.

Warmth spread through my arm and settled in my chest as I turned back and looked into her eyes. Beautifully rich brown eyes. "Where'd you go there?"

I leaned forward and put my elbows on my knees. "She's just…she's had a rough week. I struggle with sitting there and not being able to do anything for her."

It was her turn to nudge my knee now. I turned my head to see her watching me. "Now, I don't know her very well but from what I can tell, just you being there is helping her."

I sat back and raked my hands through my hair. "It's just so damn frustrating. I can't help her. All I can do and try and make her comfortable and I feel…worthless. Useless."

"Edward," she stated, rather firmly. "Last time I checked there wasn't a cure for CF. You're doing everything you can and you go beyond that. You're her friend. You give her something no one can, or maybe they just haven't. You give her comfort, something to look forward to beyond medication and IV's. You give her purpose."

I raised my eyebrow at her and smirked. "Well, if you ask her, she'd just tell you I give her a headache."

She chuckled. "I'm sure you give her that do, _Dr. McDreamy_."

I rolled my eyes. "God, please not that. She's got the nurses calling me that now. Sometimes I seriously contemplate having them disconnect her TV."

Just then Esme told everyone it was time to eat. Everyone settled around the table and Carlisle gave Thanks. We laughed and ate, passing dish after dish of food. Before I knew it, we were done and the men were clearing the table, yet another Cullen tradition.

I was wiping my hand on a dish towel as I made my way out to the family room. Esme had gotten the fire going again and the ladies where sitting on the various couches and chairs laughing as Esme told stories of long past holidays. It was with amazing clarity that I could recall every one of them from when my parents were alive. We split the holidays; Thanksgiving was always at the Cullen house while Christmas Eve was the Masen's.

I watched Bella smile as Esme regaled them with stories of Emmett sneaking off with three pies before anyone knew he was gone. How my father and Carlisle would always get caught turning on the football game when they said they were getting wood, or ice, or anything that would lead them to a room with a television.

I watched as her smile would sometime falter at the mention of cherished memories of the loved ones who weren't here to share their tales. Bella's soft smile as she watched my family interact across the room made me both sad and elated- sad, because, like me she was living on borrowed happiness; elated, because I knew exactly how she felt.

I approached her as she sat on the soft leather chair in the corner of the room. "I was wondering if you'd like to help me with something."

She looked up at me confused. "Sure." I turned toward Esme who was watching with ever hopeful eyes. "I'm going to borrow Bella from you ladies for a few minutes if you don't mind."

I reached out my hand to her and she slowly raised her own to rest it upon my palm. The same flow of warmth I always seemed to feel when our skin touched, filled my soul. I helped her stand and didn't let go of her hand as I walked her to a small room off the kitchen.

I smiled as I watched her eyes light up as the door came to rest. There were pies all packaged and labeled on the cooling table Esme used for baking. She turned to me, excitement flowing from her like a current. "Oh my God…you weren't kidding."

I took both of her hands and looked at her sternly. "Bella, there are many things in life that are worthy of kidding. Pie…is not…one of them. Ever." I smiled for good measure as she shook her head and looked back at the pies.

"I want you to pick one out, something you haven't tried yet, something new, it will be our dessert tonight."

She laughed. "I don't even get the holidays off, do I teacher?"

I picked up her hand and kissed the back. "I take your education very seriously, Ms. Swan."

She froze and I wondered if I'd pushed it too far. I watched as her face turned a lovely shade of pink and she turned her eyes from mine. "Pick a pie, Bella."

She turned and walked to the table looking at the cornucopia of pie plates before her. She touched labels and lowered her nose to take in the individual scents. She stopped over one with candy placed near the crust and smiled. "Are those what I think they are?"

I leaned over and looked. "I'm pretty sure most everyone knows what those are, Bella. But from what I can tell you lead a pretty sheltered life. So just in case, those are Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. "

She smiled. "This one, let's eat this one."

I reached over and took the pie from the counter and motioned for her to go ahead of me. I realized, in all the time I've been showing Bella new things, never once had she requested to try something new on her own. I smiled as I led her back to the dining room.

We sat through dessert and I barely touched my pie as I watched Bella slowly eat her Peanut Butter pie. There wasn't a pie on earth that could tear me away from watching her experience this. Something new and unencumbered. Today was a day I'd likely not forget and I smiled as I realized, maybe holidays weren't all that bad after all.

After dessert we packed up Emmett's truck and Jasper SUV with the pies. We all thanked Esme and Carlisle for a wonderful dinner then we broke up into two cars to head to the hospital. Alice insisted that the girls go in Jasper's SUV while the guys rode in Emmett's truck.

After we piled in, Emmett started talking about the Cowboys game and searched to find the game on his satellite radio. I leaned forward from the backset. "Emmett, didn't you say you were tivo'ing the game? Why do you want to listen to it now?"

He raised his hand as he found the channel. "I don't. I just want to check in and see who's winning. I'm not going to keep it on. Shit, the Cowboys are losing. I'm going to owe Joe ten bucks if they don't catch up."

He flicked the radio off and looked in his rearview mirror. "How you doing back there? You comfortable?"

I shrugged. "It's not too bad, pretty roomy."

He chuckled. "Yeah, I've only been back there once and, well, let's just say sitting isn't what I was doing."

I smacked the back of his chair. "Emmett, come on. I have no intention of sitting in your backseat as you tell me about you and Rose's sexcapades. Please, spare me."

Jasper then turned to look at me. "Speaking of intentions, Edward. I was wondering if you could maybe tell me what yours are."

"Pardon me?" I asked him, slightly confused at his question.

Emmett snickered. "Um, Edward, I think he means in regards to our fair Bella."

I looked from Emmett who found this way funnier than it was to Jaspers serious face. "You're serious?"

Jasper's face didn't falter or change as he stated, "Dead."

"Okay, no offense here, Jasper. But, where is this coming from?" I asked him suddenly feeling like I'd fallen into an inquisition.

He turned more fully in his seat now. "To be honest Edward, Bella doesn't have any family. In the entire time I've known her Alice and I have been her only friends. And if I'm honest, it's more than friendship I feel for Bella. I love her as if she were my sister."

I nodded my head at him as he continued. "In case you haven't noticed, she doesn't really put herself out there. I know enough about her past to know that trust isn't something that comes easy for her."

"I've figured that much out for myself, Jasper," I replied

"Then you'll also understand my concern. In the past couple of month's I've seen her starting to put herself out there more than ever and frankly I'm scared. I've helped put her back together before. I'm not sure she can survive another blow, Edward. And if you care one iota about her, you'll think long and hard before you take this any further. If your intentions are not solid, I need to you back away."

He stared levelly into my eyes. "I've taken it upon myself to be sure to not let that happen to her again. So, I'll ask you one more time, Edward. What are your intentions with Bella?"

I looked down at my knees. "My intentions?" I huffed. I put my hands on my knees and rested my head on my clenched fingers. "If I'm being honest…"

He tipped his head at me, his eyes not leaving from mine indicating I should continue. I sat back as I contemplated the thoughts I had yet to say out loud. "I'm in love with her."

Emmett swerved the truck as he whipped his head to look at me. "Jesus fucking Christ, Edward. Did you just say you loved her?"

Jasper leveled a somber gaze at me. "I do believe he did, Emmett. Edward, she's fragile. She's still broken. She can't give you anything right now."

"Damn it, Jasper. Do you think I don't know that? Hell, broken. I was just as broken as she was. She's made me see, without even trying she's shown me the beauty of life again. My God. I know she's hurt, she can't even try something new without talking herself into it. I wish I knew what made her this way so I could try and fix it."

"Edward, you can't fix her. She has to want to change, you can't do this for her," Jasper said.

I slammed myself back into the seat. "I know that," I yelled at him. "All I can hope for is that she does. That I can show her enough to make her want to be better. I'll wait for her, I'll do whatever I have to. I'm not going anywhere, I just need to be near her."

"Edward…" Emmett quietly started. I cut him off. "She's the one, Em. She's my beautiful."

Jasper looked from Emmett to me. "Edward, I respect what you've said. Now hear me out. If you hurt her…"

I looked back into his eyes. "I won't. I swear to God, I'll never do anything to hurt her, Jasper. I just… I just want to love her."

The rest of the car ride was quite. As we parked in the hospital I got out of the back of Emmett's truck and Jasper stood there. He extended his hand out. I reached out and grabbed it. He squeezed my hand as he said, "Take care of her."

Then he turned around and walked to the car the girls were in. He opened the passenger door and Bella got out. He grabbed her and hugged her as she laughed and said something to him. He smiled and kissed her on the top of her head as Alice watched and smiled.

Emmett came over and patted me on the back. "I'm happy for you, cousin mine."

I turned to look at him and paused. "Let's deliver some pies," he continued.

Rose had come up to the truck. "Hey, baby, can you take a couple of these? I'm going to drop them if you don't."

Emmett reached out and took four pies out of her hands. "Thanks, hon." She reached over and kissed him.

We all took pies and walked them to all the nurse's stations. Left a few in the doctor's lounge and a wide selection in the Hospice unit. We were walking to the Ped's department when I softly grabbed Bella's arm. "Want to help me make a special delivery?"

She nodded, "Sure."

I called ahead, "Hey, we'll meet up with you later, okay. I'm going to go hit my wing." We turned and walked to the elevators with four pies.

When we got on the floor I walked up to the nurse's station and put three pies on the desk. "Here you ladies go, compliments of Esme and Carlisle. Happy Thanksgiving."

I walked down the hall as Bella's face lit up just a little more. "We're going to see Hope?"

I nodded. "Bella, she wasn't having a good day earlier. You need to be sure you use the anti-bacterial wash and you should put a gown on, okay."

She nodded, as her brow pinched with worry. "Is she okay?"

I smiled a tight lipped smile at her and stopped outside Hope's door. "She's okay. She'll be happy to see you. She's been driving me nuts with questions about you."

We put on gowns and washed our hands before we entered the dimly lit room. A Christmas Story was playing on the television and Hope was lying back with her oxygen mask on. She turned to look at the door and smiled.

"Hey, friend Bella," she said through her mask. "I'm really starting to like your visits. You seem to always come with food."

Edward walked over and put the pie on her tray table. "What? No 'hi' for me?"

She turned toward him. "Didn't you just leave here? Am I so irresistible that you just can't bear to be without me?"

She clicked the television onto mute. "You know," he replied, "I can always leave this out with Sophie and the other nurses."

She rolled her eyes. "Sophie's not even working today. Bitch Britney is. And if I dare say, if you brought _my_ pie out to her she'd think you were proposing or something. Pick your poison, her or me?"

I sat back on the heater and realized it was too warm in here for her. "Alright, alright, I guess you got a point there. You feeling any better?"

She sat up. "Peachy keen, Doc. Did you happen to bring plates or forks or anything? I'm eating that pie, but I may be inclined to share." She turned toward Bella, "Well, at least with you Bella. Do you like chocolate pecan?"

Bella smiled as she looked back between the two of us. "I've recently discovered, I do."

Hope moved to sit Indian style as she patted the bed for Bella and said, "Well then, Edward. Why don't you run along and go to the cafeteria or doctor's lounge or where ever it is that you can locate some plastic wear and plates. I'll be sure to keep friend Bella here company."

I pushed myself up off the heater and walked to the door. "Sure thing, kid. I'll be right back."

I turned down the thermostat in the room as I walked to the door. "No rush." I heard Hope say as I closed the door.

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BPOV

I watched as Edward left the room then turned back toward Hope. "How are you, Hope?"

She struggled with the oxygen mask then gave up and removed it. "Well, I wouldn't be lying if I said I've had better days." She reached over and grabbed the smaller hose with just the nostril tubes in it.

I helped her adjust the tubes. "I'm sorry."

She stopped and tilted her head and looked at me. "Why? It's not your fault I'm dying."

I blanched at the fatalism I heard in her voice. "Shit. I'm sorry. I forgot you're new to this. Don't be sorry, Bella. It's a waste of your time. Life's too short to sit around and feel sorry, trust me."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," I replied.

"So tell me, friend Bella, what are you doing with our pal Edward tonight?"

I lifted her pie off the table, "Why, friend Hope…I'm helping to deliver pies." She chuckled and pulled her knees up to her chest. "Well, I'm glad you did. It's nice to see you. What have you been up to these last couple weeks?"

I put the pie down and removed it from the box. "Eh. Not much, school, work, wedding planning."

She reached over and grabbed a pecan from the pie and popped it into her mouth. "What do you do for work?"

I leaned back against the foot rest of her bed and she passed me a pillow for my back. "I work at the University Library, mostly nights."

That seemed to pique her curiosity, "Library huh? Maybe you could bring me some books sometime. The sorry excuse of a library they have here is terrible. One can only read Calvin and Hobbes so many times before its humor is lost along with IQ points."

I blanched, "Calvin and Hobbes, yuck. What do you like to read?"

She shrugged. "Anything really. As long there's a plot and preferably lots of words with very few if any pictures. You know, anything that requires you to use your brain to read it. This place is stifling, I need a little escapism."

I smiled. "Well, call me Your-Girl-Friday. I can do that. I'll bring you by a selection then you can tell me what you like. Books are what I do."

She reached over and grabbed another pecan, offering it to me. I took it from her and put it in my mouth. I'd nearly forgotten how good this pie was.

"You know," she said, "this is Edward's favorite pie. Or so he tells me."

I grinned at her as I finished chewing the nut. "Actually, I do know that." She raised her eyebrow at me,

"So Bella, tell me, what's the deal with you and Edward? I mean, it's Thanksgiving and last time you were in here it was like six o'clock in the morning. He's been awful chipper lately. It's kind of scary if I'm being honest. I'm used to a more somber Edward and now he's all happy, humming Van Morrison songs and crap. I'm going to have to start hitting the not-so-sweet-and-innocent nurses with my IV pole to keep them away from him soon."

I laughed at the image. "Um…well, Hope, I guess you could say we're friends."

She rested her face on her knees. "Friends, huh? Friends who spend holiday's together and early morning breakfast dates?"

I sat back as what she said registered, "Well damn, I hadn't actually thought of it that way. It wasn't really a date, there were…well, I guess it's a little more complicated."

"Are you dating?" she threw out there.

"No." I immediately responded. "We really are simply friends. Nothing more."

She leaned over and took the pie off the table and set it between us. "You know the beauty of a pie, Bella? It's a simple but yet delicate balance of complicated. Basic ingredients, mixed together with little bits of spices, on their own, they're nothing extremely special. Actually, they can even be slightly offensive. A delicate battle between sweet and bitter, alone they're just okay, but when they're mixed together, salt and chocolate, bourbon and sugar they're magical."

She stuck her finger in the pie and swept out a small bite. Sticking it in her mouth she smiled. "Simple but complicated."

Just then Edward came back into the room carrying paper plates and forks. "You'd be surprised what you can find in the filing cabinets."

He stopped and looked back at Hope. "Where's your mask?"

She rolled her eyes as she laid back in the bed. "Ten minutes isn't exactly going to kill me, Edward."

"Hope, you have a fungal infection on your lungs. You need that oxygen. I know it's a pain in the ass but you have to do your part here," he replied sharply.

"I am doing my part, _Edward_. I mean damn. I lay here and do nothing. I keep the damn mask on even though it drives me crazy. I have a visitor for fifteen freaking minutes and I'd like her to hear me without fighting with a god damned mask, okay. Let's be honest," she reached over and grabbed the mask, "how much longer is this going to keep me alive anyway?" She threw the mask down on the bed.

She looked exasperated as she sighed. "I'm sorry, Edward." I watched as Edward dropped his head and tears well up in her eyes. "I didn't mean to snap at you. These meds are making me anxious. I'll put it back on. Right after we have pie. I can't eat with it on anyway." She looked away from him and back at the pie.

I got up from the bed and walked over to Edward. Taking the plates from his hand, I gave him a smile and squeezed his hand. As I turned back to Hope I said, "Hey, can you turn the TV back up, this is my favorite part, this movie is a classic. No Thanksgiving is complete without A Christmas Story. And just so you know. I'm not eating the piece you've been sticking your fingers in."

She laughed and wiped her face as she reached for the button and turn off the mute. Edward looked up at the television. "Is this the part with the bunny pajamas?"

I started cutting the pie. "Yep, poor kid." I passed out pie as we watched A Christmas Story and laughed at Ralphie and his bunny pajamas.

I looked back as Hope was finishing her pie. "I really do love this pie," I said as she reached over to get her mask. She paused and looked at me, then to Edward. She smiled as she lifted the mask back over her head. "What's not to love, Bella?"

Shortly after Edward was sure the mask was on and her oxygen levels were right we left. As we were walking back to the parking garage I asked Edward if it was okay for me to come and visit Hope more often.

He stopped walking and turned toward me. "I'm sure she'd love that." He looked from me to the floor. "And so would I."

"Well, alright then. I'll let you know when I can get here. I'm going to bring her a few books and such."

He lifted his head and smiled. "Thank you, Bella."

When we got back to the cars Rose was sitting in passenger seat of Emmett's truck with the door open. "Edward, we can bring you back to your car."

He nodded to Rose and turned to me. "I'll see you Sunday at seven thirty. Don't forget."

I huffed. "I'm not going to forget, Edward. As much as I may want to."

"Hey," he lifted my head with his finger, "is it so terrible to go out to dinner and dancing with me?" he implored.

I rolled my eyes at him. "Dinner, not so much so. Dancing? Let's just say it's a good thing you need your hands for your profession and not your feet."

His lips curled up on one side as he smirked at me. He dropped his hands from my chin and pulled me into a hug.

Hesitantly ,I put my arms around his waist and allowed myself to just be in his arms. My self pep talks were for not, caution flew out the window and was replaced with the smell of leather and the ocean.

_Sincerely, Edward._

"Good night, Bella."

He released me from his embrace as he opened the door to Jasper's SUV.

"Good night, Edward."

The house I picture as the Cullen house can be found on my profile along with the link to Union League where the wedding will be held.

When I started this story I never in a million years thought there would be any real life crossover. My character Hope has CF and she's dying. Hope has touched many of my readers and through her I've come to talk to more than a few people who have been personally touched by this disease. Hope started out as a plot tool and I'll admit I've come to love her. I've talked to so many people now who either have CF, have a loved one or friend who has CF or has friends or family who've died from this horrible disease. For those of you to which that applies, please know I keep you in my prayers.

When I got my first PM asking about my experience with CF I was immediately humbled and contrite. I would never want anyone to think I am in any way trying to glamorize or sensationalize this disease in any way. I will not share the details of the PM's I've gotten but for those who have contacted me I just wanted to say, your kind words have warmed my heart. I'm truly honored that you think I'm telling Hope's story in a way in which is honorable and realistic. Maintaining Hope's dignity in this story is of my utmost concern.

More times than not, we indulge in fic for its humor, plot lines, lemon's, or beloved characters. Very rarely do we have the ability to influence something in the real world or bring important topics to light. By creating Hope I've stumbled into the real life arena and would be remiss if I were not to also tell you the seriousness of my once "plot tool" only.

Cystic fibrosis is an inherited chronic disease that affects the lungs and digestive system of about 30,000 children and adults in the United States (70,000 worldwide). Approximately 1,000 cases are diagnosed a year.

As of today, there is no cure. Please consider making a donation to help fund finding a cure.

http://www . cff . org/


	14. Amazing Grace

Can it be?? Yes it can! Another chapter! I know, I know, I fail at the updates but life is busy as am I. I'm doing my best…good news? Next chapter is already outlined and started. It's one of my favorites to date.

There are two songs for this chapter, My Girl by the Temptations and Amazing Grace by LeAnn Rimes. Links are both on my profile and I strongly encourage you to listen to Amazing Grace when you get to the part with Hope and Bella.

There is an A/N on the bottom that is relevant to the song choice and an overall of the name of the Chapter.

This chapter's dedication is to another reader who's helped me understand the disease CF. I'm amazed at how many people are touched by this fic and I'm humbled, truly humbled by your praise. So, Vixxen077, I hope you like this one. You're review strongly influenced my direction with Hope.

Many thanks to both VJGM and americnxidiot who is pinch hitting with beta skills for withthevampsofcourse who is stuck in RL school hell. And a special thanks to JandCo who sat with me and went over the beginning of the chapter over and over until I was really comfortable with where it was…I hated, she loved…so it's strongly influenced by her liking.

I'd also like to thank my 'Southern Comfort' lady Smellyia for the lovely book rec of Graceling…I just adored the book and thought Hope would also. Po is a wonderfully written character.

Lastly, due to a significant amount of plagiarism that has been occurring, specifically to friends like VJGM and AngstGoddess003 I'd like to say: ahem…

As always, I own nothing of the Twilight universe. That would be SM's brain child. But I do own the plot and words written within' in relations to A Person of Worth. Plagiarizing someone's hard work is just downright nasty.

With that be said, I bring you, Chapter 14 – Amazing Grace

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BPOV

Have you ever felt the tides changing? It's an oddly amazing feeling. The body longs to stay in one spot while the tide pulls you forward, pulls the sand from under your toes, pulls you to a different destination.

I felt as if the tides were changing, and it scared me.

I despised the feeling of the world being pulled from under my feet. It had happened so many times already, and nothing good had ever come of it.

But, strangely, this time I felt slightly awed. It was almost like I wanted to find the new destination. I longed for new earth to ground myself on.

I pondered the changing tides as I found myself curling my hair for the second time in three days. Curling my hair. It didn't take me long to figure out why I was acting out of my element, why I was trying just a little bit harder, and again, it frightened me.

_Edward._

What about him made me want to leave the firmly rooted place where I'd existed for so long? Why did I feel the need to uproot myself from my comfort zone and try something new?

_Damn pie…_

I stared through the mirror at the simple black dress hanging on the back of my bathroom door. I pulled my hair up into a loose twist and finished applying my makeup. Simple, understated, and elegant; the theme for the night. Dinner and dancing.

But this isn't a date, right? Just us meeting with a band. Just us helping out Rosalie and Emmett. Just us helping out our friends.

_Just us…_

As I looked in the mirror again, I saw the reflection of the person I now knew I wanted to be. I couldn't say I recognize her, but I did long to be her.

I smiled as the music in the background registers. I rolled my eyes at Edwards idea of education.

_I've got sunshine…on a cloudy day…_

His taste in music was…odd. Not that I had a whole lot to judge it by, but I did remember songs like this. Renee had a "hankering for the classics" as she'd put it. This one I remembered.

Staring into the mirror, I remembered another time.

_I was peeling potatoes as Renee __shucked__ corn at the garbage. Charlie came in singing along with the music and grabbed her around the waist. He sung to her as he twirled her around, then bent down and kissed me on the cheek, eliciting my tell tale blush. He smiled and sang, "I don't need no money, fortune, or fame. I've got all the riches, baby, one man can claim."_

Suddenly, I realized I was smiling. I actually had a thought, a memory, and I wasn't gasping in pain. I remembered them, us, and we were happy. As I focused back on my face in the mirror, I notice a single tear sliding down my cheek.

I grabbed on tightly to that happy feeling, hoping to keep it with me. Make it real. I watched the tear as it cascaded down my cheek. I wouldn't dare wipe it away; it would be traitorous to remove the only happy tear that flowed out of the thousands of miserable ones.

I smiled as images of Charlie twirling Renee flowed freely through my mind for the first time in years.

I reached behind me and grabbed the dress. After slipping it on, I left the bathroom, stopping in my bedroom to look in the mirror one more time.

I wasn't sure who she was, but I was pretty certain I wanted to be this person.

Ten minutes later the door bell rang, and I walked to answer it, humming the song that still lingered in my head. When I opened the door, my breath caught. Edward in scrubs was quite the sight, but Edward in a suit was just breathtaking.

He lifted his eyes from the ground and smiled that coy, sheepish smile that I'd come to look forward to seeing. His eyes flickered from my eyes to my dress so quickly that if I hadn't been looking, I surely wouldn't have noticed.

"Bella, you look beautiful," he said, while extending his hand out to take mine. He lifted it to his lips, his eyes never leaving my face, and kissed it lightly.

I felt the blood as it raced to my cheeks, so I smiled and shook my head. "You know," I said, "I'm starting to think you do that on purpose. You're a doctor. You should know it's involuntary. It's not like I make it happen." I babbled on, making the slight pink turn into a brighter red.

He laughed, still holding my hand. "Involuntary or not, it is lovely. And so are you."

I pulled my hand from his, for no other reason than self preservation. "Yeah, yeah, Romeo, lets get on with this. You might as well come in; I need a couple more minutes." I turned to walk down the hall toward the living room, hearing him close the door behind me.

"How could you possibly need more time? You look wonderful. Besides, didn't anyone ever tell you that you shouldn't mess with perfection?"

"Boy, you're pulling out the big guns tonight, huh? Perfection…well, those are some pretty high standards to live up to you know. I'm not so sure I'm up for the challenge." I walked into the living room and went to the small CD player that now had a home on my book shelf.

I felt Edward behind me as I reached for the button to turn it off. He reached over me and ran his hand down the small collection of CD's I recently acquired, all from him of course. "I'm glad to see that is going to good use, as are these."

I turned around and found that he was rather close. Very close, and I was startled by his proximity. I took a deep breath and was inundated with his cologne; it was light and airy. It reminded me of First Beach after a spring rain. I closed my eyes and exhaled. "Well," I whispered, "I know this really pushy guy who-"

"Pushy?" he questioned.

I opened my eyes and noticed he hadn't moved away. His arm was resting on the bookshelf behind me, and he was staring straight down at me. "Um, yeah, pushy. This pushy guy, who thinks I need musical enlightenment and-"

"And?" he interrupted again. "And what?"

I searched his eyes which were leveled squarely down at me. My hand started to rise so I could push the stray lock of hair that had fallen into his face; when I realized what I was doing, I lowered it to my side and fought the sudden urge I had to run. "I…um…I like your cologne. It's really nice."

His lips twitched into that smile, the one that made my stomach twist. He leaned down so his lips were near my ear, and I stopped breathing. Simply stopped. "I'm not wearing any cologne," he whispered.

_What the hell am I doing?_ I asked myself. _This is stupid, dangerous._

I reached up and placed my hands on his shoulders, effectively putting some space between us. "Well then," I said as I softly pushed him away from me, "must be your fabric softener. Smells really good."

I stepped out from between him and the book shelf and grabbed my clutch off the table. "I guess we should be going. Don't want to be late or anything. After all, we want to be sure we get to hear the quartet since that's what this is all about, right?"

He turned toward me. "Right," he replied, with that smile still plastered on his lips.

The car ride was quite and uneventful. Edward played some music like we'd be hearing tonight so I'd have something to gauge the quartet's performance by, and we made small talk. We arrived at the restaurant and were seated in no time. It wasn't long before we had our dinner order placed, wine in front of us, and the quartet was playing.

"They're quite good, wouldn't you agree?" he asked me.

I nodded as I put my wine glass down. "They are," I replied. "I think they'd be great. This is what Rosalie wants them for, right? Dinner music? They're enjoyable, not over powering."

"I think they'd be perfect," he stated. "Now, there's one last thing we need to do before we can give them a deposit and check this off the list."

I looked at him. "And that would be?" I asked.

He stood from the table and approached me. "Ms. Swan, may I have this dance?"

I shook my head and crinkled my brow at him. "Really Edward? Is this necessary?" He just chuckled and extended his hand to me. "I mean, we've been listening to them for the last twenty five minutes, and I think they're just fine," I continued, "there's no reason to actually dance or anything."

"Bella…" he bent lower until, once again, his lips were at my ear. I shivered in response, feeling his warm breath ghost over my skin. "I don't need a reason to want to dance with you." He knelt down beside me and continued. "But if you need one, I'll give you one."

He reached out and took both of my hands into his. "One. You look beautiful, and if you would do me the honor of one dance you would make me the happiest man in here tonight."

I smiled at him and rolled my eyes. "Edward…please…"

"Would you like another?" he asked as he gently pulled me to my feet. "Two. It would be a shame to do nothing but listen to this beautiful music when in the company of such a beautiful lady. Music is meant to be shared, Bella, enjoyed. I'd enjoy nothing more than sharing this dance with you."

I let him lead me to the dance floor, his arm lightly around my waist. I leaned up into him. "You're laying it on kind of thick tonight aren't you?" He turned his head slightly in my direction. "Just speaking the truth." We stopped and he turned toward me; taking my hand, he slowly placed it on his shoulder. "How's this for the truth?" I said. "If you end up with a broken toe or two, remember this was your bright idea. Not mine."

He chucked as he took my hand in his and we slowly started moving on the dance floor. "I'll take my chances."

I looked down as we started moving. "Well," I stated, while staring at our feet, "they're your toes."

Edward raised his hand from my waist and lifted my chin. "Don't stare at your feet. Just look at me. It's kind of like a tight rope thing; don't look down, anywhere but down." He released my chin and put his hand back on my waist, pulling me closer to him. "Just feel the music, feel how my hands lead you. Trust me, Bella. I won't make you look like a fool."

My chest tightened as the double meaning of his words settled in my mind.

_Trust me…_

Truth be told, I did trust him. My eyes focused on his left shoulder as those two words sank in. Suddenly, I realized, we were dancing. Not the eighth-grade-swaying-back-and-forth-in-a circle kind of dancing, but the elegant, moving around a dance floor dancing. I looked up at him, startled.

He simply smiled and pulled me a little closer. "Trust me…"

I bit my lip and looked into his eyes. I nodded at him, "I do." Then he smiled, and we spun around the dance floor.

After the second song we noticed our dinners were at our table so we went to sit back down. After we were settled I looked over at Edward. "Thank you," I said.

He tilted his head and nodded. "You're welcome."

The food was wonderful, and we talked about generalities as we ate; what was left to do for the wedding and how everything was going so far.

"Oh," he exclaimed, "I nearly forgot. Hope asked me to give this to you. I have no idea what it is and feel the need to preface this with 'open at your own risk'." He slipped a note across the table at me.

I laughed and reached out to take it. "I'm sure it's not a letter bomb, Edward."

I opened the envelope and found a note.

_So, Friend Bella. I've been thinking about what you said and was wondering if you'd be up to bringing me a few books. I've checked my calendar and have found I'm undauntingly free. I was thinking maybe a book you've read __already __so we can discuss it. I'd ask McDreamy but, alas, medical_ _terminology is not what I find interesting. So, how about a book club night? Interested? Check yes or no._

And at the bottom of the letter were two boxes. One labeled Yes, the other No. _I love this girl,_ I thought.

I laughed as I handed the letter to Edward. "Tell me, Edward. Have you noticed any certain book that Hope may have read more than once?"

He scanned the letter then shook his head. "You know…I'm going to hurt her. I may recall a certain book on The Art of Snark, or even better, Chicken Soup for the Young and jaded maybe?"

I laughed at him. "I think she's great."

"You would," he replied. "Um, I remember her reading some vampire book a couple times and, um…what was it? _Little Women_, she read that a few times."

"Okay," I said, "I can work with that. I've read _Little Women_, so we can start there. Are you working tomorrow?"

He nodded. "Yep, I am."

"Okay, can you tell her I'll be by Monday after class?" I asked.

"Sure," he replied, "I can do that."

When the Quartet took a break, Edward and I meet with them and secured their services for the wedding. With all "official business" done I realized I was disappointed. The evening should be over; we'd done what we set out to do. I sighed as Edward led me back to the table.

"Well," I started, "I guess we should be going now."

Edward pulled out my chair. "And why would you think that?"

I sat and looked up as he walked to his chair. "We've done what we came here to do."

Edward laughed, "Well, I don't know about you but I have at least one more thing to do."

I tilted my head questioningly as the waitress came back to our table. "Would you like to see the dessert menu?"

Edward's eyes didn't leave mine as he replied, "Please." She placed a small black folder on the table and walked away.

"Is this your one more thing?" I questioned.

Edward leaned forward and whispered, "I said at _least_ one more thing," he reached over and placed his hand on mine, "and yes. Dessert is one of them. Will you trust me to order for you?"

I laughed. "Says the man who ordered five pieces of pie. I'm not sure I have the appetite for an Edward Masen style dessert."

Edward motioned to the waitress and she returned to our table. "Are you ready to order, sir?"

He raised his eyebrow at me questioningly. "Bella?"

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. "By all means, Edward, order away."

With my agreement Edward broke his eye contact with me as he turned toward the waitress. "We'd like the flourless chocolate cake with raspberry sauce and two glasses of your best dessert wine."

"Two orders of the cake, sir?" she asked as he turned back to me.

"No, one order please, two forks." I quietly laughed and shrugged at the waitress as she looked between us, confused. She smiled and walked away.

I leaned over the table more toward Edward. "What's up with you and dessert, huh?"

He leaned closer and narrowed one eye. "I'm sure I don't know what you mean."

I leaned back into my seat and crossed my arms over my chest. "You're a dessert extremist," I stated narrowing my eyes and nodding my head at him.

He laughed. "What is a dessert extremist, if I may ask."

"A dessert extremist," I stated, "is someone who goes from one extreme to another." Edward tilted his head back and laughed at my reasoning. "For instance," I continued, using my hand to motion toward Edward, "a person who, lets say, goes from ordering multiple pieces of pie in a diner to sharing one piece of chocolate cake."

"I don't think I'd go so far as to say I'm an extremist. To be honest, the flourless chocolate cake here is the best in Chicago, but it's very rich." He leaned forward and lowered his voice, lighting up the room with that little smirk that seemed to make the blood quicken in my veins. "And like good music," he continued, "it's better when shared."

Our waitress returned, carrying our wine and cake before I had a chance to respond. She placed the cake between us. "Enjoy your dessert," she stated.

I reached out to take one of the forks she placed down when Edward placed his hand on top of mine. "Bella, if it's okay with you, I'd like to try something."

Looking between him and the cake, I narrowed one eye at him. "Look buddy, you're the one who only wanted one piece of cake."

He laughed at my response. "Do me a favor and close your eyes."

"Excuse me?" I questioned.

He laughed again. "Don't worry, Bella. I'm not going to steal the cake. Just…close your eyes for me."

I sighed and closed my eyes. I heard his chair scrape against the ground, then I felt him beside me before I heard him.

"Do you know, they say when you take away one of the senses," he whispered in my ear, "the others are heightened." I shivered, either at his words or the sensation of his breath on my exposed neck. I wasn't sure which.

I listened as the fork scraped the plate. "Open your mouth, Bella," he whispered. I hesitated, and then opened my mouth. I felt the fork as it entered my mouth and rested on my tongue. Closing my mouth around the fork, I immediately tasted the raspberries, instantly followed by the rich chocolate cake.

Edward slowly pulled the fork from my mouth. I savored the flavor, doing my best to not moan in delight. I felt Edward take my hand which he led to my glass of wine. "When you're ready, take a sip and let it rest in your mouth before swallowing."

Slowly I rested the glass on my lips and lifted it, taking a small sip. The wine settled on my tongue as the flavors were enhanced. I smiled, and I opened my eyes. As I swallowed I watched Edward reach over and take a sip of his wine. "I think you missed your calling, Dr. Masen."

"You don't say," he responded as he handed me the fork he just used to feed me the cake.

"I do." I replied.

"And what exactly is it that you think I should be doing, if you don't mind my asking?" he questioned as he pushed his fork through the cake, lifting the chocolate goodness to his mouth.

I watched as he pulled the fork through his lips, he jaw flexing as he chewed. Mesmerized by the movement, I slowly replied, "Um…I'm not quite sure. I'm sure you're a wonderful doctor and all, but you have a gift when it comes to desserts. I'm not sure which talent would better serve the world."

He laughed. "A gift, huh? I'm not so sure I'd say it was a gift; it's more of a learned thing."

"Learned?" I questioned. "Pray tell, who was your teacher? I'd like to send them a thank you note." I reached over to slice off another wedge of the chocolate cake.

"Well, that would have been my mother," he replied.

I sat up and put my fork down. "Edward, I'm sorry,"

"Why?" he interrupted. "Bella, you have nothing to be sorry for."

I dropped my eyes to the napkin on my lap. "I just…"

Edward reached out and lifted my chin, "Bella," he interrupted once again, "never apologize for helping me remember the good things." He smiled as he continued. "My mother used to say, 'Food is required, nourishment is needed, but dessert? Dessert should be savored…enjoyed… shared.'"

He continued to look at me. "I never quite understood what she meant," he whispered, "until recently."

His eyes, the words, the touching of his hand on mine, it was all becoming too much. My heart was racing as my mind screamed in warning. I felt flushed, suddenly warming as my mind and heart warred with each other.

"Hey," he said as he once again reached out to take my hand, "are you okay?" As his hand squeezed mine, I felt my stomach flutter and warmth spread from my hand to the core of my very being.

I gave him a tight lipped smile. "I'm wonderful, Edward. Thank you. Thank you for everything."

"My pleasure," he responded. "Are you ready to go?"

"Sure," I replied, "but don't we need the check?"

I reached for my clutch as he responded, "No, I've already taken care of everything."

"What do you mean you've taken care of everything?"

"It's all set. I took care of everything earlier."

"Edward," I began, "that's not fair, I'm more than capable to pay my share. In fact, I insist."

"Now, Bella, what kind of date would I be if I allowed you to pay for your own meal?" he questioned.

"Date?" My heart skipped a beat. "Is that what this is?" my voice squeaked at the end.

He smirked at me. "What did you think it was?"

He was enjoying my discomfort more than he should. "Well, I was under the impression that this was a…business meeting?"

Edward laughed, surely at the high octave in which I was speaking. "Silly Bella. I distinctly recall telling you this was a date. You, me and a certain quartet. Do you not recall that conversation?"

"I…well…but…"

"Bella." He reached out and placed a finger over my lips. "Relax. You can pay next time, I promise."

"Next time?" I questioned through his finger.

He laughed, once again, surely at my expense. I huffed, just about having had enough. "Come on Bella." He stood and pulled out my chair. "Let's get you home."

As we walked to the entrance Edward's hand rested on my lower back. He retrieved my jacket from the coat check and helped me put it on. He opened the door and again rested his hand on my lower back, leading me to the valet. He opened the door to his car and gently pushed the bottom of my dress to rest inside the car before closing the door.

And all the time I wondered, _Was this a date? Did I just go on a date with Edward Masen?_

My heart raced with the possibility.

_A date._

Before I knew it Edward was in the car, and we were driving back to my apartment. I stared silently out the window.

"When are your classes over, Bella?"

I turned from the window toward Edward. "December fifteenth," I replied.

"Then you start again in January?"

"No, actually. I'm done after this class. I'll get my degree in the mail rather than waiting to walk in May."

"Why wouldn't you walk with your classmates?" he asked.

I shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I just don't see the sense in it. It's just a formality."

We stopped at a stoplight and Edward turned to look at me. "But you've worked hard. You've earned the recognition."

"And I'll get it," I stated, "when I get my degree." I didn't want to get into the senselessness of walking when there was no one there to watch you and celebrate your success. The lack of an audience would do nothing but highlight my solidarity.

The light changed and we continued toward my apartment. "What do you hope to do with your degree once you're done?"

"I'd like to teach, be a professor. Ideally at the University but I may have to start out at a smaller school."

He smiled at me. "I think you'd be a wonderful professor."

We slowly pulled up in front of my apartment, and Edward turned off the car. He immediately exited the car and reached my door before I had a chance to react. He opened my door and reached his hand out to me, helping me out of the car.

As he walked me to my door my head over ruled my heart as I realized what would typically happen at the end of a date. I nearly tripped causing Edward to reach out and steady me on my feet. As we reached the door I felt the blood flood to my cheeks. Edward lowered his head and tried to catch my eye.

"Bella, relax," he said as he reached out and lifted my face. He leaned forward and I froze. Edward continued forward slowly. My heart felt as though it was going to burst from my chest. Edward reached up with his other hand and slowly lowered my head. "Goodnight, Bella. Thank you for a lovely evening."

He slowly leaned in and kissed my forehead, his lips soft and warm. I reached up to rest my hands on his chest as he released my face and put his arms around me.

"Sleep well," he whispered.

Then he walked away. He waved before sliding effortlessly into his car. I opened the door and watched as he drove away wondering if I could survive Edward Masen. The feelings that had broken through my carefully constructed numbness were staggering. I remembered the full softness of his lips on my forehead, and I found myself wondering what it would feel like to have his lips on mine.

I raised my fingers to my mouth and watched as he turned out of sight. Closing the door, I turned from the empty street toward my even emptier apartment, silently longing for the fullness I felt when I was with him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Sometimes when you're too busy worrying about the sand under your toes, a rip tide comes in and knocks you off your feet.

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My Sunday was spent dodging phone calls from Rose and Alice, who had somehow figured out my business meeting was, in fact, a date. Details, details, details, they all wanted details. I used the excuse of school and told them I'd get back to them, which I conveniently forgot to do. I couldn't very well tell them what occurred on my _date_ when I could barely wrap my own head around said date.

Edward Masen was pulling the sand from under my toes.

After class on Monday I made my way to Mercy Hospital with two bags in tow. One contained books, paper, and pens. The other, junk food, because honestly, what's a book club without junk food and drinks? I was improvising on the drinks since Hope was just a teenager, but I thought I covered the basics.

The elevator dinged, and the doors opened to the third floor. As I walked down the halls, I smiled when my eyes took in the nurse's desk.

There, in light green scrubs and playing with his stethoscope, was Edward. He was leaning against the desk, talking to the nurses. I saw Sylvia behind the desk, and it appeared she was hassling Edward because his hand suddenly rose to rake through his already tussled hair, a trait I was coming to recognize as his tell for being either nervous or upset.

Sylvia turned as I continued down the hallway and smiled at me. "Hey, Bella." She turned to look at Edward, who in turn spun to look at me. "I didn't know you were coming today. Did you bring Edward here dinner?"

He smiled and went to take a bag from me, which I pulled away. "No way buddy, these aren't for you. Hands off the goods."

He raised his hands. "I was just going to offer you some help."

"I'm sure you were," I replied, "but once you got a look in here, you'd probably want some, and I just can't have that. How's Hope today?"

He laughed at my antics. "She's pretty good. She's excited to see you. She's scheduled for pulmonary therapy in an hour if you're still here."

"I'm not sure, to be honest with you. It will depend on her," I said. "I'm going to head in there if you don't mind."

He shook his head. "Nope, go on in. I'll stop by later."

I walked down to Hope's room and stopped outside to wash my hands before going in. Pushing open the door with my butt, I heard Hope before I saw her.

"Book club night! Hey, what the heck did you bring?"

I turned as the door closed. "Well, I'm not sure if you've ever been to a book club meeting or not, but I've brought the essentials. Age appropriate essentials anyway. Typically it's just a bunch of women sitting around bitching about their significant others or their kids while they drink wine and eat junk food. Pretty boring to be honest."

She looked at me confused. "Are we even going to talk about the book?"

"Oh yeah," I replied as I crossed the room, "but we're going to enjoy ourselves while we do it!"

I noticed she had a laptop on her bed and seemed to be playing with an iPod. "Whatcha' got there?"

She looked from me to the bed. "Oh this? It's Edward's laptop. He brings in it usually once a week so I can keep up on current events. You know, like who's dating who in Hollywood, what's the newest music, etc."

I laughed. "Well, I'm expecting worldly conversations with you now. I'll have to remember to thank him."

She put the laptop on the bed table and shrugged. "I'm sure he'll be in here sooner or later. He's drawn to me, just can't stay away. I expect him momentarily as a matter of fact."

I sat the bags down on the chair and pulled the rolling table over to her bed. "Bella? Tell me you didn't bring me two bags of books. I'm ambitious and bored, but there is daytime TV to consider here."

I reached in the bag and pulled out two mugs. "That crap will rot your brain. Is there a way to block those channels from your TV access?"

She reached over and took one of the mugs. "Nope. And if there was I wouldn't tell you, brown eyed girl."

I pulled out the root beer and vanilla ice cream. "Brown eyed girl?"

She pulled the corner of the bag down and I slapped her hand. "Yep, I'm guessing that's you. McDreamy is killing me with the Van Morrison. I can't get it out of my head now. I even downloaded it onto my iPod. Seeing as I've got blue eyes I'm figuring it's not for me. Looking at those big ole' does eyes, I'm guessing you're the Van Morrison girl here."

I stopped pulling things from the bag, and she seized the opportunity to pull it from my grip. Could Edward be thinking of me as much as I was thinking of him?

At that precise moment, the door to Hope's room opened and in walked Edward. "Hey McDream..shit…Edward." I blushed at my slip of his nickname. "Sorry."

He stopped and pointed at Hope. "You're a bad influence. I'm going to have to limit her time here if this is what I can expect."

She looked, faux-stunned, at Edward. "Why, Dr. Masen, I have no idea what you're talking about."

He looked at the hospital table which was now over flowing with root beer, ice cream, Doritos, Raisinettes, and other junk foods. "What is all of this?" he asked as he picked up the ice cream.

I snapped out of my stupor and slapped at his hands. _Why is everyone trying to take my goodies??_

"This, good doctor, is girls' book club night, and since you have…equipment…which makes you non eligible, none of it is for your consumption."

Hope nodded and squinted at Edward. "Boy parts," she stated. "You're not invited."

He pouted. "Are you making root beer floats?"

I grabbed the ice cream from him. "Do you need something, Edward?"

"No," he huffed.

I got off the bed and took him by the arm turning him around. "Well, if you find that you do, please let us know. Otherwise, Hope and I are going to be busy."

"Eating junk food," he complained.

"No, talking about _Little Women_, if you must know. Unless you have something useful to add to the conversation, I think we'll be okay on our own." Hope chuckled behind me.

I ushered Edward out of the room and closed the door as he stood in the hall and pouted.

"He's going to get me back for that one, you know," Hope said with a laugh. "He's not a very gracious loser."

"He'll recover, I'm sure of it." I replied. "Now, where were we?"

Hope held up the ice cream and said, "Care to enlighten me on root beer floats?"

I "enlightened" Hope on the wonders of root beer and vanilla bean ice cream while I passed her a stack of book's which included _Little Women_. "Edward had mentioned he'd seen you read this a few times. How about we start here, then we can pick a book for next week to talk about."

She pulled her lips from her straw. "This is really good." I nodded in agreement, taking a sip of my own. "Sure," she continued, "I'm good with LW. Let's chat."

I popped a Dorito in my mouth before I began. "So who's your favorite character in the book."

"Oh, that's easy," she said with a wave. "Laurie of course."

I quirked my brow at her. "Laurie? Really? Not one of the sisters?"

She slurped the last of her float and replied. "No, that would be too easy. Laurie is the character with the most redeeming qualities in my eyes. He overcomes more than Jo or any of the sisters."

"Alright," I replied, "what makes you think that?"

She reached over and grabbed the chocolate covered raisins. "Okay. Character study on Theodore Laurence, a.k.a. Laurie. Let's see. In the beginning of the story Laurie is the boy next door. Sweet, caring, attentive, what we think is the perfect match for Jo. They're friends, companions, of sorts, the brother none of the girls have.

"But secretly, he thinks he's in love with Jo. And well, maybe he does love her. I'm not quite sure. But he _definitely_ loves her family. He loves the bond they have. His parents both die when he's young, and since he's left virtually alone, even the March parents in their unconventional ways offer a contrast to his life of solitude. In a way, he longs to be part of the madness that is the March home to give him a sense of belonging.

"He's lonely, and he uses that loneliness to convince himself that he loves Jo. With her he can be…complete."

Hope reaches over and scoops more ice cream into her cup as I think about what she said, and then all too quickly, before I have time to find the parallel, she continues.

"So he tells Jo he loves her, and she tells him she'll never see him as anything more than a brother. And he's crushed. His perfect world as he's envisioned has just been ripped violently from his grasp. He's devastated. What does he do, where does he turn?

"He runs, he goes as far from Jo and the March family as he can and he lets the rejection fester, making him bitter and resentful. He acts out, he is destructive, and even though time passes, it doesn't heal his wounds. At least until he comes across Amy, the youngest of the sisters, who is also in Europe at the time studying art.

"Then he realizes," she paused and tilted her head as she looked at me, "time has moved on with out him." She looked back at the Raisenetts and started back, "People have continued to live and things have changed. After spending time with her he finally finds out what true love is. He finds his redemption, but he's still a mess; and Amy is honest with him, _telling_ him he's a mess."

Hope sits back and sips from her straw. "Laurie finally knows what love is, and he knows that he's not worthy of her the way he is. So he leaves her, and he goes off to fix the mess he's made of his life. He goes back and takes responsibility, and in doing so, he can finally move forward. He comes back a whole person and he marries her."

She looks off to the window which is now a mirror, reflecting her image. "He realizes that the only person who can make him feel worthy is himself. He finds redemption in his past life so he can finally offer the right person his whole self."

She turns back to me and I feel a tear fall from my eye. "He finally gets everything he wants when he realizes he holds the power to move on. The answer isn't in Jo and her rejection of him, not in Amy and her love for him, not in the March family and what they have to offer him, but in himself."

She reaches over and grabs a tissue from a box next to the laptop then hands it to me. "And that, friend Bella, is why Laurie is the unsung hero of _Little Women_. "

I took the tissue from her hand and wiped my eyes. I looked in wonder at this fourteen year old child who held the wisdom of the world in one hand and a root beer float in the other. I stared at her, with all her grace and prose, wondering what the face of a savior looks like as I felt the undertow slowly pull me under.

Hope reached over to the stack of books and pulled out the copy of _Little Women_. "Well I wouldn't say it's worth crying over, but let me guess, you'd pick Jo right?"

I chuckled. "Am I that transparent?" I asked, realizing this girl had effectively just described my entire life in a summation of Laurie's character.

Hope looked in my eyes and gave me a tightlipped smile. "Yeah," she said with a nod, "you really are."

We continued talking about the book, and when we had fifteen minutes before her breathing therapy appointment, she pushed the call button for the nurse's station. Sylvia answered. "What can I get you, Hope?"

"Can you tell Dr. Tall, dark and brooding, I'm in need of his presence, please?"

Sylvia laughed. "Sure thing, hon. He's right here, been driving all of us working people crazy for the last half hour. He's on his way."

Just as Sylvia was clicking off, Edward pushed the door open. "My presence has been requested?"

Hope chuckled. "Yeah, something like that. We have a gift for you."

"For me?" he questioned.

"Yep," I pulled my hand from behind my back and passed him a root beer float. "Peace offering of sorts."

"You better be careful, Bella. You know what they say, right?" he reached out and took the mug from me, the movement causing the frothy foam to slip down the side.

"Who are they, and what do _they_ say?" I asked as I watched his tongue come out and sweep along the edge of the frosted glass.

He raised the corner of his lips into the smirk I was hoping to see tonight and replied, "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach."

"Oh, please!" Hope exclaimed. "It's a root beer float for God's sake."

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And just like that I felt the sand shift again under my toes.

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I left Hope several books, and we decided on _Graceling_ as our next book. We decided to meet every Monday since I usually didn't work on Mondays. Things were going great. I was getting to know Hope and coming to love her. The amount of life that one body held was astonishing.

Many nights Edward joined us when the floor wasn't too busy. After our first book night, his feelings were hurt, and we decided to placate him by giving him copious amounts of junk food and making him talk literature with us.

He didn't seem to mind.

Today was December fifteenth and we were celebrating with hot fudge brownie sundaes. Today was my last class. I was officially done with school.

I was lying on the hospital bed with my head over the edge while Edward was sitting on the heating duct. "So Bella, now that you're an official grown up, what are you going to do with your life?" Hope asked as she tossed a tennis ball to Edward.

I pulled myself up on the bed and pushed against the footboard. "Well, I'm not going to do anything right now. Relax I guess?"

Edward tossed the ball to me. "What about the holidays?" she asked, "Going anywhere? Home perhaps?"

"Home?" I tossed the ball to her, "Home is Chicago."

"What about you, Edward?" she asked as she passed the ball to him. "I have no plans. I'm working Christmas Eve, then…well," he paused, "well, that's it I guess."

Hope laughed. "We're a sorry bunch aren't we?" As she laughed she started coughing; the coughing turned into gasping, and within seconds Edward was at her side, pulling the oxygen mask off the wall and placing it against her face.

"Okay, slugger, take a few deep breaths," he told her.

Episodes like these were becoming more frequent lately. There were nights she had to beg Edward to let her take her mask off so we could hold book club. He'd always cave in when she turned those deep blue eyes on him.

Honestly, she held him in the palm of her hand, even if he wouldn't admit it.

Her breathing slowed and she smiled at me. "I can really silence a room, huh?"

I reached up and looked at her sympathetically. "Hope, darling," I squeezed her leg and smiled at her, "I'm quite confident you and the word silent will never co-exist in the same sentence."

She pushed my hand away. "You suck, Bella." Edward chuckled and sat back against the window sill. "What are you laughing at _McDreamy_?"

He shook his head. "Nothing, just enjoying the bantering between my two favorite ladies is all."

She huffed. "Lady…yeah right."

"Hey!" I swatted at her. "Speak for yourself there. I, for one, am a lady."

She rolled her eyes and Edward laughed. "Whatever…"

As Edward and I were walking out I asked him. "She's not doing too well is she?"

He stopped and looked at me. "Honestly?"

I turned to face him. "Always."

He sighed and I watched as his shoulders dropped just a little more. "No. She's not. We've had her on breathing therapy for weeks now, but her lungs are wet and everything we're trying doesn't seem to be helping."

"Well, what does that mean exactly?" I asked him.

He looked at me and started walking again, "I'm not quite sure to be honest. But I can tell you it's not anything good."

I grabbed his wrist and stopped him from walking more. "Edward, please. What do you mean?"

He wouldn't look at me when he replied. "She's deteriorating. We just have to let this run its course and hope she can pull out of it." He squeezed my hand and started to lead me to the parking garage. The whole walk to his car he didn't let go of my hand until he'd opened the door, and I sat down.

The rest of the week I spent as much time with Hope as I could. Christmas was the following week and I needed to buy presents for the new people in my life, including Hope. What do you buy for a fourteen-year-old angel who may not see the New Year? Her trials trivialized my existence, and I worried about a Christmas present.

The Tuesday before Christmas I was out shopping so I texted Edward.

_Out shopping, any gift ideas for Hope? _

While I was in the Coach store looking for a clutch for Alice I received his reply.

_The Universal gift (for everyone but you it seems): get her an iTunes gift card._

She did seem to always have her iPod either on or right near her. Maybe I could get her a couple of on line books.

_Thanks!_

His reply was quick.

_No problem. Are you around tomorrow night? I have something for you._

I sighed as I realized he probably had a present for me, seeing as tomorrow night was Christmas Eve.

_Edward, have I not told you already that I DO NOT like presents?_

I could just see him laughing at me.

_Get over yourself, Bella. It's Christmas. I'll stop over after work. If you're not going to be there let me know; otherwise plan on seeing me._

I didn't bother texting back. I'm really not sure who was worse, him or Hope. I continued shopping, and before I knew it I was done. I'd gotten gifts for Jasper and Alice, Emmett and Rose. I'd picked up an iTunes gift card for Hope. When I was in the bookstore I'd come across a cookbook filled with nothing but cakes and pies. This, of course, was perfect for Edward.

As I walked out of the mall I passed a music store; in the window was a sign stating they had new and used music scores for sale. I decided to stop and check it out. While I was looking through the new scores, I came across the used books and folders. A worn brown leather folder caught my eyes. Engraved on the front was "_Scores that spanned a lifetime._" I gingerly picked up the soft leather binder and flipped through hand written scores. There were dozens, if not more, hand written and notated. I wondered why anyone would ever get rid of such a treasure and I decided I had to get it. This was the perfect gift for Edward.

I walked to the El and waited for my train as I leafed through the songs. As I boarded the train, I looked at the people around me. Families, businessmen and women, teenagers, everyone going somewhere. I looked out the window and noticed it had started to snow. I wondered to myself, _where am _I_ going?_

Alice and Jasper had gone to Texas to spend the holidays with Jasper's family. I'd never really spent the holiday with them, but this year felt different. Typically I'd just turn the ringer off on the phone and watch TV, waiting for the two days to pass. Strangely it was the same way I'd pass Thanksgiving, but not this year. Thanksgiving had been a wonderful day, filled with the Cullens' traditions and Edward.

As much as I hated the thought of him buying me presents I silently looked forward to him coming over. We'd been seeing a lot of each other between the hospital with Hope and helping with the last few details for the wedding and truth be told, I was beginning to find reasons to talk to him.

He was filling in the holes. But Hope's words haunted me. _"He realizes, the only person who can make him worthy is himself. He finds redemption in his past life so he can finally offer the right person his whole self."_ Could I find my redemption?

I sat in my kitchen frosting a chocolate cake when I heard the buzzer. It was eight thirty and I looked out the window to see the now familiar Volvo in front of my apartment.

Edward was here. I buzzed him in and walked to open the door for him. I returned to the kitchen to finish with the cake, and once again, when Edward approached I felt him before he made his presence known.

He reached around me to stick his finger in the frosting, and I slapped his hand away. "Merry Christmas, Bella," he said in my ear.

"Keep your fingers out of my cake, Dr. Masen." I scolded.

"I didn't put my fingers in your cake, Professor Swan," he retorted, "I put them in the frosting. There's a difference." He leaned on the counter beside me as he eyed me, waiting for my response.

"Okay, first of all, I'm not a professor as of yet. Second, the frosting goes on the cake therefore it's part of said cake…no difference."

"I beg to differ," he replied as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"You can beg all you want; it won't change my mind," I stated as I lifted the cake knife to my lips and pulled the frosting from its blade.

He squinted his eyes at me and raised one brow. "So not fair."

"You're one to talk," I huffed.

He laughed. "Touché. What's the cake for?"

I started placing the cut strawberries on top of the cake as I replied, "Hope. I'm going to bring it to her tomorrow."

He smiled at me as he reached over and put a couple more strawberries on the top of the cake.

I placed it in a cake holder when I was done and set it to the side of the counter. I took a minute to really look at Edward, and he looked tired. "Are you working tomorrow?" I asked him.

"No. I usually take Christmas off. I just did a double so I won't be back on for a couple of days."

I pulled a bottle of water from the fridge and showed it to Edward. "Water? Or would you like something a little stronger? I have a new bottle of Merlot, if you're interested."

"Merlot sounds great," he replied.

I put the water back in the fridge and grabbed two wine glasses from under the cabinet. I passed Edward the corkscrew and pointed to the bottle which was on the counter. He opened the bottle and poured two glasses.

"So," I inquired, "are you going to Carlisle's and Esme's tomorrow?"

"Nope," he replied. "I usually spend Christmas alone."

I turned to take the glass from him and started walking to the living room. "Why would you do that? Don't you want to spend the holiday with the people you love?"

I sat down on the couch and he followed. "Do you remember what I told you on Thanksgiving?" I looked at him questioningly. "Christmas Eve was always spent at the Masen house. When my parents died I went to live with Esme and Carlisle; and, for obvious reasons, the tradition died with them."

He paused to take a sip of the wine. "After college, when I had my own place, I told them that I wouldn't be coming over for Christmas any longer. The holidays are just tough, and I wanted to keep something to myself. My time to remember them, just me. So I usually work now on Christmas Eve. Sometimes I go to the cemetery to see them on Christmas Day. Sometimes I don't. Either way, I spend the day alone."

I sat and looked at him; he had bags under his eyes, and his hair was especially messy. "Hey, I almost forgot," he said. "I've got another CD for you."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm enlightened already. You can stop with the CD's!"

"Well," he started, "this one is different. It's Christmas music. You need to have this in your collection. It's a must have."

"You know, you keep saying that, I have to have this one, it's a must have…how many must have's are there? I'm running out of room on my shelf already!"

He leaned forward and put his wine glass on the table. "I couldn't have asked for a more perfect segue, Bella. Sometimes I think you're a mind reader." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a CD and a smaller rectangle box, handing me both.

I looked at him as he extended the gifts to me. "Okay," I said, "if we're going to do this now, let me get yours."

He looked shocked. "Bella, you didn't have to get me anything."

"Nope, I didn't," I replied, "just like you didn't need to get me anything. Didn't stop you, did it?"

He laughed as he leaned back so I could walk past him.

I came back into the living room, holding the two gifts, and placed them in front of him on the coffee table.

We both sat there, looking awkwardly at the boxes in front of us. "So, you want to go first?" I asked.

He sat back and gestured to me. "Ladies first."

I picked up his wrapped cookbook and handed it to him. "My apartment, my rules. You first, I insist."

He reached and took the gift from me. "You really are god-awful stubborn, you know that right?"

"Yep," I replied. I watched as he unwrapped the cookbook and laughed as I watched the expression on his face.

"_Better Homes and Gardens: Pies and Cakes_, um, thank you."

"Well," I laughed, "I know how much you like your desserts. That book is vintage. We should be able to find some classic pies in there."

He turned from flipping the pages to look at me. "Yeah, I bet _we_ could. Did you happen to pick one out and get the ingredients?"

Still laughing I replied. "No…I never said I'd be the one making them. You're the dessert connoisseur; I'm a mere novice."

He tilted his head and grinned at me. He placed the book on the table and leaned a little closer. "Bella?" He moved closer, and I, being the stupid glutton that I was, stayed still. Part of me was almost willing him to get closer. "Isn't that a cake in your kitchen?"

"Well, yeah," I stuttered, "but it's from a box."

He pulled his hand up, and I noticed he had the small rectangular box in his hand again. I pushed it away. "No way buster, no dazzling me, you still have one more to go," I said as I regained my consciousness.

"Dazzling?" he questioned with s smirk on his face.

I felt the blush color my cheeks as I reached down and grabbed the leather binder. "Just open the box, Edward."

The cook book was a joke; this, however, was not. I handed him the box and adjusted myself to sit against the corner of the couch.

He unwrapped the present and opened the box. His hand traced the letters on the worn leather binder. He carefully opened the cover, and all I could see was his profile, silently taking it in. The smell of the old leather permeated the air, and the crackle of the papers filled our silence. He reverently turned page after page.

When he finally got to the end I was nervous. He hadn't spoken a word since opening the box. All kidding had stopped. He turned to me and his eyes glistened.

"Bella, this is the best present I've ever been given." He placed the book down and reached across the span of the couch I'd put between us. Slowly he pulled me toward him and hugged me, softly and tenderly. He ran his hand from my hair down my back, the other reaching back to my neck to pull me in closer.

I was enveloped once again in his scent, be it natural or not, and it was wonderful. The warmth of his hand lingered as he ran it again from hair to waist. I sighed, albeit involuntarily, as he slowly pulled away. "This is the best Christmas I've had in ages, Bella. Thank you."

I waved my hand at him as I slid back against the corner of the couch. "You're welcome," I mumbled. Perking up, I looked at him. "I expect a pie in return." I gestured to the cookbook, trying to get him to focus on the humor and not the sentiment of the evening.

_God, what am I getting myself into here?_

Edward reached over and grabbed his present to me again. Having nothing left to stall for I begrudgingly took the present from him. "Tell me this is a match box of the Volvo."

He laughed loud and boisterous. "No. I can assure you, it's not a match box car. Although, I'll have to keep that in mind. It's not a bad idea."

I unwrapped the box and saw that it was…an iPod? Bright Yellow. "Edward, you really didn't need to do this."

"Of course I didn't," he replied, "but I wanted to. Now you can carry all the songs you have around with you. I've already gone and saved all the songs you have onto the iPod and I've added a whole bunch more. I've made you a few playlists too. Here, let me show you how it works."

He reached over and took the iPod from my hand and started clicking and swirling his finger on the large white dial.

"Why yellow?" I questioned him.

He looked at me and smirked, leaning closer and whispering, "Yellow, because when you smile, it's like the sun has burst from the clouds and lit up the world."

I felt the blood as it filled my cheeks and turned away. I felt Edward's hand come out to stop my face, and he slowly turned it back toward him. "Don't hide from me, Bella. Never from me."

I smiled as my eyes filled with unshed tears. The sun. He was my sun and yet he compared me to the very thing he was in my world.

Sensing a change of topic was in order, I joked, "It's pretty sad if this is your best Christmas. I don't even have a ham or anything."

He laughed. "Well, Christmas is never really a celebration for me, I don't need a ham."

I looked at him, confused. "You know, I'm sure Esme, Carlisle and Emmet would love to have you. I'm sure any dinner of Esme's would top my kitchen skills any day."

"Well," he said, looking away, "to be honest, I haven't spent Christmas with my family in nearly ten years."

"Why not?" I asked. "I'm sorry, forget I asked. I don't want to pry."

He turned and smiled at me, then reached out and took my hand. He started running his thumb up each finger, circling the knuckles. "You're not prying." He sighed and then continued, "Okay, where to start?"

I rested my hand on top of his. "How about the beginning. It's as good a place as any."

He smiled, then flipped my hand over and interlaced his fingers with mine. It felt oddly reassuring.

"My parents died when I was seventeen; it was my senior year in high school. We lived in Detroit, but Emmett and I went to the same prep school…"

"Prep school?" I interrupted chuckling, "I can't really see you and Emmett in prep school."

He placed his finger over my lips, "Shh…I know, it's a stretch. See, my father's law practice took him to Detroit shortly after I was in sixth grade. Carlisle's practice was here, local to Chicago. My mother and Esme were very close, always were; they had a 'bond only sisters could have', she'd always tell me."

He smiled as he remembered his mother's words. "Emmett and I had always been close, so when it was time for middle school, our parents decided we should be together. They sent us both to Culver Academy in Indiana. Then in the summer, either Esme would come to Michigan, or my mother and I would go to Chicago."

He paused, so I took the opportunity to speak. "It sounds like you had a wonderful childhood."

He smiled a tentative smile. "I did. Remember I told you, holidays were split, Thanksgiving and Easter in Chicago, Christmas and Independence Day in Detroit."

He looked off at the shelving which held my books, CD's, and television. "When they were killed, I went to stay with Esme. It was senior year, and she pulled both Emmett and I out of school. We stayed home until after the holidays. It was my first Christmas without my parents. It was terrible."

He looked back to me, and I squeezed his hand, encouraging him to continue. "After that I told them I wanted to go back to school. So they sent Emmett and I back. I finished the year out, went to college, got an apartment and never spent another Christmas trying to borrow happiness from someone else."

I felt a tear slide down my cheek as I watched him. He slowly reached up and brushed it away, his palm resting on my cheek. "Don't cry for me, Bella. I'm not sad anymore."

I smiled as I felt another tear make its way, stopping as it hit his hand. "We really are a sorry bunch, huh?" I paused as I pulled away and wiped my face with my sleeve. "I'm glad Hope can't see us. She'd tear us apart," I said chuckling as I imagined her shaking her head at us.

"Yeah, she would," he replied. "So, what's your story, Bella? Why are you spending the holidays alone?" he asked as he picked up both wine glasses, handing me mine.

"Kinda the same as you I guess," I shrugged.

"Care to elaborate? After all, I just showed you mine, etiquette states you need to show me yours now."

I laughed. "I somehow doubt I'd find that in Emily Post, but since you've asked so nicely I guess I can 'show you mine'. Ah…where to start…"

"How about the beginning, I hear it's as good a place as any," he replied, the seriousness in his face not matching the mischief in his eyes.

"Smart ass," I replied dryly.

"Okay, well, I guess I should start out by saying I never had any great familial bonds like you and Emmett. Both Renee and Charlie were only children. My grandparents had all passed away by the time I was six, so it was just us." I took a rather large sip of my wine before I continued.

"Holidays were always…an ordeal I guess you could say. Renee was rather…flamboyant, um, exuberant; take Alice and double her…you'll get the idea."

He smiled back at me. "Wow…"

"Yeah," I interrupted, "you could say that. I think she was making up for the fact that it was just us. No cousins, no aunts or uncles, no grandparents, just the three of us." I smiled remembering how she would always say it was up to us to make our happiness.

"When my parents died I found out they had left one of our good friends as my guardian, Billy Black. He and Charlie had been friends since they were boys and if I'm honest, I guess it was the right choice. Billy had three kids; his wife had passed away and it was just them. They lived on the local reservation, and I guess you could say they were the closest thing to family we had."

I finished my glass of wine and watched as Edward reached over and filled it back up for me. "I was younger than you when they died. It was four days before my fourteenth birthday. I was so lost. I needed something, anything. So I grabbed onto Billy and his family with both hands. His son, Jacob…" I turned away to look out the window, the snow was falling again.

Edward reached out and pulled my hand into his lap. He joined our fingers once again and I turned back to him, fresh tears filling my eyes. "Jake. Jake and I were… close. He was two years younger than me but Rachel and Rebecca were two years older. A twelve year old and a fourteen year old have more in common than two sixteen year olds and a fourteen year old. Jake pulled me through. He was there, every holiday, every school day, every anniversary. He pulled me through." I smiled wistfully as I remembered my first Christmas with the Blacks.

"They sound wonderful, Bella. Why aren't you spending the holidays with them still?" he asked.

I pulled my hand away as I remembered my last Christmas with the Blacks. The emptiness in Jake's eyes, and he pleaded with me to understand. _"I can't help it, Bells, I'm so sorry, I never meant for this to happen."_ I flinched.

"Sometimes, things change, Edward. I did what you couldn't bring yourself to do. I borrowed their happiness. Hell, I jumped right in, head first. I thought I could make it mine. But it was never really mine for the taking."

I drained my glass again. "I'll never do that again. I do things my way now. Chicago is my home, and I am my family. That's all I need."

"Well," he said, pulling my attention back to his face, "since I'm alone, and you're alone. How about we just pretend this is just any other night. You want to watch a movie?"

I laughed. "Sure, but nothing sappy. I'm already leaking like a sieve. No more tears tonight." I got up from the couch and pointed to where my limited collection of movies was and said, "Movies, there. I'm going to go and make some popcorn. You want anything else?" He stood and stretched his arms over his head reveling a sliver of skin below his gray sweater and a trail of bronze colored hair that lead to his jeans.

"No, I'm good."

I shook my head and walked to the kitchen to throw some popcorn in the microwave, finding the left over frosting. I covered my finger in the chocolate as I heard the television come on. "Did you find anything good?" I yelled to him.

"Yep, how about a scary movie?" he replied.

"Perfect." I yelled back. I walked into the living room as the opening scenes of the movie _Descent_ were starting. "Oh, this is a good one. Have you seen it?" I asked him.

"Nope, but it didn't look tear provoking at all." He sat down and rested his head against the back of the couch.

"I'll be right back," I told him as I walked down the hall to my bedroom. I grabbed the quilt and a pillow then walked back to the living room. I passed him the pillow as I sat and spread the blanket over us, both leaning against opposite sides of the couch. "You look dead. Why don't you get comfortable," I told him.

He looked perplexed staring between me and the corner of the couch.

"Head or feet?" I asked him. "Excuse me?" he replied, still holding the pillow in his hands. "Do you want to put your head or feet on me. You're a little tall for my couch, and since I don't have another chair or anything, we're going to have to share the space."

He barely smiled, and then did that little crocked smirk thing. "I have a better idea." He put the pillow on the corner of the couch and grabbed my hand before leaning into the corner, pulling both me and the blanket to rest along side of him.

"Alrighty then," I quietly responded.

_And then there's this option I guess._

"Does this work okay for you?" he whispered in my ear, sending a cascade of warm wine-tinted breath down my exposed neck.

"It'll do," I whispered back. I felt the rumble in his chest as he chuckled.

I woke the next morning feeling refreshed and smelling…bacon? I was on my couch wrapped up in a blanket, which somehow smelled of Edward.

_Edward…shit…I fell asleep on Edward!_

I stood as I heard dishes clanking in my kitchen and cautiously walked in to find Edward in his jeans and a tight white t-shirt without shoes or socks, cooking bacon in my kitchen. "Good morning, sunshine," he called without turning. "Merry Christmas!"

He turned and passed me a plate with eggs, bacon, and toast; and I noticed that there was a steaming cup of tea on the breakfast bar. "Um, good morning? I mean, yeah, Merry Christmas. I'm sorry I fell asleep on you last night. You should have woken me up."

He laughed. "To be honest, Bella, I think I probably fell asleep before you. I was pretty exhausted. Your couch is amazingly comfortable though. I slept like a baby."

"But…" I hesitated, "I just woke up on the couch." I stated questioningly.

"I know, I'm sorry if I squished you. You just looked so peaceful this morning. I didn't have the heart to wake you up," he said sheepishly.

"We both slept there all night?" I questioned.

"Yes, we did," he replied. "Do you know you talk in your sleep?" he asked with a smile on his face.

"Argh…what did I say?" I asked.

He grinned at me then said, "Something about gingerbread men if I remember correctly? You looked pretty disgruntled."

I covered my face to hide the blush I'm quite sure was now coloring my skin. I felt his hands pulling mine away. "Hey," he whispered, "didn't I tell you? You never have to hide from me."

"Yeah," I replied, "well that was before I spent the night laying on you on a couch, talking about mad gingerbread men. I think I have plenty to be embarrassed about by now."

"Nonsense," he stated. "So, what are your plans for the day?" he continued as if nothing had happened.

"Well," I thought, "I was going to go and spend some time with Hope at some point. I can't imagine she'll have a nice holiday stuck in the hospital."

He sat down on the stool next to me and started to eat. "I was going to do the same thing, would you like to go together?"

I swallowed my food before responding. "Sure. I was going to bring some movies and my laptop so we'd have something to do. Did you have any other plans?"

He shook his head. "Nope, just spending the day with my two favorite ladies."

I smiled as I thought about last night. The gift, not the iPod, but the gift Edward had given me of his past. His history. The night which could have been cold and lonely was filled with warm and gentle reminders of what it felt like to live again. What it could be like if I could find a way to pull away from my past. If I could find a way to forgive myself for the unforgivable deed

If I could only find my path.

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A/N: this chapter is titled Amazing grace, in this chapter, Bella see's her first real glimpse of redemption through the eyes of a fourteen year old girl. The same age she was when her parents died. The ways in which they both see the world is so drastically different, but yet, so similar.

Hope give's Bella her first real glimpse of salvation in this chapter. In my mind every event in this chapter is about Bella learning to accept the Grace she has in her life. Her redemption is there, if she'll only reach out and take it.

These words particularly stuck out to me (this is LeAnn Rimes haunting rendition of the song…link on my profile. I encourage you to listen to it at least once, especially as Hope talks to Bella about Laurie.)

_Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,  
That saved a wretch like me.  
I once was lost but now am found,  
Was blind, but now I see._

_T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear.  
And Grace, my fears relieved.  
How precious did that Grace appear  
The hour I first believed._

I've already started the next chapter; it's one of the three that have been written in my mind since I started this journey. It's one that I've most looked forward to writing. It's from EPOV and I hope to have it completed soon. I know it's taken me forever to get these chapters up so if you're interested and want a preview I'll give you the name of the chapter and corresponding song if you'd like to ponder what could be happening in the near future.

Thanks as always for your support.

x x x T


	15. Flight of the Blackbird

Okay, so yeah, I know. My updating sucks, but to be honest I've been working on this chapter since the last one ended. Have you ever wanted to do something so bad that when you actually get to do it you freeze? Well, that was this. I've wanted the 18th Floor Balcony so bad that when I actually got here I froze solid. After a week of writing two sentences at a time I realized I still couldn't write it. I left them on Christmas morning and well, I needed to get them to the balcony. So, we have to go through Christmas and of course New Years to get there…so I wrote those, which lead me beautifully to the balcony. Which is written, and with the beta as we speak. So, you'll have the Balcony scene VERY shortly! Combined both chapters are 20k words, that's hella long…too long, I don't want to lose you half way through.

We've also had two bouts of the Swine Flu, a soccer tournament, Thanksgiving with a house full of Italians, my brother leaving for Afghanistan and just far too many other things to whine about. Sometimes RL takes its toll.

For this chapter I'd like to thank VJGM because she's awesome and she helps me when I wig out and think something sucks, she corrects my errant comma's and such. Secondly, americnxidiot, Rachel, you've saved my butt again, and I appreciate your help. I know how busy you are and the fact that you help out at all is just amazing. WTVOC will hopefully be finding more time in her crazy life to beta again after the next chapter, I miss her input and can't wait to get her crazy note filled corrections again!

This chapter is specifically dedicated to Jesse who won The Fandom Gives Back Auction for the chapter with Bella and Edward's first kiss. She's lucky enough to have already read the larger chapter which included the below and, well, let's just say - more…hint hint hint….

The normal disclaimers apply; I unfortunately do not own Twilight or any of the music that inspires this little diddy, but this little plot and idea is my brain child, please don't steal it.

Without further ado, I give you EPOV ~ he's a wordy mofo… nearly 9k words here alone, enjoy.

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Chapter 15 – Flight of the Blackbird

Waking up Christmas morning with Bella's head resting on my chest had been the best present I'd ever received in my life. The night before we had decided to watch a movie and when she brought the pillow and blanket out I saw it as my opportunity to test my luck. In the last few weeks I'd slowly been pushing our relationship in new ways. A small touch, a brush of my hand in passing, little things to maybe start her thinking there might be more here than just a platonic relationship.

Although, if that's all Bella could ever offer me, I'd take it. I couldn't imagine what my life would be without her in it. She had made fundamental changes in me. There would be no going back.

She looked so comfortable when she brought the pillow out, asking me if I wanted to put my head or feet in her lap. I decided this was the time, the time when I could finally hold her in my arms and maybe let her see a little of the love I now knew I had in my heart for her.

I pulled her closer to me while I laid back on the couch reclining. I brought her flush with my side, her only alternative to using me as her pillow would be a rather awkward attempt at trying to sit and lay at the same time. I knew I shouldn't have pushed her or put her in the position where she may have been uncomfortable, but I knew. I just knew that no one had ever really pushed Bella. She never let anyone close enough to push her and if I didn't push her now, I wasn't sure we'd ever move past this stage.

And I _so _wanted her to move past this stage.

It had been so very hard these last few weeks, observing her from afar, trying not to crowd her. I wanted her to want me as I wanted her.

Watching her with Hope just reinforced the feelings in my heart. Bella never looked at her as a sick kid who wasn't going to make it. She never pitied her, and God knows, Hope did deserve to be pitied. Bella made her part of us…_us_…my heart jumped at the acknowledgement that there was an "us".

We fit. The three of us, all alone, all broken - but also altogether.

I knew my time with Hope was short. She was deteriorating and there didn't seem to be anything I could do. She begged me not to tell Bella how bad it was. She wanted to keep the levity she had with her. She didn't want her disease to change the dynamics.

Bella gave Hope the family she'd never really had and in turn, I think Hope gave Bella something also.

As I lay on Bella's couch, I remembered the two of them and their "book club" meetings and smiled.

Bella's head was resting on my chest, her breath even and steady. She was lying here, in my arms on Christmas morning, warm and peaceful. This was what I'd been searching for, this feeling of contentment and happiness…my beautiful.

The scent of her shampoo permeated my senses. I lightly ran my hand from the top of her head to her shoulder and back up, making the circuit several times before I paused to push her hair from face. The peacefulness I saw there was a first for me. She looked angelic. I reached my hand out to softly run my thumb along her cheekbone. Suddenly she sighed and turned her face into my hand, as if she knew I was there. When our skin touched she whispered my name. _"Edward…"_

I froze, not wanting to wake her. I watched as her mouth turned up on one side. She smirked then sighed and cuddled deeper into my chest. Her hair had fallen forward again, I slowly reached over to move it back so I could continue to watch her.

She was beautiful.

Forgetting the outside world, I laid there and watched her for another hour, taking the time to touch her cheek, her hand, her hair. She started dreaming again, and I couldn't help but chuckle when she started talking about "_crazy gingerbread men trying to find the gumdrop buttons"_.

When she started to get restless, I decided it was time to get up and take the opportunity to make her breakfast in bed. I hoped this was just the first morning I would get to do this for her.

I slowly removed myself from the couch and watched happily as she reached out, looking for me when I was gone.

I went into the kitchen and looked through her refrigerator to see what I could whip up for breakfast when I came across eggs and bacon. _Perfect, _I thought. Quietly going through the cabinets, I found the pans and everything I'd need. I started the bacon first since it would take the longest and then went about getting everything else ready.

I was just about done when I heard her stumble through the living room. As I heard her walk into the kitchen, I called out, "Merry Christmas, Sunshine."

I turned to pass her the plate and smiled at the disarray of her hair. She stood, rubbing her eyes, hair a tangled mess and I thought she'd never looked more beautiful.

"Um, good morning?" she whispered tentatively. "I mean, yeah, Merry Christmas. I'm sorry I fell asleep on you last night. You should have woken me up." Her eyes landed on the mug of steaming tea I had waiting for her on the counter, and I swear her entire body sighed.

I laughed. "To be honest, Bella, I think I probably fell asleep before you," I lied. "I was pretty exhausted. Your couch is amazingly comfortable though. I slept like a baby." Well, the last part wasn't a lie. I guess there really was no need to tell her how I'd stayed awake for hours watching her as she rested peacefully with her face on my chest.

"But…" she hesitated, "I just woke up on the couch." I had to laugh at her confusion as I told her I didn't have the heart to wake her up.

"We both slept there all night?" She questioned and brought the mug of tea to her lips, sighing yet again.

"Yes, we did," he replied. "Do you know you talk in your sleep?" I teased and her cheeks flushed.

"Argh…what did I say?" she asked.

The smile that crossed my lips could not be avoided as I remembered her whispering my name with contentment. "Something about gingerbread men if I remember correctly. You looked pretty disgruntled." She shook her head and rolled her eyes drinking more of her tea to avoid the subject.

We continued to talk, and I decided to ask her what her plans were for the day. Since I was alone, and she'd made it clear last night that she typically spent today the same way, I figured I may be able to coax her into spending the day together. I could show her how to use her iPod…or I could get to her to come to my apartment so I could play some of the songs she'd given to me, for her.

"Well," Bella replied, "I was going to go and spend some time with Hope at some point. I can't imagine she'll have a nice holiday stuck in the hospital."

My day had originally included spending time with Hope. I had a small artificial tree at home with ornaments Esme had bought me that I'd never used. I figured I could put it up in Hope's room and put her gifts under it today. Hope and I never really talked too much about her past, but what little we had, I was led to believe she never had a real family to spend the holidays with. Not that Bella and I were her real family. More like the Island of Misfit Toys. But together we could make it enjoyable.

I sat down on the stool next to Bella and started to eat. If I could get Bella to agree I'd get both of the things I wanted for Christmas: a day with Hope not as her doctor and the chance to play for Bella in private.

"I was planning on doing the same thing, would you like to go together?" I asked nonchalantly.

"Sure," she responded easily, "I was going to bring some movies and my laptop so we'd have something to do. Did you have any other plans?"

"Nope," I replied, "just spending the day with my two favorite ladies."

She smiled at me and looked off into the distance as she took another bite of her toast.

"How about you go jump in the shower then, if you don't mind, we can swing by my place so I can change and grab some stuff before we head to the hospital."

"That works for me," she said as she stood up from the stool and stretched her hands over her head. The smallest sliver of skin was exposed as she stood on her toes and groaned.

"Your back bothering you?" I asked her.

She exhaled and lowered her arms. "No…surprisingly enough, I feel great. Maybe I should sleep on the couch more often," she joked.

I stood up and started walking slowly toward her as I carried my plate to the sink. I stopped when I was behind her and leaned over her shoulder to whisper in her ear. "Maybe it was the body pillow you slept with and not the actual couch."

She froze and turned her head toward mine, our faces mere inches apart. I watched as her eyes flickered between my lips and my eyes. It seemed like hours before she opened her mouth. No words taking form, she looked one more time into my eyes.

"Yeah, I'm going to take that shower now," she whispered then turned away. I chuckled as she tripped over the edge of the barstool but regained her footing. I watched, shaking my head, as she walked away mumbling to herself.

"Don't worry about the dishes," she yelled from her bedroom, "I'll do them later. Why don't you pick out a couple of movies?"

"Sure," I replied as I started washing the plates and put them in the dish holder to dry. I finished cleaning up and went back into the living room where I straightened out the blankets and picked out a few movies to bring with us.

Bella came down the hallway carrying a few bags of gifts which I assumed were for Hope and I reminded her to bring her iPod knowing Hope's present to her was a "girls only" playlist. I chuckled as I recalled Hope's reaction when she found out about the iPod. She stated my musical knowledge about girl bands was limited and I was clearly not the person to be exposing Bella to that type of music.

As we drove to my apartment, Bella's cell phone rang and she pulled it out. She smiled as she answered, putting her phone on speaker.

"Hey you! How's the sunshine state?"

"Bella?" Jasper's surprised voice called from the line.

"That would be me," she replied, "Merry Christmas!"

He laughed and said, "Well, Merry Christmas to you, too, darlin'. First and foremost…Texas - is NOT, the sunshine state. That would be Florida. And second, where are you?"

"Oh," she exclaimed, "I'm in Edward's car. Edward, say 'hi' to Jasper."

I shook my head at her exuberance. "Hi Jasper," I melodramatically called out.

"Edward?" he questioned yet again. "Um, hi?"

"So how's it going? How's Alice?"

"It's good, Alice is good, we just wanted to call and tell you Merry Christmas and that we're thinking of you."

"Well, thank you, kind sir," she replied, "I'm thinking of you, too."

Suddenly we heard Alice in the background. "Oh, are you talking to Bella? Tell her I found the dresses for the wedding, I'm brining home fabric samples for her."

Bella groaned and rolled her eyes. "I heard her…no need to relay that. Fabric swatches, more dresses, check, check. Can we finish planning one wedding before we rush head long into another one?"

Jasper laughed. "Yes, Alice, she heard you. She can't wait to see them. She wants to know if you found the shoes yet."

"Jasper Whitlock," she ground out, "you're freaking evil. If she brings home shoes for me, I swear to God you will be sorry." I laughed as she glared at the telephone as if Jasper could see her.

"Well, anyway, Bella. We just wanted to call and tell you we missed you and we'll see you the day after New Years. And Edward?"

"Yes Jasper?" I choked out between laughs.

The line got quiet before he replied, "Take care of our girl for me, will ya."

I smiled and turned to Bella. "Sure thing, Jasper."

She rolled her eyes again and clicked the phone off speaker and she raised it to her ear. "Goodbye, Jasper…, yep, sure thing, love you too, hugs and kisses, hanging up now, bye." And she hung up the phone.

"You know," I said to her, "if you keep rolling your eyes all the time they're going to get stuck like that."

She looked at me and shook her head. "And to think, they let you out of med school with letters attached to your name."

I gave her my best sneer. "I think I liked you better before you started hanging out with Hope."

She laughed at that comment. "At least I haven't started calling you _McDreamy_, just imagine how much fun Emmett could have with that one…" she taunted. Then she puckered her lips, folded her hands innocently under her chin and looked angelically to the sky. "Oh, Doctor McDreamy, I hurt my finger, please, please come make it better."

We pulled into my complex parking garage and I turned toward her pulling her hands from their position under her chin. "Would it be this finger right here?" I whispered as I raised her hand to my lips and kissed it. The smile left her face rather quickly as I lowered her left hand and raised the right one. "Or is it this one?" I asked kissing the knuckle of the middle finger.

I lifted both hands and turned them palm up, kissing each one in the center. "I'll never know how to fix it if you don't tell me where it hurts, Bella."

She crinkled her brow and bit her lip. I heard as she exhaled slowly. "Well, I guess I know where that nickname came from. No wonder the nurses all love you."

I chuckled and turned off the car. "I can't say, as I've ever kissed a nurses hand before, Bella. And that's only Hope's little nickname, no one else calls me McDreamy."

"Yeah, well," she stuttered, "it's a good thing you don't, cause, that there," she paused pointing between the two of us, "that there, is just downright distracting."

I laughed. "Come on, Bella, get out of the car."

I walked around the car and laughed as I watched her open her door and try to get out of the seat before taking her seatbelt off. She slammed back into the seat and mumbled as she unbuckled the belt and stepped out of the car. She raised her hand as if telling me not to say a word and I closed the door behind her. Still laughing as she flushed pink I held my hand out toward the elevator.

Neither of us spoke on the elevator. Christmas music played on the speakers as the elevator climbed to my floor. The bell dinged as the doors opened and we stepped out. We still hadn't spoken as we walked in the door. I placed my keys on the table in the hall.

She followed me as stepped into the living room where my piano was and she stopped. I turned to her and ran my hand through my hair, nervous that she was here seeing this part of me.

"Yeah, I know, it's not much, but I'm hardly ever here in my defense."

She shook her head. "Not much? Edward you could fit my entire apartment in just these two rooms," she waved between the kitchen and the living room.

"Well, yeah, I guess," I said, "if you're just looking at the size of it, but there's not much here. It's kind of…empty?"

I watched as her eyes took in the sparse furniture I had and stopped on the piano yet again. "Okay, two cent tour. Um…kitchen is that way," I said as I point to the open kitchen area. "Again, not much in there, but I do think there are waters and a maybe some fruit in the fridge, um living room obviously." I gestured to the living room. "Two bedrooms down that hall there, bathroom is on the right, second door. My room is the last door on the left. I'm just going to go jump in the shower. Make yourself at home. I'll be out in ten, fifteen minutes max."

She smiled at me and walked over to the piano opening the cover. "I'm good," she stated. "Go, take your shower, I'll be here when you get out." Her fingers ghosted above the keys.

"Okay, then. I'll be back." I turned and walked to my bedroom closing the door behind me.

Very quietly I heard a single C note being played. I smiled as I walked into my bathroom and started the shower. Bella was here, in my house, playing my piano. I continued to smile as I took my shower and didn't stop until I left my room and walked back to find her standing in my kitchen with a bottle of water in her hand.

"You have a great kitchen."

"Well, thank you," I replied. "It's pretty neglected. A gourmet chef, I am not. Hell, I'm not even a half way decent chef."

"I beg to differ," she said as she pushed off the counter and walked to the island, "You make a pretty mean breakfast."

I laughed, "Anyone can make eggs, Bella. They're not that difficult."

"Now _I_ have to beg to differ," she said with a laugh, "Renee couldn't make an egg if her life depended on it. Hell, she even messed up scrambled eggs."

I stood there, staring at her, and she shifted uncomfortably.

"What?" she questioned.

"You should do that more often," I said.

"What?" she asked again.

"Laugh. When you do your whole face lights up." Her face immediately started to pink up and I smiled at her.

I walked back toward the living room and picked up the box she had given me for Christmas, setting it on the piano. I opened the box and took out the leather bound folder, placing it on the stand. I ran my hand over the worn leather then turned around.

"Would you like to hear something, Bella?"

"I'd love to," she replied as she walked into the living room and leaned against the back of the couch.

I sat on the bench and stretched my hand out to her. "Come sit with me?" I asked.

She hesitated then walked around the couch. "Right here?" she questioned as she slowly approached.

I nodded and she sat. "Do you have any requests?" I asked, barely above a whisper.

She shook her head. "Surprise me," she replied in a voice equally as low.

I turned and closed my eyes as the melody of the song I'd been working on came through my fingers to the keys. Slow and haunting, the notes were low then shifting, picking up speed, pushing to higher registers. The melody slowed again as the highs and lows melded together, shifting, blending, moving, and telling the story. As the last note rang out I opened my eyes and turned to see Bella as she wiped her cheek.

"You should do that more often," she whispered.

"What?" I asked her, slightly confused.

"Play like that."

"What do you mean?" I asked. "I play all the time at the club."

"No, Edward," she said as she shook her head at me. "That's something special. When you play like that I can see you." She lifted her hand and placed it on my chest. "I can see this, and it's beautiful."

God, I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to pick her up and bring her to my room. I wanted to lay her on my bed and kiss her until she knew how much I loved her. How special she was, how beautiful. _My_ beautiful. But I held back, knowing I needed her to make that first move. I knew how I felt. I needed to know how she felt before we went to the next level. I needed her to feel what I felt.

I knew she wasn't there yet. As much as I wanted her, I needed her to want me too. I lifted her hand off my chest and raised it to my lips. I placed a single kiss on her wrist. "Thank you," was all I said. It was her song, the song that I started composing all those weeks ago. It was her, and she thought it was beautiful. This was officially one of the best moments of my life.

"So, let's get this show on the road," I said as I used her hand to help her stand. "I called from the bedroom. I have a few dinners waiting for us to pick up on the way."

"Okay," she said. "What do you need me to grab?"

"Um, right over there," I pointed to the bags sitting near the couch. "You can take those and I'll grab the little tree and the box."

She smiled. "I haven't had a tree in years. She's going to love this."

We walked from my apartment and back to the car. Soon we were at the hospital with bags, boxes and food, laughing as we tried to figure out how we were going to get all of this past the nurses. "Well," I told her, "Sylvia's not working to night so it shouldn't be too bad. She's got eyes like an eagle."

The elevator dinged as we reached the third floor and walked down the hallway. There were only a handful of other patients on the ward and the halls were fairly quiet. As we walked toward the nurse's desk and told Bella I'd distract them so she could bring all the boxes to Hope's room.

She laughed at my James Bond attempt. "Go getum' McDreamy."

"You're not funny," I said as I narrowed my eyes at her.

"Embrace it, Edward, it's an asset," she said as she raised her hand seemingly to pat my cheek but she left it there, slightly rubbing her finger tips along my check bone. "There's just something about those beautiful green eyes," she spoke slowly, "that just leaves a girl…well…dazzled." She smiled as she slowly removed her hand, "Go, do your thing, the day of a wonderful little blonde girl depends on it."

I noticed how freely she reached out and touched me. Her eyes were filled with mischief. She seemed genuinely happy and for the first time I can remember she seemed to let her very well built wall down. She'd told me I dazzled her, whatever that meant. I saw this as an opportunity to push her slightly, let her know how I felt while she seemed opened to the idea.

"You better be careful, Bella," I said as I took a step closer to her. "I'm going to start to think you actually like me." I took another step toward her and she stepped back into the wall. "In the last few hours you've told me that I'm beautiful," I whispered as I slowly lowered my mouth to her ear, "and now, that I have the ability to dazzle a girl."

I ran my nose up the line of her jaw and I whispered in her ear, "Tell me, Bella." I paused and nudged her hair with my nose. "Do I dazzle you?"

I heard her release the breath she'd been holding in. "Frequently," she whispered, almost to low to hear.

I backed away and licked my lips. "That's good to know." I turned and walked toward the nurse's desk leaving her leaning against the wall. I snickered as I approached the desk. This woman was going to be the death of me. I'm not sure how much longer I could hold back.

Natalie was the head nurse on duty tonight. She and I got along okay, but I'd say she was typically more of a "by the book" manager than Sylvia was.

"Hey Natalie, how are things going?" I asked as I entered the nurse's station and leaned against the back filing cabinets. Natalie turned to talk to me as Bella slowly popped her head around the corner.

"Things are going fine, Dr. Masen, how about you? What brings you by on Christmas day?" she asked as I raised my eyes slightly to Bella, indicating she should go ahead down to Hope's room.

"Just thought I'd stop by and spend some time with Hope. Anyone come by to see her today?"

"Yes," she replied shortly as Bella walked by the counter quickly and quietly. "That social worker stopped by for a few minutes. Dropped off some generic gift or something. She asked when we thought we would be releasing her… something about the agency being over budget and needing to cut back on her 'cost of care'. Needless to say she didn't notice the O2 mask or any of the compression machines."

"Well, Hope's not going anywhere until I say she can. And as of now, I say she can't so don't worry about her." I sighed knowing I was going to have to deal with the social worker again. "I'm going to go ahead and see her now. If she needs anything while I'm here, I'll take care of it. Don't worry about checking in on her."

"Thanks, Dr. Masen, I appreciate it."

I smiled. "No problem. Have a good holiday." I walked from the nurse's station and toward Hope's room, a little less excited than I was when I got there. I knew Hope's condition was worsening. She hadn't shown any signs of improvement from any of the treatments we've been given her. It was only a matter of time before we'd have to just make her comfortable and let nature takes it course.

I washed my hands and opened the door. There sitting in a knitted orange cap and green mittens, was Hope. Bella laughed as she watched Hope try to pull the little ornaments from the box, mittens and all.

"You know, that would be easier without the mittens," I told her as I watched them laugh at the spectacle Hope was making.

"Nope. These were a gift from Margarite. No idea who she is, but damn, can she knit. The Soch brought them by. They're actually nice and warm. Keeping the mittens on."

"Okay," I laughed, "if it makes you happy."

"Happy and warm. Two key components to my spectacular mood today," she stated as she pulled another of the mini ornaments from the box.

"Ok, Edward," Bella said as she walked over to me with the string of lights, "you take care of the tree, I'll get the food out."

"Oh…you brought food!" Hope exclaimed.

"Of course," Bella replied. "What's a Christmas celebration without ham and chocolate cake?"

Hope took the oxygen tube from her nose and started to get out of bed. I noticed her breathing and said, "You know, you're much more of a supervising type, why don't you just shout directions at us from there?"

Her face crumbled slightly and she looked at me. "I want to help," she said quietly. It was my turn to crumble as I took in the look on her face. The way she looked into my eyes, I knew what she wouldn't say so I caved and helped her out of bed.

"Just a few minutes," I whispered in her ear as she smiled up at me.

"Sure thing, "she replied.

Five minutes later the tree was nearly all decorated and Bella had the food all set up on the small hospital table.

I noticed Hope was starting to get winded so I placed my hand on her shoulder. "Okay, there killer. I think you've done enough for today," I spoke quietly so only she could hear me. "Why don't you let us handle the rest? You can direct, I know how much you like telling me what to do."

She sighed. "But see, now you're telling me what to do…just because it's Christmas, I'll let you get away with it this time." She walked over to the bed and grabbed the O2 tube, putting it on without me having to tell her. I had a feeling Christmas had nothing to do with her willingness to comply.

"Okay," Bella said, "I think we're all set here. How's the tree?"

"We're good," I said as I turned on the battery powered lights, "perfect."

Hope clapped when the tree was on, and all the food was laid out. "I'm thinking dessert before dinner," she said as she rubbed her hands together, mittens and all.

"Hold on," I stated then walked out of the room. I went to the nurse's desk and asked Natalie, "Hey Natalie, can I get a thermometer from you? I think Hope may be running a bit of a fever."

"Sure," she replied and handed me one.

I walked back to the room just as Bella was putting the last piece of cake onto a plate. "She won again?" I said as I walked over to the bed and put the thermometer in her ear. It beeped, and the screen showed one hundred point six. "You're cold because you have a fever. I'll get you something for that."

She reached out and grabbed my arm. "Later, Edward, let's just eat," she pleaded.

I sighed then smiled at her. "Sure, Hope, whatever you want."

We ate dinner backwards, starting with cake and ending with salad, all the while laughing and joking, just enjoying each others company. When we were done, I cleaned up the plates and containers as Bella pulled out the small stack of presents we had brought with us.

"Actually, Bella, before we do that, I think I need a treatment, Edward," Hope nearly whispered.

I nodded. "Let me get it set up for you." I turned and went over to where the chest compression vest was sitting.

Bella stood up and grabbed the bag with the plates and containers in it. "I'm just going to go and get rid of these. I'll be back in a few minutes."

"You don't have to leave, Bella," Hope said as she reached for the vest in my hands.

"Its fine, Hope. I'd rather get rid of all the evidence incase a nurse has to come in and help out at all. I wouldn't want McDreamy here to get into trouble or anything." I turned to glare at her and she winked at me.

Hope chuckled. "I think Jenna is on tonight, she really likes Edward, she'd probably enjoy scolding him."

I turned from Bella to Hope, my mouth gaping open. "That's so wrong." They two of them started giggling like school girls as Bella bent over dropping the bags in her hands to clutch her sides. Hope was leaning over and laughed until she started coughing trying to catch her breath.

Bella looked from Hope to me and I saw the recognition in her eyes. "Okay, enough of that," she said gasping for breath herself, "I'll be right back." I watched as she picked up the bags again and left the room. I turned back toward Hope.

"You know, Edward," she said, no longer laughing, "Time is a luxury not all of us have."

"What do you mean?" I asked her.

"You have to tell her, she'll never get there on her own."

"Hope…" I started.

"No, Edward, you need to hear this." She leaned up and grabbed the side rails of her bed struggling to sit up, the façade she held in place with Bella here slipping. She showed me the pain she kept hidden from Bella.

"Whatever it is that happened to her, she holds it like a new born. She protects it. It defines her very being, as much as it haunts her, she's afraid to let it go. She doesn't know who she is without it anymore." She turned and looked toward the Christmas tree, its lights twinkling in the darkening window.

"I watch her you know, when we're together. And I can see when she losses herself to the memories, everything about her changes. The confidence, the humor, it all dies." She smiled as she turned back to me. "But you see that too, don't you? Time is our enemy," she stated.

She turned and ran her hand over the small stack of gifts Bella had sat on the bed before she left. "I know I don't have much time left, Edward -"

"Hope," I started but she cut me off.

"Don't start now Edward. You've never lied to me before. Don't do it now. It's okay. But I'm afraid if you – " she paused and reached over to grab my hand, "- _WE_, can't show her how to get past it, how to start to live again, she's going to die right along with me."

I flinched at her bluntness. Of course I knew what was happening with her but I tried not to think of the finality of it. "Hope, I'm not sure what I can do. She has to want this, want me. I can't fix her."

"Nope," she stated, "you can't. But damn, Edward, you can give her a reason to want to fix herself."

I nodded my head. "I am trying, Hope. I really am. She seems to be letting me in more, but, I just, I don't know, I can't tell if I'm making any headway."

She smiled that beautiful Hope smile that you could never defend against. The smile that lit the night's sky. "Oh, you are Edward. I see it in her smile when she talks about you. Let her in, all the way in, if you do, I just know she'll let you in too."

I nodded in agreement. "Promise me?" she pleaded. I turned away from her. "You know that corny saying, Edward, the one about the past?"

"Which one?" I asked as I stared into the reflection we were casting on the window.

"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, that's why it's called the present."

I turned back to her, puzzled where she was going.

"We don't know what going to happen tomorrow, Edward. Yesterday can't be undone. You've got today, make the best of it."

Just then the door slowly swung open. "Hey, you guys all set in here?" Bella asked as she peaked her head around the door.

"Yep," Hope stated as she squeezed my hand, "Edward was just putting that awful thing away." I looked at her and furrowed my brow.

"But - " I started.

Hope just smiled at me and turned back to Bella. "Present time…"

Bella laughed and I stared between both her and Hope, my chest tightening at the scene. Two beautiful women, two beautiful souls. It hurt so unbearably to know I could lose them both. I leaned over and kissed Hope on her forehead before muttering in agreement, "Present time."

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Exactly a week later it was New Years Eve. I was sitting in the doctor's lounge, thinking back on Christmas day with Hope and Bella, when my pager went off. It was the nurse's station. I left the room and walked the short way to the desk. Sylvia was on tonight and I was greeted with her angry scowl as I approached.

"She's driving me crazy, Edward. She's insisting it's an emergency and only you can help her."

I smiled. "I do have that affect on people, Sylvia."

"Please, I'm guessing it has more to do with the beautiful brunette in there than it does you."

"Her name is Bella, you know." I chuckled.

"Of course I know her name, Edward. Hope never wants us around, but see, this funny thing happens when you're working and Bella comes to visit. Hope mysteriously has a need for her doctor, constantly. Like all the time constantly."

I laughed as Sylvia huffed. "Are you jealous, Sylvia?"

"Oh Edward, you're so naive."

"I'm just kidding with you, Sylvia. I know she's a pain. She has a theory, and you know how scary she can be when she gets something set in her mind."

"You don't have to tell me twice. Anyway, she keeps pinging me. Go see what the hell the devil's spawn wants now."

I laughed as I patted her back. "Don't worry, Bella won't be here tomorrow. I'm sure she'll be anxious for you to go and gossip with her."

She huffed as I walked down the hallway. I could hear the laughter before I even opened the door.

Hope was sitting on the bed with her orange knitted cap on again as she tapped her finger along the screen of Bella's new iPod touch. "I thought I put that on your playlist. It took me forever to come up with the right mix of power girl bands. I know it's on here…"

"I already told you," Bella said as she reached across Hope's lap to try and grab the iPod, "there is nothing by, what was it? Rilo Kiley?"

"Well, we have to remedy that. Jenny Lewis is a must have. Ah," she smiled as she looked over at me, "and here's my favorite physician now. Edward do you have your laptop?" she asked.

"Yeah? It's in my car I think, why?" I walked over and tried to reach for the iPod which made Hope pull it away and put it right into Bella's line of sight.

"HA!" she yelled as she grabbed the device from Hope's hand. Hope turned to glare at me.

"Why do I think you planned that?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I stated with a smirk. "Is this what you needed me for? You know, Sylvia is about to take your little red button away."

"Pshh, like that would stop me," she huffed, "I'm smarter than the average bear you know…"

"And more ornery. So to what do I owe the pleasure of the page?" I sat on the corner of the bed across from Bella, who was intently looking through her playlists.

"You need to settle a debate for us," Bella stated absentmindedly as she touched the buttons on the screen.

"Well, that and now we need your laptop because I committed a most egregious faux-paux on the Christmas play list. "

I laughed. "Egregious huh? What, did you forget Alanis Morissette or could it have been Avril Lavigne?"

"Mock all you want, Edward," she scowled, "All your sappy shit has nothing on angry girl music."

Bella's head popped up. "I kinda like that Alanis one, _Ironic_ and _Not the Doctor_…great songs."

I watched as she focused on the iPod again. "I've created a monster," I stated, "You can't seem to put that thing down anymore."

"I'm sorry," she said as she passed the iPod to Hope. "Is that the album you're talking about? I found it on iTunes."

"Yep," Hope replied, "but don't buy it, I already have it on Edward's laptop, we can just re-synch."

"Alright already with the iPod," I half yelled, "you're driving Sylvia crazy, what do you need?"

"Okay," Hope said as she sat up straighter in her bed. "Friend Bella, present your side of the argument."

Bella sighed at her. "You're such a drama queen. Okay, Edward, what's the best thing about New Year's Eve?"

I raised my eyebrow at her. "Excuse me?"

"The best thing," she stated again. "What's the best thing about New Years Eve?"

I narrowed my eyes at her and smirked. "Well, I guess that depends on who you're spending it with."

"Argh…" Hope yelled, "Get a room already. You're such a perv."

"What?" I huffed. "My answer differs greatly if I'm spending the night with Esme and Carlisle than if I were say, spending it with, oh, I don't know…someone else?"

Bella laughed and I noticed the slightest blush coloring her cheeks.

"Anyway," Hope continued, "in a non _romantic_ way, what is the best thing about New Year's Eve? Let's say, when you were my age to keep this PG-13."

"Okay, then I would say the countdown shows."

"Now we're getting somewhere," she said. "So, would you agree that Ryan Seacrest is the best New Year's Eve host, ever."

"Um…No…"

She scoffed. "You can't be serious."

"Yes," I replied, "I can. You will never have a better host than Dick Clarke."

Bella yelled. "Ha! I told you so."

"Whatever, all your both doing is showing your age and lack of taste," Hope huffed, "Edward, seriously, how could you think that? Ryan Seacrest is the best, admit it."

"I don't agree. Ryan Seacrest is a sell-out. Dick Clarke is quality, where as Seacrest is quantity. He'd do anything for a buck. Big difference."

"You can leave now," she deadpanned.

"No, stay," Bella said as she reached out and grabbed my hand. "It's fifteen minutes 'till midnight." She quickly released my hand and I wondered if she felt the same tingles I did when our hands touched. "Well, unless you have to go take care of a patient or something."

"All the patients are pretty much asleep. I was just hanging out in the doctor's lounge."

"Well, that's stupid," Hope replied, smiling at the both of us.

"I mean, we're right in here, we have junk food, _RYAN SEACREST_, and we're fifteen minutes from two thousand and nine. Why sit in the doctor's lounge by yourself when you can sit here with us?"

"Why indeed?" I said as I crossed the room to where Bella had set up the junk food.

"So," Bella said as she reached over and picked up the iTouch, "I think I've really gotten the hang of this thing now. And the playlist Hope made me for Christmas is quickly becoming my favorite."

"Oh, really?" I stated as I looked at her with a mock hurt look.

"Of course, I rule," Hope said as she reached over and grabbed the bag of Doritos, "Your music is all '_educational'_ and sappy."

"It's not sappy," both Bella and I said at the same time.

Hope rolled her eyes. "Yeah, right. Well if it was pre-Van-Morisson-obsessive it is."

"Pre what?" Bella asked, laughing at the face I was making at Hope.

"Nothing," I replied, "just another one of Hope's insane theories."

"Any-who," Hope chimed in, "No musical education can be complete without hard core girl bands. We need a balance of the morose and lame with the angry and righteous."

Just then Ryan Seacrest himself came on screen, and Hope clapped her hands when he announced we were three minutes away from two thousand and nine.

I smiled as I looked from Hope to Bella. They both looked so happy and comfortable together. It made me smile to think that they had each other, even if it was just a short time. They needed each other without even knowing it. They fixed a wrong that was hidden deep inside each of them. We all seemed to do that for each other in one way or another. Hope made me see the world for what it was and Bella made me want to live for it.

I laughed as they danced around while sitting in the bed.

The ball started dropping and the countdown began. The countdown to a year I knew would see me saying goodbye to one person I loved and hopefully would give me the gift of being able to really love the other. The good with the bad. I decided right then that I couldn't just wait for the bad to come. I had to love the good, every moment of the good while I could.

"_10-9-8"_

Tthey both smiled and held horns in their hands as they counted down.

"_7-6-5-4",_

Hope reached out and grabbed my hand.

"_3-2-1- Happy New Year!!!"_

I smiled as Bella leaned over and kissed Hope's cheek. "Happy New Year, Hope!" Hope smiled and kissed her back then turned to me. I leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. "Happy New Year, kid."

She started coughing when she went to talk and Bella reached over to rub her back. Hope shooed her away then looked at me with that devious glint in her eye, the one I saw when I knew she was planning on doing something she knew she shouldn't.

"Edward, Bella," she looked between the two of us, "You have to kiss."

"Excuse me?" Bella questioned.

"You two," she started as she pointed between the two of us, "need to kiss. The only way to start the year off right is with a kiss. And God knows the two of you obviously need all the help you can get. You – need – to – kiss. Simple. Kiss."

"To start the year off right?" I said with raised eyebrows.

"Absolutely," she stated as she leaned back and waved her hands before us indicating we should just do it.

"Oh," Bella said, "So, that's what I've been doing wrong all these years. One kiss and all will be good, huh?"

"Of course," Hope said while she shook her head at us. "I swear, you two are hopeless, do you need a how to manual?"

"No, I think I can figure out the logistics," Bella said as she looked at me questioningly.

I stood and walked to the side of the bed Bella was sitting at and offered her my hand. She reached out placing her hand in mine, and I helped her come to a stand next to me.

"Okay, Prince Charming, lay it on me."

I half smiled at her as I shook my head. "I'm starting to wonder who's worse, you or her."

"Her definitely," she replied as she took a step closer.

I reached out and cupped my hand on her face, slightly stroking my thumb across her cheek. Her eyes looked up to mine, in those eyes I saw her questioning herself and I had to wonder if she was just doing this for Hope. Her eyes betrayed the confidence of her words.

I smiled at her as I slowly leaned down. "Relax, Bella," I whispered and she returned my smile slightly. She slowly lifted her head toward me. I watched as she sucked her lips in quickly, wetting them. Then the space between us was gone and I slowly and lightly pressed my lips to hers.

Soft, resplendent, heavenly.

She slowly lifted to her toes and I felt her hand reach behind me, slightly grazing the hair at the back of my neck. She turned her head and lightly sucked on my bottom lip.

My other hand raised to cup her cheek, holding her in place as started to deepen the kiss. The image of her eyes before she kissed me flashed in my mind and I pulled back. Softy, slowly, I kissed her lips again. Sweet small kisses, one, two then three, lingering longer than the last. Baby steps.

"Happy New Year, Bella." I whispered as I softly tilted her head and kissed her one more time on the forehead. I heard her sigh as she lowered her hands from my neck to my shoulders.

"Happy New Year, Edward."

_Happy New Year indeed. _I thought to myself as I heard Hope whisper, "It will be now."

I turned to smile at her and mouth the words _"Thank you."_

She smiled and nodded, then said "Now we can all welcome the New Year with no baggage from the last year. A fresh start for all of us."

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A/N:

Thank you so much for hanging with me, I know this is not the 18th Floor Balcony but you'll have that in a couple days! Please forgive! The songs for this chapter are both listed on my profile with links, take a listen, they're perfect for the chapter.

Please take the time to leave me a review, let me know if you're still with me or if I'm driving you nuts! Thanks for taking your time to spend a few minutes with me and this fic. I heart you all!

The first song, The Christmas Song, was found by Ally (she finds all my good songs!) and it screams Edward and Bella in this chapter, it's perfect, please take a listen, the words are below. This fic is strongly influenced by music, it influences me, my writing, my life. I hope you enjoy it.

Owl City – The Christmas Song

It's Christmas and we walk alone  
Two strangers with no one to miss us  
On our own  
Out in the cold

Trudging onward  
Braving a harsh winter storm  
You and I met passing by  
And now our spirits feel warm

I don't have anyone at home to talk to  
And you don't have anything to do  
So I'll spend my Christmas with you  
I'll spend my Christmas with you

It's Christmas and we are in love  
With the way that the soft snowflakes kiss us  
From far above  
The blustery breeze

Trudging onward  
Braving a harsh winter storm  
You and I met passing by  
And now our spirits feel warm

I believe that Jesus is truly the only way  
I celebrate Christmas because it's his birthday

I don't have anyone at home to talk to  
And you don't have anything to do  
So I'll spend my Christmas with you  
I'll spend my Christmas with you

Blackbird – Originally sung by The Beatles but Sarah McLachlan's version is so much more fitting, link is on my profile.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night  
Take these broken wings and learn to fly  
All your life  
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Black bird singing in the dead of night  
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see  
All your life  
You were only waiting for this moment to be free

Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly  
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly  
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night  
Take these broken wings and learn to fly  
All your life  
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Hugs and Kisses,

T


	16. 18th Floor Balcony

See…I told you it was going to be up soon! Thank you very much once again to VJGM and americnxidiot who helped me get this is tip top shape for y'all!

So…this is my first time actually publishing something with even semi smut in it…and I was a bit nervous so a wonderful reader helped me out, I'd like to thank lisamichelle17 for not only helping me get over the awkwardness I was feeling by writing some of the things going on in Edward's mind but also for writing an entire paragraph of this chapter for me to prove that my Edward could in fact say…um…certain words…and still be in character. Also, thanks to MsTallulahBelle, WTVOC (for always cheering me on), Spotzle, QJMom, MsKathy and my other twitter buddies who helped me get over my anatomy naming fear. This is a first for me people, so please tell me if it sucks, so I can hide!

Now, after long ago promising it, here is 18th Floor Balcony. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it. Nearly 12k words here, I hope the chapter does the song justice.

Twilight and all recognizable characters do not belong to me.

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Chapter 16 – 18th Floor Balcony

Two weeks later I was on the phone with Emmett as I drove to pick Bella up at the small coffee shop she, Alice and Rose held all of their wedding meetings.

"So, are you sure you want to go tonight. That winter storm is supposed to be coming in sometime over night."

"I'm not too worried about it," I replied, "It's not supposed to hit until tomorrow morning. We're just going to check out the band and then come back. We should miss it completely."

"Well, if you're sure."

"Hey, it's your wedding. From what Bella's said, this is the band that Rosalie just 'has to have'. When Rosalie wants something, she gets it."

"Don't I know it," he laughed. "I've got the charge card receipts to prove it. I could feed a small nation for the price of this wedding."

"But you'd have it no other way," I happily noted.

"Nope. A happy Rose is a happy Emmett, and Emmett really really likes to be happy."

"Alright, alright," I cut him off, "No need for details."

"Speaking of details," Emmett paused, "is there anything you feel the need to tell cousin Emmett about?"

"Um…no…should there be?" I questioned.

"Pshh, from what I understand there have been some pretty significant developments on the Edward/Bella front in the last couple of weeks," he huffed.

"Hmmm, really?"

"Don't play coy with me, Edward."

"Coy? Did you seriously just say 'coy' to me? Stop reading Rose's bridal magazines, dude. Your skirt is starting to show."

"Don't deflect. How are things with you and Bella?" he asked again.

"Things are… good." I replied

"And?" he pushed.

"And what, Emmett? I don't know what you've heard and from who you may have heard it from so I can't tell you if it's true or not." I was starting to get irritated.

"Let's just say I've heard, from a reliable source, that you had a very nice New Years," he said smugly.

"And who would that source have been?" I questioned, wondering if Bella had maybe told Rose about our kiss. A kiss I've yet to repeat… a kiss that kept me up at night just thinking about it.

"Apparently Bella had Rose meet your little friend, Hope, the other day. She told Rose all about the hot and steamy action from New Years Eve."

I stopped at a red light and closed my eyes, shaking my head. _Hope…_

"Okay, first of all, Hope exaggerates, greatly. Second, yes, Bella and I did kiss for the New Year. It's not like we were macking on Hope's hospital bed or anything. And third, I wouldn't consider it a significant development. It hasn't happened since."

A car behind me beeped its horn and I looked up to see the light had turned green. I accelerated and noted I was one block away from where I would be meeting Bella. "Look Emmett. We kissed. And yes, it was wonderful, but it's not like Bella made the decision to do it on her own. Things are going well, and I feel like we're making progress, but let's not put the cart in front of the horse."

"Yet," he stated.

"Yet," I replied.

"How was it?" he asked as I pulled up in front of the café. I looked through the window and saw Alice, Bella and Rose sitting at a table laughing.

"Amazing," I sighed. "It was amazing. And it will be even more amazing when she does it because she wants to and not because she's been talked into it."

"Edward, that's awesome!" he exclaimed. "I'm all giddy for you. Jesus Christ, I _am_ turning into a chick. I need to go kill something or hit something."

I laughed. "You've always been the feminine one in this relationship."

"Screw you."

"As much as I'd like to sit here and chat with you, Em, I'm at the café so I'm going to go. Should I tell Rose to stop and pick up nail polish on her way home?"

"I'm hanging up on your ass now," he replied as I head the phone click.

I looked over and Alice was waving from inside the café. I turned off the car and walked into the coffee shop.

Rose stood up and gave me a hug as I approached, "Edward. How are you?" she asked with a mischievous glint in her eye.

"Um, I'm… good. And you?"

She smiled as she replied, "Oh, I'm wonderful. Are you looking forward to your trip tonight?"

"Well, I wouldn't really say it's a trip, we're just going to see a band. We'll be back tonight." I walked beyond Rose slightly to give Alice a hug as Bella stood from her seat.

"Hey Edward," Alice said as she squeezed me around the waist.

"Alice," I replied. The way they were acting was out of character for them and I looked to Bella, but she was just shaking her head and rolling her eyes.

"Bella, you ready to go?"

"Yes," she replied as she reached down and grabbed both her messenger bag and a shopping bag that was sitting by her chair. "Please, let's get out of here."

I smiled as I reached to take the bags from her. She handed me the messenger bag but pulled the shopping bag from my reach. "I've got this one," she said as she turned a wonderful shade of pink.

"Alright then. We should get going if we're going to miss all the traffic." I went to start walking toward the door when I felt a strong set of arms grab me again around the waist.

"Drive carefully," Alice said as she looked up into my face, "and have a wonderful night, Edward."

"Um, okay, thanks Alice." She nodded and released me turning toward Bella.

"Bella…" she started

"Alice," Bella replied sarcastically.

Rose reached over and put a hand on Alice's shoulder. "Have a good time, Bella. Just relax and enjoy yourself."

"Yes, mother," Bella stated, "We're out of here. Go home to your men. Let loose your wrath on them."

She smiled and walked past me. I looked between Rose and Bella, not even trying to hide my confusion. Rose just smiled, and Bella continued to walk toward the door.

"Bye," I said as I turned and followed Bella.

We got in the car and started driving toward Milwaukee. Neither of us spoke a word of the odd encounter at the coffee shop. In fact neither of us said anything to the other person for quite some time. After twenty minutes I decided to break the awkward silence.

"That was…odd…" I started.

"Argh…you have no idea," she quickly responded. "Those two can be…overwhelming, to say the least."

"You looked like you were having a good time when I drove up." I smiled at her while we drove down the interstate.

"Oh, I didn't say they weren't funny, just overwhelming. Like that overbearing big sister you always hear about, you know, the one who knows everything and feels the need to share." She shuddered as she continued, "TMI, they're full of gratuitous TMI. Things I never really wanted to know about Emmett and Jasper are stuck in my brain right now, rotting the neurons."

I snickered. "_That_ I understand. I grew up with Emmett in tow you know. He has no filter what so ever."

"Well, I don't think Rose does either. They're a match made in heaven," she said with a laugh.

"I wouldn't say heaven, per say. I'm not so sure they'd make it past St. Peter and the pearly whites."

"Good point," she continued, laughing.

We drove and laugh the rest of the way. At one point Bella hooked up her iTouch and played me some songs she had found using the Genius feature on iTunes. I found her taste to be quite varied and I enjoyed it. She leaned toward music from the seventies and eighties, a great era of music.

When we arrived at the bar there was already a line. Bella had made arrangements with the band prior to our arrival, so we wouldn't have to stand outside and wait. The night sky had a pink tint to it, and you could smell the pending snow in the air. I wondered if maybe Emmett was right and the storm had changed course.

I felt Bella's hand grab mine, and I turned to look at her as she smiled quickly then looked away. I squeezed her hand as we approached the bouncer. Bella told them our names, and we were let into the bar. We found a seat, and very shortly after the bar filled up, the band started.

They were very good, and I could see why Rose wanted them for the later hours of the reception. When they took a break we went to speak to the manager and booked them for the wedding.

The whole processes took two hours. We were just getting ready to leave when I noticed Bella looking from me to the dance floor. I watched her as her eyes scanned the room and she fidgeted with her drink napkin.

"You okay?" I questioned her.

She smiled tightly and nodded her head, her eyes once again darting to the dance floor.

"Are you about ready to go?" I asked.

"Um, yeah," she replied.

I reached over and grabbed her hand, which was shredding her napkin. I smiled at her and pulled her up from her chair.

"Let's dance."

"I'm not so sure…" she hesitated.

"Come on Bella, let loose a little." I smiled at her as I pulled her toward the dance floor. I noticed that she wasn't as reluctant as she was last time I'd lured her to the dance floor.

The band had started playing swing music and I enjoyed twirling Bella around the dance floor. The music was upbeat and exhilarating. We danced song after song. She spun and smiled. Her hair was flying around her face. Her smile was full and her laugh was genuine. Bella was having fun, with me. Without Hope or Rose or Alice. Without Jasper or Emmett. Just me. I grabbed her and pulled her close as the music slowed down. She smiled at me before resting her head on my shoulder.

"God, it's hot in here!" She pulled back slightly from my embrace.

"You're positively glowing," I said as I smiled back at her.

"Ew," she said, wrinkling her nose, "that's sweat Edward!"

"I thought women didn't sweat," I said through my laugh, "I was always told they glistened."

"No," she laughed, "it's straight up sweat."

"Well, you still look wonderful," I said as I pushed a strand of hair away from her face, "You look happy."

"I am," she stated.

Just then I noticed someone walking into the pub. It appeared to be a police officer, and he was covered in snow. I watched curiously as he walked to the bar tender and leaned closer to him, motioning toward the crowd. They shook hands and the officer left the bar.

The bar tender then walked over to the band and spoke to the manager who then passed the message onto to the lead singer.

"Hey," the singer addressed the crowd as the music lessened, "I just wanted to let you know that Winter Storm Carlos has decided to land early, and the city is being shut down in the next thirty minutes. All public transportation will stop running, including taxis, so if you need to catch a cab, I'd suggest doing it now!"

I turned to look toward Bella. "I guess that means we should get out of here."

"Yeah, I'd agree," she replied.

When we stepped outside the bar, I was shocked. In the few hours we'd been inside the snow must have started, and it was now coming down in droves. The plows must have been working at some point because all the cars parked along the side of the road were plowed in. The roads were covered in snow, as if the plows couldn't keep up with the precipitation. I turned to Bella, who looked just as shocked as me.

"Well, this doesn't look good," I said as I looked to where I'd parked the car.

"No, I'd say it doesn't," Bella replied as she started walking toward the lot.

As we approached I noticed the plows had built up a two and a half foot wall of snow at the entrance of the lot. The cars were covered in snow and ice, and there looked to be no way out of the lot.

"Okay," I said, "It looks bad. I don't think I can get out of there."

"I'm going to have to agree with you," she said. "Do you have a shovel in your car?"

"Um, no. I don't carry a shovel with me, shit." I ran my hand through my hair, pulling the falling snow and ice through it as I went. "Well, this is definitely not what I had planned."

"Okay, well, what should we do?" she asked.

I looked around and noticed a Marriott a few blocks down. "Well," I started, looking down at Bella, "we could always stay the night and wait for the plows to catch up." I motioned toward the hotel.

"Hmmm, well, I guess we don't have many other options," she replied as she pulled her hat down over her ears.

"We could try to dig out," I suggested reluctantly.

"No, that's just crazy," she said as she started to walk backwards toward the hotel. "Plus, I don't think we should try and drive back to Chicago in this."

"I agree."

"Okay then, looks like we're walking," she smiled as she continued walking, heading right for a sign post.

"Okay then," I replied as I ran to catch her before she hit the pole.

I grabbed her shoulder and she looked behind her finally seeing the post. She blushed as she turned around then looked down at her shoes. We walked in silence for a few seconds. I glanced at her and she smiled then paused. She ran her hand over the top of the newspaper box she was standing near and gathered up the snow.

"This is one of the things I love about Chicago," she said as she formed the snow in her hand. "We didn't get much snow in Washington, more rain than any one person could ever want, but not much snow."

She squeezed the ball and crushed it in her hand then started forming it again.

"I can't imagine a winter without snow," I said and I reached down and grabbed a handful of the white flakes in my own hand.

I looked at Bella and watched as her face lit up and she raised her eyebrows at me. "What?" I asked as she smiled and tossed the ball between her two hands. "You wouldn't…"

She snickered, "Edward, surely, I have no idea what you're talking about…" she said as she skipped a little faster ahead of me.

"Don't start something you can't win, Bella."

"Cocky much, Edward?" she said as she reached down and grabbed more snow, adding it to her already formed ball.

"Bella, before we go there, remember who I grew up with. Emmett and I didn't have snow ball fights. We had snow wars. Snow is not a new thing to me."

"Oh, Edward, you underestimate me," she said with a laugh as she ran around a bus stop shelter. I stopped, waiting to see which way she would emerge from, my snowball poised and ready to fly. The air was quite. You could hear the snow and ice as it hit the top of the shelter. I paused, looking at both ends of the building, waiting for her to show herself.

I knelt down to look for her feet under the walls. Just as I leaned over to lower my head, she ran from behind the building and slammed the snowball down on my head.

"Ha!" she screamed as she bent down to grab more snow and shoved it into my face.

She tried to run away, but I reached up and grabbed her around the waist, pulling her down as I smashed the snowball on her head. She laughed and tried to break my hold, which made her slip. She fell on top of me, gasping for breath.

Her checks were red, and the hair that was poking from under her hat was dripping wet. She paused as she looked down at me.

"I think I won," she said as she reached up and wiped snow off my face.

I lifted my hand to her face and cupped her cheek, "Bella," I said as she panted and looked at me. I reached down slowly with my other hand and grabbed a handful of snow, "who said the battle was over," I whispered as I slowly lowered her face.

She looked at me questioningly, and then I saw the recognition in her eyes, just in time for my hand to come up and throw the snow in her face. I rolled her over and tried to get to my feet before she recovered but she reached over and tackled me from behind.

"You are simply evil, Edward Masen," she yelled as she rolled me over and threw handful after handful of snow at me.

I grabbed her and spun her so her back was to my chest. "Truce?" I asked.

"Do you concede?" she rebutted.

I laughed. "Never."

"Then no truce," she replied as she wiggled in my arms, trying to free herself from my grip.

"You have got to be the most stubborn person I know," I yelled, trying to keep her from breaking free. "No winner, no loser, just a truce!"

"Why should I?" she huffed, accepting the fact that she wasn't going to break my hold.

"Well, first of all, if we don't get out of these wet clothes we're probably going to end up with pneumonia."

"Are you trying to get me naked, Edward?"

"Yep, that's it," I replied laughing at her, though now the thought of Bella naked as she was writhing in my arms flooded my mind, and well, other parts of my body. "It's all been an elaborate scheme: the snow, the plows, all of it, just to get you naked."

"Alright, I'll give you that one," she said with a giggle. "Okay, truce, just for now, but you and me? We've got unfinished business here, Edward."

I laughed at her again. "You know, you're kinda cute when you're angry."

"Ha…this ain't angry. Trust me. Vengeful maybe, but not angry."

"Vengeful? You take your snow seriously."

She laughed and I let her go. "Come on, Edward. Let's go get a room." She reached out to offer me a hand getting up.

I grabbed her hand, "Okay, Bella, let's go get a room…and get you naked."

She pushed me back into the snow. "Smart ass." She stomped ahead struggling with the ever growing piles of snow. I laughed as I watched her turn back to me, "Are you coming or what?"

I got myself up and laughed again. "Yeah, I'm coming."

I caught up to her and put my arm around her shoulder. We walked to the hotel laughing and stumbling in the snow.

When we got to the hotel, we pushed through the revolving doors and continued laughing as I brushed snow off her coat and out of her hair. We approached the desk and the woman stared at us like we were mad.

"Hi," I said, "we'd like a room please."

"Do you have a reservation?" she asked

"No," I replied, "we were caught in the storm. Do you have any rooms available?"

"Well, there's a convention in town, but I think we may have a few. Hold on one second please."

"No problem," I replied.

Bella reached up and wiped off my shoulders, her cheeks were still flushed and her nose was just as red. Her coat was wet and her hair was stuck to her face. I smiled as I reached over and pulled the hat off her head.

"You need to get warm," I said as I pulled the wet scarf away from her neck.

"Okay," the woman at the desk said, "We do have a couple of one bedroom suites available if that's okay. They have a king size bed with a small living area and a great view of the city. I can give you a discount since they're the most expensive rooms we have."

"That's fine," I stated as I reached back to grab my wallet. Bella opened her pocketbook and started pulling her wallet out, too. I put my hand over hers. "Don't even think about it, Bella."

"Edward, this is going to cost an arm and a leg." She started as her face set into an expression I'd seen many times.

"Bella, please, I'll get the room. You can get the food, okay?"

"Well, that's hardly half."

"What if I concede the snowball fight?" I asked as I grinned at her.

She narrowed her eyes at me. "No take backs…"

"Nope, I concede."

"Fine," she huffed, "but I'm getting the food."

I smiled and handed my card to the lady. After we registered we walked to the elevator, I pushed the button as Bella leaned up against the wall.

"Do you think they still have room service this late?" she asked.

"It's after midnight, probably not," I replied.

"Didn't she say there was a bar on the fifth floor? Maybe they have appetizers?"

"Maybe," I stated. "Do you want to stop on the way up to the room?"

She bit her lip and scrunched up her nose. "Yeah," she said, "I worked up an appetite kicking your ass in our snow battle."

"First off," I said as I laughed at her, "I wouldn't necessarily say you 'kicked my ass'. Secondly, I'm never going to live this down am I?"

She smiled. "Um….I'm thinking no. I can't wait to tell Hope."

I rolled my eyes. "You two are thick as thieves."

She nodded. "I guess you could say that."

The elevator dinged and the doors opened. We stepped inside and I pushed the button for the fifth floor. We exited at the bar and Bella ordered a few different appetizers to be sent up to our room. When we exited the elevator again we were on the eighteenth floor. I slid the key into the lock of room 1802 and listened as the locked clicked. I opened the door, and Bella walked in front of me into the dark room. I closed the door and was feeling along the wall for the light switch when Bella pulled open the blinds, letting the ambient light into the room.

The night sky was pink, illuminated by the street lights and the falling snow. The balcony was covered in snow and I stared as Bella was silhouetted against the night sky. I was stunned by the beauty in front of me, the night sky, Bella. It was all almost too much.

I walked toward her, deciding not to turn the lights on. I reached her and gently slid her jacket down her shoulders. She turned as I reached the bottom of her arms and continued to remove the wet material. I tossed them both to the chair that was sitting next to the balcony door.

"You're soaking wet," I whispered and she shivered in response.

"So are you," she replied.

I smiled and walked away from her and toward the bathroom. I came out with two towels, one for her and one for me. I took the towel and wrapped it around her shoulders, rubbing them to create heat from the friction of my hands on her shirt.

"That should help," I said.

"Thanks," she replied as I turned away from her and pulled off my own jacket laying it next to hers.

"The view is beautiful," she said as she turned back toward the balcony.

"It is," I replied.

There was a knock on the door and Bella turned around, "That's got to be the food," she said with a smile.

She answered the door and a bellhop was standing there with a tray filled with covered dishes and a bottle of wine. Bella opened the door for him and he pushed the cart into the room.

"Thank you," she told him and he nodded at her, "My pleasure, ma'am." He stopped after he walked in and looked questioningly between the two of us.

"Would you like me to turn the lights on, the panel is over there on the wall with the door," he questioned.

"Um, no thank you," Bella responded, "we like it like this."

"In that case then," he replied, "let me light these for you." He lit the candles that were on the tray and opened the bottle of wine for us. "I'll just let that breathe," he explained. "Will you be needing anything else tonight?"

"I think we're all set," I said as I reached into my pocket.

"Oh, hell no," Bella scolded, "Foods on me, remember?"

I pulled my hand out of my pocket and raised them in surrender. "By all means, Bella, foods on you." I walked away from the bellhop and toward the tray to pour two glasses of wine. "I'll just take care of this over here."

"Here you go," Bella said as she handed the bellhop a tip. "Thanks for coming up here this late. We appreciate it."

"No problem," he replied with a smile. "Have a good night."

Bella closed the door behind him and turned back toward the balcony. I took the covers off the tray and laughed.

"What's so funny?" Bella asked.

"Well, I hope this good bottle of Merlot goes with buffalo chicken strips, cheese quesadilla's, nacho chips and cheese fries."

"Hot processed cheese is the nectar of the God's, Edward," she deadpanned.

"Well, then tonight, we eat like God's," I laughed and handed her a gooey cheese fry.

She smiled as she ate the fry out of my fingers. I stared slightly dazed at her as her lips wrapped around my finger.

"So yummy," she moaned, the sound going straight to my already alert dick.

"Mhmm," I replied as I handed her one of the glasses of Merlot.

"Here's to processed cheese, fine wine and good company," I whispered, trying to regain the control I felt slipping away.

She tapped her glass against mine. "To Carlos, and good company," she replied and we both lifted our glasses and drank.

"Now that's good wine," she said.

We picked at the food and watched as the snow built up on the neighboring buildings. After we finished, I pushed the empty cart out into the hall while keeping the bottle of wine. When I turned around, Bella was standing in front of the balcony. I came to stand behind her and watched the snow fall on the balcony.

"Would you like to go out on the balcony, Bella?" I asked.

She turned her head to look at me. "Yes, I think I'd like that."

"Okay," I replied, "Hold on one second." I turned to grab the throw blanket that was laid on the end of the bed. I wrapped the blanket around her shoulders and opened the doors to the balcony stepping out into the falling snow.

The chairs were sheltered by the overhang so there was very little snow on them. I brushed the chair off and sat back to recline. Bella came out onto the balcony with the blanket wrapped around her shoulders. She carried both wine glasses with her. "Mind if I sit with you?" she asked.

"Not at all," I replied and she sat the glasses down on the ground next to my chair. She pulled the blanket off her shoulders and sat down between my legs. Reaching down to grab the glasses she said, "You almost forgot the wine."

"Sorry about that," I replied as I took a glass from her hand and leaned back against the back of the lounge chair.

"Would you mind holding this for me?" she asked as she handed me the glass.

"Not at all, make yourself comfortable," I smiled at her.

"Oh, I fully intend to," she said with a smile as she leaned back against my chest and pulled the blanket over us both. "There we go," she reached over and took the glass from me, "snug as a bug in a rug."

I laughed as her head moved to rest on my shoulder. I could smell the lilac shampoo she used as the smell and close proximity of Bella intoxicated my senses. "You don't smell much like a bug," I whispered into her ear as I ran my nose from her ear to the top of her head. I felt myself hardening again and pushed back slightly from her.

I watched the corner of her lips curl up into a smile as she drank her wine. "Well, that's good to know."

We sat and watched the snow fall while we finished off the wine which kept us artificially warm. Although, given the placement of our bodies on the chair and the blanket over us I'm not so sure it was artificial.

"Bella?"

"Mhmm."

"Will you tell me something?" I asked cautiously.

"Sure," she replied lazily.

"Will you tell about your parents?" I felt her stiffen in front of me as her breath stilled.

"What do you want to know?" she asked quietly.

"How did they die?"

She sighed and then was quiet.

"You don't have to…" I started but she cut me off.

"No, its okay, I want to."

She paused again.

"It was a car accident," she started hesitantly.

"It was a Tuesday, four days before my fourteenth birthday. Renee had gone into Port Angeles to pick up a…to pick something up, for…" she paused, "Well, for me. She ran out of gas on the way home. Charlie was always telling her she should fill her tank again when she hit a quarter of tank, but Renee always waited until it was almost on empty. He used to always yell at her for it.

"Anyway, she ran out of gas on her way home so she called Charlie. He gave her the 'I told you so' speech and said he'd bring her up some gas. He told his deputy, Mark, where he was going. Then he went and picked up the gas can, got some gas, and headed up the mountain." She paused again and I felt her shiver under the blanket. I knew it wasn't from the cold since our bodies were generating enough heat under the warm blanket. I wondered if Bella has ever told anyone this story before figuring she must have.

"There was this truck, a logging truck. He was going too fast when he came around the corner. The truck was top heavy, and he started to lose control. The truck tipped over and slid right into them. Killed them both instantly, at least that's what they told me. Instantly…never felt a thing."

She picked her wine glass up to her lips and drained it.

"Bella, I'm…"

"Don't Edward." She cut me off. "Don't say it. It doesn't matter. You of all people should know that. I don't need your sympathy or your empathy, whatever you want to call it. It doesn't change anything. They're gone, it's my f… It doesn't matter. I've dealt with it every day of my life whether or not anyone else is sorry, so please, do me a favor and don't pity me. I don't deserve it."

She went to get up, but I put my arms around her shoulders and pulled her back to me.

"Thank you, Bella," I said as I felt her, tense and rigid against my stomach.

"For what?" she asked.

"For telling me, for sharing that with me. I do understand. And I don't pity you." I pulled her tighter against my chest.

"You're welcome," she whispered. "I'm sorry for freaking out on you," she continued.

"It's okay," I said. "I did kind of kick your ass in our snow battle," I smiled.

She sat up quickly at that. "You conceded," she yelled, her eyes wide open.

I laughed. "I did. I take it back."

She huffed and leaned back against me fixing the blanket. "What about you?" she whispered after she settled down against my chest again.

"My parents?" I asked

"Yeah," she replied.

"Well, they died in a car accident also. It was late fall. They were coming home from the city when a drunk driver crossed the divider and hit them head on. They both died instantly also, it all happened so fast they didn't even have time to respond. No skid marks or anything. I was seventeen and I was away at school with Emmett, so he was with me when I found out."

I felt her hand come across her body to squeeze mine. "I'm glad Emmett was with you."

I smiled slightly at her. "Carlisle and Esme came to the school to tell me. I had a lot of people around me, too many if I'm being honest. I just wanted to be alone."

"I understand," she said quietly.

"Bella?"

"Hmm?"

"I am sorry you had to go through that alone, I can't imagine finding out what you did when you were barely fourteen and not having anyone around you. Here I was surrounded by family who wanted to help me, and all I wanted was for them to leave, you were all alone. I'm sorry for that."

"It's okay," she said. "I didn't want anyone around either, but I was too young to make those decisions. My life was a mess, and I couldn't do anything about it. Everything was decided for me. I was so helpless, so out of control, dependant… it was terrible." She traced patterns on my hand as she continued her story.

We sat in silence for a minute before I continued. "What's your favorite memory of them?" I asked quietly.

"Together or separate?" she asked just as quietly.

"Both," I replied as I turned my hand over and pressed her palm to mine.

"Well, Charlie, my dad… he liked to fish. There was this time when I was seven that he took me fishing. We went out on the water on his boat and he let me drive the boat from his lap." I looked down at her and she was smiling.

"When we got to where we were going to fish, he stopped the boat and took out the poles and the cup of worms. I watched as he took a worm and put it on the hook. I was mortified. I cried hysterically as I reached over and grabbed the cup from him and cradled it in my arms.

"'You're killing them??' I screamed at him. He was so taken aback that he just sat there and looked at me confused. 'They're bait worms, Bella, you need to put them on the hook in order to catch the fish' he said. 'But Daddy, you're the chief of police. It's against the law to kill!' I said to him as tears streamed down my face."

I noticed Bella now had small barely noticeable tears streaking down her face.

"He didn't know what to do with me. So he agreed to 'free the worms'. We drove to the shore, and I got out of the boat and let the worms go. I don't think he quite knew what hit him, but he told me he was sorry and asked if I wanted to drive the boat again. We drove around the lake for a couple of hours. He pointed out all the landmarks and told me all about the lake and the local folklore. When we left, he took me to the diner where we had grilled cheese and hot chocolate."

She sniffled. "I know it's odd, but that's my favorite memory of Charlie, he never brought it up, and he never made me feel bad about it. When we got home and Renee asked how it went, he told her it was the best day of fishing he'd had in years. When he tucked me in that night I told him I was sorry for letting all his worms go and he told me to never be sorry for who I was."

"He sounds great," I said to her, and she wiped her cheeks.

"He was," she replied.

"And your mom?" I asked her.

"Renee," she laughed. "It's so hard to pick just one. She always made life…interesting, I guess you could say."

"Let me think," she paused. "Well, okay, there was this one time when I was thirteen that I liked this boy,"

I snickered. "A boy, huh?"

"Yeah, isn't it always about a boy, Edward?"

"Well," I said slowly, "Not for me, it's not."

She poked me in the ribs with her elbow, "Anyway, there was this boy, Mike Newton, he was the quarterback of the middle school football team and he was so cute. Well, one of his friends told one of _my_ friends that he liked me, and I was so excited. I'd never had a boyfriend at that point and he was so cute; blonde hair, blue eyes, super popular. He was in my fourth period class. I remember I got the courage to go up to him and said 'hi' and he looked at me like I had four heads. His friend who had told my friend that he liked me was sitting next to him laughing. He never said it. It was all a joke. I was so upset that I went to the nurse and called my mom. I asked her to come and get me and she didn't even ask why. She just showed up at school, signed me out, and drove us straight to Port Angeles."

She smiled as she stared out into the falling snow. "We went to the hair dressers and got our hair and nails done. Then we went out to dinner, where I told her what happened." She sat up on the chair and turned slightly so she was facing me, "When I got teary-eyed again she reached over and grabbed my hands and said, 'Bella, these boys are small town, and you are meant for bigger things. One day, you're going to meet a boy who warms you from the inside out, a boy who sees no other girl but you, a boy bigger than the town of Forks. When you do, you'll know," she paused and turned slightly to look at the snow falling from the heavens.

"You'll know because on the coldest of nights he'll keep you warm and on the darkest of nights, he'll be your light. You'll feel him when he's not there, you'll hear him when he doesn't speak, you'll know him because he'll make you want to dance."

She stopped again as a puzzled look lingered on her face. The silence was palpable, the electricity danced in the air. She slowly turned and placed her cold hand on my cheek.

"You'll know he's the one…" she continued in a whisper. She turned so she was facing me fully, her thumb ghosting along my lower lip. "…when you kiss him and everything in you tingles."

She slowly leaned over me, her eyes never leaving mine as she lowered her face and stopped just short of my lips.

"May I kiss you, Edward?" she asked.

I had barely nodded when I felt her lips against mine again, this time of her own volition. Warmth surged through my body as I felt her rest one of her hands on my hip, the other on the base of the chair. I leaned closer, pressing my lips to hers with more urgency.

I felt as she lightly sucked on my lower lip and I groaned in response when I felt her tongue enter my mouth. I reached up placing my hand on the back of her neck. I slowly pulled her down to me and turned her slightly as she wrapped her hand around my shoulders, never breaking the kiss. My hand squeezed her hip as the blanket fell off of us onto the wet ground, and we continued to kiss, our bodies entwined.

I thought that the innocent kiss that Bella and I shared on New Year's Eve was perfect. The way she felt in my arms, the way her fingers gently tugged on my hair but this kiss was different. It changed when I felt her tongue tentatively touch my bottom lip. That gesture went straight to my dick and I couldn't help the small moan that escaped my lips. She pulled me closer to her and I was sure she felt how hard I was but at the same time I couldn't contain the happiness that exuded through my body because she was the one making the move. After countless hints that I had given her that I was interested in her as more than a friend it seemed as if she got it. Try as I might, I couldn't contain how much I wanted her, with that said I pulled my arms around her tighter and lightly brushed my tongue against her bottom lip. The soft moan that came out of her mouth made me even harder and it took every ounce of me to slow our kiss.

Bella was different. I wanted to show her how much I cared for her but not only in the physical sense but also in the emotional sense. I wanted to be the gentleman that my father had taught me to be and treat her with respect and love.

I felt her leg creep up and wrap around my hip, pulling her closer to my now very apparent hard on, and then it was her who groaned. I slowly pulled back, kissing her lips, her nose, her cheeks.

"While I would love to continue this," I whispered as I kissed her neck and she ran her hands though my hair, "I think we should slow down a little."

God, did I regret those words as soon as I said them. I would have loved nothing more than to pick her up, carry her to that king size bed just beyond the doors, and show her just how happy I was with this recent development, but I knew we weren't there yet.

"I agree," she said as she lowered her head and kissed me softly. "I think this is a good speed," she continued as she kissed me again.

"Me too," I replied as I ran my hand up her arm and noticed the goose bumps that covered her skin. I kissed her once again and pulled away, offering her my hand as I stood.

"Our blanket got wet. Maybe we should take this inside?"

She smiled up at me. "I'm pretty warm right here."

I laughed at her as she settled back into the seat. "Your skin says otherwise, I'm not saying we have to stop, just…relocate…"

She took my hand and stood up, pausing in front of me. She leaned up and kissed my lips once, twice, and again before she bent down and picked up the blanket, laying it on the table next to the chairs. "Let's go inside."

I followed her into the room and pointed to the two bathrobes that were hanging in the closet area. "Would you like to take a shower to warm yourself up?" I asked her.

"I already told you I was warm." She smiled as she walked toward the bathroom door. She paused to grab her messenger bag and pulled out the shopping bag Alice had given her in the coffee shop.

"I swear to God, sometimes Alice scares me. She told me I was going to need this tonight and insisted I take it with me."

"What's in it?" I asked.

"Believe it or not, underwear and night clothes."

"Really?" I questioned.

"Yep, she even stuck something in here for you." She pulled out a pair of flannel night pants and a black t-shirt and passed them to me.

"How did she…" I started, but Bella cut me off, "Who knows, it's Alice, I don't question her, it's easier that way, but for once I'm glad I took the bag!" She laughed.

"Well, I agree. I can't think sleeping in these clothes would be all that comfortable since they're still damp."

Bella walked to the bathroom door and smiled. "I'm going to go and take a quick shower, I'll be sure to leave you some hot water." She turned and closed the door behind her.

I sat back on the bed and held the clothes in my hand. I thought about what had just happened as Bella's words ran through my head. Had she said what I thought she did? Did she think I the one for her?

There was no disputing I knew that she was the one for me. But was Bella ready to admit there could be more between us? Well, hell, if that kiss was any indicator I'd say yes.

I sat and pondered what had just happened and before I knew it the bathroom door was opening and Bella was standing in the doorway in a white Marriott terry clothe bathrobe, drying her hair with a fluffy white towel. "I think I left you some," she stated as she walked over toward the bed.

I reached out and grabbed her pulling her down onto my lap, dropping the clothes I'd been holding on the floor.

I kissed her gently and she kissed me back. "Thank you," was all I said as I placed her on the bed beside me. I leaned down and picked up the clothes I had dropped then walked into the bathroom thinking a shower was what I needed. Whether or not there was still hot water was irrelevant at the time since I was sure I was only going to be using the cold water.

When I came out, Bella had re-lit the candles and she was lying on her stomach, staring out the window. The snow had still not let up, and the blanket we'd left on the table now had nearly an inch of snow on top of it. She smiled as I approached the bed. Then she sat up, patting the bed next to her, and said, "Come lay down with me."

I did as she asked and reclined against the headboard of the bed with the pillows acting as a cushion. I opened my arms and she crawled up, and rested her head on my chest.

"Edward?"

"Mhmm."

"What do you remember most about your parents?" I felt her fingers start to make patterns on my chest over my t-shirt.

I reached up and ran my fingers through her still damp hair, pushing it aside from her face. I paused when my hand found the nook between her shoulder and her neck.

"Their love," I replied as memories of my parents filled my mind.

"Their love?" she questioned.

"Yeah, my parents loved each other so completely, so entirely. I don't think either of them would have lasted long if one had died and the other had survived."

"I'm not so sure I understand," she said as she continued to rub my chest.

"Okay, well, how can I explain this? You know how a compass is always drawn to magnetic north?" I asked her.

"Yeah," she replied.

"That's the best way to describe how my parents were with each other. They were drawn to each other. There was no denying it. There was nothing else in the world for them but each other. They functioned perfectly fine on their own, but at the end of every day they came together, the pull to hard to resist." I was lost in my recollection but I still noticed the way her hand left my chest and moved to my hair. I sighed as I felt her fingers push through my hair.

"If they were in a room with a crowd of people, they always found each other's eyes. They smiled and winked, always finding a way to let the other person know they were thinking of them. It was terrible when I was a kid. It grossed me out how they were always touching each other, holding hands, kissing." I paused to remove her hand from my hair, and I kissed her palm. I felt her smile against my chest. I continued, holding onto her hand.

"Even when I was a teenager I didn't necessarily get it, I mean, I got the fact that they were attracted to each other, and again, it kind of grossed me out, but hell, I was a teenager. I understood the human need for touch, but still, what they had was more than physical." She intertwined her fingers with mine as I continued.

"It was until after they were gone and I watched other couples that I knew what they had was special, beautiful. It was then that I decided I wouldn't settle for anything less than that, less than what I was raised to believe love was." I felt her tense slightly and began rubbing my thumb along her thumb in an effort to ease her.

"I've tried to make it happen, but it was never right, I had yet to feel even a fraction of what I sensed from them, it had always eluded me. I began to think it would never happen, like I wasn't meant to be happy, but then I…"

Bella suddenly removed her hand from mine and pushed herself up onto her elbows.

"Edward, please don't say anything else, I'm just not, it's not, I can't."

"Shh, Bella," I cupped my hand to her cheek, "I'm not asking you for anything you're not ready to give." A single tear escaped her eye and I moved my thumb to capture it. "I'll never ask for more than you can give. Come here," I said as I pulled her back down to my chest. I ran my hands through her hair and separated the damp strands, fanning them across my chest. She sighed and relaxed into me again.

"You said you tried?" she whispered.

"I did," I replied as I ran my hand up and down her back slowly. "When I was in college I dated this girl Jessica, she was…nice. She really liked me and I decided I owed it to myself to give it a try."

"And it didn't work?" she sighed. "Well, obviously it didn't work," she continued, "but well, did it work for a little while anyway?"

I slid from underneath her and turned so we were facing each other on the bed. "It was very one sided," I replied as I reached out and ran my thumb along her cheek.

"I tried, she was a great girl and she loved me, whole heartedly. I just couldn't find it in myself to love her back. I mean, I loved her, and I didn't want anything bad to happen to her, but I was never _In love_ with her." I sighed as I remember the look on Jessica's face when she ended things with me, I never meant to hurt her, but she was right, she deserved more than I could give her.

"Were you together long?" she asked as she lifted her hands and curled them under her head.

"Three years."

She nodded her head. "That had to be hard."

"I don't know. I mean, I felt bad but in the end she said she deserved more, and I couldn't argue with that. She was a great girl. She did deserve more, and I'm sure she found it. It all worked out for the best in the end." I felt her hand come to rest on my cheek.

"You deserved more too, Edward."

I gave her a weak smile. "I use to not think so, I use to think I would never be happy again, but I don't believe that anymore."

"I'm glad, because if there's one person I know who deserves to be happy, it would be you," she said.

I smiled at her; she was starting to look sleepy, but I wasn't ready for this night to end.

"So, I showed you mine, now you need to show me yours."

"Excuse me?" she said with a disbelieving look on her face.

I laughed. "Well, I told you my sob story, what's yours? Tell me about all the hearts you've broken along the way."

"I've never broken anyone's heart," she said plainly.

"Bella, you're beautiful. There's no way there aren't men around the world crying over their missed opportunity with Bella Swan."

"That was cheesy," she said.

I put my hand over my heart and feigned pain. "That hurt, Bella."

"Sorry, just calling them as I see 'em, that was cheesy as all hell," she said with a laugh.

"So," I leaned up onto my elbow, "You mean to tell me you've never had a boyfriend?" I asked her, obscenely curious of her response.

"I didn't say that," she said as she rolled over onto her back, "I just said I've never broken anyone's heart."

It all clicked, her defensive manner, her lack of friends, the shell she'd built around herself. She'd had her heart broken.

"When my parents died I had no family to speak of. Renee and Charlie were both only children. Their parents had died when I was younger. I lost my whole family that day, my everything." I wondered if I should reach out to touch her, to comfort her, but she just continued robotically, emotionless.

"My parents had left a will. They left their friend, Billy Black, as my guardian. Billy lived on the Quileute Reservation with his three kids. His wife, Sarah, had died a couple years prior to that so it was just him and his twin daughters, Rachel and Rebecca who are a year older than me and Jacob, his son. Jake is two years younger than me." She stared up at the ceiling, he hands crossed over her stomach.

"They weren't strangers or anything. Our families were close, we spent a lot of time together, so it wasn't too weird. But Billy lived in a small house and they didn't have an extra bedroom. For almost two years Jacob and I shared a room." Suddenly my stomach clenched as so many awful things ran through my head.

Bella turned to look at me. "It was all perfectly innocent. We were just kids. When the twins left for college I got their room."

She turned back to her previous position and continued. "They took me in and took care of me. They did the best they could, but I was just a kid, I was…sorry, tortured I guess you could say. I just wanted to die. But Jacob wouldn't let me wallow. He pushed me when I needed to be pushed, pulled me when I needed to be pulled and made me see that I had to continue and go on even if I didn't want to."

She sighed. "I guess looking back it was inevitable. I left everything behind when my parents died. I never went back to the house. I left Forks high school and enrolled at the school on the reservation. Still to this day I've never been back. My whole life became Billy and Jacob. I just tried to forget my parents, when I failed, Jacob would come along and pull me out of the rut I was in, he made me live again."

She turned to look at me. "I lived for him. I fell in love with him. He said he loved me too. We were inseparable. I didn't want to leave for college, but he and Billy made me. So we compromised and went to College in Seattle. I came home every weekend and vacation for two years. It actually hurt to be away from him, like when he wasn't there all I could do was re-live everything, I only really forgot when he was there."

"It's funny how you can look back at things and see them clearer," she sighed.

"It wasn't just me though. Jacob told me he loved me. He was my everything, my existence, and I was his. We talked all the time, he told me he'd never leave me and that he couldn't wait until we finished college so we could get married and have beautiful brown babies. He said there could never be anyone but me, and God…did I need that. I was so lost in my grief. I need him to ground me. He was the only thing that grounded me."

She laughed lightly as I watched her knuckles turn white from her gripping them so tightly. I reached over and gently pried her fingers apart and rested her palm in mine. I raised it to my lips and kissed her knuckled softly.

"Jacob was accepted to my college I was at and we got an apartment so we could be together on our own, without Billy or anyone else to watch over us. A lot of the guys he'd grown up with were at the same college with us, some of them older. We decided to throw a party to celebrate us all being together again, and everyone seemed to come with somebody else. There were tons of people there. I didn't know more than half of them, but it was okay, because Jacob was there." She turned and half smiled at me, the vulnerability in her eyes wasn't hard to miss.

"After everyone left I noticed Jacob was… agitated. I passed it off as him being tired and didn't think anything of it. I guess hindsight is twenty-twenty right? Jacob was never aloof. It wasn't his nature. He confronted things head on. Avoidance was my thing, not his."

"The next few weeks things were off, he seemed to pull away from me and I didn't get it. We always used to talk about being on our own away from under Billy's eyes, in our own place, just the two of us, starting our forever."

She laughed a clipped irritated laugh. "I thought maybe he was homesick so I went to the grocery and picked up all the stuff I needed to make his favorite dished." She turned to look at me, and there was fire in her eyes. "You know, because a way to a man's heart is through his stomach and all. I was going to fix it with food, my plan was flawless."

"Bella," I started, but she cut me off.

"I was walking home and remembered that Jacob loved these muffins from the coffee shop that was down the road from our _home_ so I decided to stop. When I got there I looked in the window, and the breath was knocked out of me. Sitting at a table off to the side was Jacob, and he wasn't alone. He was with a girl that had been at the party. She came with his friend Embry. Her name as Ryleigh and hot damn, she was beautiful."

My heart was breaking for her as she continued. "I watched him reach over and cup her cheek. The same hand that always held mine. I watched as she reached up and grabbed his hand, pushing it against her skin as she moved in to kiss his wrist. I watched as he leaned over and kissed her with the same lips that kissed mine for the last four years. I stood there and watched as my forever shattered in front of me once again."

She closed her eyes and let out a heavy breath. "So, I did what I do best, I ran, I ran around the corner and I threw up. I slid down the side of the building and cried. Then I ran home, threw some clothes into a bag, and I left. I got in my truck and I drove. I didn't know where I was going, but that didn't stop me. Before I knew it I was back in Forks. I drove past the diner and the police station before I realized I was going home. I stopped the truck next to the elementary school and barely made it to the curb before I threw up again. I cried because I knew I couldn't go back… I cried because I didn't know where to go… I cried because I knew forever didn't exist. I sat there and cried until I heard a knock on my window. There was a woman standing outside my truck with a stroller. When I rolled down my window, she asked if I needed any help. I laughed, and she looked at me like I was crazy."

She laughed again but the pain she was masking came through, making it sound horrid, and my heart clenched as I thought of her alone like that.

"I was crazy. I told her I was fine, and I drove away. I drove to the airport and I bought a one way ticket on the next plane leaving. The plane took me to Chicago. I found a hotel, and I checked in with my one carry-on bag. By then Jacob had known something was up and between him and Billy, I had dozens of messages on my cell phone. I couldn't bring myself to call Jacob so I called Billy, I didn't want him to worry. I told him what had happened, and I felt even more betrayed when he told me Jacob didn't want me to find out like this. He'd told Billy, I'm sure everyone knew."

I wanted to comfort her but I wasn't sure how, I felt useless as she told me her story. I felt terrible for asking her to tell me. I hated Jacob Black.

"I told Billy I wasn't coming back, that I needed to be on my own. I told him to tell Jacob I'd have my name removed from the lease but he could keep everything in the apartment. I thanked him for giving me some place to stay when I needed it and I hung up on him."

"I stayed in that hotel room for three days before I decided that I needed to go on with my life. So, I found a place to live, transferred all my funds to a Chicago bank, applied at the University of Chicago and went on with my life."

"It took Jacob nearly nine months to find me here. He came to my apartment one night, when I saw it was him I didn't answer the door. He knew I was in there though. Jacob always had a way knowing where I was. He told me he was sorry, that he never meant for it to happen, that he tried to fight it. He avoided her, but in the end he couldn't stay away.

"I never opened the door. My neighbor, Mrs. Landon, she came out and told him he'd been out there telling the world he was sorry for an hour, and if I hadn't opened the door by now I wasn't going to so he needed to leave or she'd call the police. The door stayed closed and he left." Bella barely moved as she told me her story, he hands stayed folded, her eyes focused on the ceiling. She was detached.

"He came back a little over a year ago, to tell me he was marrying Ryleigh… that he missed me and he wanted me to come home. Jasper and Alice were there, I told him I Chicago was my home and I asked him to leave. When he refused, Jasper made him go and they stayed with me afterwards. They're the only other people who know about Jacob, and even they don't know everything I just told you."

She sighed and turned to me, her face as closed as it was that first night I saw her on the train. "Well, now you know." She smiled and rubbed my creased forehead. "Its okay, Edward. I'm fine. I learned my lesson."

I looked at her questioningly. "What lesson was that, Bella?"

"It's quite simple actually. People come and go. No one is every meant to stay, at least not with me. I was meant to be alone."

I sat up and looked at her. "You can't really believe that, Bella?"

She smiled sadly. "Everyone I love gets taken away, it's my punishment."

"Well, what the hell does that mean?" I asked her, the frustration seeping through my words.

"Edward, it's okay, I know my lot in life."

"That's just…crazy, Bella. Everyone deserves happiness, including you. Why would you think that? Jacob is an ass. He doesn't deserve someone like you. You can't let one bad relationship sour you on life as a whole-"

She reached up and put her fingers over my mouth.

"This has nothing to do with Jacob. He was just proof of what I already knew. He just reaffirmed it for me,"

"But…"

"Shh, Edward. I'm tired. I don't want to talk about this anymore. Can we go to sleep? Will you lie back down so we can go to sleep?"

I wrinkled my brow, I was by no means done with this conversation but the exhaustion was written across her face so clearly. I sighed and lowered myself to the bed taking a glance at the alarm clock. It was four fifteen in the morning.

I lay down and Bella snuggled over to me resting her head on my chest again. I stopped and reached down, grasping her chin and lifting her face to look at me.

"You deserve happiness, Bella,"

She smiled and nudged herself up to kiss my lips. I grabbed her by the back of the neck, so afraid she'd slip away in the night, and I'd never have my chance to tell her how much I loved her. I kissed her hard, trying to tell her with my actions how special she was to me, how I would never hurt her like that. Finally I softened the kiss and sucked gently on her bottom lip. I felt her smile against my kiss.

"Goodnight, Edward."

I listened to her breath grow deeper then I slowly got up from the bed. I walked to the balcony and looked out the window again. The city was covered in snow. It still hadn't stopped. The night sky was still pink and the iridescent glow lit the sky. It was beautiful, all the flaws of the city covered in white billowy snow, covering the ugly imperfections that lie beneath the cold crystals.

Tonight Bella bared her soul for me and I knew it was going to take a whole lot more than a covering of something beautiful to get her to believe she deserved to be happy. I knew she needed to find that in herself, but I was determined to help her see it.

I turned and looked back toward the bed. She was still on her side. Her hand was extended across the bed where I had laid down beside her. My heart yearned to believe she was reaching for me. I walked over and called the front desk telling them we'd be wanting a late check out at the very least depending on the storm and asked that they not disturb us. Then I walked back to the balcony and pulled the drapes closed effectively blocking out the light.

I walked back to the bed and returned to my spot. Bella sensed my presence immediately and snuggled right back into my side. She sighed and whispered my name.

I rubbed her back and whispered, "I love you, Bella, I promise I'll never leave," and I kissed her forehead.

My heart clenched as I heard her whisper in her sleep, "Please stay."

_~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~_

A/N: link to 18th Floor Balcony in on my ff profile, this song is the heart of this story as is this chapter. This is the turning point. If there is one song you should listen to it's this one.

Thanks for taking the time to read this story, last chapter got 70 reviews…I was shocked and awed. I love each one and I respond to every review I get just to let you know how much I appreciate your time. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

T!


	17. Near to You

Is it sad that I had to re-read my own story to remember where the heck I was? Yeah, it's pretty sad. I've had this chapter written for many many months, sent it out to HMonster and WTVoC months ago… got feedback and edits months ago… but just couldn't get myself to post it. I suck, as a matter of fact when I repeatedly opened this chapter I hear a huge sucking vacuum sound. I know. Please forgive me. As I have said about a hundred times, I will not abandon the story and I'm quite sure you don't want to know what's been going on in the last 18 months as to why I haven't posted, suffice it to say there's been a lot.

Honestly I spent months going back and forth on this chapter, felling that it was almost to upbeat for the Bella in APoW. I had to literally fight with her in my head to justify it. How could she just be happy? It seemed OOC for her and it took me months to finaly reconcile where she was, which was off my outline... so I'm going with the voices in my head on this one and hoping I don't end up getting committed :)

So… words. First off, as mentioned above, thank you to HMonster and WTVoC for beta-ing the chapter for me. Let me tell you how wonderful these ladies are and how wonderful it is to get a file back with 283 comments (WTVoC LOVES her comments button) which range from my total inability to properly use a comma's…. someday I WILL get it, I'm quite confident, to 'you've done it perfectly' and 'awww'. To hear these words of encouragement from these two wonderful writers just makes me find the confidence I needed to post this chapter after all this time.

I'd like to also thank Isabel who faithfully emails me asking how I'm doing and wondering if I'm ever ever going to update. Believe it or not I love these emails, thanks for staying on top of me.

Lastly, not that I'm sure any of you really find me all that interesting but I do have a formspring (.me/tnuccio) and a twitter account tlnuccio. Feel free to ask me a question or stop on by to say howdy.

I've been advised that I should include a recap since it's been a decade or so since I've updated so I'm going to give this a try:

_Previously on APoW…_

Bella wanders into a bar to have a drink to celebrate something we don't know yet, sad and morose. Edward is singing, she sees him, listens, is drawn to him but leaves. Edward see's Bella on a train (queue the Journey song here…) and he recognizes his own loneliness in her eyes but she leaves before he can say anything. We discover Edward is a doctor with a very precocious teenage girl patient who has CF, enter Hope. Jasper drags Bella out one night with his girlfriend Alice. At the bar we meet Rose who Alice knows through work; Rose is married to Emmett who is Edward cousin. Edward and Bella finally meet. Edward talks, Bella storms out, running away. Bella decides to help Rose plan her wedding (which Rose and Alice have used as a guise to get Edward and Bella to at least talk to each other), angst ensues and they slowly get to know each other. And… we have Pie. All kinds of Pie. Christmas comes, Edward and Bella get stranded during Blizzard Carlos and we're on the 18th floor balcony when she finally kisses him and we begin to find out why Bella is so afraid to trust. So we open with a balcony, snow and a long awaited morning after.

This chapter was inspired by the song _Near to You_ by A Fine Frenzy.

Chapter 17 – Near to You.

The city was covered in snow. It continued to fall as I stood at the balcony, watching as the city struggled to wake up.

I walked back to the lounge chair with a blanket wrapped around my shoulders, the snow dancing in front of me, landing gently on my cheek. The cold contrasting with the warmth I was feeling.

Just last night I kissed Edward on this very chair. I'm not sure it was the right thing to do, but I just couldn't fight it anymore. I had tried for so long to just be his friend. I had tried to keep him at arm's length. But no matter how hard I tried, I was never able to push him away far enough so that he'd stay away for good. It almost seemed as if I'd push, but not let go. I was a contradiction in myself.

When I had awakened this morning my arms had been clasped so tightly around him that I was surprised he was able breathe. The odd thing was, his arms were just as tightly wound around me. My head had been nuzzled between his neck and collar and his face rested against my head, our bodies entwined as if we were two magnets, drawn to each other.

I lay like that until it was clear my bladder would tolerate it no longer. I managed to wiggle myself out of his grasp, with much effort and pushed my pillow up to where I was laying to try and compensate for my absence, hoping that Edward would stay asleep. I really needed a few minutes to get myself together before I faced him again.

And so, there I sat, in the chair where I could have made either the biggest mistake of my life which would cost me the only happiness I'd found in years, or where I may have finally found a place to start again.

Starting again.

I was sick of being alone.

But it would be a huge risk. If-when-this goes south; I'd lose all of them. Even though Jasper and Alice were my friends first they were so close with Emmett and Rose now. I'm sure Jasper would try to hold on, but in the end, he'd go where Alice went and I'd have to walk away from them as well. I know it doesn't seem like much, but having Jasper was a least having someone.

I got up and walked over to the balcony railing. Absentmindedly I pushed the small pile of slowly building snow over the edge and watched as it fluttered to the ground. There was a doorman shoveling the sidewalk below me. It all seemed so futile. No matter how much you shovel, the snow continues to pile up. Why keep pushing it away?

Why?

I took a big breath, inhaling the crisp air. It felt good to live again.

_Things are different this time_, I assured myself. They were different; _my life_ was different.

I turned toward the doors and looked at the lounge chair, smiling as I thought of last night's kiss. I couldn't believe I was so bold… Even with Jake, I had never initiated anything. He had been all too happy to take the lead; and I didn't have it in me to resist. I always thought the key to making my life right again was to let him take me there. I always _felt_ with Jake, and the numbness had subsided.

By telling Edward the story about Renee saving me from my high school embarrassment it all became so clear.

_You'll know because on the coldest of nights he'll keep you warm and on the darkest of nights, he'll be your light. You'll feel him when he's not there, you'll hear him when he doesn't speak, you'll know him because he'll make you want to dance. _

In the past few months, so much had changed. As much as I tried to push Edward away, he'd stayed. He made me smile, he made me laugh.

He made me… happy.

He gave me Hope, both figuratively and literally.

This both scared me and invigorated me.

I'd been alone for so long, no risk… no risk of being hurt, no risk of being abandoned, but along with that security came the numbness, the late night train rides trying to make everything disappear.

My thoughts turned back to the snow as I turned back toward the street and watched a plow come down the road. The door behind me opened and I smiled as I felt Edward wrap his arms around me from behind.

"Aren't you cold?"

Tightening the blanket around me I sighed. "It feels nice."

Hs kissed my head, "So do you," he whispered.

I turned around in his arms to face him then opened my blanket and pulled him into the warmth.

He wrapped his arms around my waist inside the blanket and I rested my head on his chest. "I woke up alone and it was very… disconcerting," he said playfully as I felt him squeeze me gently.

I lifted my head and laughed at him. "I'm sorry. We're kind of snowed in here. Not too many places I could go, you know?"

His voice didn't show the nervousness that I saw in his gaze as he looked down at me. "I just... I wasn't sure. After last night, if you..."

He thought I was going to run.

Was I?

"Edward." I pulled away from him and took a small step back. "I can't promise you anything. I don't know if this – if us – if…"

"Bella." he closed the small space I'd put between us. "I told you last night. I'm not asking for anything that you're not ready to give."

I pulled the blanket back tightly around me effectively putting it between him and me and nodded my head. "Okay." Edward turned to walk back to the room.

"Edward," I called out. He turned to face me and even though he gave me a smile, I knew he was still questioning where my thoughts were.

"I can make you one promise."

He looked at me questioningly. "Bella, you don't have to promise me anything."

I walked over to him. "Yes, I do. I promise I won't run. Whatever _this_ is," I motioned between the two of us, "I promise, I won't run from it. I can't promise you much else, but I'm done running. This is the only home I have. I don't have anywhere else to go, so no running."

He closed the two steps between us and lifted my face with his warm hands and looked in my eyes. "Thank you."

I leaned up as he leaned down and we met in the middle, my cold lips meeting his warm ones. He wrapped his arms around me and lifted me off my toes. He walked us backwards until he hit the lounge chair, then he pulled me down, smiling as he continued our kiss.

"Think they'll let me buy this chair?" he asked between kisses. "I've grown rather fond of it during our stay."

I pulled away and laughed as he continued to kiss my jaw, moving lower down my neck.

When Edward kissed me, the world disappeared. We were no longer sitting on a balcony eighteen floors above the snow covered streets. It wasn't twenty two degrees in the middle of a blizzard named Carlos, and there was no one else.

I'd never quite felt like this, it was so different, so new. I decided that I was tired of justifying every feeling I had.

He makes me feel …

I pulled away from him and sat back, he looked at me and then reached out to push a lose strand of hair behind my ear. "You okay?"

I nodded and smiled at him. "Yeah, I'm… okay," I hesitated.

"Bella?"

"Thank you, Edward. For, well, for everything. For more than I can tell you, just, thank you."

He looked confused as he sat up farther in the chair and opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by a knock on the door. Looking from me to the door, then back to again, he sighed.

"That would be room service. I wasn't sure what you'd want so I just ordered their breakfast specials and figured we could share?"

As I stood up from the chair I held my hand out; he reached up and grasped it, pulling me back down into his embrace. "They can wait. This can't."

He turned slightly so that he was almost on top of me and then lifted my chin. "You're welcome, for anything and everything you can and can't say. But, more importantly-thank you, Bella. Thank you for letting me be part of your life. Thank you for giving me a reason, and thank you for letting me do this." He leaned down and kissed me softly. I smiled into his kiss and he smiled in return. Then he gently pulled my bottom lip with his teeth into his mouth.

There was a knock on the door again. "Room service…"

Edward growled but released my lip and lifted himself off of me. He held out his hand and pulled me to stand but didn't release my hand. "One second," he yelled toward the door.

I let go of his hand and walked to the bathroom door. "I'll be right back," I said and he nodded as he reached for the door handle.

As I closed the door I heard Edward talking to the server. Looking in the mirror I noticed the pink of my cheeks, and I smiled as I took in the vibrant blush on my face. Trying to replicate feeling of Edward's teeth on my skin I gently bit my lip then rolled my eyes at myself and this silliness. I looked at my image in the mirror.

When was the last time I'd felt this silly?

When was the last time I'd felt this alive?

My mind suddenly started to question what I was doing and I quickly shook my head. _No… I'm not going to question this. I'm just going to go with it. I'm not going to think…_

I quickly exited the bathroom and nearly walked right into Edward. I was startled by his presence and stumbled back. He reached out as I started to slip, laughing as he apologized. "Sorry about that."

He turned toward the food that was now set out on the table near the balcony doors. "I hope you're hungry," he said as he motioned to the overflowing table. "I didn't realize I ordered so much food."

We sat down and passed plates back and forth, working methodically and silently.

There seemed to be no need to fill the air with senseless chatter and neither of us seemed to mind the peacefulness that filled the room. Edward passed me the morning paper and I skimmed until I found the Arts and Entertainment section. Passing it back to him he pulled out the Local News section out.

I sneaked a couple of peeks at him while we ate, all the while pretending to be interested in the paper as I turned each page. It was an odd sensation.

Contentment? Happiness?

I couldn't quite place it.

Suddenly my mind wandered back to other mornings filled with breakfast meals. Happy times, not so happy times, times I had thought were times of contentment and comfort but now knew better.

I remembered one particular breakfast right after I'd turned ten.

_Charlie and Renee were sitting at our old, hand me down, maple kitchen table. Renee scratched absent-mindedly at a quarter-sized blotch of pink fingernail polish that she had spilled on it when she was eight and that no amount of scrubbing, lemon-scented Pledge, or nail polish remover had ever been able to get rid of. My dad was dressed for what was considered a normal Saturday morning_ _- jeans, a flannel, and old, scuffed work boots. His fishing pole was resting in the nook next to the back door, tackle box sitting right next to it._

_They didn't know I had come downstairs yet and my mother was still in her worn, light-blue terry cloth robe. The coffee pot sputtered to a stop as the steam and scent wafted to the hallway where I stood watching. Renee got up to bring the coffee pot to the table stopping to pour Charlie a cup on the way. As she stood in front him his eyes never left her face as he snaked his hand around her waist. She rolled her eyes as he pulled at the tie on her bathrobe._

"_Charlie, you've got to stop this. You're already late. Billy's not going to wait all day for you," she laughed while slapping his hand away._

"_Let's see," he said as he pulled her down onto his lap. "Fishing in the cold river with an ornery Billy Black," he nuzzled his nose into her hair, "or spending the morning trying to get you out of this – "_

"_Bella!" my mother said as she noticed me in the hall and stood from my father's lap. "You ready for breakfast, hon?"_

_My father casually leaned forward and took the morning newspaper off the table and propped it across his lap._

"Are you done with that?" Edward asked as he reached for the section of the paper I had let fall to rest on the table.

I lifted my eyes to his. "I haven't read the funnies yet."

He smiled and pulled his chair closer to mine. "Well," he said as he opened the section up to the comics, "there's little else in the paper that I find as interesting as the funnies, so how about we just sit real close and read them together?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "The cheese factor was just raised…"

He gasped and put his hand over his heart. "Bella, I'm offended."

"I highly doubt it. Can you pass me the toast, please?"

As we read the paper the snow continued to fall, slowly filling in the footprints we'd left on the balcony just minutes earlier. Occasionally, Edward's hand would brush up against mine and I'd feel the sensation of his skin against mine down to the bottom of my stomach.

Another breakfast came to mind.

_It was a few months after the funeral and I was lying in the small bed we'd managed to wedge into Jake's even smaller room. I held onto the stuffed Gund bear my father had given me for Valentine's Day the year I turned twelve. It was battered and worn, but it was from my father. _

_I absentmindedly stroked the bear's ear, not really paying much attention to what was going on around me._

_I had heard Jake come in, so I didn't start as he sat down on the bed. I was numb to everything going on around me; numb to everything but the tattered bear I held in my hands._

"_You need to eat, Bells. You didn't eat any dinner and you didn't come out for breakfast."_

_I crinkled my brow and had to try and remember if he was right. I lifted my eyes to look at him and noticed he had a bowl in one hand and a cup of orange juice in the other._

"_Please, Bella, just please. Eat something."_

_I turned away from him and resumed my rubbing of the worn fur of the once white bear._

"_Not hungry, Jake."_

"_You know what, Bella. You need to stop this. I understand you're hurting, but you can't close everyone out."_

"_I'm not hungry, Jacob."_

"_Darn it, Bella. You make me so angry. I know you feel like you're all alone, but you're not. I'm your best friend. I'm not going anywhere, and I'm not going to let you disappear. You're going to eat this cereal, and then you're going to get out of bed today. You're going to get back to living because I need you to. You need to. I can't watch you do this. Charlie and Renee wouldn't want you to do this – "_

"_Stop it, Jake. Just - stop it. I'll eat your damn cereal, but stop talking about them. I don't want to talk about them. I just can't."_

_I sat up and he pushed the bowl of cereal toward me. I took the bowl and spoon, using it to push my Cheerios down into the milk._

"_I'm not going anywhere, Bella. I promise I'll never leave you alone. It will always be the two of us."_

Edward and I finished eating and put the trays out into the hall. The snow hadn't slowed by check out and the weather channel indicated that the night wouldn't be any different.

We decided to stay another night.

I called Jasper to let him know I was fine and where we were while Edward made his calls to the hospital and Emmett.

We stayed in our pajamas and decided to light the fireplace around noon. The television reception kept going in and out so we took a walk down to the gift shop and found a few travel games which I insisted on paying for since Edward had already given his credit card for the room.

We were sitting on the floor playing Scrabble and talking about Edward's past adventures with Emmett when he decided I'd avoided the subject of my childhood long enough.

"Okay, Bella. I've told you about the snake I put in Esme's car, Emmett's run-in with my neighbor's twin daughters, and subsequently their father. I told you about my first girlfriend and my first fight over said girlfriend. Don't think I haven't missed the persistent questions but lack of reciprocal information from you. So spill. Where would you like to start?"

I kept my eyes on the board and my tiles. "I'm not so sure I understand what you mean, Edward. I haven't avoided, you just haven't asked me anything."

I looked at my tiles one more time and added an I-A-L to his D-E-N.

He raised his eyebrow at me. "Trying to tell me something, Swan?"

"Nope, just playing the hand that was dealt to me, Cullen."

I reached for the bag of tiles at the same time he did and our hands brushed against one another. That same sensation ran through my veins, finding its now familiar home in my stomach as tension filled the air again. I had no other way to describe it than energy zinging through my body. It tingled like a shock but lasted much longer.

I'd never felt like that before.

With Jake, I'd always felt – comfortable. At ease, never vibrant or electric.

I looked at Edward as he reached over and grabbed the bag of potato chips we had bought down in the gift shop.

Had I ever felt like that for Jake?

I was seventeen when my friendship with Jake had started to morph into something… else. I had recently taken up residence in the twin's bedroom since they were off at college and even though the room was now mine, I still felt like a trespasser. The borrowed room in the borrowed family.

I'd wake up at night shaking and sweating, unable to recall the dream that always seemed to bring me to this precipice.

When I'd shared a room with Jake, more often than not, I'd wake up with him holding me and I'd know that for that moment everything would be okay.

Now I woke up alone.

Always alone.

I'd sit and shake through the memory that skirted my mind's eye. I tried to be strong. I tried to face my fears on my own. Then I would remember the night it all ended and I wouldn't be able to take it anymore.

_The dream lingered as I stifled the scream that threatened to escape. My mother was reaching her hand out to me. My father came up behind her and put his arm around her shoulders, holding her back as they continued to look at me. _

_The shame in my father's eyes was all I saw as flames engulfed them both._

_I sat up and shook as tears racked my body._

"_I'm sorry daddy… I'm so sorry."_

_The bedroom door opened as I cried out for my parents. I felt Jake put his arms around me._

"_It's okay, Bella. It's okay."_

_I shook my head. "It's not okay, Jake. It will never be okay again. I'm going to be alone forever. It's my fault, it's all my fault."_

_I kept rambling, finally telling someone. It was my fault they were dead. _

_I was becoming hysterical as Jake squeezed me. He grabbed my face with both hands and pulled me to him._

_Next thing I knew Jake's lips were on mine. He held my head and kissed me. His face was wet with tears, and at first I thought they were mine._

_When he stopped I noticed his tears continued to fall. I heard him whispering to me, "I promise Bella, you won't be alone. I'll never leave you. I've loved you my whole life and I promise I'll never go anywhere. I'll love you forever. Please let me in…"_

_He kept kissing my face and slowly, my tears stopped._

Even then- the first time I let someone in- I didn't feel anything but hesitation. Jake had made the voices stop, but still- something was missing.

I tried to remember all the times we hugged, all the times we held hands and walked through the woods. All the lingering touches, all the times we made love, all the times we sat and said nothing.

There was contentment, silence, comfort.

Never… passion. Electricity, vibrancy.

There was warmth and there was companionship.

Jake was my best friend.

Was he ever anything else?

Did I ever really love him?

I looked up at Edward as he moved his tiles around and added an O-R-K to the 'd' in 'denial'. He peeked up at me from under the hair that had fallen into his eyes.

"Don't judge," he said smiling mischievously.

I laughed and pushed the letter bag toward him. "If 'den' and 'dork' are the best you can come up with, _Doctor_ Masen, I am _so_ winning this."

"Well," he started, "you _are_ an English major. Did you seriously think I had a chance?"

"You're a doctor!" I laughed. "If I recall correctly, that requires some pretty intensive schooling."

"Yeah, like, sciences and… stuff." He reached in and grabbed three more tiles.

"Yes! I got the wild tile. I'll wow you with something wonderful now."

The day turned to night and once again we found ourselves reclining in the lounge chair, staring at the pink night sky.

We were covered in the blanket that sat at the end of the bed and we each had a glass of wine in our hands. My head rested on his chest and his free hand wound through my hair.

Every time the tips of his fingers touched my scalp I felt tingles from the top of my head down to the tips of my toes. I was quite sure I'd never had feelings like this before.

My hand lazily dragged up his thigh and back down to his knee where it stayed. I sighed in contentment. Silence had never seemed so peaceful before.

The snow had stopped and the streets were once again quite. I finished my wine and set the glass on the table next to the chair then reached my hand behind me and found Edward's hair. Slowly I ran my fingers through the soft curls forming at his neck.

I heard him sigh and he put his now empty glass next to mine on the table.

He wrapped his arms around me and shifted a little, trying to reposition by body.

"Am I making you uncomfortable?" I lazily asked as I felt him move below me.

"Um, no," he quietly chuckled. "Quite the opposite, actually. I just need to… move around a little."

Another minute passed and Edward asked, "Are you tired, Bella?"

I shrugged. "I could sleep. It's just so beautiful out here. I don't want this night to end."

He slowly pulled the hair back from my neck and I felt his warm breathe caress my skin. "Neither do I."

His lips gently pressed warm kisses on my chilled skin. My heart skipped a beat in my chest as I closed my eyes and decided to throw all caution to the wind.

This had to mean more. It had to. He was everything my mother always said I'd find. He took away the nothing and sparked life into my world of fading blacks and dingy whites.

I turned to look at him and he tilted his head looking down into my eyes.

There was nothing to say. There was no way to express the fear in my heart, no way to tell him I was ready to risk the very thing that nearly ended me.

He slowly raised his hand and wiped my cheek. "Bella," he whispered, "what's wrong?"

I shook my head. "Nothing." It was then that I realized there were tears slowly rolling down my cheeks.

"Why are you crying?" he asked me.

"I didn't know I was."

"Are you okay?"

I nodded silently.

"Do you want to go inside?"

Shaking my head I whispered, "Not yet."

He raised his hand and cupped my face, "okay."

I rested my head on his shoulder and was immediately enveloped in his arms, his scent, his warmth.

He was different.

This was different.

I closed my eyes and trusted this - the night, the feelings. Him.

Next thing I knew I was wrapped in warm blankets in a very soft bed. I heard whispering as I stretched and turned to see Edward holding a tray with covered dishes.

He hadn't noticed me yet, so I took advantage of his preoccupation with what I assumed was breakfast since the sun was once again streaming through the balcony door. I watched the muscles in his chest and arms flex as he moved toward the table by the balcony.

He wasn't wearing a shirt and his flannel pants were hanging low on his hips. His hair was a mess and his feet were bare.

He nearly lost the tray as he knocked into the small vase of flowers that rested on the table and I heard him curse as he righted the vase and placed the plates down.

"Good morning," I said and he jumped, knocking over the vase again. I laughed as his shoulders slumped and he sighed.

"I hope you weren't fond of these flowers." He picked up the flowers and put them back in the vase.

"I'm not much of a flower girl." I said seriously. "I've recently discovered that the way to a girl's heart is through pie. Flowers have nothing on pie."

He turned around and walked toward the bed. "Pie, huh?" He crawled up the bed slowly and I slouched back as he came closer.

I nodded as he hovered above me. "Well, I'm sorry to say that it's not pie under those pretty silver domes. I guess I'm going to have to improvise and hope I can find another way to your heart for the morning."

"Is that a fact?" I asked as I pulled the blankets up to my chin. "And how do you plan on doing that?"

"Well," he paused, "I thought I'd start with something like this." He leaned down and kissed me.

"Then," he continued, "I thought maybe I'd try this." He nuzzled his nose under my ear lobe and gently nipped my skin, while slowly pushing the blankets down.

"And if that didn't work, I thought maybe…" He ran his hand through my hair, effectively leaving my neck exposed, "I'd try something like this." He trailed light kisses from my ear to the hollow at the base of my neck.

By this time my body was flushed in places I'd forgotten I had. The blood pulsed through my veins like lava streaming from a volcano.

I reached up and dragged my hands up his muscular back and he slowly lowered his body onto mine.

He lifted his head and kissed my chin, then my nose and finally my forehead. He slowly lifted off me and whispered, "In case that didn't work, I ordered you French toast."

Then he was gone. I opened my eyes and watched as he walked back to the table and took the top off the plate as if nothing had happened.

My chest was heaving and I struggled to control my thoughts. Edward Masen was going to be the death of me.

He looked back at me over his shoulder and smirked. "Hungry?"

Licking my lips and stared at him. "I could eat."

I sat up feeling flushed and pushed the covers back hoping the air would cool my skin. "I'll be right back." I said as I walked to the bathroom to cool myself down.

Once again I stood and stared in the mirror. Had it only been one day since I did this very same thing? Less than thirty-six hours with Edward in a hotel room and I was left a heaving mess in a sleep number bed as he walked around half-naked trying to win my heart with French toast.

This had to be a dream.

If it was, I never wanted to wake up.

* * *

So...there it is...5k words in 18 months. I hope you enjoyed it and I promise to get back to writing this and updating well before the next 18 months! No seriously, I'm going to make a very big effort to try and wrap this story up in the next 6 months which means more writing for me. I've recently changed jobs so I should have more time and it's summer, which means no school or soccer for the girls, just college visits for Ally.

If anyone's still out there, feel free to drop me a note and say howdy. I'm curious to see what you thought of Bella's POV and her change of heart...


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